How do you date a woman who is better looking than you?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

 so she doesn't think she is in a higher league than me, 

It would be best not to inundate yourself with all this manosphere (considered a hate group) rubbish.

This PUA thinking about "negs", knock them down etc. will eventually convince her to find someone better who isn't using these tactics.

So you're creating a self-exacerbating prophecy.

By acting like an insecure person who uses PUA nonsense you will lose her, but not because she's good-looking but because you're playing games and manipulating.

Try to control viewing and reading hate group material.

[Gaeta]

6 hours ago, ironpony said:

 but I also feel careful not to be too complimentary, because a part of me is afraid that if she knew how hot she was, she might leave me, and search for better looking guys.

I like making her feel better about herself, but should I keep the compliments somewhat low on how goodlooking she is, in order so she doesn't think she is in a higher league than me, if that makes sense?

No, you don't hold back, that's manipulative and the opposite of what love is. You compliment her all your heart wants, she will love you more for it. There is no league, there is only attraction. She has it with  you so nourish it.

[ironpony]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

No, you don't hold back, that's manipulative and the opposite of what love is. You compliment her all your heart wants, she will love you more for it. There is no league, there is only attraction. She has it with  you so nourish it.

Oh I don't mean to manipulate at all, it's just in my experience, women don't usually like being put on a pedestal if you compliment them too much.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

 women don't usually like being put on a pedestal if you compliment them too much.

If it's genuine she will appreciate it. My ex complimented me every day and I've never grew tired of it because it felt like it came from his heart and I loved him. *too much* is also relative. My *too much* is different than another woman's *too much*. 

[poppyfields]

13 hours ago, ironpony said:

I like making her feel better about herself, but should I keep the compliments somewhat low on how goodlooking she is, in order so she doesn't think she is in a higher league than me, if that makes sense?

I feel a bit differently from Gaeta about this.   Personally, I do not enjoy or appreciate too many compliments, too many compliments sounds contrived, disingenuous and done because he believes somehow it will score him "points" which for some women, it would, but not ALL women.

Attractive women hear compliments all the time, and it gets old, like I said contrived.  

That said, I DO appreciate the occasional compliment, it feels more special that way, less contrived.  JMO.  I know many women LOVE them.  

I am more into a man's actions and him showing me how much he cherishes me, that means much more to me.   Not to sound cocky but I already know he finds me attractive, he doesn't need to keep saying it, I don't need that type of validation.  Occasionally?  Yes.  Again, it feels more special.

As far as too many compliments causing her to get think she's in a higher league and leaving you?  I think this is what the PUA sites preach -- keep her a bit insecure and off balance, she will value you more.  Or something like that.  I have read it myself on a men's site I sometimes frequent.

I have never believed in that, for me personally, as a relatively secure woman, once I start feeling insecure and off balance in a RL and specifically if a man is behaving in such a way that causes me to feel off balance or isn't providing what I personally need, I will walk away.

I have NO problem being on my own, so this is not hard to do when things don't feel "right." 

Edited July 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[ironpony]

Oh okay.  All the compliments I give her are honest and genuine, I am just afraid that if I compliment her too high, she may take it as contrived, or it could go to someone's head too much if you told they they are a total 10 out of 10 in looks for example.

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay.  All the compliments I give her are honest and genuine, I am just afraid that if I compliment her too high, she may take it as contrived, or it could go to someone's head too much if you told they they are a total 10 out of 10 in looks for example.

Forget about it "going to her head," if she is an attractive woman, unless she is blind or extremely insecure, with low self-esteem, she already knows, trust me.  And if it hasn't gone to her head yet, it's doubtful it will.   Please stop reading whatever garbage you are reading about that.

My advice is always be real and genuine.  Give from your heart, including compliments,  Yes, there is a chance she may feel it's too much, you trying too hard to gain her approval and contrived, it's how I personally feel when given too many compliments.

But not all women are like me, in fact I am a bit of an anomaly around here and in the the real world, a bit of a law unto myself really.   It's got it's good points and bad points.  

Like I said, many even most woman LOVE compliments. Read Gaeta's posts again.

As long as they come from your heart and genuine and you're not giving to win her approval or score points, you're good!!

 

 

 

Edited July 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

What do you find unique about her?

Like, does she have little freckles that you find sexy or maybe you love the way she smiles when she sees you?

Maybe she has a cute little nose.

Find something that you love about her that's unique to you.

 

 

[ironpony]

22 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Forget about it "going to her head," if she is an attractive woman, unless she is blind or extremely insecure, with low self-esteem, she already knows, trust me.  And if it hasn't gone to her head yet, it's doubtful it will.   Please stop reading whatever garbage you are reading about that.

My advice is always be real and genuine.  Give from your heart, including compliments,  Yes, there is a chance she may feel it's too much, you trying too hard to gain her approval and contrived, it's how I personally feel when given too many compliments.

But not all women are like me, in fact I am a bit of an anomaly around here and in the the real world, a bit of a law unto myself really.   It's got it's good points and bad points.  

Like I said, many even most woman LOVE compliments. Read Gaeta's posts again.

As long as they come from your heart and genuine and you're not giving to win her approval or score points, you're good!!

