Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 5 minutes ago, Britney25 said: No I'm 36 Just curious if it's cultural that you live at home until this age or until married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Just curious if it's cultural that you live at home until this age or until married? Yes it's my culture, until I get married. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Why not talk? I need to know if these are just my assumptions. Others are telling me to talk but not accuse him of anything. What does your intuition tell you? This isn't even happening to me, and my intuition is screaming that he is overcompensating and something is VERY off. Whether it's another woman or not. Your anxiety is through the roof, this is NOT how a healthy relationship feels. If I may ask, what will you talking to him accomplish? What do you think will change? He is who he is, you are either happy with what he's giving or not, and if you are not, this early in, you say goodbye and walk. Men don't respond well to "talks" anyway, they're annoying and indicate neediness and insecurity. Especially this early in. I dont know, I could be wrong, I'm just telling you what I would do. Again, assuming my goal was a committed relationship which it's not right now but that's another story. Best of luck whatever you decide... Edited July 4, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Your anxiety is through the roof, this is NOT how a healthy relationship feels. If I may ask, what will you talking to him accomplish? Unfortunately agree. You can talk, but there's a risk of more dog food and chew toys from him, as far as quality goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) I’ve always talked to my boyfriend about things are bothering me about the relationship or behavior annoying me. Not necessarily this particular thing, anything that I didn’t like or annoys me,. Like when I need space , I’ve never been one to hold back. And iirc they all changed or at least try . So it’s not like it’s impossible but in the case where somebody is acting the way this guy is, I guess it’s not probable, and it’s very true it is not a healthy rship, but skirting around the issue isn’t going to solve that either , esp since you clearly aren’t going to just dump him … which is probably the real solution here Edited July 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 1 hour ago, Tinyjaguar said: There is no right way to run a relationship, but knowing what you both want is a very good start That's half the problem. If not for this relationship, but it will serve her well in the future. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) Space issues are fine to discuss, I do the same, I think that's important to determine from the beginning. But when your boyfriend is acting in ways that cause THIS much anxiety, this early in (first 6 months), something is OFF and best to call it a day and look for someone more compatible. No need to talk, that only prolongs the inevitable - it's not the right situation for you. Or for him most likely otherwise none of this would be happening in the first place. JMO. Edited July 4, 2021 by poppyfields 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 @Alpaca and @poppyfields. You're making too much sense. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 True. But don’t see any way Britney25 is going to break up with this guy right now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 14 minutes ago, poppyfields said: What does your intuition tell you? This isn't even happening to me, and my intuition is screaming that he is overcompensating and something is VERY off. Whether it's another woman or not. Your anxiety is through the roof, this is NOT how a healthy relationship feels. If I may ask, what will you talking to him accomplish? What do you think will change? He is who he is, you are either happy with what he's giving or not, and if you are not, this early in, you say goodbye and walk. Men don't respond well to "talks" anyway, they're annoying and indicate neediness and insecurity. Especially this early in. I dont know, I could be wrong, I'm just telling you what I would do. Again, assuming my goal was a committed relationship which it's not right now but that's another story. Best of luck whatever you decide... Well I have feelings for him and discussing this with let me know what he thinks of our relationship...if we should move forward or what is he feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) Do it and find out ASAP for whatever closure you need. No point in playing games and delaying the inevitable . It’s okay/good to have standards for our partners Edited July 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 7 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Space issues are fine to discuss, I do the same, I think that's important to determine from the beginning. But when your boyfriend is acting in ways that cause THIS much anxiety, this early in (first 6 months), something is OFF and best to call it a day and look for someone more compatible. No need to talk, that only prolongs the inevitable - it's not the right situation for you. Or for him most likely otherwise none of this would be happening in the first place. JMO. I dont want to break up with him until I let him know what I expect from him and if he is going to deliver if not then I will say it's not working out. Maybe he thinks I am ok with that much space. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: I dont want to break up with him until I let him know what I expect from him and if he is going to deliver if not then I will say it's not working out That's a good plan, but don't do it on a holiday or while his guest is there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Do it and find out ASAP for whatever closure you need. No point in playing games and delaying the inevitable . It’s okay/good to have standards for our partners I'm not going to break up with him over text today. I'm going to try and meet him tomorrow. I want to hear him out. Maybe he thinks I'm OK with this space. