Alvi Posted June 29, 2021 Posted June 29, 2021 I see several possibilities: 1. He thinks you are a wife material. He wants to marry you one day. He respects your decision to save yourself till the marriage and doesn't mind waiting for you. But (and it's a big but) till that day actually comes he is sleeping with other women. Basically, he waits for you but dates/sleeps around. 2. He hopes that you are going to change your mind about waiting till the marriage. 3. He enjoys your company and having dinners with you. In a meantime, he is dating other women as well. 2
Author Jet8419 Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 23 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He's probably doing other things - as in seeing other people. Have you met anyone from his side (as in friends, family?) at all? Chances are you haven't, he may not have even mentioned them in conversation. Yes, I have met his best friend, he’s talked about his family a lot and texted me pictures when he was away spending time with his parents. He’s also given me a detailed breakdown of who he usually spends his weekends with (a few close mates and always the same ones).
Author Jet8419 Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 23 hours ago, Pumpernickel said: I mean, you can't be surprised that he doesn't see you as girlfriend material, if you won't have sex for "religious reasons". That probably means you're waiting until marriage. Why should he make you a priority? I am sure he wants to have physical intimacy with the woman/women he dates. Very few people wait until marriage these days, especially men, so I am sure he's dating around and using his weekends for some fun between the sheets. I agree with you too, though when he asked me if I’d slept with anyone before, which I said never and asked him when was the last time he slept with someone, he told me “many years ago”.
AnnieB Posted July 7, 2021 Posted July 7, 2021 It sounds like this relationship will not progress for you unless you become committed and married. Have you discussed marriage, what are his views on the timeline for a marriage?
Author Jet8419 Posted July 8, 2021 Author Posted July 8, 2021 16 hours ago, AnnieB said: It sounds like this relationship will not progress for you unless you become committed and married. Have you discussed marriage, what are his views on the timeline for a marriage? We haven’t explicitly discussed marriage, except he’s asked what are my plans for certain matters if I’m married (eg. where I’ll want to live) or what I’ll do about kids if my future husband wants/ doesn’t want them. He’s also answered these questions in the context “if he’s married, he’d do XYZ” etc. There’s been no mention of any timeline other than he’s commented a lot of his friends are either married or have kids.
Herkamer Posted July 8, 2021 Posted July 8, 2021 On 6/20/2021 at 6:19 AM, Jet8419 said: Yes, we’re exclusive. For religious reasons, I won’t have sex before marriage but we’ve been intimate up to 2nd base, that’s where I draw the line and we agreed on that. Guess I’m doubtful why he’s not wanting to go out to do fun stuff. First off, good girl for not having sex until you're married! Even if you weren't religious, it's still better to wait on that kind of stuff. You don't know if the person you're with has an STD, untrue rumors can spread about you guys, and if a kid did happen, they can get expensive, regardless if you're together or not. It's even better that you're not moved in with him because if you were splitting the bill on a place and you two broke up, it would be a fight over who gets what and who foots the bill for the place you're staying at. Next, he should be changing it up, instead of just doing dinner. Make sure, though, that you mention the things you like and start getting him to talk about the stuff he enjoys. If you have and he still doesn't take you to go do something else, then it might be a good idea to start considering getting out of the relationship. There might be multiple reasons as to why he isn't doing other things with you: -There might be another woman he's seeing on the weekends. Not saying that's the case here, but a lot of guys in relationships love to screw around with other women to boost their egos. In addition to this, you guys agreed to not have sex, but, in his mind, it didn't include him doing it with other women. Again, maybe not the case, but just keep it in mind. -He might be boring. There are several couples, that I know, where the women are a ton of fun while the guys are sticks in the mud. One woman, in particular, that I know through dance class loves to come to these classes because she loves to dance. She's married, and you would think her husband would come out. He doesn't. Why? He doesn't like dancing. Ironic, considering this woman also use to be a DANCE TEACHER (her sister comes in his place). Whenever I go a winery or brewery that has live music, the women there start singing and dancing in their chairs, while talking to their friends (both male and female), while their bfs are all mopey and low energy. Only time they're most energetic is when they leave and when they go to something like a dive bar or home, where they can sit and gloat about themselves. If you're the type of person that actually wants to DO things that have nothing to do with sex, while he's not, might be better to stop seeing altogether and find someone who actually enjoys doing fun stuff. -Does he get nervous easily? Maybe he's afraid that if he took you to go do something that he thinks you enjoy, that doesn't involve food, but that he never thought about asking, that you would get bored or you would think less of him. If that's the case, maybe instead of being bf/gf (I'm guessing that's the case), take a break and just be friends for awhile. It might take the pressure off of him and when you're ready to get back together, he may be filled with more confidence and not be as nervous. He may be a good guy, but he could need time to collect himself and be more comfortable outside his comfort zone. -He might be applying pressure in an attempt get you into bed with him. A way for him to say "hey, only way to get me to do anything than just dinner with you is to allow me to get inside your pants every now and then." He can't just come out and say it like that, so this could be a way to get you to blink. There are guys that do similar things, except some are more forward about it. I'd say, if you have any suspicion of it, maybe bring up the topic of sex and see how he reacts, and remember the time where you both agreed to not have it and see if there is any similarities between then and when you bring up the topic. I would go as far as pull back to 1st base and see how he acts. Heck, you could take it a step further and just keep to holding hands and snuggling. All this should give you a better idea of where his mind is at. Whatever the real reason is, if he intends to have you around, he NEEDS to be doing different things with you. Make sure, though, that you're bringing something to the table, if you want this relationship to last. It takes 2 to tango, so keep it 50/50. Keep that in mind going forward.
glows Posted July 8, 2021 Posted July 8, 2021 It doesn't matter whether he thinks you're wife material. What matters is what you think of him. If it's not working out and you can't quite understand what he's about, move on. There are all kinds of people out there who are looking to get away with as little as possible and aren't actually paying attention. Don't waste your time.
Donnas Posted July 8, 2021 Posted July 8, 2021 If it's not what I looking for, end it.before it ends in crazy stuff. And road trip you do with your bd. Not with some dude you barely know and who can't give you the basics already.
Author Jet8419 Posted July 9, 2021 Author Posted July 9, 2021 Guess there won’t be anything happening with him for quite a while. We’re in strict lockdown for a few weeks with no idea when it’ll lift, so we can’t see each other anyway. His original plan was to properly have a schedule with me once lockdown is over, but both of us have been overloaded with work to think about it for now. We’ll just have to leave it till the current covid wave is over.
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