Had a fun date, what do you think about this?

[Emilyinroses]

10 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Emily, I have another idea which I've done before with success.

Next time he starts talking about her (or any other woman or women) gently tell him you would prefer to not discuss other people, that you would prefer to focus only each other.  Don't be angry or confrontational.  Say it gently and sweetly.  

It's bold, but I have done it, like I said, with success.  And men respected me for it (they told me).

Assuming you really like him, which I sense you do.  

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I wasn’t planning in being confrontational with him. But to be honest this situation (although not my business), creeps me out.

What if this woman starts stalking me too because she knows he is dating me? Some people can be crazy and even dangerous stalkers. And him telling me this so early can be the red flag I need to next him.

Also, him not blocking her completely out of his life tells me he likes it somehow. And the partner I envision for my life is a man who does not welcome drama in his life in any kind, and takes care quickly of this kind of situations. And certainly not vent about another woman to a woman he is meeting on a first date.

There are so many guys out there to date, I think I am going to move forward. Thank you!

Edited June 19, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[Emilyinroses]

10 hours ago, Gaeta said:

That tells you a lot about his poor character. It doesn't matter if they hooked up or not, and it's not your business sorry

He is enjoying the attention & the drama she gives him. That enough speaks loud of his character.

Exactly. He is enjoying it and is playing the victim card, which is ridiculous and annoying. Total turn-off.

My ex (we ended nearly 2 years ago) wanted to stay in touch after we break up, but then started to do some stalking things I wasn’t comfortable with, so I wished him well and blocked him completely. 

I felt I needed to do that for my peace of mind and also for the future to meet someone new. 

In this case (from what he said), they only had one coffee, and so much drama??? 

He seems to like the ego validation that woman gives him, and also the ego validation he gets from venting about it to another woman. Very very toxic. And I have decided to next him.

[ExpatInItaly]

So this woman is "stalking" him and he hasn't blocked her, but tells you all about it?

He loves the attention and drama. He likes feeling "wanted." He has poor boundaries. 

I would not go out with his guy again. 

Edited June 19, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Emilyinroses]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So this woman is "stalking" him and he hasn't blocked her, but tells you all about it?

He loves the attention and drama. He likes feeling "wanted." He has poor boundaries. 

I would not go out with his guy again. 

You know what, ever since we started talking, he tells me over and over again for me to send him messages and call him out of the blue if I want to. He insisted a lot in this and is always saying for me to do it.

Now connecting the dots I can see what he wants, another woman chasing him. That’s what he likes and needs that ego validation.

That is why he told me about that other woman, to stir the competition in me and start chasing him. 

That might work with some women, but is very off putting to me.

This is not about connecting and getting to know each other, this is about him and his validation. And I am out.

Edited June 19, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

I think I am going to move forward.

Yes.

He seems preoccupied with this other person and there is no reason that you need to volunteer for this situation.

[poppyfields]

With your added info, I agree Emily.

Men complain about women seeking 'validation,' when in reality they (some not all) seek it as well, often more so than women! 

And in some very dysfunctional ways as evidenced here.

Oh the irony.... 

Anyway, glad you've come to a decision Emily, next and good luck with your other prospects!

 

Edited June 19, 2021 by poppyfields