downcydeguy Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Well, as some of you know, I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship with a girl and going through hard times while she is in Spain. She was making no attempt to stay in touch with me whatsoever and when I could get a hold of her, she was not interested in talking. My obvious fear was that she had been messing around. Man did I get the biggest slap in the face! First, she calls me yesterday to "talk". She gave me the scripted speech that all women give. "She loves me but not IN love with me...We have different futures...I've never cheated and would never do that to you...There's nobody else, it's just time to move on..." etc.etc etc. She completely disregarded my every question and ended it once and for all. I couldn't take it any more and checked her email. There was nothing in there about actually messing around with anybody over there but did mention how hot the guys are and how much fun they are to dance with. However, an email from a friend says that something she had mentioned reminds her of when my g/f was dating "Matt" 6 months ago. She goes on to ask what made her decide to stay with me while having such fun with "Matt". So here I was feeling somewhat angry at myself for thinking she's cheating over there and she had done it right in my own backyard!! Oh my god!! I can't f'n believe this! Not only do I get crushed by her leaving me, I find out she'd been cheating on me to boot!!! Are you kidding me?? I'm so devastated by this. I never even considered cheating on her and thought she felt the same. I can't believe how easily she fooled me. I texted her asking for the brutal truth about him but I don't expect a response at all. It makes me sick that while on the phone, she says, "we've always been open and honest and told each other to never sugarcoat anything...and I'm just being honest with you about how I feel"...Yea, right. Many of you know what I'm going through at this point. Absolutely no sleep. Can't eat. Tried to go out with buddies but was absolutely miserable. I hate this feeling.
JohnJohn Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 I couldn't take it any more and checked her email. There was nothing in there about actually messing around with anybody over there but did mention how hot the guys are and how much fun they are to dance with. However, an email from a friend says that something she had mentioned reminds her of when my g/f was dating "Matt" 6 months ago. I don't mean to sound harsh here but why did you check her e-mail? Fill me in here. Does she know that you do that as in you two have an understanding that you can look at each others' e-mail? I hope so. If not, that's a disrespect for her privacy and boundaries. I'll assume you have an understanding because you said you talked to her about it and since you didn't mention that there was any alarm in you reading it that it must be okay. Anyway, If I have learned one thing from the past is that when you go snooping for something about the other person then you will almost always find something you don't want to. Whether it's driving by their house or checking e-mail, you are bound to find something adverse and now you are more devastated. I know it's tempting to wonder what the other person is doing, who they might be seeing, etc. but refrain. She's obviously not as into you as you are her so let her go and find someone that is into you and wants to be with you. It's almost a given then she has been seeing someone else. Just walk away and don't go looking for it and you won't hurt as much. Some things are best unknown.
JS17 Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Not only do I get crushed by her leaving me, I find out she'd been cheating on me to boot!!! Are you kidding me?? I'm so devastated by this. I never even considered cheating on her and thought she felt the same. I can't believe how easily she fooled me. I texted her asking for the brutal truth about him but I don't expect a response at all. It makes me sick that while on the phone, she says, "we've always been open and honest and told each other to never sugarcoat anything...and I'm just being honest with you about how I feel"...Yea, right. Many of you know what I'm going through at this point. Absolutely no sleep. Can't eat. Tried to go out with buddies but was absolutely miserable. I hate this feeling. Welcome to the club I think we should offer memberships to people after going through this. It sucks dude but you'll get past it. It's going to take a long time and you'll probably have some baggage but just remember that not all women are like this. Just take your time and go through all of the grieving steps and you will come out a stronger person than you were before. Enjoy the breakup diet while it lasts and know that there is a future ahead for you that will be better than your past.
Asmera Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Oh man! Being cheated on is worse than murder I think! Not only do you have to deal with your breakup, you have to deal with feeling inadequate, humiliated, and all that. You did nothing wrong. You are wonderful just the way you are. You are hurting big time, but in time you will see that being with someone who cheats is not what you need. Since you know what it feels like to be cheated on, make sure you never do it to anyone. I hate the line "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." It's such a load of ****. Keep coming here, it really helps knowing you aren't alone. She's a bitch, and I hate saying that about a fellow woman, but she is. Do whatever it takes to let her go. You'll be stronger and happier in the long run. May not feel like it now, but it will! Big hug!
unintentional Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Just take your time and go through all of the grieving steps and you will come out a stronger person than you were before. Enjoy the breakup diet while it lasts and know that there is a future ahead for you that will be better than your past. I'd have to agree with JS17...it will take some time to get over it all..but you eventually will and you will come out a stronger person.. I've been through something similar..and I came out of it hurt of course...but stronger and less naive... I wish you the best of luck with your heart...you'll be okay..
Author downcydeguy Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 JohnJohn, here's the deal with the email. For the first year and a half or so, she was very open and honest (I thought) and would have me check her email and even bank account over the phone while she traveled. I also had no problem doing the same with her because we were seemingly on the same page about having nothing to hide. Well, when this all happened, my confusion and curiosity as to why led me to checking her email. I honestly think she had never changed it because she thought that I would not check it unless she asked. Was I wrong for doing it? Yes. But I can assure you that I would be 100 times more in the dark and confused if I hadn't. And when I "discussed" it with her, I did not mention the email. I tried to get her to admit to it openly. Not surprisingly, she completely denied it. For some stupid reason I didn't want to tell her I read it because I felt like I was letting her down. But my dumb*ss shouldn't have felt that at all.
JohnJohn Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Ok I understand now. I was just curious. Bottom line is she cheated on you no matter what or how you found out. I know it's incredibly painful, but move on and find a better woman. Easier said than done and it will take time but in the long run it will be worth it. Best wishes.
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