What are your thoughts on giving/receiving hints in dating?

[Shining One]

When I was waiting in line for my first vaccine shot, I struck up a conversation with an attractive woman. She was being flirtatious: Playing with her hair, biting her lip, leaning against walls with her back arched so her boobs stuck out, etc. The conversation was good and I thought we were making a connection. Just as our 15-minute post-shot waiting period ended and we got up to leave, I was about to ask for her number. Before I could, she reached into her purse, pulled out a business card, handed it to me, and said: "I hope to hear from you soon." After she walked away, I looked at the card... it was a link to her OnlyFans.

[cleverusername]

5 minutes ago, Shining One said:

When I was waiting in line for my first vaccine shot, I struck up a conversation with an attractive woman. She was being flirtatious: Playing with her hair, biting her lip, leaning against walls with her back arched so her boobs stuck out, etc. The conversation was good and I thought we were making a connection. Just as our 15-minute post-shot waiting period ended and we got up to leave, I was about to ask for her number. Before I could, she reached into her purse, pulled out a business card, handed it to me, and said: "I hope to hear from you soon." After she walked away, I looked at the card... it was a link to her OnlyFans.

She wants you to make a guest appearance. this is the start of your acting career

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said:

Throughout my life I used to believe I was getting “hints” from women indicating interest in me and every time I would act on it I would get burned. She was simply being nice. 

It's best not to look for hints, try to watch for signs or try to read the tealeaves.

The best thing to do is be friendly outgoing approachable be good at small talk and then segue into asking someone out.

Many will not say yes, that's fine. It's not "getting burned", it's life. Then you just smile and move on.

 If you tiptoe around on the sidelines until you think these hints, signs and whatnot are a sure thing, you'll wait too long, overanalyze and feel burned out.

[Happy Lemming]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

Picking up strangers is not for the faint of heart.  I bet your mates have also had knockbacks.   There are guys here who talk of being able to pick up girls, but also talk about rolling with the punches.  @Happy Lemming comes to mind.

Yes... you have to be able to handle rejection and let it go... (like water off a duck's back).

You also have to be able to handle the rare RUDE rejection, where the woman is not polite in her rejection.  It is rare, but it does happen.

As I've said in the past... 99.9% of women that rejected me were polite about it.  And yes... I've been rejected (more times than I care to remember).

For me... I talk to people about everything.  You have to be outgoing and engaging, if the woman keeps the conversation going then there is a chance to ask her out.  If she seems bothered by your comments/conversation, then move on.  It really isn't "rocket science"...

[HotRevolver93]

10 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

@HotRevolver93  Since you have shared that you have never been on the receiving end of what @Gaeta described as real flirting, interest, plus because you feel as you have been burned / embarrassed in the past because what you thought was flirting, wasn't,  I suspect you are bad at reading people & picking up on body language.  It's an imprecise art at best but generally true flirting with intent is far more than eye contact, laughter & kindness.  Unless you become better at it, stick to the verbal cues or wait for overt flirting which will involve some physical touch.  It can be tough but let me tell you 2 stories. 

In my late 20s I had a good guy buddy I knew from work.  He was too young for me but he was a great catch:  tall, handsome, smart, athletic with a good job.  He lamented all the time he couldn't get a GF because women didn't notice him.  I found that hard to believe given how handsome he was.  So I decided to play wing-woman & we went out to a bar / night club one summer night. Before we got from the entrance to the bar I spotted at least 5 women would looked like they wanted to kill me & step over my body before it was cold to get to him.  At that moment I realized he was clueless.  We told people we were brother & sister. I introduced him to dozens of women.  I think he left that bar with about 10 phone #s & he took one girl out for a moonlight stroll / make out session that night.   

Second story involves me.  I was at an early evening singles event.  I thought I was brazenly flirting with some guy.  Laughing, eye contact, standing too close, touching his arm, licking my lips, batting my eyes, tossing my hair.  At one point while we were sitting I even crossed my legs in his direction & dangled my high heel shoe off my toes.   I felt a bit like a harlot because it was all very overt, just short of grinding on the guy on a dance floor (it was too early in the evening for that & there was no music).  Anyway, we had been talking.  The guy was actually in the market for a professional service I provide so we did talk shop.  When I was leaving I handed him my business card & told him I'd be happy to help with his business problem but I'd be happier if he called me for personal reasons.  He did call but on the date he confessed that if I had not said that he would not have called because he didn't think I was interested.  I was floored.  Remember I thought I was being soooo obvious to the point of being undignified yet he didn't pick up any of my signals.  It was only my words that gave him the courage to ask me out.  

My advice find a good female friend to clue you in.  

1.)In regards to your first story I totally believe you. You’re friend is probably really handsome. I can’t relate though. The idea of getting ten numbers in one night is mind boggling lol

 

2.)I’ve never had a woman aggressively flirt with me like you did with that guy. Again I can’t relate.

 

3.)I have one close female friend. We’ve gone out but she’s never “wing woman’d” for me. I remember one time she said a girl was interested in me and giving me “hints” and then I attempted to ask her out and got burned 

[HotRevolver93]

7 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Exactly!  You are not ready to meet women this way if you react to them saying no as being "burned" or to hints as "BS."  In my view that puts your head in just the wrong space, both to deal with it and read the hints correctly.   Again, in my view, if you think of it (the sublet signaling of interest by hints, the first step in the "dance") as being mislead, burned, BS, etc. you are way too much into yourself in a non-confident way and that is recipe for failure in this regard, again in my opinion.  

Hints when you just meet are not games in my mind, they are simply how we as social animals signal potential interest with plausible deniability and face saving should we be wrong.  This is different to me than being coy about ones interest after you have passed the initial bar of asking the other person out. 

After you have gone out with a person, hints should not be how you primarily ascertain or communicate interest, be up front with your interest level whatever it may be.

Now during the first meet, I believe in hints/flirting because you are both trying to gauge interest level (you know it is not zero if you are meeting), I find it a good way for each party to subtly communicate and increase  things in a manner that doesn't put someone on the spot. 

Also, I inherently find it fun and personally believe the nature of one's flirting can signal humor, intelligence, insight and degrees of connection...as to me good flirting is never explicit but uses euphemisms that makes the most sense only then and there in the moment.   Euphemisms touch on shared cultural expereince and show insight, as in "hearing" the other person and what euphemism they will connect with...not some stereotypical euphemism which can come across as tone deaf...unless that is the tone they are setting.  

“Burned” is a figure of speech. You’re overblowing this. 

[HotRevolver93]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's best not to look for hints, try to watch for signs or try to read the tealeaves.

The best thing to do is be friendly outgoing approachable be good at small talk and then segue into asking someone out.

Many will not say yes, that's fine. It's not "getting burned", it's life. Then you just smile and move on.

 If you tiptoe around on the sidelines until you think these hints, signs and whatnot are a sure thing, you'll wait too long, overanalyze and feel burned out.

1.)I don’t see what the difference between hints and signs are though. All the times I thought I was getting “hints” or ”signs” she was just being nice. This was confirmed when I tried to make a move and she backed off or shut it down immediately.
 

2.)Getting burned is just my way of saying failure. It’s like a figure of speech. Even though in some cases the girl literally blew up on me and I got publicly embarrassed 

[HotRevolver93]

5 hours ago, cleverusername said:

Yeah, like today I just had a conversation with a woman and she gave me her number and said to text her. I was just being friendly and thought she was too. Now I know she wants something more.

I'm far from a mind reader lol. Anyone who says, "she will flip her hair" or "point her legs" or "lick her lips" clearly isnt a man or a man who talks to women a lot. 99% of the times dudes are just trying not to sound like an idiot.

I agree with you lol. You’re probably a handsome guy though, I can’t relate to a woman ever giving me her number and saying text her.

[HotRevolver93]

3 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Yes... you have to be able to handle rejection and let it go... (like water off a duck's back).

You also have to be able to handle the rare RUDE rejection, where the woman is not polite in her rejection.  It is rare, but it does happen.

As I've said in the past... 99.9% of women that rejected me were polite about it.  And yes... I've been rejected (more times than I care to remember).

For me... I talk to people about everything.  You have to be outgoing and engaging, if the woman keeps the conversation going then there is a chance to ask her out.  If she seems bothered by your comments/conversation, then move on.  It really isn't "rocket science"...

Yeah but you’ve had successes in between those rejections though. It’s a complete different thing if you’re stuck on zeroes.

 

For the record I’m not angry about getting turned down, I’m not that dude and that’s ok. 

[Happy Lemming]

5 minutes ago, HotRevolver93 said:

Yeah but you’ve had successes in between those rejections though.

 

Yes... I've won some, I've lost some.  You just keep going to the plate and swinging for the fences, eventually you hit a home run.

You just have to keep trying and trying and trying.

"IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY AGAIN" - Thomas H. Palmer

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, HotRevolver93 said:

2.)Getting burned is just my way of saying failure. It’s like a figure of speech. Even though in some cases the girl literally blew up on me and I got publicly embarrassed 

Do you realise that those around wouldn't have been looking at you?   They would have been judging the woman who was blowing up in public.  

'Getting burned' may mean failure, but both terms have unnecessarily negative connotations.   As I said earlier, asking women out in public is not for the faint of heart.  Taking it further, I would say it's only for the guys who don't beat themselves up when women don't accept.   And truth be told, you're not one of those guys.  Instead, stick to dating apps.  If you want to really play it safe, use Bumble where women have to reach out to you.   Or perhaps meeting women who are friends of friends at house parties/events.   

[Happy Lemming]

Quick Question... @HotRevolver93

Is "Speed Dating" in your area??  If so, have you ever tried it??  If nothing else this experience/exercise could help you learn to communicate better with women.  How to engage them in the art of conversation?? Asking the right questions. How to keep them talking. What subjects to avoid, etc. etc.

[Caauug]

1 hour ago, HotRevolver93 said:

Even though in some cases the girl literally blew up on me and I got publicly embarrassed 

You took this as rejection, that is what you were meant to do. That is not why she blew up on you publicly. She acted like that to show others around her she has higher value than what people take her for, and deserves the high value guy, it's a self esteem boost. There was no other reason to do it publicly unless you didn't take the hint of rejection the first time. You may have been bated for this drama also. Publicly = friends, family, or co-workers that can hear/see what is happening. This can even happen when offering her assistance of any kind, it's to impress the people around her. Don't take it personally, she was using you for her own means.

To avoid this: Pick higher SMV girls. You will still get rejected but it's the lower SMV girls that need that self esteem boost and will reject you publicly. Just because you are an average looking guy doesn't mean you can get an average looking girl, that average looking girl is after a top 20% guy.... Work on your 6 sixes, and improve your game. Read up on both male and female human nature, get educated.

[Shining One]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Do you realise that those around wouldn't have been looking at you?   They would have been judging the woman who was blowing up in public.

I'd think onlookers would be judging both people. Being publicly rejected by a woman certainly doesn't make a man appealing to the other women witnessing it. My advice when this happens is to move on to another venue.

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

As I said earlier, asking women out in public is not for the faint of heart.  Taking it further, I would say it's only for the guys who don't beat themselves up when women don't accept.   And truth be told, you're not one of those guys.

You need experience with rejection (sometimes a lot of it) before it stops bothering you. I was at well over a hundred rejections (not counting online rejections) before it stopped bothering me.

[Yosemite]

2 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said:

Even though in some cases the girl literally blew up on me and I got publicly embarrassed 

Why don't you describe what happened so that you can get advice on what went wrong and why those women reacted that way?

