chillii Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) l'd try seeing her again ,see what happens and how your feeling. lf your not then your probably just not butttt, with everything else so nice though it's well worth one or two more if your not sure. But yeah , don't string her along . Edited June 22, 2021 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 If you knew she felt a similar lack of attraction for you would you want her to continue dating you? Relationships can be challenging over time. I think it's a bad idea to start one out with doubts about something as basic as physical attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 (edited) 22 hours ago, basil67 said: Let's turn it around: Pretend that she's all this and also slim. You'd likely start a relationship, yes? Now imagine she put on weight three years into the relationship. What then? Perhaps her weight gain might not matter much if they've dated for years and developed an emotional bond that carried through the years of dating. He might not care much about her weight if they shared a lot of life experiences together, been there for each other through good and bad times, lived together, had kids, etc...But that bond is simply not there after a couple of dates. Let's say a partner has developed a serious illness after three years of dating. I would like to believe that chances are greater that one would stick around and not abandon their partner of three years. But would you stay if you find out about an illness after a date or two? You might not. Either take her as she is now or let her go in the nicest way possible. Edited June 23, 2021 by Alvi 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 17 hours ago, Dis said: Attraction can really build as long as everything else like chemistry and desired personality traits are there I wasn't attracted to my ex when we first met but because of how sweet, funny and thoughtful he was my attraction for him sky rocketed If you really like her give it some time. Who knows, she could become the sexiest woman in the world to you if you give it a chance Men and women perceive attraction in a different way. Us, women, we can meet a guy and not find him attractive at that time. But as we get to know him, we may see him in a totally different light. Attraction can indeed grow for us over the time if a guy has a good personality and is witty, funny, charming and sincere. Not surprised that that you found his personality sexy and upgraded him from your friend to a boyfriend. Attraction can, indeed, grow for women over the time. But it is totally different for the men who are more of a visual creatures. Lets say a guy meets a woman who is great, has a good personality, and is witty, funny, and charming. She could be the greatest person on this planet but if she is not sexy in his eyes, then there no future. There not much of a chance of him dating her if he does not find her exterior sexually appealing. A month, a year or years down the road is not going to change how he is going to perceive her. He is going to see her the exactly same way as he sees her the day they met. He is going to say to him friends things like: "She is great but I am not attracted to her." Ok, Ok. alcohol might help matters or so I was told, lol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 8 minutes ago, Alvi said: Men and women perceive attraction in a different way. Us, women, we can meet a guy and not find him attractive at that time. But as we get to know him, we may see him in a totally different light. Attraction can indeed grow for us over the time if a guy has a good personality and is witty, funny, charming and sincere. Not surprised that that you found his personality sexy and upgraded him from your friend to a boyfriend. Attraction can, indeed, grow for women over the time. But it is totally different for the men who are more of a visual creatures. Lets say a guy meets a woman who is great, has a good personality, and is witty, funny, and charming. She could be the greatest person on this planet but if she is not sexy in his eyes, then there no future. There not much of a chance of him dating her if he does not find her exterior sexually appealing. A month, a year or years down the road is not going to change how he is going to perceive her. He is going to see her the exactly same way as he sees her the day they met. He is going to say to him friends things like: "She is great but I am not attracted to her." Ok, Ok. alcohol might help matters or so I was told, lol. There are guys like this too who build a relationship due to talking and emotions vs puts physical. Not all guys think with their dick... sexiness builds as you get to know someone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: There are guys like this too who build a relationship due to talking and emotions vs puts physical. Not all guys think with their dick... sexiness builds as you get to know someone. Glad to hear that! Never happened to me but good to know that there are men who can look beyond the woman's looks. I was attracted to few guys in my life who were not attracted to me physically. I was firmly friendzoned by them and never upgraded to a gf status. But you are probably right, I cannot speak from from my personal experience and address all of the men since they are all different. Edited June 23, 2021 by Alvi Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 15 hours ago, max3732 said: That said a combination of her height/weight makes me uncomfortable and I don't feel attracted when I'm walking with her or if I see her from afar. For example, she showed me her picture on her phone and I didn't find her whole body attractive. Then let her go. There are men out there that will love her just the way she is. You free her so she can experience total acceptance from someone else. 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 15 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: There are guys like this too who build a relationship due to talking and emotions vs puts physical. Not all guys think with their dick... True, but you'd never know that from the internet 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 20 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: Not all guys think with their dick... I prefer it to be both, or should I say thinking with both. