How do you date a woman who is better looking than you?

[Gaeta]

27 minutes ago, BeanCounter said:

So then the suggestion is "don't date her" and basically do nothing? Not sure how you're supposed to gain confidence and experience if you don't take risks.

OP still lives at his parents in his late 30s? Because he's working on 'making a film'.  Gaining confidence would have to start there. 

[Uruktopi]

40 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

.... and felt pride in having such a lady in their life

Ironpony's  insecurity is in this situation is the issue and it's not going away because a few people told him 'go ahead date her'. 

".... and felt pride in having such a lady in their life" THIS is precious!

" ...it's not going away because a few people told him 'go ahead date her'. "

About the last quoted line, I agree with it...while I don´t.

True if it deppends on what others here may say.

But I´m quite skeptical about the meaning and specially about the relevance of the concept of "insecurity" as it is widely used.   

That self value should be found "from whithin" as autonomous subjectivity (exception made of diagnosed disorders) is not so much better than solipsism turned something like academically validated (naturalized) "common sense".

We, humans, were made humans by social interaction. 

So maybe he should try to fix his issues where it counts, out there. And learn to see him as a man where it´s significative: in the eyes of a woman that choose him.

That brings back your expression, a jewell, seen from the other side:  a woman that may have pride in having such a man in her life. 

In my own only personal experience THIS is what is all about.

 

 

Edited June 21, 2021 by Uruktopi

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, Uruktopi said:

And learn to see him as a man where it´s significative: in the eyes of a woman that choose him.

You just won my heart there

 

[Uruktopi]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You just won my heart there

 

Thank you so much!

 

[czanclus]

On 6/20/2021 at 3:21 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

As a woman, I can tell you that most women would not have a problem being thinner than their man, OP. Quite the opposite. 

I second this. Men are so much harsher towards women in that respect. Also, perhaps I don't talk to enough males about this, but I've practically never heard a man voice insecurity towards a woman for fear that he is not 'thin' enough.

Like, as a woman, particularly of the middle age of 43, I feel insecure with respect to my salary and net worth, even if I'm better than the median female (considered sans her husband). But I am, in this and many other aspects, an outlier. There are rare men that will reject a woman that lives within her means, has no debt, but hasn't reached certain other indicators of upper middle and wealthier class, and thus women rarely feel inadequate even if they've got thousands of dollars of credit card debt and barely anything saved in their retirement account. A chunky woman however, even the obese male specimens will only begrudgingly settle for. This is you in the male-seeking-female world.  How refreshing. 

[mark clemson]

Quote

How do you date a woman who is better looking than you?

Hmm. I'm not sure whether that's actually possible for me.

Seriously though I've done this. They will be loyal as long as they like you, just as most other women would.

Be prepared to show some spine if/when there are advances from aggressive men who engage her and "try to pretend you aren't there".

The fact that, IIRC, you are ASD probably won't help with this. It may help to actually have a plan for this that you and she agree on (if she's game). Like when you say some pre-determined phrase that's her cue to the diss the guy to the tune of "can't you see I'm with my boyfriend, I'd never be interested in a guy who's so clueless" or similar. Just so long as she agrees to this in advance. Make it a sort of game, she may appreciate it as she may have to do a lot of fending off of unwanted advances. So she might actually appreciate the "help".

You DO also need to keep half an eye on her as well as, if she is very attractive, she will for better or worse have lots of options and MAY decide to pursue one of them (with or without telling you first). Not everyone who's attractive cheats/monkeybranches, but certainly plenty do. So the possibility will always be there, that's just how it goes.

[ironpony]

3 hours ago, czanclus said:

I second this. Men are so much harsher towards women in that respect. Also, perhaps I don't talk to enough males about this, but I've practically never heard a man voice insecurity towards a woman for fear that he is not 'thin' enough.

Like, as a woman, particularly of the middle age of 43, I feel insecure with respect to my salary and net worth, even if I'm better than the median female (considered sans her husband). But I am, in this and many other aspects, an outlier. There are rare men that will reject a woman that lives within her means, has no debt, but hasn't reached certain other indicators of upper middle and wealthier class, and thus women rarely feel inadequate even if they've got thousands of dollars of credit card debt and barely anything saved in their retirement account. A chunky woman however, even the obese male specimens will only begrudgingly settle for. This is you in the male-seeking-female world.  How refreshing. 

