Is this new guy playing games or just not interested?

[peacelovehappy]

Hi everyone!

I joined an online dating app a few weeks ago and have been talking to a few guys. One of them we had coffee last week and it went really well, we stayed in touch every day and had a second date last weekend, we went for lunch and a long walk and talked a lot. 

He said he really enjoys my company and wants to continue seeing each other and going on dates. He mentioned he could come and see me during the week for a coffee after work and also mentioned that he will be available next weekend for us to meet (he said this several times actually).

I told him I was available today for a coffee after work and he responder that there will be a football match and he wants to watch. I said ok fine. Then I mentioned to him I am also available next weekend for us to meet, and his response (after telling me so many times he was available next weekend), is that he has a dinner with friends on Saturday...

I didn't even mention Saturday dinner to him, I just said I was available on the weekend, so I don't understand this dinner with friends and makes me confused. He called me and said he was invited to that dinner but is not set in stone and that we (the two of us) didn't even know yet what we are going to do that weekend. So basically this dinner invite came after he said to me he was available to meet me on the weekend.

I really don't understand this. I said I was available, so he should want to arrange with me what we are going to do, right? Ask me what do I want to do, or suggest some plan. But this now is so confusing and ridículous. I don't feel like meeting him anymore to be honest.

Listen, I am not the type that thinks that you have to leave everything and everyone for someone you are getting to know, but he said he was available, and now this? Makes me feel stupid for being available to him.

What do you think?

Edited June 23, 2021 by peacelovehappy

[Blind-Sided]

He basically said "no" to two meeting suggestions.  His not interested.  Sorry.

[introverted1]

I

10 minutes ago, peacelovehappy said:

I told him I was available today for a coffee after work and he responder that there will be a football match and he wants to watch. I said ok fine. Then I mentioned to him I am also available next weekend for us to meet, and his response (after telling me so many times he was available next weekend), is that he has a dinner with friends on Saturday...

You're getting caught up in legalities -- he said this first but then said this other thing that contradicts it, etc.  He's not under contract to go on another date. 

It sounds like he has rethought things and is no longer keen to see you again.

Edited June 23, 2021 by introverted1

[peacelovehappy]

3 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

He basically said "no" to two meeting suggestions.  His not interested.  Sorry.

He is confusing. He then called me saying he wants to meet me today before the football game.

Also said he didn't yet confirm the dinner with friends on Saturday, but didn't ask me what do I want to do for the weekend.

Edited June 23, 2021 by peacelovehappy

[d0nnivain]

You made yourself available.  He's dodging & weaving.  Leave the ball in his court & go do something else.  Don't feel stupid for being clear.  

[peacelovehappy]

1 minute ago, introverted1 said:

I

You're getting caught up in legalities -- he said this first but then said this other thing that contradicts it, etc.  He's not under contract to go on another date. 

It sounds like he has rethought things and is no longer keen to see you again.

He's not under contract to go on another date, but the said MANY times he was available to meet this weekend.

If he is not keen to see me again, why is he calling me all the time and sending text messages??

[peacelovehappy]

Just now, d0nnivain said:

You made yourself available.  He's dodging & weaving.  Leave the ball in his court & go do something else.  Don't feel stupid for being clear.  

It makes me feel stupid for being clear and available. I don't play games, so I don't understand this push-pull game he is doing.

[introverted1]

1 minute ago, peacelovehappy said:

He's not under contract to go on another date, but the said MANY times he was available to meet this weekend.

If he is not keen to see me again, why is he calling me all the time and sending text messages??

Who knows. 

Maybe he's bored.

Maybe he's keeping you on the back burner in case something else doesn't pan out.

Maybe he intends to set up a 3rd date at some point.

There is no need for you to get wound up over it; it was only 2 dates.  Step back and see what he does. If he arranges a 3rd date and you want to go, then go.  If you are no longer interested, decline.  In the meantime, date others.

[d0nnivain]

6 minutes ago, peacelovehappy said:

It makes me feel stupid for being clear and available. I don't play games, so I don't understand this push-pull game he is doing.

So stop playing.  

Or go meet him before the football match.  Personally I don't understand why he told you about the plan to watch the match just to exclude you from it.  (It would be different if he didn't have an extra ticket)

[Emilyinroses]

4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

So stop playing.  

Or go meet him before the football match.  Personally I don't understand why he told you about the plan to watch the match just to exclude you from it.  (It would be different if he didn't have an extra ticket)

He’s gonna watch the match on TV.

[d0nnivain]

9 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

He’s gonna watch the match on TV.

Which is why it's stupid that he told her about it & didn't invite her along.  