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted June 23, 2021 Author Share Posted June 23, 2021 On 6/22/2021 at 6:45 AM, introverted1 said: Hey Max. It really sucks when there is a person who is right in so many ways but sexual attraction is missing. Even if you could muscle through the lack of attraction -- and I'm guessing you could, at least in the short term -- this is really not doing her (or you) any favors. It's ok to like what you like. I think this captures my sentiments. I'd really like to find the right person and as far as her personality I feel like she is that person. Her interests, mannerisms, way she dresses, sense of humor, etc is all wonderful. I've been looking for a woman like this for years. Maybe I should tell her I would like to continue as friends, but I don't know what to tell her as far as why. I was looking at her pictures and do think I wouldn't be happy long term since she's not what I'd like physically. Being friends would be fine though. Obviously I don't want to say the truth. What should I say? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 (edited) Tell her that you really like her but just aren't feeling it. But don't insult her by offering to downgrade her to friendship. Edited June 23, 2021 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 24, 2021 Share Posted June 24, 2021 6 hours ago, max3732 said: I think this captures my sentiments. I'd really like to find the right person and as far as her personality I feel like she is that person. Her interests, mannerisms, way she dresses, sense of humor, etc is all wonderful. I've been looking for a woman like this for years. Maybe I should tell her I would like to continue as friends, but I don't know what to tell her as far as why. I was looking at her pictures and do think I wouldn't be happy long term since she's not what I'd like physically. Being friends would be fine though. Obviously I don't want to say the truth. What should I say? Going on what you've said here now together with other bits earlier yeah , there's not much you can do unfortunately. She'll probably want more than just friends too l'd say so that'll most like just get awkward later on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 24, 2021 Share Posted June 24, 2021 (edited) I think it best you say you think she's a great person but you are just not feeling the chemistry that is needed, then leave it at that. I have a feeling you will be back on these forums in a few weeks, saying you made a mistake and asking how to get her back. Edited June 24, 2021 by spiderowl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 24, 2021 Share Posted June 24, 2021 You can't force yourself to find her attractive if you just don't, OP. It's best to call this off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 24, 2021 Share Posted June 24, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, max3732 said: Obviously I don't want to say the truth. What should I say? You don't need to and shouldn't explain. Maybe she's not looking for friends, after all it's a dating site, no? Kindly and diplomatically tell her you're not a match. IF she wants to be your friend, she'll let you know. But why would she waste time in your friendzone when clearly, she's looking for a BF who's attracted to her? Ask yourself if you were attracted to someone and got the "let's be friends" routine if you wouldn't be queasy and insulted? It's not shallow to like what you like. It's shallow to string someone along. Edited June 24, 2021 by Wiseman2 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dangerous Posted June 26, 2021 Share Posted June 26, 2021 (edited) On 6/23/2021 at 11:12 PM, max3732 said: I think this captures my sentiments. I'd really like to find the right person and as far as her personality I feel like she is that person. Her interests, mannerisms, way she dresses, sense of humor, etc is all wonderful. I've been looking for a woman like this for years. Maybe I should tell her I would like to continue as friends, but I don't know what to tell her as far as why. I was looking at her pictures and do think I wouldn't be happy long term since she's not what I'd like physically. Being friends would be fine though. Obviously I don't want to say the truth. What should I say? Hey Max. I am glad you reached this decison. I am exactly the same as you, I am fit and slim and I am attracted to slim women. I have really "tried" to be attracted to heavier women. And I too, have met some lovely personalities (nice faces too). BUT I just cannot get past the difference in the body type. HOWEVER, when I have really analyzed the situation afterwards, it was not JUST the weight issue, there were usually other characteristics that didn't quote match eg. intelligence, values, lifestyle etc. One obvious one is if she is overweight she does not share your priorities of exercise, diet, even self discipline etc. Finally, and this has been covered time and time again, don't you just hate it when they turn up and don't match their profile/ description! Edited June 26, 2021 by dangerous Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 26, 2021 Share Posted June 26, 2021 On 6/23/2021 at 7:01 AM, Gaeta said: Then let her go. There are men out there that will love her just the way she is. You free her so she can experience total acceptance from someone else. This is how I feel about it too. She sounds great, she deserves to be with someone who doesn't have to try to make himself feel attracted to her. I'd just be sure before breaking up that you're not just worried about what other people think and listening to your buddies to direct you on whom you're attracted to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
babybrowns Posted June 27, 2021 Share Posted June 27, 2021 It is good that you do want to tell her. However don’t say let’s be friends since she might look at it as a window to keep seeing you to keep trying to gain your affections- you met on a dating site after all. Carrying on as friends would just be exhausting for both of you: you trying hard not to lead her on, her trying hard to look hot for you to see if it does happen. Let her go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 If there isn't sexual attraction now, there never will be. I had an ex who was amazing but I was never attracted to him sexually. I tried for 2 years and it never happened, and I ended up breaking his heart. I say save yourself and her the trouble and move on. Also, it's not about the weight. Chemistry is irrespective of weight, so even if she loses the weight, you won't be that much into her. You'll only tolerate her better sexually. Link to post Share on other sites
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