dangerous Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 (edited) I saw a recent topic about this, but it was closed, so i may have missed why that was, but anyway, my point: I am attracted to slim women, that is the way I am, I am slim and I like similar. I have tried dating overweight/ larger/ whatever the phrase is, but I just don't usually feel it. I have noticed SO many times, that even when I find a slim looking profile, with pics, when we meet, they are 9 times out of 10 substantially weightier than they were. This has definitely become more common since lockdown I think, which is understandable but still not justifiable for misrepresenting their profiles. When we meet, it ranges from way way heavier, like wow! to them defending themselves by saying "oh yes, i used to be a lot slimmer and exercised before lockdown" but they are not slim anymore. I find it such a waste of time. I suppose I am venting but asking for others' experiences too. If I am honest I am not as "ripped" as I was two years ago, but I have updated my photos to show how I look now. What to do? Do I come out and say before meeting: are you still as slim as your photos? Edited June 17, 2021 by dangerous 1
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 We like what we like, don't apologise for it. If men's pictures don't seem current I don't hesitate to ask when the pictures were taken and if they're older than 1 year I asked for current ones. None available? I go to next. I feel bad for all of you having this issue. Where I am from I have RARELY met a man not looking like his pictures and as for me I make sure my pictures are no less than 30 days old and plenty of them head to toe. 3
Happy Lemming Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 30 minutes ago, dangerous said: What to do? Here is what you do... Stop using on-line dating and start meeting women in "real life" situations/venues. You will see exactly how they look as they are standing in front of you, if they are too "overweight" for your liking... move on. If they are the correct body type, chit-chat with them and attempt to ask them out. Problem solved... 5
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 What you do is do a face time thing first. Virtual date. 4
earlgreymuffin Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 how about facetiming before meeting in person? 1
elaine567 Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 Whatever your age group you ae going to find 2/3 to 3/4 of US women are going to be overweight.https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/average-weight-for-women 1
ShyViolet Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 1 hour ago, dangerous said: What to do? Do I come out and say before meeting: are you still as slim as your photos? No don't ask this. A better way would be to ask how recent the pictures are, or "when was this pic taken?" 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: What you do is do a face time thing first. Virtual date. That's an option. Perhaps less dreadful than politely sitting through even a coffee with someone you're not attracted to. And of course as @Happy Lemming suggests real life situations.
Weezy1973 Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 4 hours ago, dangerous said: What to do? Do I come out and say before meeting: are you still as slim as your photos? I’d just accept it as part of OLD. Most people aren’t going to be a match and people misrepresent themselves. If you let yourself get frustrated by it you’ll burn out. Sounds like that might have happened already, so might be time to take a break. 2
chillii Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 (edited) Back in the day during my online stint yeah it was a huge thing. But ldk why guys always fly into justifying themselves in "why" they like her in good shape. lt's always oh sorry l know it sounds shallow but ra ra ra, women are as rude and often just downright crude right there on their page about what they want. lf you like a slim you like slim, who cares, you don't have to justify that. l actually put right there included in the part of what l was looking for on my page , "l like a slim girl who enjoys taking care of herself" - and please have " recent" pics - or something to that effect, few yrs ago now. l've never liked over weight so what, that's what l like. When the sort of girl l like reads that she'd have no qualms whatsoever, the rest l don't care , if they don't take care of themselves it's nothing to do with me. But it was still really tricky especially with photos. A lot used pics over 5 or 10yrs which was crazy . 5 or 10 yrs is a huge amount of time for women she'll look totally different. So l had a few of your disappointments first up , didn't realize it was gonna be such a sneaky issue , so then l started toughing up on it being even more selective , especially with age of pics and stuff. But l was looking through with my brother a few wks back on a site he'd just joined he's single and l was pretty surprised. The frustration from guys must've gotten out over the yrs since because on his site now a lot of women had the actual yr on their pics now. But it's 21 right , yet a lot were still, 2012- or 14 , one had a whole range of pics 2015. l mean wth that's 6yrs ago. But there were a lot too mar 21 or jan 21 whatever and being honest so at least that was something. Edited June 17, 2021 by chillii 2
Interstellar Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, smackie9 said: What you do is do a face time thing first. Virtual date. good idea. ...but the video camera also adds an extra 10-15 pounds...on top of the extra 20-30 Edited June 17, 2021 by Interstellar
seapebbles Posted June 17, 2021 Posted June 17, 2021 We can't help what type we are attracted to. Ask for current pictures if it's that important to you. Also, personally I appreciated when a guy stated in his profile the specific body type he was looking for, so I could move on if I didn't match those criteria. I remember OLD was frustrating, but try to have fun with it. There are going to be many reasons you're not attracted to someone in person, it doesn't mean you can't have a good time on the date anyway. Then politely let them know you didn't feel a spark or whatever. 1
MsJayne Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 Back when I was dating this really used to annoy me. There's no way around it really, but I suggest being blatantly rude - "Oh, your profile says you still fit into your wedding dress. You didn't mention you were Size Jumbo when you got married." Lying about your appearance to get someone to meet you is low, kind of creepy even, so they deserve the cruelty, it may jolt them out of their delusions. 1
spiderowl Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 I would just be straight up about it and ask the person if they are very slim as you prefer very slim women. Only those who are deluded about their weight would say they were slim if they knew they were not. There is no point wasting womens' time if you have a thing about weight; it is best to stress this preference on your profile. Hopefully, you will only be contacted by women who are confident they are very slim and think it likely they will stay that way as they age. You may find that some women you find attractive in their photos are not interested once you ask, but whether they are opting out because they think you are shallow or because they are not representing themselves accurately in photos, it does not matter. What matters is that you find what you are looking for and vice versa.
