Blind-Sided Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 15 hours ago, poppyfields said: .... There are people in this world who are fantasy-driven and once something or someone becomes reality, they lose interest. Funny.... that's the story of most divorces. One party will start to fantasize about what could have been, over what the reality (they built) is. And it's the core of "The grass is greener". OK... no real help here... just some random thoughts.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) Hey OP, no need to over-learn here. This is just ONE guy. One! One. It's OK and natural (and a sign of being alive) to get your hopes up after a great first date. That's called being human. Happens. No big mistake there. That's part of the romance challenge. Of course, you're gonna get excited and hopeful if you like the guy and if he says let's go out again. Of course. Nothing wrong or weak or needy there. Same with work. There are great people at work and not-so-great. It's funny: I am usually of the crowd that says, there is NO EXCUSE AT ALL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES for a guy being slow to ask someone out on a second date. I sorta violated that here. But my initial impulse turned out to be right. So if you want to implement a policy to protect yourself, go with the "he better follow up with me as he said he would'" or else dump them and drop all hopes. I've had tons of dates related to work and people I met at work and many friends I met at work. So ease up: you didn't do anything wrong. Get back out there. Nothing deep to learn here from this experience. Just feel the suck and move on. You're still the same attractive person you felt you were on the date. Edited June 18, 2021 by Lotsgoingon 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 18, 2021 Posted June 18, 2021 14 hours ago, babybrowns said: Lesson learnt! Thank you all for your responses That's ok. Just be friendly, professional, etc. at work. Agree the follow up thank you may not have made a difference. What the huge red flag was, is no personal contact info. Very weird to have a date but not have that. It seems like he may be living with some, in a relationship, married, etc. 1
Author babybrowns Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) Hello all, Thank you for your responses so far. There seems to be a bit of a ray of hope here that perhaps all was not lost. I decided to give one last benefit of doubt to satisfy the nagging thought, helpfully fuelled by a lot of you on this thread, what if I just told him I had fun? Would it make a difference? With the communication media not facilitating things between us as mentioned, I went traditional. I wrote him a note at the end of last week, thanking him again for the great lunch and saying that I’d love to return the favor if he has some time next week (this week). I asked him in the note, to email me or to ping me on the work messenger app to arrange a day. I slipped the note through his door when he was out of his office. I then had engagements of my own to attend to. It was perhaps a good sign to find out, according to people nearby, that the man came to look for me almost as soon as he returned to his office and saw my note. Not once, but twice, then he had to go to a work engagement. He didn’t catch me in my office that afternoon unfortunately. Later on that day though, when he was in one room and I was in another, both rooms a bit far apart but facing each other and having windows that face each other, he waved at me keenly with a big grin on his face, I waved back. With the ball now in his court, I am hoping that he does come forward this week to arrange with me our next meetup. I am glad that I listened to you all about needing to show him that I’m keen; it seems that this did significantly help things. Having reflected on it, yes I don’t feel I gave him as much encouragement on our first date as he might have been hoping/looking for. So thank you all for showing me what was lacking Edited June 21, 2021 by babybrowns 1
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 2 hours ago, babybrowns said: I wrote him a note at the end of last week, thanking him again for the great lunch and saying that I’d love to return the favor if he has some time next week (this week). I asked him in the note, to email me or to ping me on the work messenger app to arrange a day. I slipped the note through his door when he was out of his office. I then had engagements of my own to attend to. Why didn't you give him your phone number???? 2
Author babybrowns Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Why didn't you give him your phone number???? Well he didn’t ask for my number himself at the end of our date. I don’t want to make it too easy and give too much away at once. I have put the ball back in his court which is enough for now. Edited June 21, 2021 by babybrowns
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 7 minutes ago, babybrowns said: Well he didn’t ask for my number himself at the end of our date. I don’t want to make it too easy and give too much away at once. I have put the ball back in his court which is enough for now. He never checked the app on which you messaged and you went ahead and chased him down to his office and left a note under his door. If that's not chasing what do you call it?
