partycity Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 Been talking to a guy for 3 months and hanging out for 1 month . He told me he is falling in love with me etc . We’ve also kissed I told him I don’t want to have s*x unless you we are in a relationship he said fine no problem . He said s*x is special so he will keep that boundary up. But he said wants to do some teasing and making out Should a guy wait before doing all that ? If he cared he’d wait ? He said he’s very turned on by me but won’t have s*x since he respects my wishes
SumGuy Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 Does your idea of sex (not sure if s*x is something else) include what he calls teasing and making out? If I understand correctly, you said you wanted to wait on sex, he agreed...so isn't he waiting and thereby respecting your wishes? Or are you asking should he wait on the teasing and making out? I guess it depends on what that entails. To me it means hot and heavy kissing, maybe some touching but over clothes, no more than that. That seems to be kissing+, or necking to use an old term. It's OK if you think what I describe is too much for you at this stage, he may not just understand your view on it as what I describe is a step above kissing but far short of sex. A person who cares about you respects your boundaries whatever they are. If those boundaries are incompatible with what they desire, they don't pressure you to lower them. Perhaps they have a non-judgmental conversation about it, but otherwise they just recognize the incompatibility and move on from seeking such a relationship with you.
Author partycity Posted June 25, 2021 Author Posted June 25, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Does your idea of sex (not sure if s*x is something else) include what he calls teasing and making out? If I understand correctly, you said you wanted to wait on sex, he agreed...so isn't he waiting and thereby respecting your wishes? Or are you asking should he wait on the teasing and making out? I guess it depends on what that entails. To me it means hot and heavy kissing, maybe some touching but over clothes, no more than that. That seems to be kissing+, or necking to use an old term. It's OK if you think what I describe is too much for you at this stage, he may not just understand your view on it as what I describe is a step above kissing but far short of sex. A person who cares about you respects your boundaries whatever they are. If those boundaries are incompatible with what they desire, they don't pressure you to lower them. Perhaps they have a non-judgmental conversation about it, but otherwise they just recognize the incompatibility and move on from seeking such a relationship with you. It means like oral , making out , groping I told him one thing can lead to another and he said “we already established from the beginning you didn’t want to have s*x, I’m serious about that * Just afraid he will think differently of me He said dating is still his intention but eventually or should I back off and tell him no to teasing too ? Edited June 25, 2021 by partycity
SumGuy Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 (edited) 16 minutes ago, partycity said: It means like oral , making out , groping I told him one thing can lead to another and he said “we already established from the beginning you didn’t want to have s*x, I’m serious about that * Just afraid he will think differently of mE or should I back off and tell him no to teasing too ? Oral sex is sex. Even if he comes back with so and so doesn't think so, he is flat out wrong, and it is sex to you. Heck sex is right in the name "oral sex" Oral is just a shortened version of the name for what it is. He should worry about how you think about him. Also, I would not worry about seeking the approval of someone who ignores your boundaries. As to making out, I think I am still confused to me this means just kissing, but an extensive amount of it and holding each other while doing it On groping, one persons groping is another's touching or caressing. Perhaps you mean touching of certain areas, even over clothes. It is perfectly legitimate to set boundaries on where you feel comfortable being touched, even over clothes. There is plenty of making out that can be had without such touching. In short, if you know the colloquialism, I believe you are comfortable with first base, but not second. So yes you will kiss but watch were your hands are buddy. If teasing means oral sex, certainly no "teasing" and he needs to get a dictionary. As to touching, you can set boundaries on that as well. Can he accept to keep his hands off of certain areas of you unless you move them there? That is a not uncommon way to make out. I'm a very sex positive person (not Beth and Jerry level ) and even I take the hand thing very slow when first making out, let her "guide" me so to speak. Edited June 25, 2021 by SumGuy
SumGuy Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 17 minutes ago, partycity said: I told him one thing can lead to another and he said “we already established from the beginning you didn’t want to have s*x, I’m serious about that * On this, you are so right. In the heat of the moment, especially with oral and touching under the clothes one thing can easily lead to another. These things are part of fore-play for a reason. In the heat of the moment people forget promises, and will say anything...as so well said in song "I couldn't take it any longer Lord I was crazed And when the feeling came upon me Like a tidal wave I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave That I would love you to the end of time"
Trail Blazer Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 3 hours ago, partycity said: Been talking to a guy for 3 months and hanging out for 1 month . He told me he is falling in love with me etc . We’ve also kissed I told him I don’t want to have s*x unless you we are in a relationship he said fine no problem . He said s*x is special so he will keep that boundary up. But he said wants to do some teasing and making out Should a guy wait before doing all that ? If he cared he’d wait ? He said he’s very turned on by me but won’t have s*x since he respects my wishes Well, I know *I* certainly wouldn't. But hey, if he's willing to, all the best to him. At the end of the day you are entitled to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. All I will say is that I doubt a lot of guys would be that patient.
Wiseman2 Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 7 hours ago, partycity said: hanging out for 1 month . He told me he is falling in love with me etc . How old is he? It's simple. Don't have sex with random people you only know 30 days. He doesn't "love you", that's an immature line to get in your pants. If you want exclusive dating and wish to be in a relationship before sex, then do that. You're not even dating. Just hanging out. 1
cleverusername Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 Penetration is sex. This guy knows that. The "I love you" after a month was him trying to get in your pants, especially after only kissing. The "teasing and making out" part is just him trying to find a cop out so he can get his fill. He's trying to get one over on you. 3
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 Tip: guys will do and say anything to get sex....now he's bargaining...."Sure we won't have vaginal sex, but I can stick it in you mouth can I not?" Don't be a fool. Ditch this guy. 3
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 12 hours ago, partycity said: I told him I don’t want to have s*x unless you we are in a relationship he said fine no problem . He said *fine no problem* for being in a relationship BUT he did not talk about being in a relationship with you right? he went straight to talking about what kind of sex he could get witout being in a relationship. Dump is my advice. 6
stillafool Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 12 hours ago, partycity said: Should a guy wait before doing all that ? If he cared he’d wait ? He said he’s very turned on by me but won’t have s*x since he respects my wishes 12 hours ago, partycity said: or should I back off and tell him no to teasing too ? What do you want? That is what matters but you didn't say what it is you want.
Ami1uwant Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 1 hour ago, stillafool said: What do you want? That is what matters but you didn't say what it is you want. Her screen name should mean something...right? 1
stillafool Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said: Her screen name should mean something...right? Thank you since she won't answer.
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