Vitaminka Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 How can I ever forget my very first on-line date about 13 ago. His profile pics showed a tall, slim guy with the eyeglasses. Exactly my type or so I thought. What showed up was a short, about 300lb very unkept guy. He had very greasy hair, had a bad smell and was wearing a t-shirt with the holes and the grease. Since it was my very first internet date, I felt uncomfortable and impolite to just leave. We had dinner. He was touching my leg the entire time. I told him that I wasn't comfortable and looked uncomfortable too but he would not stop. After the dinner, before I could even react, he shoved his tongue down my throat. I turned around and run away from him. Oh, and the funniest part (if you can call it that)? He messaged me saying that he didn't feel the chemistry between us but was willing to give me another chase. From that time on I was always asking guys to send me their current pics. Most were OK with that, some threw a temper-tantrum about how I should not judge a guy based on his looks, lol. Anyway, just ask for a video chat before asking a woman out to see what she looks like. 22 minutes ago, MsJayne said: Back when I was dating this really used to annoy me. There's no way around it really, but I suggest being blatantly rude - "Oh, your profile says you still fit into your wedding dress. You didn't mention you were Size Jumbo when you got married." Lying about your appearance to get someone to meet you is low, kind of creepy even, so they deserve the cruelty, it may jolt them out of their delusions. This is hilarious! Don't know if anybody deserves a cruelty but if you find that he/she doesn't look like their pics, leave immediately.
norealusername Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 Just ask for their weight or waist measurement before you meet....problem solved
MsJayne Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) 29 minutes ago, Vitaminka said: What showed up was a short, about 300lb very unkept guy. He had very greasy hair, had a bad smell and was wearing a t-shirt with the holes and the grease. Haha! Snap! My first one ever was a dude who lied about his (old) age, and his appearance, (hair dyed black, elderly paunch), and arrived with a smattering of egg down his shirt. Mine didn't give me another chance though Edited June 18, 2021 by MsJayne
Happy Lemming Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: ... and people misrepresent themselves. This was exactly why I stopped using on-line dating. I did try it (briefly) but found every woman I met either utilized older pictures of when they were thin and younger or the pictures had been photo-shopped. I got tired of wasting my time, money and energy. I'd get my hopes up thinking I'm going to meet this beautiful young woman and this old fat cow shows up. I swear one woman looked nothing like her pictures. When I said something to that effect, she stated her mother was an expert with photo-shop and had "doctored" up her profile pics a bit. This was a complete understatement and I was angry that she had wasted my time. That experience was the final straw... I deleted my profile and went back to meeting women in "real life".
Vitaminka Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 50 minutes ago, MsJayne said: Haha! Snap! My first one ever was a dude who lied about his (old) age, and his appearance, (hair dyed black, elderly paunch), and arrived with a smattering of egg down his shirt. Mine didn't give me another chance though Consider yourself lucky, ha ha ha
chillii Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, seapebbles said: We can't help what type we are attracted to. Ask for current pictures if it's that important to you. Also, personally I appreciated when a guy stated in his profile the specific body type he was looking for, so I could move on if I didn't match those criteria. I remember OLD was frustrating, but try to have fun with it. There are going to be many reasons you're not attracted to someone in person, it doesn't mean you can't have a good time on the date anyway. Then politely let them know you didn't feel a spark or whatever. Yeah and l mean that's a great attitude problem is though. When you spot in one second on sight that you've been scammed and she's 15 kg heavier or 10yrs older than anything she showed you , you felt like not only giving her a piece of your mind for doing it, but walking too , right there. Your too effd there's no point. Edited June 18, 2021 by chillii
SumGuy Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) 21 hours ago, dangerous said: ...What to do? Do I come out and say before meeting: are you still as slim as your photos? Can you limit yourself to those who have recent photos? When I was on OLD many women would include a month and year in a photo legend. I ended up adopting the practice myself. Generally bad form to ask the question are you still as slim as in your photos...unless one is simply into the hook up market. It really depends on what you are after though, some women will be fine with a direct question like that...but others (and that includes many of the women I am interested in) would take it as a yellow or red flag about you (the asker) it has little or nothing to do with being offended. Edited June 18, 2021 by SumGuy
seapebbles Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 13 hours ago, chillii said: Yeah and l mean that's a great attitude problem is though. When you spot in one second on sight that you've been scammed and she's 15 kg heavier or 10yrs older than anything she showed you , you felt like not only giving her a piece of your mind for doing it, but walking too , right there. Your too effd there's no point. That would be a shock! That's why it's best to keep first meetings short, half an hour to an hour. Thankfully, I never had someone misrepresent themselves to such an extreme.
smackie9 Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 19 hours ago, Interstellar said: good idea. ...but the video camera also adds an extra 10-15 pounds...on top of the extra 20-30 they they really need to lose a few pounds!
cleverusername Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 Tell them you are planning a horseback riding and need to know their weight. If it is way off from what it looks like, just flake 1
Maldives Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 What to do? Do I come out and say before meeting: are you still as slim as your photos? Yes that
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