cautiouslyproceed Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 I've been seeing someone for about 5 months and it went very slow at first (mostly, him) and by that I mean he didn't reach out to me every day and there was no sex until recently even though I indicated to him I was more than ready since to me, since having a good physical connection is important to me. He is almost 8 years younger but we are both getting close to retirement. He has been married and divorced twice and both marriages were less than 5 years and no children with either marriage. He has been single for several years and is a doctor, nice looking with ample finances. I am also financially settled and my children are grown and out of the house. I did invite him to my daughter's wedding in a few months and he seems very excited and wants to go (it's out of state) a day earlier like me and take me out on the town that night (he asked to call my daughter to get her ideas since she lives there) and he did follow thru and called her. The messages I'm getting from him the last few days have been "heavier". By that I mean he says "I miss you" (which I never have said) and "he can't wait to see me and be with me" - he means physically in all senses. I get the feeling he has been very guarded for a long time with women and I make him feel comfortable (and happy he says). Tonight he called and left a message that he was meeting the daughter of his friends (that he's introducing me to in a few weeks) and so if I text him and don't get a quick reply, "don't panic". I had to laugh so i texted him and said to enjoy and don't worry I won't panic LOL! Not sure what he is so concerned about - maybe his prior gf gave him a hard time or maybe something else which I could be concerned about? He also said in the message he'd call me when he was done around 8 pm. I left a very intense relationship 6 months ago - it was my ex bf who made me the center of his universe and I detested that. Don't get me wrong - I want to find a partner and may even want to live with them and I realize I'm far from a youngster (almost retirement age), but does it seem like he's moving a bit quick? He has not said the "L" word but I feel like that's not far behind. That's happened to me before and it never ends well since I'm very independent.
Alvi Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 Only you can tall if this is going too fast for your liking. Talk to him. Reassure him that you like dating him but you would like to take things slower if you are feeling too much pressure.
Author cautiouslyproceed Posted June 23, 2021 Author Posted June 23, 2021 I'd really like to have a partner but it takes some time. I don't want to be with someone where I feel unattended to/underappreciated nor someone who is too on top of me. Meanwhile, its almost 9 pm and no call....makes me wonder what he's up to.
FMW Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 I'm very independent and never want to marry or live with anyone again- and I don't think it sounds too fast. It sounds like his feelings for you are growing at a reasonable pace. Nothing sounds too intense. And until he says he loves you, you don't really know when or if he plans to, so I wouldn't worry about that yet. Since he told you he was busy tonight, and how, I don't understand your concern over him not calling you. That indicates a higher degree of attachment to him than you seem to want to admit - or you are just very untrusting. Don't compare him or your relationship to any from the past. Try to relax and enjoy, see where it goes. 2
norealusername Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 After 5 months, it doesn't sound too fast at all. 2
BaileyB Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 No, it sounds just about perfect to me. I would say that my relationship progressed in a similar way. Honestly, the person who controls the speed of how quickly this progresses is you. If it’s too fast or too slow, talk to him. If he is a kind and respectful person, he will want you to be comfortable.
BaileyB Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 51 minutes ago, cautiouslyproceed said: Meanwhile, its almost 9 pm and no call....makes me wonder what he's up to. Let’s assume he is having a good time. He told you not to panic, so don’t panic. (Or more accurately, jump to conclusions). 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 5 hours ago, cautiouslyproceed said: does it seem like he's moving a bit quick? No, not at all. What is making you worry about this now?
chillii Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 (edited) Seems like your moving a bit quick if you left what you call an intense thing 6mths ago hooked up with him a mth later. lf it truly was so intense how could you possibly be reinvolved again a mth later. No wonder he took it slow l'm surprised he even got involved with you straight out of that. Not a smart doctor this one. Edited June 23, 2021 by chillii 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 Unfortunately it seems like you are on the rebound and overinvesting. Are you exclusive? He seems much more casual about this than you are Have fun, but don't plan on a future with this guy.
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 @cautiouslyproceed I actually understand what you are saying. The last guy was too clingy & although this started slowly, you see this guy warming up & getting a bit too clingy for your liking. You need to cut this off at the pass. I'd talk to him gently about how much you like him but that you appreciate boundaries. A new friend told me a story the other day. She collects Hummel's. For their 1st wedding anniversary her husband bought her a Precious Moments figurine. Not the same thing at all. Young & naïve she didn't know what to do about this gift she hated that her new husband gave her sincerely thinking he was being sweet & thoughtful. He mother wisely informed her to speak up otherwise she would be receiving these dreaded Precious Moments on every occasion for the rest of her life. Your situation is similar. You have to be very diplomatic but basically you need to make clear that there is such a thing as "too much of a good thing." Thoughtful & attentive are great but you can't be the center of somebody's life. You rightfully cherish your independence too much.
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 After 5 months if you feel overwhelmed by a simple *I miss you* then you are the one with issues, not him. I also think this man is escalating the relationship at a normal pace, actually it would be a bit slow for me. I am used to hear 'I miss you' much earlier than 5 months. About trying to not make this one pay for the last-bf's mistake? If you are really suffocating at this simple show of affection than I am afraid that will not end well for him. 3
stillafool Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 14 hours ago, cautiouslyproceed said: "I miss you" (which I never have said) and "he can't wait to see me and be with me" I don't think after 5 months he's moving to fast. You say this and then state 13 hours ago, cautiouslyproceed said: Meanwhile, its almost 9 pm and no call....makes me wonder what he's up to. Somehow you seem to be contradicting yourself. If you think he's moving too fast why are you wondering what's he's up to when he already told you what he was going to be doing? I think you sound a bit more clingy than him. If he is moving too fast just tell him you want to slow it down. 3
smackie9 Posted June 23, 2021 Posted June 23, 2021 It's getting a little serious....so what. It's not as bad as you think it is. I think you are just somewhat gun shy is all. I say relax, clean the slate, and enjoy this new happening. It's not like he's sticking a ring on your finger. 1
Fletch Lives Posted June 24, 2021 Posted June 24, 2021 Have you ever been in love? It sounds like he is. You - perhaps not as much. We call that a mismatch.
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