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 Okies then did you contact him about meeting tmrw Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Okies then did you contact him about meeting tmrw I'm supposed to ignore him today @stillafool told me not to text him today. So if I ask about meeting him tomorrow that's not exactly ignoring him. All he did is text me thinking about you baby. That is pretty low considering he didnt add anything about meeting. Dont you think? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Well I have feelings for him and discussing this with let me know what he thinks of our relationship...if we should move forward or what is he feeling. Fair enough BUT since he is clearly making you very unhappy and THIS anxious, why would YOU even want to move forward? It's not just his decision to move forward, you get to decide too. Is this working for you or not? Are you enjoying this, these anxious feelings? Does he add to your life in any sort of positive and significant way? Not the beginning, but now. At this moment and the past few weeks. You do NOT need his permission to end it. You have a say in this too. Britney, somewhere along the way, you lost yourself with this man and in this relationship.. Maybe you envision him as some romantic hero or something, because of how it was in the "beginning," I don't know. But it appears you literally crave his validation and attention and will do anything to get it, and that is very unhealthy and sadly will ultimately make you unhappier than you already appear to be now. I'm sorry. Edited July 4, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) Yea but you said you feel the need to talk to him about this is because he might not know what he’s doing is bothering you. If he just doesn’t care, and seems likely, ignoring him isn’t gonna accomplish much, especially in the long run imo. I think you talk to him about it as soon as you can and if you can’t find a solution, dump and he knows why . You guys are bf/gf? at least that is what I would prefer if I were him and my partner thought I wasn’t doing enough Edited July 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Yea but you said you feel the need to talk to him about this is because he might not know what he’s doing is bothering you. If he just doesn’t care, and seems likely, ignoring him isn’t gonna accomplish much, especially in the long run imo. I think you talk to him about it as soon as you can and if you can’t find a solution, dump and he knows why . You guys are bf/gf? at least that is what I would prefer if I were him and my partner thought I wasn’t doing enough Yes I agree. I'm just ignoring him today, I think it's better that I text him tomorrow about meeting. You would really ask him today to meet? Yes we are boyfriend girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Fair enough BUT since he is clearly making you very unhappy and THIS anxious, why would YOU even want to move forward? It's not just his decision to move forward, you get to decide too. Is this working for you or not? Are you enjoying this, these anxious feelings? Does he add to your life in any sort of positive way? Not the beginning, but now. At this moment and the past few weeks. You do NOT need his permission to end it. You have a say in this too. Britney, somewhere along the way, you lost yourself with this man and in this relationship.. Maybe you envision him as some romantic hero or something, because of how it was in the "beginning," I don't know. But it appears you literally crave his validation and attention and will do anything to get it, and that is very unhealthy and sadly will ultimately make you unhappier than you already are now. I'm sorry. Yes but it's not my style to just end it. What if he thinks I'm ok with this space. I want to hear him out. It's just any guy I'm dating. He is my boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 Don't invite yourself over because you're off from work, have no plans, bored, lonely, angry, etc. to confront him. Idle hands are the devils tools and making no plans, not seeing friends is a huge mistake. Also "thinking of you" requires no answer. Kind of weird...like you send a grandmother or a sympathy card<- same with sending food. Simply do not communicate at all until he texts something decent/substantial. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: Yes but it's not my style to just end it. What if he thinks I'm ok with this space. I want to hear him out. It's just any guy I'm dating. He is my boyfriend. Ok it's fine, what I'm saying isn't calculating, so you do YOU and let chips fall where they may. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Yes I agree. I'm just ignoring him today, I think it's better that I text him tomorrow about meeting. You would really ask him today to meet? Yes we are boyfriend girlfriend. Yea. What’s the motive in ignoring him today? Gonna be tricky to have healthy relationships with unhealthy communication skills/emotional reticence/reluctance to have a simple conversation with your significant other, even if your just dumping him. His interest might be waning due to this. I know I lose interest at the first sign of games or passive aggressiveness. Edited July 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) He usually send me a good morning text. Should I reply to that? I'm sure he will send one tomorrow. @Wiseman2 Edited July 4, 2021 by Britney25 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Yea. What’s the motive in ignoring him today? Gonna be tricky to have healthy relationships with unhealthy communication skills/emotional reticence/reluctance to have a simple conversation with your significant other, even if your just dumping him. His interest might be waning due to this. I know I lose interest at the first sign of games or passive aggressiveness. I dont play games with him. I always text him back. How does thinking of you and nothing else deserve a text back???? I message him let's meet tomorrow today ? I can do that tomorrow day off like he does with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts