TwistedUser Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 I have been with the company many years, the new person is a recent starter. They work in reception. It is very hard for me to have a proper chat with this person because they are are busy, people are always around or interrupting, her manager is around. I have worked out possibly the times in the day when she is free, and will try use this to my advantage to talk to her. In the last few weeks, especially in the beginning i did ok chatting to her, and i felt like maybe she liked me. A few times she seemed very happy to see me and say hello, talk to me. However I think I may have shot myself in the foot. When ever her manager or a senior manage walks past i kind of try to end the conversation quickly, as i don't want to get in trouble from HR or get the person in trouble. Some times i think maybe she is mirroring me, when we first started chatting it was long and maybe even playful/fun, recently its just short and strait to business. The last week we still talk but not as much as before, but I think its because we both have been busy. I think I will use the next 2 days to try gauge how our conversations are going to see her interest. I want to ask her out, but am worried if she says no it might make things awkward between us when working. I have to interact with her once a day usually. And extreme case scenario, i might get in trouble for HR. I also lack the confidence to ask her out, and perhaps this person senses it. I think i may have blown my chance in taking so long to do it. And if i was to ask her out; is it being too direct to ask her out for a date/few drinks/catch up? or perhaps i should just ask for social media, and talk to her through that and if it seems like there is interest, ask her out through that? Any other ideas on how to ask this person out? Thanks for your help
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 1 minute ago, TwistedUser said: .... I want to ask her out, but am worried if she says no it might make things awkward between us when working. I have to interact with her once a day usually. And extreme case scenario, i might get in trouble for HR. .. You think. She is reception, it is her job to be warm and friendly, with a greeting for everyone. Of course you interact almost every day, she is reception. Quote I also lack the confidence to ask her out, and perhaps this person senses it. I think i may have blown my chance in taking so long to do it. If she likes you there is no time limit. That is a big IF. Quote And if i was to ask her out; is it being too direct to ask her out for a date/few drinks/catch up? or perhaps i should just ask for social media, and talk to her through that and if it seems like there is interest, ask her out through that? Any other ideas on how to ask this person out? You have no idea if she wants to be asked out or has any interest in you. All of those things put a person on the spot, don't expect an honest reaction if you do so. She is new, may want or need this job, and you have been there for a while. The power imbalance makes this a very bad idea if you care about her as another human at all. As soon as you cross the line into personal questions, like for her social media, or if she is single, or to do something outside of work you have crossed the line into unprofessional behavior. Do not discount how that will be perceived, word gets around.
dramafreezone Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 (edited) I dunno, normally I would say just shoot your shot but it sounds like you have a lot of anxiety. Coupled with the fact that she works with you, I don't think it's worth it, just my opinion. If you didn't have anxiety, or she didn't work with you, then it'd be fine. Both factors together, no bueno. Maybe stick to asking out people that you may not ever see again, get comfortable with that then consider this work girl. Asking out people at work is a high wire act if you're not ok with rejection. Lot of awkward encounters to consider. Edited June 16, 2021 by dramafreezone
ShyViolet Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 What happens if she says no, or worse, if you do go on a date and the date doesn't go well..... then you will have to see this person at work every day. 1
Author TwistedUser Posted June 16, 2021 Author Posted June 16, 2021 19 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I dunno, normally I would say just shoot your shot but it sounds like you have a lot of anxiety. Coupled with the fact that she works with you, I don't think it's worth it, just my opinion. If you didn't have anxiety, or she didn't work with you, then it'd be fine. Both factors together, no bueno. Maybe stick to asking out people that you may not ever see again, get comfortable with that then consider this work girl. Asking out people at work is a high wire act if you're not ok with rejection. Lot of awkward encounters to consider. I am shy, not sure if i have anxiety. We are in the same company but not same department. I have asked work collegues out before, and even though it sucked for me when they said no, on the outside i acted like i didnt care and was ok. Im more worried how the other person would act and behave, or if im comitting a "crime" at the work place. Hence why i think the safer option would be social media, and ask her out through that method? I dont know it seems confusing. Im sure in the past many people met their partners at work.
Donnas Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 Many companies got rules that's you are not allowed to date at work. But beside that if it ends it will make it hard for for you to come to work emotionally. Also if she dating someone new. Best is to not date at work.For your own good.