Sorry I couldn't respond to every post yet, but thanks for all the advice so far!  Well as far as an insecurity I have of not being thin enough, it was never was an insecurity with me until now.  Everyone woman I dated was either my size or bigger.  But this one is not only thinner, she is also really goodlooking, and I mean like supermodel goodlooking.  She also looks like she is in her early twenties or maybe just looks that young.  So I am just really surprised she is going for me and making the plans so far.

To answer the question, what is the plan for the first date, ice cream shop and then go from there.

As for the living at home thing, even if I only see it as an insecurity, depending on the woman's reaction.  I think some woman think it's a worse problem for me than I do, but I feel if I act like it doesn't bother me, than I may come off as shameless, as in no shame in living at home, or is shameless in some aspects, not a bad thing?

Edited June 22, 2021 by ironpony

[ironpony]

2 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Hmm. I'm not sure whether that's actually possible for me.

Seriously though I've done this. They will be loyal as long as they like you, just as most other women would.

Be prepared to show some spine if/when there are advances from aggressive men who engage her and "try to pretend you aren't there".

The fact that, IIRC, you are ASD probably won't help with this. It may help to actually have a plan for this that you and she agree on (if she's game). Like when you say some pre-determined phrase that's her cue to the diss the guy to the tune of "can't you see I'm with my boyfriend, I'd never be interested in a guy who's so clueless" or similar. Just so long as she agrees to this in advance. Make it a sort of game, she may appreciate it as she may have to do a lot of fending off of unwanted advances. So she might actually appreciate the "help".

You DO also need to keep half an eye on her as well as, if she is very attractive, she will for better or worse have lots of options and MAY decide to pursue one of them (with or without telling you first). Not everyone who's attractive cheats/monkeybranches, but certainly plenty do. So the possibility will always be there, that's just how it goes.

Well I've had this happen with a couple of gfs in the past and as long as the gf blows them off, with me standing next to her of course, isn't that okay then?

[Fletch Lives]

18 hours ago, Gaeta said:

That being said, the issue here is not that she's out of OP's league. The issue is how it makes him feel. 

I've seen plenty of pretty ladies dating average men or less than average men but these men compensated by being confident, and felt pride in having such a lady in their life, not fear and uncertainties. 

Yup. It's a self esteem issue. He needs to get his attitude up. It's all in your mind. 

Did you know that your attitude is one of the cornerstones to a relationship? 

There is no such thing as leagues of people - everybody poops and pees, and nobody poops Skittles. But I do fart rainbows!! 

God does not respect any one person above another.

[ironpony]

Well another question I have is, how does a guy get turned on by such a goodlooking woman?  She is literally a  Hollywood level, supermodel beautiful and that's the problem for me, sexually. She's too perfect, and I guess she just comes off having a too perfect supermodel face and body that I just can't relate too.

I guess it's like being use to wanting burger and fries type comfort food, over the super expensive exotic and fancy type restaurant.  How do you get into that?  I recognize that she's very beautiful looking, but how do I apply that to sexual arousal since I am use to a different cuisine, if that's a bad analogy?

But I told asked a couple of guy friends and they think I'm crazy I think and feel that I should be really turned on by someone that goodlooking. Can I change my outlook on it, since I really like her personality, or what do you think?

Edited June 22, 2021 by ironpony

[mark clemson]

12 hours ago, ironpony said:

as long as the gf blows them off, with me standing next to her of course, isn't that okay then?

Yes, absolutely. And there's also a difference between regular friendly conversation and a guy who's obviously gunning for your GF as well.

[Uruktopi]

5 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

There is no such thing as leagues of people - everybody poops and pees, and nobody poops Skittles. But I do fart rainbows!! 

 

LOL! 

This line is good enough to prevent me from commenting some other minor dissagreements.

Applauses, sir. 

[Uruktopi]

13 hours ago, ironpony said:

Well I've had this happen with a couple of gfs in the past and as long as the gf blows them off, with me standing next to her of course, isn't that okay then?

Yes.

[ironpony]

On a sidenote is it true that women can smell insecurities a mile away?  In my experience, women I have dated would always go on about how men are impossible to read...

[Wiseman2]

The simple answer is get better looking yourself, no?

That means get in shape, get to the dentist for a cleaning, get to the barber for a good haircut and facial hair trim.

Get to the store and get some up to date "date clothes".

Make sure you look pulled together and confident. 

[SumGuy]

On 6/21/2021 at 9:18 PM, ironpony said:

...So I am just really surprised she is going for me and making the plans so far.

