SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, lovers12 said: Thank you for the pick me up. Felt what you said is pretty true. Less trying to get laid more on making her feel good. Or more looking for connection. Focus on OLD that is more about that, your profile, instead of swipe on a photo. Basically change ponds. The idea of going where the graduate students go makes a lot of sense. You want to be around like minded can do people who know full well, and respect, work hard…catch up on sleep…repeat but they also want to meet people. In my experience, and circles have been in, you could well be a catch. Sounds like you got brains, skills, and in shape…and you literally save lives and administer to the sick. Also anyone with a lick of knowledge knows it is a very good profession…especially travel nursing if you like to travel, at least in the US. Edited June 16, 2021 by SumGuy
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 1 hour ago, enigma32 said: I would forget about Tinder. If you are an RN, what kind of place do you work? You should be surrounded by women at your workplace. Why haven't you had any success there? Agree forget tinder and its ilk. If you dated female nurses or knew the hospital world and doctors you’d know. Before I had experience in it would have thought the same. It is generally not a great environment for finding dates. Also, dating co-workers is a mine-field best avoided after all the work on getting a license. Only doctors seem to get away with the hook ups.
dramafreezone Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 43 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Agree forget tinder and its ilk. If you dated female nurses or knew the hospital world and doctors you’d know. Before I had experience in it would have thought the same. It is generally not a great environment for finding dates. Also, dating co-workers is a mine-field best avoided after all the work on getting a license. Only doctors seem to get away with the hook ups. Dating at work is fine IMO. It's just that you have to pick one woman, you can't date multiple women at a single location, that doesn't work. And keep your mouth shut, if you speak to a co-worker about her, you might as well be telling it straight to her. I made that mistake. I know the saying "don't crap where you eat" yet the workplace is one of the most common places to meet a future spouse.
Maldives Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 I think a move might be just the trick sounds like it's not happening in the town your in
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 19 hours ago, lovers12 said: I find modern dating so frustrating. I just got kicked to the curb by a girl who was playing games so I am a bit in my feels atm. I feel like you gotta be perfect to get anything now adays. Either the women play games, they are confused with their emotions, they flake. Women can just log on tinder and find someone so easily. The good ones are mostly taken. I feel like you gotta be the perfect guy to get anything. I just feel a bit defeated and tired of it. I remember during my younger years I was like oh once I get a good job then it will get easier, but nope still running into different kind of problems now. I am 30 years old, I work out often, I am a RN, I have my own place, fully independent, have a chill and outgoing personality. Its tough out there. I do feel a bit of societal pressure as I am 30 now and everyone around me has someone, married, or have kids. Most of my friends in my age group we just grew apart cause they have their own adulting lives or too busy. One knock is I don't really have much friends where I currently live. I live in a small college town and moved here for work. I work night shifts and my lifestyle is basically work, catch up on sleep, play video games or work out. I don't even know how to begin socializing as most of my coworkers are a bit older than me they have family and kids. I am wondering if I should move to a different city and if it would solve my problems. Its lonely, humans we value connection. It's possible you are trying to date out of your league. Are you open to Plain Janes who have good character and similar interests?
Trail Blazer Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 18 hours ago, Gaeta said: At 30 you don't need online. Tell your friends that you're looking for someone and to match you up with their single friends. That is not an option for everyone. OP has already stated that he doesn't have a lot of friends in his current location. And really, unless you're the super-popular social butterfly who has befriended likeminded people, and you're in your early 20s, I can't imagine there's a smorgasboard of friends' friends to really get with. Most people by their early 30s - OP's age bracket - have settled down with plans to, or already have, started a family. I needed on-line. I don't have a massive social circle. I have a few good friends whom I catch up with from time to time, but I couldn't just say, "hook a brother up" and hey presto! there's a suitable match to be had. Perhaps that works in others' worlds, but at least for mine and seemingly OP's world, it doesn't.... 1
Trail Blazer Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 51 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: It's possible you are trying to date out of your league. Are you open to Plain Janes who have good character and similar interests? Unlikely. Women don't use Tinder to swipe right on guys below their league. Chances are OP matches with women in his league or even below. However, the ratio of men to women on dating apps distorts the true Sexual Marketplace Value of both sexes, with women being the rarer commodity. Ergo, women are choosier because they can be. Men, well, for the most part, are left frustrated and bewildered with a scenario which feels like a hiding to nothing.