Again if he bought tickets before he met her & now could not include her, that would be different. 

[Emilyinroses]

6 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Which is why it's stupid that he told her about it & didn't invite her along.  

Again if he bought tickets before he met her & now could not include her, that would be different. 

Well I did tell him I am not into football, maybe that’s why he didn’t ask. 

He also told me he is not into football either, but wants to watch this game.

[d0nnivain]

6 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

Well I did tell him I am not into football, maybe that’s why he didn’t ask. 

He also told me he is not into football either, but wants to watch this game.

Are you & @peacelovehappy the same person? 

I suppose if you tell a guy that you don't like football, that may explain why he didn't invite you to watch but watching can be about more than the sport.  It's social so I would expect a "hey I'm gonna watch this game.  I know you are not into football, but you're welcome to come along." 

If you like meet him before the match as he has now suggested or cut him lose for being evasive  

Edited June 23, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Emilyinroses]

6 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Are you & @peacelovehappy the same person? 

I suppose if you tell a guy that you don't like football, that may explain why he didn't invite you to watch but watching can be about more than the sport.  It's social so I would expect a "hey I'm gonna watch this game.  I know you are not into football, but you're welcome to come along." 

If you like meet him before the match as he has now suggested or cut him lose for being evasive  

Yes sorry. This username wasn’t working (not sure why), so I created a new one.

I agree with you. There was no invite to watch with him, and also no invite to do anything on the weekend.

He said to me several times he was available on the weekend, so I told him I am too.

If he was keen on meeting me, he could have said something like ‘I have a dinner with friends on Saturday but I would like to go out with you in the afternoon, what do you think’? 

But no, he just focused on the dinner with friends and no mention of arranging a date, and it felt like he was putting a wall up to be honest.

Edited June 23, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[d0nnivain]

Agreed.  That is why you need to be suspicious of him.   He may just be indecisive / a bad communicator or dater but he may have been trying to organize a date with another woman then came back to you as a fall back when she didn't work out.  We don't have enough info to tell but my radar is up.  Yours should be too.  

[introverted1]

17 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

Well I did tell him I am not into football, maybe that’s why he didn’t ask.

I can only imagine the turn this thread would have taken if he had invited you to his house to watch the game. 

As for the rest, he sounds marginally interested, at best.

[Emilyinroses]

11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Agreed.  That is why you need to be suspicious of him.   He may just be indecisive / a bad communicator or dater but he may have been trying to organize a date with another woman then came back to you as a fall back when she didn't work out.  We don't have enough info to tell but my radar is up.  Yours should be too.  

This all just sounds fishy and off to be honest. 

Not as an interested man would behave. An interested man would make plans, show he is happy I am available, etc. Not be talking about a dinner with male friends. 

[d0nnivain]

7 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I can only imagine the turn this thread would have taken if he had invited you to his house to watch the game. 

As for the rest, he sounds marginally interested, at best.

I thought he was going to a bar somewhere to watch the game.  I also think that any new man who tells a new woman he just met that he'd rather stay home to watch a game alone rather than take her out is not worth dating.  I don't have a problem with him wanting to watch the game; my issue is announcing that preference to a new person.  

@Emilyinroses @PeaceLoveHappiness  If you think he's not interested just walk away.  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, peacelovehappy said:

He is confusing. He then called me saying he wants to meet me today before the football game.

Also said he didn't yet confirm the dinner with friends on Saturday, but didn't ask me what do I want to do for the weekend.

You are both talking to and meeting others and unfortunately he's meeting others and playing backburner games.

[Emilyinroses]

16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I thought he was going to a bar somewhere to watch the game.  I also think that any new man who tells a new woman he just met that he'd rather stay home to watch a game alone rather than take her out is not worth dating.  I don't have a problem with him wanting to watch the game; my issue is announcing that preference to a new person.  

@Emilyinroses @PeaceLoveHappiness  If you think he's not interested just walk away.  

Yes he is going to watch the game alone at home and told to my face he prefers that rather than be with me.

I think I am the one not being interested anymore. We were on the phone and I was so sick and tired of his BS of the dinner with friends that I told him I have work to do and bye.

He should be on the phone making plans with me, not rambling non-stop about the dinner with friends.

I don’t even feel like taking to him anymore.

[Emilyinroses]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You are both talking to and meeting others and unfortunately he's meeting others and playing backburner games.

Yes probably the ‘dinner with friends’ is dinner with another woman.

Which is fine, since we are not exclusive and were in a very early stage, but there’s no need to treat people like this, because women are not stupid.

Edited June 23, 2021 by Emilyinroses