Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 19, 2021 Author Posted June 19, 2021 4 hours ago, Yosemite said: ^^All good points. A couple of other reasons: She could be tipsy/drunk outside the club and some shy, scared guy who's not anywhere close to her league/level interrupts her fun with her friends to ask her for her number...so she blows up at him because her inhibitions are lowered due to the alcohol and she just wants to get back to having fun with her friends. Or she doesn't have a lot of time to get rid of the shy/quiet guy because the guy she's been flirting with all night is about to come out of the club...if he sees her talking to some other guy, he'll probably just leave without her and her whole night of flirting will be wasted. Or you may have encountered her at a bad moment when the last thing she needs is some stranger coming up to her and preventing her from going on her way. Women are human beings with emotions and lives...she may have just been having a bad day, she may have just been fired, she may have found out a family member has a cancer/serious illness, she may have just been turned down for a loan...it could be anything. I’m sorry I’ve approached/asked out women all across the looks spectrum and the The results are largely the same. So I kinda reject this assumption of “he's going after girls nowhere close to their league” thing. All these women can’t be having bad days.
Wiseman2 Posted June 19, 2021 Posted June 19, 2021 3 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said: I didn’t get the number and I’m going home alone again. Are you trying to get women to take home and sleep with? Women pick up on that level of creepiness. They also pick up on this degree of negativity and defeatist attitudes. have you considered therapy to address and challenge all these rigid thought patterns? 1
Yosemite Posted June 19, 2021 Posted June 19, 2021 Quote 1.)Like making a scene when it doesn’t have to be saying s*** like ewww very loudly and aggressively. A simple no would suffice. Is that what you consider blowing up on you? A loud ewwww? I wouldn't call that blowing up, I'd call it slightly rude. Quote 3.)Again, it’s not just cold approaching. I have friends and no one has ever set me up with anyone Have you ever specifically asked them to? What do they say when they say that they don't want to set you up? Quote 2.)Simple flirting What do you mean by simple flirting? "I think your eyes are pretty, will you go on a date with me?" You'll get better advice if you're more specific about what you do or say? Quote I joined a cooking class tried asking out 2 girls in there and it was a big no lol. It's not surprising that the second girl said no...no one wants to be second choice. In an environment like that, you can really only ask out one person. So tell us about the first girl? How many times did you speak to her before you asked her out. What did you say when you asked her out? What did she say when she said no? What happened that made you think that she would say yes? How do you know that she was single? Quote I’m sorry I’ve approached/asked out women all across the looks spectrum and the The results are largely the same Largely the same or exactly the same? Because if you're having slightly more success with quiet, normal looking girls...what else are you expecting? You're a shy guy, it sounds like you're average looking (like most everyone is) and if you've had a success or two with the shy, quiet, average looking girls which are the girls that are in your league...that's normal.
SumGuy Posted June 19, 2021 Posted June 19, 2021 (edited) 21 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said: “Burned” is a figure of speech. You’re overblowing this. Perhaps, but the context of your other posts seem to indicate you take it as rejection, in a fairly negative way. You seem to mention you never have any luck in this regard, never have women approach you, etc. It doesn't leave me with the impression you take this in stride or have much of an idea of what is involved in such interactions. Edited June 19, 2021 by SumGuy
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 19, 2021 Author Posted June 19, 2021 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you trying to get women to take home and sleep with? Women pick up on that level of creepiness. They also pick up on this degree of negativity and defeatist attitudes. have you considered therapy to address and challenge all these rigid thought patterns? Maybe not that night but Eventually. Women have no problem going home with other guys the same night so that’s nonsense. I don’t need therapy thanks for the armchair psychology though
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 19, 2021 Author Posted June 19, 2021 2 hours ago, SumGuy said: Perhaps, but the context of your other posts seem to indicate you take it as rejection, in a fairly negative way. You seem to mention you never have any luck in this regard, never have women approach you, etc. It doesn't leave me with the impression you take this in stride or have much of an idea of what is involved in such interactions. I don’t take rejection badly in the moment, it’s only when I go home. 99% of the women who have rejected me would have zero idea how I feel later. I’ve never blown up on a woman for turning me down, either I a cold approach or warm approach situation.
