Author ironpony Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 Oh no I don't dislike anything about her, at least I don't feel that way! I just feel she is too good for me, and it makes me feel inferior, and it's a me problem perhaps. But I really like her, and never felt I disliked her.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 Just now, ironpony said: Oh no I don't dislike anything about her, at least I don't feel that way! I just feel she is too good for me, and it makes me feel inferior, and it's a me problem perhaps. But I really like her, and never felt I disliked her. So then go out with her. She wants to.
Author ironpony Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 Oh okay. Well when she asks me about my past and I got nothing to say, what do I do? She even told me I never seem to want to talk about myself much, so what do I do when I don't have much of a past to talk about compared to her?
Author ironpony Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 Oh well she was talking about relationships, but not sexual conquests at all, but is talking about past relationships, bad? I mean I asked her about it since she said she was never asked out before and the conversation went that way, so maybe it was my fault for inadvertently steering it in that direction...
Author ironpony Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 Oh well I just didn't know what the answer was going to be. She said that a guy never asked her and I asked her if she ever dated then and she said yes and I asked her how that could be, and she said she had four relationships from guys she asked out, so that's how that went...
Author ironpony Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 Well it's just that since I chose to have a past where I just sat in my basement and not do anything for several years, I am jealous of other people's pasts, and I guess her talking about it, and at that young age, reminds of my lack of past, thus making me jeaous. I don't think I am bothered by her, just my lack of past, which she asks me about but don't know how to explain.
Author ironpony Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 2 hours ago, enigma32 said: My GF is 10 years younger so there is that. Everyone isn't doing it because everyone CAN'T do it. You've been on this site for a while. How many times have you seen ladies complain that all the men their age always going for younger women? A lot of guys are out their shooting their shot with the younger ladies but they can't all pull it off. I'm not saying you need to ONLY go after women 15 years younger than you. However, if you have a girl you obviously like, who is very attractive, and younger then why the heck not date her? Why do you care what all these random internet people think about YOUR life choices? A lot of ladies here will try to shame you for a younger woman but ignore them. Live your life, man. Have fun with this girl. If something deeper comes of it, good. If not, then no big deal. At least you lived. But even 10 years I feel so much more comfortable with compared to 16 unless there is not that much of a difference and I am making too big a deal about it?
elaine567 Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 Have you told her yet about the big age gap and the fact you are autistic and live and have always lived at home with your parents?...
Author ironpony Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 The living with the parents came up but not the autism. The age gap is obvious that we haven't talked much about it, but should we?
elaine567 Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: The living with the parents came up but not the autism. The age gap is obvious that we haven't talked much about it, but should we? Is it that obvious when you said you look 10 years younger? if you look 27, then that is an age gap of only 6 years... big difference from one of 16 years...,
Interstellar Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, ironpony said: Well it's just that since I chose to have a past where I just sat in my basement and not do anything for several years, I am jealous of other people's pasts, and I guess her talking about it, and at that young age, reminds of my lack of past, thus making me jeaous. I don't think I am bothered by her, just my lack of past, which she asks me about but don't know how to explain. It’s okay to feel that just don’t verbalize it to her. If it doesn’t raise interest level then shut up about it. You gotta be loose, loosen up man, you’re supposed to be making her laugh and smile, not being in a constant state of anxiety. Edited June 30, 2021 by Interstellar 2
Author ironpony Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 7 hours ago, elaine567 said: Is it that obvious when you said you look 10 years younger? if you look 27, then that is an age gap of only 6 years... big difference from one of 16 years..., I've been told I look younger than I do. I use skin care and anti-aging products and I think that's what does it. She even said she thought I was late 20s as well, but has no problem with me being 16 years older. 2
SumGuy Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 11 hours ago, ironpony said: Oh well I just didn't know what the answer was going to be. She said that a guy never asked her and I asked her if she ever dated then and she said yes and I asked her how that could be, and she said she had four relationships from guys she asked out, so that's how that went... If she has that supermodel face, it could well be that guys were too intimidated to ask her out. Also she is young, there hasn't been that many years. Sure there are places where men just ask but she may have not frequented that scene. I am actually not surprised by this, have heard incredibly good looking women say it before, and also say if they are asked out it is only by the creepy, sleazy and toxic ones. You have had relationships though if recall your posts correctly. I believe she is just looking for an answer along those lines. Not so much a count of those you dated but how many that lasted. Again if recall correctly it sounds like 2 or 3 that lasted at least a couple months. That would be my answer, you have had a few that lasted x months, if one went more than 6 months could mention that but be prepared for the question on why that one didn't work out. Guessing these kind of conversations are very hard given autism, as they can freighted with emotion reading, response and unspoken social conventions. But it is hard for all of us, you never really know what the other person is or is not looking for and how much appears too little and evasive and how much is too much. In general, my approach is broad strokes, honesty, and never bad mouth an ex or talk like you know why they did what they did. At most (from what I understand in your case) it didn't work out and didn't connect. HERE is also where in my mind one could admit that you may have missed something when things didn't work out as you are mildly (I'd say) autistic and interpreting social cues is very hard for you. You work hard at it because you want to, but sometimes you feel what you think is honest and asked for comes off as crass or tone deaf and you don't see it...things like that. It really is a way to say if I seem odd, yes I am but not because of bad intent, just neurodiversity. The last is getting in a bit deep but just saying it so have in your mind if it goes there. Usually a first couple of dates is not where people explore these things with any depth, but everyone varies. You also (IIRC) have some strong dreams to make a film, that is a commitment and risk and not all women are down with that. Again recalling form other posts. If that is a clear reason for a break-up I think could mention it in a non-judgmental way especially if that is still a passion of yours.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 12 hours ago, ironpony said: Well it's just that since I chose to have a past where I just sat in my basement and not do anything for several years, I am jealous of other people's pasts, and I guess her talking about it, and at that young age, reminds of my lack of past, thus making me jeaous. I don't think I am bothered by her, just my lack of past, which she asks me about but don't know how to explain. Okay, but did you literally sit in a basement and do nothing? You stared at a wall? Surely you were doing something. Even if it was playing video games. I wouldn't tell a date I spent several years in a basement not doing anything. I know you're not creepy as a person, but it will sound creepy to the person you're talking to, if she doesn't know you well. And I'm 99.9% sure it can't be accurate.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: I've been told I look younger than I do. I use skin care and anti-aging products and I think that's what does it. She even said she thought I was late 20s as well, but has no problem with me being 16 years older. So there you go. She has no problem with it. But you do have a problem with it. You've brought it up so many times. This is entirely up to what *you* want to do...because she's up for it.
