poppyfields Posted June 19, 2021 Posted June 19, 2021 (edited) So after my post on another thread about how I'm not looking for a "traditional" relationship blah blah, I met a couple of new friends from Yoga for breakfast at an outdoor cafe, there was this group of guys at another table and there was this 'one' guy.... Well we locked eyes and I suddenly started feeling all nervous, like something was "happening" and eventually we all left and went for a walk. I was acting pretty cool, and he starts walking next to me, he's average height, lean (swimmer's physique), dark hair, my physical type but it was more than that. So we start talking and I'm trying to maintain my composure but I was VERY nervous and he even noticed and said (with a smile), "you don't have to be nervous around me," and I'm like "oh, no I'm not nervous"! Lol We continued on and the 'tension', I swear I could barely speak, I felt like I was back in high school or something! Lol That never happens to me, or very rarely... Anyway, one of the guys is having a get together tonight and the guy I was talking to asked if I would come, and I said "sure might be fun," and he gave me this "smile," so now I'm all nervous, trying to figure what to wear, what shoes, my hair, etc, am I crazy? Lol BTW found out from my friend, he's a sort of big shot attorney in town, used to work for a big firm for years, but is now solo on his own, takes on these huge contingency cases. So I guess I have a "sort of" date tonight, the first since my break up, I need to calm down, the anticipation! Gonna do some yoga, and try to relax. So silly but it's fun, I'll let y'all know what happens! Edited June 19, 2021 by poppyfields 12 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 19, 2021 Posted June 19, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: I guess I have a "sort of" date tonight, the first since my break up, I'm need to calm down, the anticipation! Go for it. Enjoy 1
Sun Seeker Posted June 20, 2021 Posted June 20, 2021 Looking forward to hearing how the night went. 1 1
divegrl Posted June 20, 2021 Posted June 20, 2021 Just curious, what type of yoga you practice? Sending love and a wonderful night. 1
Blind-Sided Posted June 20, 2021 Posted June 20, 2021 Congrats. No, you aren't nutz... you are excited. I had several moments like this after my D. They feel great, and will boost confidence through the rough. Fortunately for me... I was always a good public speaker, so I could burry my nervousness. Relax, and have fun. Oh.... and leave the "These Days" thoughts at the door. LOL 1 1
Alpacalia Posted June 20, 2021 Posted June 20, 2021 Fantastic. That first little jolt of electricity you get is the best. Hope it was a good night. 17 hours ago, poppyfields said: I suddenly started feeling all nervous, like something was "happening" and eventually we all left and went for a walk. 1
Cersei Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 I am just thinking about the outdoor cafe. Oh how I wish we had restaurants and patios open. A year and a half without it (code red restrictions) Anyway, I digress. I hope it went well for you. And as they say "when you least expect it, that is when you meet the best people!" 1
Author poppyfields Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) Hey guys, wanted to give a quick update! We met up at the party, we kept looking over at each other, he eventually approached and asked if I wanted to take a walk along the river. So we left, bought wine and ended talking (yes talking lol) till the wee hours of the morn, we couldn't stop talking! It's not what you think (friendzone) there was a lot of touching (nothing overtly sexual) but it was obvious "something" was happening, we both felt it, no words needed to be spoken about it. Before we said goodbye, he asked to get together this coming Friday, low key, someplace with good eats, music, great vibe, he knows a few places. I said sounds fun and we exchanged numbers. He said he'd be in touch later in the week. I dunno, it's hard to explain but believe it or not I'm glad he didn't push for anything physical! My last two relationships started off very sexual (although with my last we didn't have full blown sex until 8-9 dates in but we did a lot of other stuff since the first meet/date - we met on line). And if you recall with my last ex, he was the guy who kissed me 30 minutes after meeting me. This was different, again hard to explain, but I'm cool with whatever happens! Edited June 21, 2021 by poppyfields 4
Author poppyfields Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 13 hours ago, Cersei said: I am just thinking about the outdoor cafe. Oh how I wish we had restaurants and patios open. A year and a half without it (code red restrictions) Anyway, I digress. I hope it went well for you. And as they say "when you least expect it, that is when you meet the best people!" Where do you live? It's been a gradual process, but as of June 15th, everything (or pretty much everything) is open, business as usual. Masks aren't even required anymore unless you haven't been vaccinated, which most everyone has.