Author babybrowns Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: He never checked the app on which you messaged and you went ahead and chased him down to his office and left a note under his door. If that's not chasing what do you call it? I didn’t use the word “chase” in my response to you. And even if that’s how you interpreted it, your suggestion is for me to go even one step further and give him my phone number? Edited June 22, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) Let me explain. To me putting the note under his door qualifies as chasing. If you are to do that then you do it ALL THE WAY and you include your phone number. You may think it's not chasing and it's putting the ball in his court, it's your prerogative to beleive so. The ball in his court can be done when you come across the man and you open the door to an invitation. Taking actions such as walking to his office, writing a note, putting it under his door, telling him you want to repay his dinner is NOT putting the ball in his court. It's chasing. Now let's wait and see. Edited June 21, 2021 by Gaeta 4
stillafool Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Taking actions such as walking to his office, writing a note, putting it under his door, telling him you want to repay his dinner is NOT putting the ball in his court. It's chasing. I agree. She may as well just go up to him and ask him to go on a date. The note under his work place door part seems rather juvenile. If you're going to chase do it right. 1
stillafool Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 32 minutes ago, babybrowns said: Well he didn’t ask for my number himself at the end of our date. This is the least he could have done if he were interested. 1
stillafool Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 2 minutes ago, babybrowns said: which happened to also make his day. Which, I hate to break it to you, worked to get the ball rolling again. Great Babybrowns, so are you guys going out or did he say he would call? What's the good news?
Author babybrowns Posted June 21, 2021 Author Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, stillafool said: Great Babybrowns, so are you guys going out or did he say he would call? What's the good news? He has been trying to find me non-stop since I left that note. I was off site today when he tried again. Edited June 22, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility
poppyfields Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) BB, I invite you to read my new thread "Men LEAD, Women RESPOND." Let me know your thoughts! Edited June 21, 2021 by poppyfields 1
stillafool Posted June 21, 2021 Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) [ ]I hope this one works out for you. Edited June 22, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator response to removed content
BaileyB Posted June 22, 2021 Posted June 22, 2021 I’m curious to see what this guy says when he finds you. And, why he couldn’t send a text, email, or message… Oh, the suspense of it all…
Alvi Posted June 24, 2021 Posted June 24, 2021 So, what is happening how? I am curious to hear about the update. Did he find you and agreed to go out with you?
Author babybrowns Posted June 27, 2021 Author Posted June 27, 2021 (edited) Hello all, Sorry I haven’t been on here for a few days, thank you as always for your posts. Things seem to be moving in a positive direction. Last week, the guy was offsite for work for a couple of days and I was also offsite, on different days. When we were both back in the building, one of the first things he did was come to my room that morning and ask me out on our second date. He also gave me his phone number, without me asking for it. And the reason he’s been unable to get in touch with me on the work messenger app is that he has been locked out of it for a while due to login issues, which he’s trying to sort with the tech team. I want to thank you all again, especially for egging me on to give him a green light after our first date to show him that I’m interested; the simple note from me to him made all the difference and instigated an immediate reaction from him. Thank you all Edited June 27, 2021 by babybrowns
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 27, 2021 Posted June 27, 2021 (edited) On 6/21/2021 at 10:42 AM, babybrowns said: Hello all, Thank you for your responses so far. There seems to be a bit of a ray of hope here that perhaps all was not lost. I decided to give one last benefit of doubt to satisfy the nagging thought, helpfully fuelled by a lot of you on this thread, what if I just told him I had fun? Would it make a difference? With the communication media not facilitating things between us as mentioned, I went traditional. I wrote him a note at the end of last week, thanking him again for the great lunch and saying that I’d love to return the favor if he has some time next week (this week). I asked him in the note, to email me or to ping me on the work messenger app to arrange a day. I slipped the note through his door when he was out of his office. I then had engagements of my own to attend to. It was perhaps a good sign to find out, according to people nearby, that the man came to look for me almost as soon as he returned to his office and saw my note. Not once, but twice, then he had to go to a work engagement. He didn’t catch me in my office that afternoon unfortunately. Later on that day though, when he was in one room and I was in another, both rooms a bit far apart but facing each other and having windows that face each other, he waved at me keenly with a big grin on his face, I waved back. With the ball now in his court, I am hoping that he does come forward this week to arrange with me our next meetup. I am glad that I listened to you all about needing to show him that I’m keen; it seems that this did significantly help things. Having reflected on it, yes I don’t feel I gave him as much encouragement on our first date as he might have been hoping/looking for. So thank you all for showing me what was lacking Why no phone number? Stop playing games or else expect not much. ETA: Oh, I see he finally managed to hunt you down while you were extra busy not chasing him. He likes games too. I’d beware. A guy who loves the chase so much he’ll literally run through the building hunting for a date may JUST like the chase. After that, you’re boring. But let’s remain optimistic - I’ll wish you luck for now. Edited June 27, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl
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