 

 

 

Oh well it's just she was really upset about how she had body self esteem issues, that her parents and older siblings instilled on her when growing up, and that got me thinking things like is that why she went for a guy like me, not as goodlooking as her, etc.  So I don't think she knows how attractive she is therefore, based on her upset reaction.  She also wears more baggy clothes which suggests that she doesn't realize it as well.

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh well it's just she was really upset about how she had body self esteem issues, that her parents and older siblings instilled on her when growing up, and that got me thinking things like is that why she went for a guy like me, not as goodlooking as her, etc.  

I see, so you are insecure as well?  Two insecure people do not a great relationship make or even good relationship.  It has all the makings for your standard co-dependent RL imho.

But good luck @ironpony, I mean that sincerely.

 

 

[Alpacalia]

48 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay.  All the compliments I give her are honest and genuine, I am just afraid that if I compliment her too high, she may take it as contrived, or it could go to someone's head too much if you told they they are a total 10 out of 10 in looks for example.

 

16 minutes ago, ironpony said:

So I don't think she knows how attractive she is therefore, based on her upset reaction. 

Well that's a bit of a contradiction.

[ironpony]

51 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

 

Well that's a bit of a contradiction.

Oh how is that a contradiction?

[ironpony]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I see, so you are insecure as well?  Two insecure people do not a great relationship make or even good relationship.  It has all the makings for your standard co-dependent RL imho.

But good luck @ironpony, I mean that sincerely.

 

 

Oh so I should try to be more secure about it and the relationship would be better then?

[ironpony]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

What do you find unique about her?

Like, does she have little freckles that you find sexy or maybe you love the way she smiles when she sees you?

Maybe she has a cute little nose.

Find something that you love about her that's unique to you.

 

 

I've always liked her cheeks and chin for sure, for one thing...

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

Oh how is that a contradiction?

Because if you are under the assumption that she "doesn't think she knows how attractive she is" then why would you want to purposely refrain from sharing what it is that you find beautiful?

Edited July 30, 2021 by Alpaca

[ironpony]

Oh I just was worried that she may leave me for a better looking guy if she knew, if that makes sense.

[Lotsgoingon]

Feeling comfortable dating someone who is gorgeous is and inside job.

Basically you have to think that what you bring to the relationship is as valuable as she brings to the relationship. Just keep in mind, ironpony, that beauty--if you accompanied by other qualities that you like--will wear so thin so fast.

Basically you want to practice accepting that she likes you! But you can tell her she looks good. Absolutely. You don't have to hold back there. Just keep in mind that you want a lot more than beauty. 

 

[ironpony]

Oh yeah for sure, I like a lot more about her than her beauty for sure.  What do you mean that it's an 'inside job'?

[Alpacalia]

49 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh I just was worried that she may leave me for a better looking guy if she knew, if that makes sense.

No, she'll leave because of these withholding tactics. Like has already been mentioned.

There is always a more attractive man.

And there will always be someone out there who is more attractive than she is.

That doesn't imply she'll get up and leave just because she's attracted to him or because you tell her every now and then that she's attractive.

If you lose your girlfriend, it will not be due to your appearance.

However, if you can be more confident in your relationship and do your best to solve problems, you are already halfway home.

[princessaurora]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

No, she'll leave because of these withholding tactics. Like has already been mentioned.

There is always a more attractive man.

And there will always be someone out there who is more attractive than she is.

That doesn't imply she'll get up and leave just because she's attracted to him or because you tell her every now and then that she's attractive.

If you lose your girlfriend, it will not be due to your appearance.

However, if you can be more confident in your relationship and do your best to solve problems, you are already halfway home.

Looks will only get you so far. If you don't have any substance to back it up, your potential partner will lose interest very quick. Like Alpaca said, there's always going to be someone more attractive. You need to develop other traits in order to keep her interest long term. She's not going to leave for someone hotter unless you have nothing else to offer her beyond your attractiveness. The guy I was with when I met my husband  was just as physically attractive as him, but his shallow personality ruined it. He was rude, racist, homophobic.  My husband was funny, smart, charismatic, intellectual. respectful. That's why I left the current boyfriend for him. It was all those traits combined that elevated the hubs, not just the fact  he was downright adorable. 

 If you want this girl to stick around or any girl for that matter, you have to develop your other traits, so you can check off most of their boxes, not just one. 

[ironpony]

Okay thanks, I can try do that.  Thanks.

[Blue Sea]

Better not to date a co-worker because when comes to break-up, quarrels...you might have to quit your job to avoid the embarrassment. 

[Gaeta]

17 hours ago, ironpony said:

 if you told they they are a total 10 out of 10 in looks for example.

Telling a woman she's a 10 out of 10 is not a compliment. It's a man drooling over a woman. 

Compliment her on specific things you like about her, her smile, her eyes, her dress, her laugh, her hands, her hair, her sense of humor, her wittiness, her kindness, her strenght, her honesty. 

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Telling a woman she's a 10 out of 10 is not a compliment. It's a man drooling over a woman. 

Took the words......  thank you, saved me from saying it.

[ironpony]

19 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Telling a woman she's a 10 out of 10 is not a compliment. It's a man drooling over a woman. 

Compliment her on specific things you like about her, her smile, her eyes, her dress, her laugh, her hands, her hair, her sense of humor, her wittiness, her kindness, her strenght, her honesty. 

Okay thanks, I've been doing that so far.  I didn't tell her 10 out of 10 specifically so far. Thanks.