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 19, 2021 Author Posted June 19, 2021 3 hours ago, Yosemite said: Is that what you consider blowing up on you? A loud ewwww? I wouldn't call that blowing up, I'd call it slightly rude. Have you ever specifically asked them to? What do they say when they say that they don't want to set you up? What do you mean by simple flirting? "I think your eyes are pretty, will you go on a date with me?" You'll get better advice if you're more specific about what you do or say? It's not surprising that the second girl said no...no one wants to be second choice. In an environment like that, you can really only ask out one person. So tell us about the first girl? How many times did you speak to her before you asked her out. What did you say when you asked her out? What did she say when she said no? What happened that made you think that she would say yes? How do you know that she was single? Largely the same or exactly the same? Because if you're having slightly more success with quiet, normal looking girls...what else are you expecting? You're a shy guy, it sounds like you're average looking (like most everyone is) and if you've had a success or two with the shy, quiet, average looking girls which are the girls that are in your league...that's normal. 1.)Just an example. Some have been worse. 2.)I’ve asked my close female friend and she said she doesn’t have any single friends/family member. I think this is nonsense she just knows none will be interested in me and just trying to protect my feelings lol. She’s a nice girl too so I can see that. 3.)That girl doesn’t talk to the other girl, so she would have no idea. Point still stands, it’s not just random cold approaches I tried “join clubs” thing and that was a fail. We had a casual conversation on the first day which I thought was positive I asked her for her number and she said I have a BF. The second girl said I’m not interested. 4.)The answer Is no regardless whether she is “hot” or not. That’s what I mean across the spectrum. I’m not a “shy” guy, I go out and have a few friends from time to time and I’m below average in looks
Wiseman2 Posted June 20, 2021 Posted June 20, 2021 13 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said: Women have no problem going home with other guys the same night Are you a virgin or have any relationship experience? Do you work/go to school? Have your own place, car etc.? Why do you believe other guys have that you don't?
cleverusername Posted June 20, 2021 Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 22 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said: Bro you get girls, it’s easy for you to say that when you have success mixed in with the rejections. Stop looking at it like hunting prey and start looking at it as a fun game. Women can pick up on that desperation, they are very intuitive. Rule #1 is make the woman feel comfortable. Women have to deal with a lot of BS and safety is their number one concern, if you give even the slightest "off" or "desperate" vibe, its game over. Rule 2, never cold approach and just say "youre pretty" or "can I have your number" she doesn't know anything about you. Spend at least 2 minutes talking to them before you go for the number or date. Break rule 2 and you break rule 1 Rule 3, work in the number or date into the conversation. Talking about restaurants or food? Ask her if she wants to go sometime. Talking about music? Ask her if she wants to see a band coming up. But when you "ask" don't actually ask. Tell her. I would love to take you out to x restaurant sometime. I'm seeing x band play, you should come. If they say yes, great. If not, write down your number and give it to them anyway. Tell them "heres my number, call me if you change your mind". Balls in their court now. Either way you did your 1/2. Edited June 20, 2021 by cleverusername 3
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 20, 2021 Author Posted June 20, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you a virgin or have any relationship experience? Do you work/go to school? Have your own place, car etc.? Why do you believe other guys have that you don't? 1.)Virgin no experience 2.)Have my own apartment a degree and a job. One car that I’m trying to upgrade 3.)Better looking/have better game
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 20, 2021 Author Posted June 20, 2021 2 hours ago, cleverusername said: Stop looking at it like hunting prey and start looking at it as a fun game. Women can pick up on that desperation, they are very intuitive. Rule #1 is make the woman feel comfortable. Women have to deal with a lot of BS and safety is their number one concern, if you give even the slightest "off" or "desperate" vibe, its game over. Rule 2, never cold approach and just say "youre pretty" or "can I have your number" she doesn't know anything about you. Spend at least 2 minutes talking to them before you go for the number or date. Break rule 2 and you break rule 1 Rule 3, work in the number or date into the conversation. Talking about restaurants or food? Ask her if she wants to go sometime. Talking about music? Ask her if she wants to see a band coming up. But when you "ask" don't actually ask. Tell her. I would love to take you out to x restaurant sometime. I'm seeing x band play, you should come. If they say yes, great. If not, write down your number and give it to them anyway. Tell them "heres my number, call me if you change your mind". Balls in their court now. Either way you did your 1/2. 1.)It’s not “fun” if you go home alone every night. I know dudes who look at it as “prey” are successful, because again they’d good looking lol. 2.)Again, I think there’s a misunderstanding here. I don’t just get rejected in straight up cold approaches. I’ve tried the warm or social circle game approaches where she knows of me and it’s no more successful.
Yosemite Posted June 20, 2021 Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 23 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said: I’m not a “shy” guy, I go out and have a few friends from time to time and I’m below average in looks What do you think is wrong with your looks? Most people are average...I think it's like 80% of people are considered to be average and only 10% are gorgeous and 10% really awful looking. So what could be so bad about your looks? You probably look pretty close to what your Dad looks like so it's hard to believe that your looks are the problem. Edited June 20, 2021 by Yosemite
SumGuy Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 On 6/19/2021 at 7:22 PM, HotRevolver93 said: I don’t take rejection badly in the moment, it’s only when I go home. 99% of the women who have rejected me would have zero idea how I feel later. I’ve never blown up on a woman for turning me down, either I a cold approach or warm approach situation. That is good you are chill in the moment. Don’t change that is my view. When you can be as chill later then you are getting there. Not saying it is easy, but do believe it is the mindset that opens up success. I’ll be honest not sure I know the difference between cold or warm approach. I just talk to women and try to connect like anyone I’d meet except if feel potential will flirt, if flirting is returned there you go. Never quick, never blunt. Just when the flirting works segue into we should get together sometime to do x and viola.