Author poppyfields Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) Guys, I just want to say how much better and more comfortable it is to meet someone naturally and spontaneously versus ON LINE. On line is so anxiety provoking, I think even for those who don't have anxiety issues! Talking on line, exchanging pics, video chat, feeling that "connection" on line, it's all so contrived because at the end of the day, no one knows how they will feel when they finally meet in person. You need to feel each other's "essence" and "presence," at least I do and you cannot feel that on line. You might think you can, but that can all change once you meet. And the lead up to that, the pics, the chat, the so-called "connection" causes people to over-think, become anxious and in many cases FLAKE and not want to meet at all. In fact, I tend to think this accounts for why 75% of people (perhaps even higher) flake before first meets! It's too much pressure! It's not natural. I am not even talking about dating apps, it's meeting on FB or other social media. I dunno, just my $.02 about it after having done it both ways. MODS, please don't delete this post, this is my thread and it's something I'd like to discuss, thank you. Edited June 21, 2021 by poppyfields 5
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 43 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Guys, I just want to say how much better and more comfortable it is to meet someone naturally and spontaneously versus ON LINE. Well, I'd love to experience it. Don't know how to go around it. I met someone from online Sunday. The guy was drop dead gorgeous, his pictures didn't give him justice but I was bored out of my mind the 1,5 hour we spent together. I was thinking if I had met him while out and about would I have judged him boring so fast? I would probably have been super happy such a nice man approached me. Instead at each sentence I was thinking do I like that, will I be bored with that, why is he wearing long sleeves on such a hot day.
Author poppyfields Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Well, I'd love to experience it. Don't know how to go around it. I met someone from online Sunday. The guy was drop dead gorgeous, his pictures didn't give him justice but I was bored out of my mind the 1,5 hour we spent together. I was thinking if I had met him while out and about would I have judged him boring so fast? I would probably have been super happy such a nice man approached me. Instead at each sentence I was thinking do I like that, will I be bored with that, why is he wearing long sleeves on such a hot day. Yeah I think with on line much of it is a mental thing too. If you had met him spontaneously, there would have been no pressure to "connect" and your interaction would have been more natural, open and carefree with no expectations. And thus, you may have possibly connected! For me, it's that mental pressure. You both know why you're there - to connect. And it's that pressure to connect that in many cases will result in your NOT connecting. Everything is dissected, scrutinized, analyzed versus simply having a fun conversation, and allowing it all to flow naturally, spontaneously and effortlessly. Summer is here, the weather is beautiful, why not get out more, go for a walk, have lunch with friends, smile, be open, friendly, approachable. You're a beautiful woman Gaeta, there is no reason imo why you need to resort to on-line. Edited June 21, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Author poppyfields Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) Gaeta, also with my guy, when we were at the café, the eye contact between us was obvious and intense. I know a lot of women who would have looked away, or put up a million defenses to not maintain that eye contact, for whatever reasons, in which case he would not have started to walk with me and asked me to the party. That's why when meeting in the real world, it's so important to be open and approachable. I have heard men complain about women having something called "resting bytch face" and it's a turn off and they will NOT approach. I don't think it's always intentional on the women's part, but often it is, and then they complain that no man will approach them! Sorry don't mean to sound preachy, but I have friends like that, and I don't get it. Edited June 21, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Happy Lemming Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: Guys, I just want to say how much better and more comfortable it is to meet someone naturally and spontaneously versus ON LINE. 100% Agree... This is great advice for guys on this forum who are struggling with on-line dating apps. Delete the app and go meet women in "real-life". 3
Wiseman2 Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: Before we said goodbye, he asked to get together this coming Friday, low key, someplace with good eats, music, great vibe, he knows a few places. Excellent. have a great time. Here's to you 1
Author poppyfields Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) Thanks Wise! Not sure he's "my love" (not yet anyway) but love Etta James!!! Cheers back at ya! Edited June 21, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Cersei Posted June 22, 2021 Posted June 22, 2021 9 hours ago, poppyfields said: Where do you live? It's been a gradual process, but as of June 15th, everything (or pretty much everything) is open, business as usual. Masks aren't even required anymore unless you haven't been vaccinated, which most everyone has. Manitoba Canada. I just got my second shot yesterday. We are just now starting to get more and more vaccinations done. It's been a slow go here. But touch wood, I've never had any symptoms or a need to be tested.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 22, 2021 Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) It's easy to say that it's better to meet someone in real life. That's a no-brainer. For some of us, these things just never happen. I haven't met a romantic prospect in real life in over 10 years and I am reasonably socially active. For the type of meetings you describe, you really need a lot of luck. This guy has to be there, at the same place, at the same time as you, he had to be single (which like >85% of people in older age group are not), you had to be single, there had to be both-sided chemistry and both of you to be at the place of your lives where you want to date. The probability of all that converging is actually extremely low. None of these things are something that we have control of. I know you mean well by giving advice to meet people in real life but I hope you realize that most people that do online dating, would not do it if they could meet people in real life. Nobody actually enjoys it for all the reasons that you describe. Edited June 22, 2021 by Eternal Sunshine 3 1
