InSearchOf77 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Hello LS, Not looking for any sympathy here, just seeing if anyone has anything to say regarding my situation. I've lost a very special person. Sweet, caring and wanting nothing more than to be loved by me. But I could never give that love back one hundred percent. And what's eating away at me is the fact that, I believe it all comes down to me not being entirely attracted to them. So, am I shallow? Or, am I beating myself up for wanting to believe that we do live in a perfect world, where looks mean nothing and what's inside is all that matters? A strange thing though, is that this person is actually very pretty. So can it be the case that sometimes you just don't resonate with someone on an attraction level, even if they are pretty? I'm looking for so many reasons to justify what I've done. There are other things such as not having too much in common, as in interests and beliefs. So maybe I'm ignoring that side of the issue just to make me feel guilty. We had been together for years, and it all seems such a trivial waste. I just hope it's the best for both of us, as I really do care for them. What have I done.
Free At Last Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Well if you find the answer, let me know I've been through a similar experience quite a few times over the last few years.... Women who I am dating or simply sleeping with end up falling for me, and while I recognize that they are very sweet and generous toward me I don't see a match of either lifestyle, direction or even how attracted I am to them. At this point I always break it off, unless she is strong enough to continue seeing me on the agreement we are 'not together'. But yes, I think you are totally right not to stay with someone who you feel doesn't resonate with you on a physical level.... I don't know... my friend told me I need to be more selective about who I date or have sex with. The reality is I just enjoy female companionship very much. But I hear you, it sucks to leave them simply because you know you can do better, when you do in fact enjoy being with them. I try to let them leave their dignity intact when I push them away, but it doesn't change the fact that deep down, early on I knew it wasn't going to work.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 I've lost a very special person. Sweet, caring and wanting nothing more than to be loved by me. But I could never give that love back one hundred percent. And what's eating away at me is the fact that, I believe it all comes down to me not being entirely attracted to them. That's interesting...you say she's pretty, and yet you're not attracted to her. Just curious, do you mean you weren't attracted to her on the mental level? Or was it some specific physical attribute of hers that put you off? I'm assuming it was you who ended the relationship. How long were you two together? You don't mention a lot of specifics in your post, so this is what I can think of, from what I understand so far: a) There must've been a reason you were attracted to her in the first place. What happened? b) If she is indeed as nice and pretty as you say she is, and knowing that, you didn't want to be with her because you weren't "entirely attracted" to her, then I'm afraid, it was shallow on your part. c) The reason it's shallow is because, you got her to really give all her affections to you, and then you turned it down because of something (presumably) not in her control. d) This is just a hunch - women have a sixth sense, and she might've already known she wasn't exactly "perfect" in your eyes. So, all said and done, it's still upto you. Do you actually want her back? Or was this just a venting of your submerged guilt? It depends on your viewpoint of how a relationship should be. That being said, I admire your addressing the real issue..
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