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Over stepped mark with work mate

Heatemyheart89

By Heatemyheart89
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Heatemyheart89 Established Member

Heatemyheart89

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I started a job a few months ago and got to know my work collegues . We worked in smaller offices of 4/5 ( the overall team is 50). I became friends with a male collegue . We shared personal details and he spoke of his life, moving in with his girl . He said I should visit , we should meet up for a drink one time ( the gf would have been involved ). We supported each other through tough work time .

We texted occasionally about things that happened at work or a joke here an there.

Something changed recently and had an argument . I texted him to clear the air . 
He ignored me and started making excuses not to text. He said I wasn’t a priority , he treats everyone one the same  etc , he cant text 24/7.( we texted once or twice a week ).He has told others about this tiff and others have intervene f and said I have feelings for him etc. Although I am very fond of him , I never made a play or was romantic , it was a friendship to me . I have to admit I did rely on jt too much 

It has all got a bit out of hand so I just said we should leave it . I do feel embarrassed though as I really relied on this friendship , but I think he thinks I have overstepped the mark .

Is there anyway I can rectify this situation as other collegues think that I have made a play for him and i think I look a fool .

Edited by Heatemyheart89
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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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Posted
37 minutes ago, Heatemyheart89 said:

It has all got a bit out of hand so I just said we should leave it .

You did the right thing stepping back and dropping it. Be friendly cordial and professional to everyone at work, you'll be fine. 

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Definitely drop it and treat him like the others.  It is best not to get too close to men who have gfs and certainly not to rely on them.  I think you like him more than you can admit and that is why your thread exists.  He has invited you to visit THEM (including his gf) so he isn't looking at you in a romantic way.  He wants to make it clear that you guys are just friends.  Is that what you want?

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Heatemyheart89 Established Member

Heatemyheart89

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Definitely drop it and treat him like the others.  It is best not to get too close to men who have gfs and certainly not to rely on them.  I think you like him more than you can admit and that is why your thread exists.  He has invited you to visit THEM (including his gf) so he isn't looking at you in a romantic way.  He wants to make it clear that you guys are just friends.  Is that what you want?

Hello, he didn't actually include her, he said we ( me and him) should meet for a drink, but I assume she would have been included. He mostly never mentioned her. I do have a very good married friend so I think I was naive to think I could have a close male friend. I did find him attractive, so not exactly purely platonic thoughts.I think you are right, it is not a good idea to get close definitely. I suppose I wanted a close friendship, but it doesn't seem/isn't possible. Just a bit embarrassed I guess, but at least I pulled back now. More worried about my rep @ work.

Edited by Heatemyheart89
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Heatemyheart89 said:

I suppose I wanted a close friendship, but it doesn't seem/isn't possible.

 

1 hour ago, Heatemyheart89 said:

I do have a very good married friend so I think I was naive to think I could have a close male friend.

It's better and safer to chose a woman for that.

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Heatemyheart89 Established Member

Heatemyheart89

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12 minutes ago, stillafool said:

 

It's better and safer to chose a woman for that.

Very true , I have learnt a good lesson ! 

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

Even if you can't/shouldn't continue the friendship, it's still good to clear the air.

What was the argument about?  Were harsh words said?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Stepping back, being professional & holding your head high, as you have done nothing wrong, is the best way to right this ship.  In time things will settle down but the closeness may never recur.  Just leave this friendship as more of an acquaintanceship.  

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Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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Might be you're seeing what this person is really like. 

 This happened a lot in the workplace on new jobs, as I remember. I would hit it off with someone really well at the start and then, something would happen. And over time I'd gravitate towards different people, people I got to know a bit more slowly.

There's another possibility: that his gf saw you as a threat and demanded that he stop being close to you. Could be gf threatened him AND he's not the warm friendly person he put himself on to be in the first few months.

Could also be that he is a little attracted to you (not hankering to start an affair but enough to trigger his gf when he mentioned you to her).

I agree with the earlier person: to really comment well, we'd need to know what the argument was about. Workplace issue? Personal issue between you two? Politics? The nature of the argument actually matters a lot here. 

 

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Heatemyheart89 Established Member

Heatemyheart89

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On 6/19/2021 at 5:42 PM, Lotsgoingon said:

Might be you're seeing what this person is really like. 

 This happened a lot in the workplace on new jobs, as I remember. I would hit it off with someone really well at the start and then, something would happen. And over time I'd gravitate towards different people, people I got to know a bit more slowly.

There's another possibility: that his gf saw you as a threat and demanded that he stop being close to you. Could be gf threatened him AND he's not the warm friendly person he put himself on to be in the first few months.

Could also be that he is a little attracted to you (not hankering to start an affair but enough to trigger his gf when he mentioned you to her).

I agree with the earlier person: to really comment well, we'd need to know what the argument was about. Workplace issue? Personal issue between you two? Politics? The nature of the argument actually matters a lot here. 

 

Hello 

The argument was about someone at work . He didn’t like him and I said he we should give him the benefit of the doubt . He tends to like to argue with me over thing  like that . I think I have just seen his true colours / true personality and maybe him with me ! 

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

To be fair, you did dismiss his view.  It's OK for him to not like someone.   If he's always arguing over things like this, then perhaps you should learn to bite your tongue a bit more. 

When you reached out to clear the air, did you apologise for telling him how he should think?

 

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Heatemyheart89 Established Member

Heatemyheart89

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21 minutes ago, basil67 said:

To be fair, you did dismiss his view.  It's OK for him to not like someone.   If he's always arguing over things like this, then perhaps you should learn to bite your tongue a bit more. 

When you reached out to clear the air, did you apologise for telling him how he should think?

 

Harsh ! It is actually the other way round , he criticises me for my opinion ! 

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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