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: That is not an option for everyone. OP has already stated that he doesn't have a lot of friends in his current location. Ok I can accept that but he works as a nurse, it's safe to say he is surrounded by women colleagues at work, right? He just needs to mention on his break that he's looking in case they have a single friend. Edited June 16, 2021 by Gaeta
Trail Blazer Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Ok I can accept that but he work as a nurse, it's safe to say he is surrounded by women colleague at work, right? He just needs to mention on his break that he's looking in case they have a single friend. And I can accept that as well. I think women are better match makers than men. I work in very male dominated industries so I've never had that luxury. I wonder if OP has ever sought to become more friendly with his nursing colleagues so they can help him out? OP, is this an option for you at all? 1
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 11 hours ago, enigma32 said: I've dated a couple nurses and used to hang out at the hospital all the time on her lunch break. I have some idea of what's going on there. I can't imagine working at a hospital around nurses and not being able to get a date. I've dated nurses as well, and know doctors, etc. Getting a date is one thing, getting a date with someone you want to date another. I'd say at least 3/4 of the nurses I've met or know of would never ever date for one reason or another. Of the remaining, that are not married, the work place romance (with a non-doctor) is a big negative for most especially people who have tired it. It also depends on the size of the hospital, how many dateable people are there? I live in large metropolitan area so plenty of nurses at the hospital, but in smaller places not so many. I can well imagine not being able to find someone you'd want to date at a hospital. 1
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 11 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Dating at work is fine IMO. It's just that you have to pick one woman, you can't date multiple women at a single location, that doesn't work. And keep your mouth shut, if you speak to a co-worker about her, you might as well be telling it straight to her. I made that mistake. I know the saying "don't crap where you eat" yet the workplace is one of the most common places to meet a future spouse. Your expereince is just the tip of the iceberg for why it is best to avoid dating those you work with. Yes it can work if both parties keep it on the down low, and both are reasonable and non-vindictive people because all can be fine until it ends. That's a fair number of ifs, and really doubt it can be kept secret. And that is just the two parties involved, one's co-workers can get bent out of shape as well, granted wrongly, but it happens. God forbid you have the classic controlling nurse in your work group, who will just love to make things miserable for you. Sure it is common, because people spend most of their day at work so that is where they meet and get to know most people. HR covers it up (NDAs and the like) when it doesn't end well so most people don't know the full extent of the problem it usually is. What is also common is one person leaves, voluntarily or not. Dating in the workplace is fine as long as you realize you are potentially placing you job on the line for it.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 I'm thinking the OP needs to improve his social skills. The first step is to learn how to connect on a friendly level with nurse colleagues. He's surrounded by them. He's got to get better at connecting with them because some of the same social skills are involved in connecting to someone you want to date. And nurse friends could expand his social network and be a relaxed referral source for him. They would also over time give him really good dating advice. 1
cleverusername Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 If Greys Anatomy taught me anything it's that doctors and nurses love sex
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 3 minutes ago, cleverusername said: If Greys Anatomy taught me anything it's that doctors and nurses love sex lol, yes hospitals are just like that! And law firms just like Ally McBeal, or The Good Wife. Forget hospitals, we all know that crime scene investigation units are where the hot young people are, I used to think they were all like Quincy but CSI has educated me. 3
cleverusername Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 1 minute ago, SumGuy said: lol, yes hospitals are just like that! And law firms just like Ally McBeal, or The Good Wife. Forget hospitals, we all know that crime scene investigation units are where the hot young people are, I used to think they were all like Quincy but CSI has educated me. I mean Suits taught me average TV lawyers can become British Royals so anything is possible
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 Just now, cleverusername said: I mean Suits taught me average TV lawyers can become British Royals so anything is possible I know, Friends taught me that three people living on near minimum wage can afford a three bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village. Who knew! 2
Author lovers12 Posted June 16, 2021 Author Posted June 16, 2021 17 hours ago, norealusername said: If you're doing online dating, you have to have thick skin.... And realize the majority of women on there are flakes/time wasters. Don't waste time crafting messages, just send brief ones. Don't get your hopes up when you get replies because they'll most likely flake on you. You have to just keep plugging at it and don't get too invested in it. You may eventually meet someone but it's not easy. Get involved in some social activities because it's much better to meet women in real life. Yeah thats what i need. I do better in person however i dont know what o can do that is non isolating activity. Seems much harder when you are older to meet people