Sun Seeker Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 (edited) There is nothing wrong in asking out someone you work with. Being shy and not confident to ask her is not doing you in favours, you need to sort that out. Next time you talk to her just ask if she wants to grab a drink after work or on the weekend. Do NOT try to do it over social media, that just makes you look even less confident. Worst case is she says no or makes an excuse, and you carry on being professional at work with her as you already are and move on. [ ] Edited June 17, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator criticising other members
flitzanu Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 safe option, though not safe in pandemicworld, is a group outing with other coworkers and she gets invited. then you can see if she even cares enough to show up.
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 Receptionists are friendly people. Don't mistake her kindness & good social skills for interest. If you don't have good people skills you may be misreading things. Do NOT ask her out via social media. That is simply creepy. As a very junior new person she may be reluctant to get involved with somebody at work. She may not want to be seen as someone who always "fishes off the company pier" if you know what I mean. Since you are a long time employee she may feel pressure that you don't intend, meaning she may not think she can turn you down. A clumsy ask could land you in hot water with HR, which I sense you are trying to avoid. IMO, assuming things are open again post Covid & it's safe to do so, organize a work group happy hour. Get a few colleagues together to go out for a drink. Invite her along as part of that social group. Very causal. Very low key. Very not a date. While you are outside of work, feel her out regarding her views on interoffice dating, office politics etc. You should also be able to get a better sense of how she feels about you in particular. Then armed with that info, assuming it's positive, you can ask for her number & ask her out on a proper date later, in private, not through social media or a text. If she doesn't accept your invite to the group thing, that is a hard stop. You can mention another future office work get together should one come up, but assume that she didn't attend when you invited her because she is not interested in you. Leave it alone at that point. If you do ask for the date & she declines, your best bet is to act nonchalantly like it never happened. You come into work. You say good morning & you go about your duties, being professional but otherwise leaving her completely alone. 1
Ami1uwant Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 You have been there long enough to know what the dating coworker rules are? she’s a receptionist. One of the prerequisites is being friendly with people...especially if he get a lot of walk in people. Working there or not...looking at dating a receptionist, cashier, waitress, etc takes a lot more than just a friendly talk to ask them out. Other than a place there is a lot of down time so you two talk a lot, there isn’t much to go on. I recall a place I worked at. There was a recrptionist in the office building . The company had the entire floor. The company had different divisions. The small group I was with worked from this office but supervisory chain was with a different division in another office. We were like outsiders there. The only ones I talked to not in my group were (1) receptionist, (2) local IT support person, (3) office manager, and (4) the high level executive whose office was adjacent to ours. The receptionist and front room was next to the kitchen/ break room. I had chatted with her. She was older so there was no dating interest ( 20+ yrs older). If she was younger, near my age, I might have asked her out since we were not part of the same division.
Vitaminka Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 (edited) Are you sure she is actually single? I am not too sure it is a good idea asking out someone you work with. Think about the awkwardness if it doesn't work out. Work is for work, not for dating. Just mine 2 cents. Edited June 16, 2021 by Vitaminka
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 7 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: My work dating rules have bern I’ll only date those not in my immediate work group or people I regularly work with. A receptionist is kind of in everyone's work group. Especially if he has to walk past her to get to his work space it could initially be awkward. Because she is so new, @TwistedUserneeds to tread lightly to avoid giving the false impression that she can't say no.
Wiseman2 Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 3 hours ago, TwistedUser said: i might get in trouble for HR. Go with your instincts. She just started, so hitting on her is inappropriate. The workplace is not a singles club. Date outside of work, since you have good reasons not to pursue this. 2
glows Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 This question probably depends on how different individuals approach work. I tend to think it's quite disrespectful and appalling that you could assume someone would put their job in jeopardy or that someone would find it flattering to be asked out at work. If she's serious about her job she would probably squash this right there. If she's not serious about it she wouldn't mind making a fool out of herself and simply quit or move on to a different position. Expecting her take you seriously is a tall order. If anything she might interpret it as a friendly gesture - two coworkers just hanging out after work and nothing else. You could try it and see what happens. I don't think you can say you weren't warned. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 Agree. Hitting on a newbie at work comes across as creepy. Date outside of work. 1
kendahke Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 Quote dating a co worker? should I try? Don't poop where you eat. 1
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 Good idea? No. Wrong, depends. Can certainly envision (or actually know of several examples) situations where asking someone at work out can be “wrong” enough they ask you to resign. Yah most of those people are shocked/clueless. It is not good, from HR’s point of view, if one has asked several others out. It shows a pattern of behavior; are you just a harassment suit waiting to happen? Work is not a dating site in HRs view. Even if you are chill with it each time, that is your perception, not necessarily the women where you work. You judge yourself by your intentions others by your actions. So do you want to be known as the guy who asks out every new attractive woman? 4
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