SumGuy Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 15 hours ago, cleverusername said: Stop looking at it like hunting prey and start looking at it as a fun game. Women can pick up on that desperation, they are very intuitive. Rule #1 is make the woman feel comfortable. Women have to deal with a lot of BS and safety is their number one concern, if you give even the slightest "off" or "desperate" vibe, its game over. Rule 2, never cold approach and just say "youre pretty" or "can I have your number" she doesn't know anything about you. Spend at least 2 minutes talking to them before you go for the number or date. Break rule 2 and you break rule 1 Rule 3, work in the number or date into the conversation. Talking about restaurants or food? Ask her if she wants to go sometime. Talking about music? Ask her if she wants to see a band coming up. But when you "ask" don't actually ask. Tell her. I would love to take you out to x restaurant sometime. I'm seeing x band play, you should come. If they say yes, great. If not, write down your number and give it to them anyway. Tell them "heres my number, call me if you change your mind". Balls in their court now. Either way you did your 1/2. Exactly! For me the conversations tend to be at least 10 min. or more, it should be you can’t wait to talk more.
SumGuy Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 12 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said: 1.)It’s not “fun” if you go home alone every night. I know dudes who look at it as “prey” are successful, because again they’d good looking lol. 2.)Again, I think there’s a misunderstanding here. I don’t just get rejected in straight up cold approaches. I’ve tried the warm or social circle game approaches where she knows of me and it’s no more successful. As long as you think of it as a game you will lose, and as prey you will come across as a creepy predator. just because it is a club or social circle doesn’t change anything, in fact the blunt approach works even worse there you get rejected I suspect because you have no idea of how to connect, and key on the wrong things when you see some other guy succeed. but if your world view is working for you in this regard who am I to nay say. 2
elaine567 Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 You can't view social settings as collections of girls who you can ask to go on dates. Once you ask the first one of the group out and she refuses, the rest will likely reject you too, unless you are highly desirable. All you can do is go there, be sociable with all, suss out who is available and there may be a girl who attaches herself to you. She seeks you out, you do things together you get closer and then you can ask if she wants to go for coffee or a meal out-with the group. Asking out the cream of the crop right away will do you no favours and result in failure 99% of the time, unless you are also considered the cream of the crop. We had a poster here who joined a dance group and proceeded to ask a lot of the girls there out, failing every time until the group leader told him to leave the group immediately as he was making things uncomfortable for the members.... He left the group.. Girls often join interest/hobby groups to have fun in a safe space, to learn a new skill, to make friends, they do not join such groups to be prey to random guys who have just showed up and who are obviously looking for sex or a gf. 1
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 18 hours ago, Yosemite said: What do you think is wrong with your looks? Most people are average...I think it's like 80% of people are considered to be average and only 10% are gorgeous and 10% really awful looking. So what could be so bad about your looks? You probably look pretty close to what your Dad looks like so it's hard to believe that your looks are the problem. I’m ugly. I’m not a troll or anything, it’s not like I scare kids lol I’m just not appealing. I’d say I’m about a 3 out of 10. Also the results(or lack of them) speak for themselves My dad hasn’t been in the dating game in like 40 years. It’s was a different time. I would say he looked better than me at the same age
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 32 minutes ago, HotRevolver93 said: I’m ugly. I’m not a troll or anything, it’s not like I scare kids lol I’m just not appealing. I’d say I’m about a 3 out of 10. Also the results(or lack of them) speak for themselves So maybe it's time for a make over. Short of plastic surgery, what can you change? Have you ever had your hair professionally styled? Are you clean & neat? Do your clothes fit properly & are they stylish. They don't have to be designer everything but they should be current. Unless you are at a theme party, looking like you just stepped out of another decade is not helpful. Would you consider getting a facial or do you need to see a dermatologist to address acne or scars? Do you wear glasses? Can you update the frames or consider contacts? Do you need to lose a few pounds? (post Covid, we all do ) But a toned body is an asset when dating. Exercise will also elevate your mood & confidence. If you need more help with social interaction, consider taking a course from something like the Dale Carnegie Institute. That is very expensive but there are things like that out there. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 On 6/20/2021 at 11:32 AM, HotRevolver93 said: 1.)Virgin no experience 2.)Have my own apartment a degree and a job. One car that I’m trying to upgrade 3.)Better looking/have better game Ok 1. Your sexual /relationship is no one's business. 2. Excellent. 3. You really don't know how often they struck out so ignore that. 2
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 24, 2021 Author Posted June 24, 2021 On 6/21/2021 at 12:09 AM, SumGuy said: That is good you are chill in the moment. Don’t change that is my view. When you can be as chill later then you are getting there. Not saying it is easy, but do believe it is the mindset that opens up success. I’ll be honest not sure I know the difference between cold or warm approach. I just talk to women and try to connect like anyone I’d meet except if feel potential will flirt, if flirting is returned there you go. Never quick, never blunt. Just when the flirting works segue into we should get together sometime to do x and viola. Cold approach is random women that you don’t know. Warm for example would be like you being introduced to a girl at church and then making your move later.