What did you say before she blew up at you? Did she already say no a couple times and you kept asking? Did you follow her? Did you touch her hand or arm?

Since this has happened to you more than once, it makes sense to take a good look at your behavior.

Either way it sounds like cold approaching isn't your thing. Ask your guy friends to set you up with a friend of a friend or someone they know.

[basil67]

26 minutes ago, Shining One said:

I'd think onlookers would be judging both people. Being publicly rejected by a woman certainly doesn't make a man appealing to the other women witnessing it. My advice when this happens is to move on to another venue.

Fair enough.  I just was considering how I'd react as an onlooker. 

[cleverusername]

3 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said:

I agree with you lol. You’re probably a handsome guy though, I can’t relate to a woman ever giving me her number and saying text her.

I've asked women out and been rejected. Their loss. 

You gotta reframe it as you not being worthy of them, and instead view it as them missing a great opportunity with you. Feel sorry for THEM rejecting you, not for YOURSELF for getting rejected. Once you do this, it will be much easier.

[Fletch Lives]

Men don't get hints very well if at all.

Bypass the hints and just make the major moves and see how she reacts - ask for her number, ask for a date, go for the first big kiss.

Edited June 19, 2021 by Fletch Lives

[elaine567]

If women are blowing up at you in public you are likely getting things very wrong.
Some potential reasons - 

1.Your approach is seen by her as inappropriate. She thinks she made it clear she was not interested, yet you persisted.
Her  lack of interest was ignored by you and that annoyed her, hence the blow up to get rid of you..

2. You are coming across as creepy, so you are scaring her and she needs to make it plain to others she is NOT interested in you.

3.You pitched too far above your level, she is embarrassed by your interest in her, so she wants to distance herself from you.
Nothing worse than getting interest from guys she perceives as undesirable, so she blows up to get rid of you quick, to make way for more desirable guys... 

4. You said something which offended/upset her.

5. She is a drama queen or is bitter/jaded and finds it fun or satisfying to reject guys publicly.

6.. She knows she was last in a long line of your attempts to pick women up at the venue.
She knows she was not your first choice, so she wants to embarrass and humiliate you.

7. Some shy, immature, inexperienced women will reject guys who make a move on them publicly as they can't handle it.
They don't want to be "picked up" in public and can be too forceful with their rejection.

8. Some women play games and a public rejection may just be a test to sort out the men from the boys...
Do not assume all women will say no but mean yes, but some women will turn down a guy she is highly attracted to, to see what he is made of... 
As  a novice that is too far advanced stuff to get into, so best to just assume no means no. 

9. Women are human beings not objects, they want to get to know men. Being propositioned by strange men can be uncomfortable and discomfort will lead to rejection.
Push too hard and she may blow up to get rid.

[Yosemite]

^^All good points.

A couple of other reasons:

She could be tipsy/drunk outside the club and some shy, scared guy who's not anywhere close to her league/level interrupts her fun with her friends to ask her for her number...so she blows up at him because her inhibitions are lowered due to the alcohol and she just wants to get back to having fun with her friends.

Or she doesn't have a lot of time to get rid of the shy/quiet guy because the guy she's been flirting with all night is about to come out of the club...if he sees her talking to some other guy, he'll probably just leave without her and her whole night of flirting will be wasted.

Or you may have encountered her at a bad moment when the last thing she needs is some stranger coming up to her and preventing her from going on her way. Women are human beings with emotions and lives...she may have just been having a bad day, she may have just been fired, she may have found out a family member has a cancer/serious illness, she may have just been turned down for a loan...it could be anything. 

[HotRevolver93]

14 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Yes... I've won some, I've lost some.  You just keep going to the plate and swinging for the fences, eventually you hit a home run.

You just have to keep trying and trying and trying.

"IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY AGAIN" - Thomas H. Palmer

After countless rejections I think I’m good. Most people aren’t rejected that many times before having an inch of success. 