Author lovers12 Posted June 16, 2021 Author Posted June 16, 2021 14 hours ago, enigma32 said: I would forget about Tinder. If you are an RN, what kind of place do you work? You should be surrounded by women at your workplace. Why haven't you had any success The hospital i work in has lots of older nurses who are married with kids. In their 50s plus im on nights too 1
Author lovers12 Posted June 16, 2021 Author Posted June 16, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: Unlikely. Women don't use Tinder to swipe right on guys below their league. Chances are OP matches with women in his league or even below. However, the ratio of men to women on dating apps distorts the true Sexual Marketplace Value of both sexes, with women being the rarer commodity. Ergo, women are choosier because they can be. Men, well, for the most part, are left frustrated and bewildered with a scenario which feels like a hiding to nothing. Yeah its true. Id be satisfied to be with a girl in my league. Most of my matches are with women id say really below my league. Multiple kids, overweight, no career. I dont think im that bad looking. Ive dated pretty women in the past, been told im good looking, however i usually met these women in person. Online you cant even get a chance to show your personality. Edited June 16, 2021 by lovers12
dramafreezone Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 1 hour ago, SumGuy said: Your expereince is just the tip of the iceberg for why it is best to avoid dating those you work with. Yes it can work if both parties keep it on the down low, and both are reasonable and non-vindictive people because all can be fine until it ends. That's a fair number of ifs, and really doubt it can be kept secret. And that is just the two parties involved, one's co-workers can get bent out of shape as well, granted wrongly, but it happens. God forbid you have the classic controlling nurse in your work group, who will just love to make things miserable for you. Sure it is common, because people spend most of their day at work so that is where they meet and get to know most people. HR covers it up (NDAs and the like) when it doesn't end well so most people don't know the full extent of the problem it usually is. What is also common is one person leaves, voluntarily or not. Dating in the workplace is fine as long as you realize you are potentially placing you job on the line for it. Well the thing is he's a nurse. He could just hop on over to another hospital if it's a problem. If it were a career with less mobility, then that's a different story.
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 7 minutes ago, lovers12 said: ...Online you cant even get a chance to show your personality. All depends on what you are using. I see stuff like this all the time, sure it applies to Tinder, but there are a lot more options than Tinder.
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 1 minute ago, dramafreezone said: Well the thing is he's a nurse. He could just hop on over to another hospital if it's a problem. If it were a career with less mobility, then that's a different story. True enough. Also there are travel nurses. But as OP appears to indicate, available women, let alone interested in, are slim to non-existent.
dramafreezone Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 (edited) 19 minutes ago, lovers12 said: Yeah its true. Id be satisfied to be with a girl in my league. Most of my matches are with women id say really below my league. Multiple kids, overweight, no career. I dont think im that bad looking. Ive dated pretty women in the past, been told im good looking, however i usually met these women in person. Online you cant even get a chance to show your personality. Your league is what you can date, that's the cold hard truth. So multiple kids, overweight, no career is your league right now. Leagues are not permanent, they change over time. A guy that is in the minors in his 20s can be an All-Star by the time he's in his early 40s. But none of us is entitled to any quality of man or woman. We deserve what we can get. Mind you, I don't think this is due to your job, or your looks. I think your lack of self-esteem is dragging you down, but this doesn't have to be a permanent thing. Fix the self-esteem, and your quality of potential romantic partners will increase. Edited June 16, 2021 by dramafreezone
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 35 minutes ago, lovers12 said: The hospital i work in has lots of older nurses who are married with kids. In their 50s plus im on nights too Those nurses have daughters your age, friends of their daughters are single. I am 55 and just matched a colleague of my 33 yo daughter to my vet secretary! She's 30 something, she told me she's single and looking, I asked my daughter of 33 if she knew a single guy and BINGO!
Wiseman2 Posted June 16, 2021 Posted June 16, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, lovers12 said: im on nights too No matter where you live, where you go, where you work or what you do, the night shift will seriously hinder your dating chances and opportunities. You need to change shifts when you have enough seniority. As you can see you're isolated and do nothing but work, sleep, play video games and you're in a rut. Go to your manager, HR whatever and see if 10 or 12 hr shifts are available or if you can do evenings/days. Your work hours are the problem, not too many "fat women with kids" on dating apps. Edited June 16, 2021 by Wiseman2 2
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