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 24, 2021 Author Posted June 24, 2021 On 6/21/2021 at 12:20 AM, SumGuy said: As long as you think of it as a game you will lose, and as prey you will come across as a creepy predator. just because it is a club or social circle doesn’t change anything, in fact the blunt approach works even worse there you get rejected I suspect because you have no idea of how to connect, and key on the wrong things when you see some other guy succeed. but if your world view is working for you in this regard who am I to nay say. I get rejected because I’m not attractive enough according to the women I try to approach, and that’s ok. Everyone isn’t gonna get a relationship, I sucked trying to learn French in college lol. People have different skills/talents.
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 24, 2021 Author Posted June 24, 2021 On 6/21/2021 at 6:05 AM, elaine567 said: You can't view social settings as collections of girls who you can ask to go on dates. Once you ask the first one of the group out and she refuses, the rest will likely reject you too, unless you are highly desirable. All you can do is go there, be sociable with all, suss out who is available and there may be a girl who attaches herself to you. She seeks you out, you do things together you get closer and then you can ask if she wants to go for coffee or a meal out-with the group. Asking out the cream of the crop right away will do you no favours and result in failure 99% of the time, unless you are also considered the cream of the crop. We had a poster here who joined a dance group and proceeded to ask a lot of the girls there out, failing every time until the group leader told him to leave the group immediately as he was making things uncomfortable for the members.... He left the group.. Girls often join interest/hobby groups to have fun in a safe space, to learn a new skill, to make friends, they do not join such groups to be prey to random guys who have just showed up and who are obviously looking for sex or a gf. Again, you’re assuming I’m asking out the “cream of the crop”. I ask out girls across the spectrum and it’s still no every time. Ok so at least you admit the common advice to join clubs and classes is nonsense then. Good to know that’s what I figured
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 24, 2021 Author Posted June 24, 2021 On 6/21/2021 at 5:38 PM, Wiseman2 said: Ok 1. Your sexual /relationship is no one's business. 2. Excellent. 3. You really don't know how often they struck out so ignore that. 1.)Yeah and no one has said yes in 14 years of trying. 2.)It’s the thing I’m most proud of 3.)I know how often I’ve struck out.
Author HotRevolver93 Posted June 24, 2021 Author Posted June 24, 2021 On 6/21/2021 at 1:42 PM, d0nnivain said: So maybe it's time for a make over. Short of plastic surgery, what can you change? Have you ever had your hair professionally styled? Are you clean & neat? Do your clothes fit properly & are they stylish. They don't have to be designer everything but they should be current. Unless you are at a theme party, looking like you just stepped out of another decade is not helpful. Would you consider getting a facial or do you need to see a dermatologist to address acne or scars? Do you wear glasses? Can you update the frames or consider contacts? Do you need to lose a few pounds? (post Covid, we all do ) But a toned body is an asset when dating. Exercise will also elevate your mood & confidence. If you need more help with social interaction, consider taking a course from something like the Dale Carnegie Institute. That is very expensive but there are things like that out there. I remember getting professional pictures done for an OLD profile and only thing that happened was I got more matches from bots/scammers. I’m not overweight I’m really skinny, don’t wear glasses no acne no scars
cleverusername Posted June 25, 2021 Posted June 25, 2021 (edited) Dude, just talk to everyone like normal people and see if you hit it off. Stop overanalyzing it. There is no step by step formula to attraction or short cuts, it either happens or it doesn't. Stop looking to the end goal when there is no foundation. I was just at my apartment buildings social. I was just being friendly and talking to every man and woman I could, with the intention of JUST being friendly. A woman gave me her number unprompted, another tried flirting with me, and talking to another one turned into 2 hours of drinks together 1-on-1 and her inviting me over for dinner sometime. I never intended for any of these things to happen. I never had a goal I was trying to reach. It just naturally occurred. Be natural. Stop forcing it. Again, women are very intuitive, they can pick up on things you can't. They are sensing you goal to get laid and aren't feeling secure or safe. The number one thing women think about is safety, I guarantee it. Take the pressure off and not only will you feel better with yourself, women will feel better around you. Edited June 25, 2021 by cleverusername
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