[HotRevolver93]

14 hours ago, basil67 said:

Do you realise that those around wouldn't have been looking at you?   They would have been judging the woman who was blowing up in public.  

'Getting burned' may mean failure, but both terms have unnecessarily negative connotations.   As I said earlier, asking women out in public is not for the faint of heart.  Taking it further, I would say it's only for the guys who don't beat themselves up when women don't accept.   And truth be told, you're not one of those guys.  Instead, stick to dating apps.  If you want to really play it safe, use Bumble where women have to reach out to you.   Or perhaps meeting women who are friends of friends at house parties/events.   

1.)I don’t really care about the other people judging her blowing up on me in public, I just care about the results lol. At the end of the day I didn’t get the number and I’m going home alone again.

 

2.)Let me be clear, it’s not just asking women out cold in public. I’ve tried the whole joining clubs and social circle game and it’s basically the same result.  I joined a cooking class tried asking out 2 girls in there and it was a big no lol. Online dating is a joke lol. Maybe this stuff isn’t for me

[HotRevolver93]

12 hours ago, Yosemite said:

Why don't you describe what happened so that you can get advice on what went wrong and why those women reacted that way?

What did you say before she blew up at you? Did she already say no a couple times and you kept asking? Did you follow her? Did you touch her hand or arm?

Since this has happened to you more than once, it makes sense to take a good look at your behavior.

Either way it sounds like cold approaching isn't your thing. Ask your guy friends to set you up with a friend of a friend or someone they know.

1.)Like making a scene when it doesn’t have to be saying s*** like ewww very loudly and aggressively. A simple no would suffice.

2.)Simple flirting. I’ve never went after a girl who initially said no and tried again. That’s not my style. I don’t really have the balls to break the touch barrier so I’m not gonna be the guy who touches the arm/hand.

 

3.)Again, it’s not just cold approaching. I have friends and no one has ever set me up with anyone

[HotRevolver93]

11 hours ago, cleverusername said:

I've asked women out and been rejected. Their loss. 

You gotta reframe it as you not being worthy of them, and instead view it as them missing a great opportunity with you. Feel sorry for THEM rejecting you, not for YOURSELF for getting rejected. Once you do this, it will be much easier.

Bro you get girls, it’s easy for you to say that when you have success mixed in with the rejections. 

[HotRevolver93]

8 hours ago, elaine567 said:

If women are blowing up at you in public you are likely getting things very wrong.
Some potential reasons - 

1.Your approach is seen by her as inappropriate. She thinks she made it clear she was not interested, yet you persisted.
Her  lack of interest was ignored by you and that annoyed her, hence the blow up to get rid of you..

2. You are coming across as creepy, so you are scaring her and she needs to make it plain to others she is NOT interested in you.

3.You pitched too far above your level, she is embarrassed by your interest in her, so she wants to distance herself from you.
Nothing worse than getting interest from guys she perceives as undesirable, so she blows up to get rid of you quick, to make way for more desirable guys... 

4. You said something which offended/upset her.

5. She is a drama queen or is bitter/jaded and finds it fun or satisfying to reject guys publicly.

6.. She knows she was last in a long line of your attempts to pick women up at the venue.
She knows she was not your first choice, so she wants to embarrass and humiliate you.

7. Some shy, immature, inexperienced women will reject guys who make a move on them publicly as they can't handle it.
They don't want to be "picked up" in public and can be too forceful with their rejection.

8. Some women play games and a public rejection may just be a test to sort out the men from the boys...
Do not assume all women will say no but mean yes, but some women will turn down a guy she is highly attracted to, to see what he is made of... 
As  a novice that is too far advanced stuff to get into, so best to just assume no means no. 

9. Women are human beings not objects, they want to get to know men. Being propositioned by strange men can be uncomfortable and discomfort will lead to rejection.
Push too hard and she may blow up to get rid.

Women want to get know certain men, I agree with that