...than I may come off as shameless, as in no shame in living at home, or is shameless in some aspects, not a bad thing?

As to the first, she sees more in you than you see in yourself.   Clearly all she knows about you has not turned her off, very much the opposite.

The only "shame" in living at home is not that you live at home but why, and the relationship with your parents/room mates.  Even then, different people will have different reactions based on their values and prejudices.  

[SumGuy]

On 6/22/2021 at 10:04 AM, ironpony said:

Well another question I have is, how does a guy get turned on by such a goodlooking woman?  She is literally a  Hollywood level, supermodel beautiful and that's the problem for me, sexually. She's too perfect, and I guess she just comes off having a too perfect supermodel face and body that I just can't relate too...

That doesn't make sense to me.  If she is to my tastes she can't so good looking it turns me off, of course her personality could turn me off.  There is no too much of what I dream of.

Now that doesn't mean what I like the most follows the supermodel/media ideal.  There are women held up as the pinnacle that I find their look to be plastic and not to my taste.  Women held up as "10s" that are a "6" to me.    Don't feel you should be attracted to her just because you friends find her attractive.  It is like all these things men are "supposed" to like, ignore it.  I prefer brunettes to blondes any day of the week, legs over boobs, size 10 over size 2, you get the picture.

 

[ironpony]

19 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

As to the first, she sees more in you than you see in yourself.   Clearly all she knows about you has not turned her off, very much the opposite.

The only "shame" in living at home is not that you live at home but why, and the relationship with your parents/room mates.  Even then, different people will have different reactions based on their values and prejudices.  

Oh well I thought all she knew about me is that I was some co-worker she found attractive, so I didn't think she had much to go on based on that.

[ironpony]

18 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

That doesn't make sense to me.  If she is to my tastes she can't so good looking it turns me off, of course her personality could turn me off.  There is no too much of what I dream of.

Now that doesn't mean what I like the most follows the supermodel/media ideal.  There are women held up as the pinnacle that I find their look to be plastic and not to my taste.  Women held up as "10s" that are a "6" to me.    Don't feel you should be attracted to her just because you friends find her attractive.  It is like all these things men are "supposed" to like, ignore it.  I prefer brunettes to blondes any day of the week, legs over boobs, size 10 over size 2, you get the picture.

 

That makes sense, what you say.  I was thinking about it, and I guess I do not understand why women of the supermodel type are as goodlooking to guys.  For example, the who is interested in me is very thin, like the supermodel type guys like.  But she is flatchested looking, which doesn't look as feminine to me.  Her chest is no more voluptuous than mine.  But guys like thin, small chested supermodel types, so why do guys like that, if there is a reason?  Don't guys feel weird if a woman is thin, which means her chest is not going to be more voluptuous than their own, or do most guys just not think that way?

Edited June 23, 2021 by ironpony

[elaine567]

On 6/22/2021 at 3:04 PM, ironpony said:

  She is literally a  Hollywood level, supermodel beautiful 

Does she perhaps know about your interest in making films...?
She maybe has ambitions to be an actress....

[ironpony]

Yeah she knows.  In my job actually I shoot content for the company, and she was interested in that, so her interest seems behind the camera more.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

That makes sense, what you say.  I was thinking about it, and I guess I do not understand why women of the supermodel type are as goodlooking to guys.

Who says men are attracted to these models? I think it's more the fashion industry that tells people what is suppose to be attractive, not the men themselves. Like it was discussed earlier, who runs the fashion industry aren't heterosexual men. 

I have a very thin 17 year old at home. Her dream is to have fat, she wants hips and boobs. She's a size 0 and she wants to be bigger like her girl friends that are getting boy's attention. 

You think thing this young woman is like a supermodel, she may be, doesn't mean she's getting male attention though. 

So why don't you stop worrying about how she appears to society and and concentrate on how she appears to you. 

Edited June 23, 2021 by Gaeta

[ironpony]

Oh well I asked my guy friends opinion and they all agreed on liking the same type over me, so it therefore seemed like a majority vote that most men like that type when I asked the rest of my guy friends.

[norealusername]

Are you not attracted to her or you're just feeling intimidated? Just make yourself look good and don't worry about it. She already knows what you look like.

[ironpony]

So I am really attracted to her face, but her body is not what I usually go for and not sure how I feel about it but maybe need to explore it further, does it sound like?