Author ironpony Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 Yeah I did things like play videogames, but I feel jealous or inadequate because she can do all these things for her young age, such play different musical instruments or have more relationship experiences, compared to me, so that makes me feel inadequate to talk about it.
Hopeful30 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Listen, if she wanted to pursue hot guys with abs then she would do it. Clearly you have qualities she likes and wants to explore, and if down the road they aren't enough, then at least you gave her a chance! Looks aren't everything. Believe me, I've dated fugly guys and people asked why, but I genuinely got so much more out of the relationship! Also, sharing this insecurity with her is helpful. She will know why you behave the way you behave, and by understanding how you feel, you're giving her the opportunity to know you better. In my experiences, when men felt insecure and they told me, I felt so wonderful to boost their ego and give them a huge kiss in front of others, to show him that he is wrong to be insecure, and that I love him for things more than just looks, and I will show that to the world. I say give her a chance. Us pretty ladies are looking for good men with good qualities! Looks aren't everything, and if that's all she was after, then she would be facebook flirting with fitness trainers.
Author ironpony Posted July 6, 2021 Author Posted July 6, 2021 Okay thanks. Sorry for the delayed response, things have been busy. Well we have been exclusive for a bit now, and my two friends want to meet her so far. However, because of the age difference, should I tell my friends about the age difference in advance, so they are not surprised or shocked, before they meet her? Or should I not tell them, otherwise they may have it in mind too much?
Gaeta Posted July 6, 2021 Posted July 6, 2021 I would not worry about your friends. They will be your friends no matter she's 20 or 40. I imagine they are gentlemen enough to not comment in front of her. I would be more worried about what her parents will think of the age difference. She's young and parents are still very protective of their children of that age.
Author ironpony Posted July 6, 2021 Author Posted July 6, 2021 (edited) Oh okay, thanks. I'm worried about that as well. But if I am older, does that give the impression that I have some sort of power over her that a guy her age, would not or something, when it comes to parents being protective? Edited July 6, 2021 by ironpony
Author ironpony Posted July 9, 2021 Author Posted July 9, 2021 Another thing I am thinking about when it comes to the age difference... People tell me that the age gap shortens as you get older, but to me, it just seems like the gap gets bigger. I know a married couple for example, and the wife is in her early 60s and the husband in his late 70s and it's pretty obvious one looks very older than the other. Doesn't the age gap widen when you are older, since when the older person seems to hit around 50, they start to look like they are aging five times faster all of a sudden compared to the younger person?
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2021 Posted July 9, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: Another thing I am thinking about when it comes to the age difference... People tell me that the age gap shortens as you get older, but to me, it just seems like the gap gets bigger. I know a married couple for example, and the wife is in her early 60s and the husband in his late 70s and it's pretty obvious one looks very older than the other. Doesn't the age gap widen when you are older, since when the older person seems to hit around 50, they start to look like they are aging five times faster all of a sudden compared to the younger person? I think when people say this they're talking more about how, to take, I don't know, 8 years as an example, 18/26 could be pretty significant, but say, 40/48 less so. If that makes sense. But this is a simple case of a made-up rule, because yes, at some point it could seem like a big age difference once again....plus the fact that everybody is different.
Author ironpony Posted July 9, 2021 Author Posted July 9, 2021 Oh okay, I see. I can try to think of it that way. Well if I am worried my friends might be shocked at the age difference, if we all hang out, should I tell my friends in advance so they do not act surprised, or will this make it worse, and I should not mention it?
Author ironpony Posted July 13, 2021 Author Posted July 13, 2021 Well my parents met my gf by accident because of a situation where I had to meet them to drop something off while I was with her, and they met her and because of the age difference, they had to give a very shall we say... 'Guess Who's Coming To Dinner' parent reaction to it. What's the best way to get your parents to accept the age gap though? I mean should I tell them that not everything about an SO is going to be perfect and a gf is always going to have some flaw, just like how my parents wouldn't see each other as absolutely perfect in every way? Or is that not the best approach?
Author ironpony Posted July 14, 2021 Author Posted July 14, 2021 Oh okay, thank you very much! Well I feel there is something obvious here that my parents are not considering... I am autistic and I do not have the same maturity level for a 37 year old compared to other people my age. I feel that I have the same maturity level as her after we went on a few dates, which is why I think it's been going really well. So that is the reason why we seemed to have clicked is because my maturity level is psychologically lower, because of my condition. But my parents want me to date someone my own age, even if it means the woman's maturity level will be much higher than mine therefore, because of my condition. If that makes sense? 1
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