Mrin Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 @Dis well I have had my fair share of "one last fling" with exes, it typically doesn't work out like it did for you. To be honest I wish it had. Ha! Instead of closure there was re-opening and that never turned out well... Good on ya! 1
Cersei Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 It sounds like after some time away from him, you saw things for what they really were. No more rose colored glasses! 1
ShyViolet Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 I can't help but feel that you played with this guy's emotions. You should have left it alone and not stirred things up again. You sound rather caught up in your own desires but are disregarding how your actions have consequences for him and how you may be playing with his emotions. 6
Allupinnit Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 I've had exes come back the way you did for comfort and sex and it definitely got my hopes up again. In fact it set back my healing to ZERO. When you're still in love and didn't want the breakup it's almost impossible to say no. I hope you can stay away from him now, do the kind thing and move on with your life and live with your choice. You're single and alone now. 5
Allupinnit Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: I can't help but feel that you played with this guy's emotions. You should have left it alone and not stirred things up again. You sound rather caught up in your own desires but are disregarding how your actions have consequences for him and how you may be playing with his emotions. Right, after staying with him all those months because of her money troubles, now "coming back" for the comfort and sex - this r'ship has been all about YOU, @Dis - and what YOU feel and what YOU want, sod off to this guy and his little boy. Edited June 14, 2021 by Allupinnit 5
Fletch Lives Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 Ghostly lover syndrome. You think about all the good times but then realize the love is now dead. You get one shot at love per person. 2
lana-banana Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 This is so selfish. You used him to confirm you aren't attracted anymore, while he's suddenly trying to reignite things? I get it, you can't be responsible for someone's feelings, but this is like tossing a grenade and being surprised that people jump. How did you think this would end? Honestly I can't believe that you've describe a situation in which you clearly hurt and used somebody and then say that you're glad you did it. It's not just selfish, it's mean. 6
Mrin Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 4 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: You get one shot at love per person. Much truth here
poppyfields Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 Hi Dis, I for one choose to not judge, you did what you needed to do, without ill-will or bad intention. Sadly I don't think this is uncommon and why I question traditional relationships. It's all about getting our own needs met, looking out for number one, no matter who we hurt in the process. It reminds me of the song "Isn't it a Pity," by George Harrison, which was the title of a thread I created after my breakup in January. >>Earlier today I uploaded the music video "Isn't it a Pity" by George Harrison to "The Song In Your Heart" thread. Beautiful song, the entire album really -- "All Things Must Pass." Music is just so damn powerful, isn't it? I was listening to the song and album all morning, and it caused me to introspect in ways I never thought possible. How much hurt and pain I have caused the men (my partners) in my life without even realizing it at the time. Thinking only of myself and my own damn hurt. I have done this in virtually every important relationship I have ever had. Either walk away myself or push them away. I wonder how many of us do the same, without even realizing it? Just like the words say: How we break each other's hearts And cause each other pain How we take each other's love Without thinking anymore Forgetting to give back Isn't it a pity? Such powerful words. ------ Guys, instead of hurting each other, let's focus on healing each other. We are all hurting, we are all in pain. Whether we choose to be vulnerable and reveal or cover up and hide with unhealthy behaviors, it doesn't matter -- we all hurt. I am glad you found your closure Dis. I have no doubt he found his too. The journey continues.... xo 1 1
BaileyB Posted June 14, 2021 Posted June 14, 2021 5 hours ago, lana-banana said: Honestly I can't believe that you've describe a situation in which you clearly hurt and used somebody and then say that you're glad you did it. It's not just selfish, it's mean. I agree! It seems kind of selfish and mean to take what you want - at his expense. Perhaps that wasn’t what you intended, but it’s what happened. And, you don’t seem to show any understanding or remorse for that. It’s just - “Good news! I got my closure.” As I said above, you move along on your merry way and he was left holding the bag… again. 3
Author Dis Posted June 22, 2021 Author Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) A bit of an update So initially after the hook up I wasn't interested in doing it again but then we chatted a bit more and I came around on the idea...we hooked up and it was actually really fun being around him the second time around. Maybe because I didn't go into it thinking it would be the same as it was when we were together and rather embraced it for what it is....which is two people who still really care about each other and love each other but know they can't be together. I've had many talks with him about if this really is okay with him, if this was hurting him or would hurt him. He said he's loving what we're doing for now and it means that he gets to hold onto having me for a little longer. He said it's going to hurt him when I move on but he still believes this is worth it to him and isn't worried about what is to come. I've been very honest with him about how I hope to eventually start to date again and I really don't want to hurt him and I want to make sure he's truly okay doing this. He assured me he's okay with our arrangement so the only thing I can do is take him at his word. If he had said he didn't feel comfortable doing this I would respect that and walk away. I deeply care about him and love him. I told him that. He feels the same. The sex is off the charts too which we both really missed. We both have our reasons for hooking up and as long as he's okay with it... I am too Edited June 22, 2021 by Dis
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