Author poppyfields Posted June 22, 2021 Author Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) Eternal Sunshine, if this had been you, would you have smiled and made and kept extended eye contact with him? Would you have been open to him approaching and walking with you? Because sure it's probably luck on some level, but it's also being open and approachable and giving him a "window." From what men have told me, women don't give windows (green lights), yet they expect men to approach and make something happen. It doesn't work that way, women need to participate in the process too. I meet men wherever I go, it's not difficult. I don't "click" with most of them on a romantic level, nor do I know (or even care) if they're single and available, but I still enjoy chatting with them. I enjoy meeting and chatting with people in general. So maybe that's the difference? I don't know and while I respect your experiences, they are not my experiences. I don't mean to offend anyone, or make anyone feel bad, I am simply sharing my own perspective about it and what has worked for me. Edited June 22, 2021 by poppyfields 3
Dis Posted June 22, 2021 Posted June 22, 2021 18 minutes ago, Eternal Sunshine said: It's easy to say that it's better to meet someone in real life. That's a no-brainer. For some of us, these things just never happen. I haven't met a romantic prospect in real life in over 10 years and I am reasonably socially active. For the type of meetings you describe, you really need a lot of luck. This guy has to be there, at the same place, at the same time as you, he had to be single (which like >85% of people in older age group are not), you had to be single, there had to be both-sided chemistry and both of you to be at the place of your lives where you want to date. The probability of all that converging is actually extremely low. None of these things are something that we have control of. I know you mean well by giving advice to meet people in real life but I hope you realize that most people that do online dating, would not do it if they could meet people in real life. Nobody actually enjoys it for all the reasons that you describe. This is 100% on point Of course meeting someone IRL is preferred over OLD but IRL chance meetings are just that, chance. They don't happen often and we also can't control or force them to happen either. Whereas with OLD you have hundreds of singles all in one place with a similar purpose....to date. I don't think OLD is as contrived as was mentioned either. I do think it is to a certain degree but at the end of the day, all it is is an avenue to meet people and once you meet them in real life and you don't feel a connection or whatever else, you pass. Just like you'd do IRL. Yes there is more pressure and awkwardness to it guess that's the price we pay to find people to date rather easily. Also with OLD you can pre-vet dates too. You might see some cute guy IRL and end up going out with him only come to find out he just got out of jail and has 5 kids. At least with OLD you have it all laid out for you. But yes, I think most people who do OLD would unanimously agree they'd much rather meet someone IRL....but sometimes that just doesn't happen. But none the less I am so excited for you poppy and love that this happened to you!!! You deserve an awesome guy so hopefully this all pans out! 1 1
Dis Posted June 22, 2021 Posted June 22, 2021 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Eternal Sunshine, if this had been you, would you have smiled and made and kept extended eye contact with him? Would you have been open to him approaching and walking with you? Because sure it's probably luck on some level, but it's also being open and approachable and giving him a "window." From what men have told me, women don't give windows (green lights), yet they expect men to approach and make something happen. It doesn't work that way, women need to participate in the process too. I meet men wherever I go, it's not difficult. I don't "click" with most of them on a romantic level, nor do I know (or even care) if they're single and available, but I still enjoy chatting with them. I enjoy meeting and chatting with people in general. So maybe that's the difference? I don't know and while I respect your experiences, they are not my experiences. I don't mean to offend anyone, or make anyone feel bad, I am simply sharing my own perspective about it and what has worked for me. I've become much more approachable but that's not the only needed component for an IRL chance meeting to happen As ES mentioned, it takes a lot of variables to line up 1
Author poppyfields Posted June 22, 2021 Author Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Dis said: But none the less I am so excited for you poppy and love that this happened to you!!! You deserve an awesome guy so hopefully this all pans out! Thanks Dis, we shall see, we've only had the one date. And I wasn't even looking for anything at this point, I was looking forward to being on my own for awhile! I do like him though, but I am trying to keep it all in proper perspective, he said he'd be in touch later this week but you know how these things go. But yeah I hope he reaches out like he said he would and doesn't flake on our date, we had a great time together! Trying to stay positive! Edited June 22, 2021 by poppyfields
Author poppyfields Posted June 22, 2021 Author Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Dis said: I've become much more approachable but that's not the only needed component for an IRL chance meeting to happen As ES mentioned, it takes a lot of variables to line up I am not disputing that, but after one date, it's still too early to know IF those variables have lined up. All that's happened is I met a man at a café, we clicked and had a "sort of" date. And had a great time. That's pretty much it! So we shall see if all the other variables line up as well, time will tell. Edited June 22, 2021 by poppyfields
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