d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2021 Posted June 19, 2021 There is just something about that Q "do you want to be my GF" that sounds so . . . off . . . to me. It brings back bad memories of HS. It was always posed to me in a halting, scared rabbit voice & betrayed a lack of confidence. It was always just so . . . ick. But remember my taste in men runs to arrogantly c*cky, supremely self confident. Before DH, a Marine veteran, who is quite self confident, I tended to date actors, lawyers, politicians & salesmen, all professions that push the envelope so when I strayed from that & dated men who didn't have these bullet proof veneers I tended to lose interest quickly.
poppyfields Posted June 19, 2021 Posted June 19, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: Wow... there is a lot of negativity here !!! "These days"?? What... you think that lies and cheating is a new problem? People have been lying to each other since people walked the earth. And cheating has been going on for the same amount of time. And as proof... regardless if you are religious or not... they talk about both of those things in the bible, Torah, Quran, and other ancient books. But I'm sorry that you are obviously in the middle of something bad to feel that way. OP... as others have said... don't worry about the label, and time lines. Every relationship is different. If you like each other, and you are both on the same page on dropping the apps... then just tell her that you want to be exclusive. Hey Blind-Sided, by "these days" I meant (and actually said) my thoughts, I'm aware that lying and cheating has been happening forever and not a new problem. And no I'm not in the middle of something bad, the opposite actually, I'm in an excellent place right now, single and happy! I'm just having a rethink about the exclusive relationship paradigm that's all. I do believe in connection, love and commitment perhaps not in the traditional sense, which I don't believe makes me negative, just different and somewhat detached from how 'society' (collectively and individually) defines those things. That said, I'm not locked into that mindset, I'm open and flexible to whatever life and the Universe has in store for me. Edited June 19, 2021 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted June 19, 2021 Posted June 19, 2021 To add to previous post, I doubt I will ever be on board with 'labels" though, they're arbitrary and meaningless IMO. Although I do recognize and respect that they're important to others. 1
Author BeanCounter Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 Hmm, I guess this is one of those things where people differ so wildly that it's difficult to actually give and get advice. It does feel like in this situation, with her bringing up if I was talking to other women and if I was still using dating apps, I do feel like this is the direction she wants to take it. And I personally do not mind the labels - labels are not always a bad thing. It says very clearly where you both stand with each other and the direction of your relationship. I do understand that it feels a bit high school, but the girl in question is also quite a bit younger than me. Not at high school levels (help hah), but she is 27 and I am 34. 1
Mrin Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 On 6/19/2021 at 7:08 AM, poppyfields said: Hey Blind-Sided, by "these days" I meant (and actually said) my thoughts, I'm aware that lying and cheating has been happening forever and not a new problem. And no I'm not in the middle of something bad, the opposite actually, I'm in an excellent place right now, single and happy! I'm just having a rethink about the exclusive relationship paradigm that's all. I do believe in connection, love and commitment perhaps not in the traditional sense, which I don't believe makes me negative, just different and somewhat detached from how 'society' (collectively and individually) defines those things. That said, I'm not locked into that mindset, I'm open and flexible to whatever life and the Universe has in store for me. Interesting. I disagree with you about the exclusivity thing. I actually think it's important step to not only do but discuss. Is a gateway to a deeper emotional connection if you're dealing with monogamists. And, more practically, one of the very first ways of gaining a true indication of the integrity of a person. If they say one thing and do another when it comes to exclusivity, well, that's all you need to know about that person in my book. Each to their own. I do agree with you on the labels thing. But it is important to some people and I can respect that. 1
SumGuy Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 I'm pretty unconcerned with labels and the "what are we" talk. The only talk would have is the one around exclusivity because that is what I like/want. Seems like OP you have had that first step, neither of you are seeinf anyone else or looking for anyone else. For me that would be all I need to keep going forward, especially if you haven't slept together yet. The one month stage for me is just the point were decide going to give this a chance and not see anyone else stage. For me it takes at least 6 months to get a good objective idea of longer term compatibility, even if I feel we are compatible from day 1.
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