Money and Social status

June 13, 2021

Yes I read your first post
You are essentially trying to trick women into dating you, by being vague about your job.
If by good luck or by your attitude, she doesn't ask, then all is golden UNTIL she finds out... so what is the point?
You believe that you are a good match for these well heeled women, they beg to differ.

June 13, 2021

19 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Yes I read your first post
You are essentially trying to trick women into dating you, by being vague about your job.
If by good luck or by your attitude, she doesn't ask, then all is golden UNTIL she finds out... so what is the point?
You believe that you are a good match for these well heeled women, they beg to differ.

Either you have misinterpreted what I wrote or you are projecting. I’m not trying to trick anyone. You are making ridiculous assumptions and judgements based on twisting my scenario in your own head. Maybe you assume the worst in people or this is something you have experienced in the past.

June 13, 2021

1 hour ago, TheTallHobbit said:

The area that I live in is ultra- traditional. Many of these women married fairly successful men at a young age. Many were stay at home moms because like i said, that is what is/was expected. Obviously they didn’t plan to be divorced. Now that they are, however, they don’t want to ‘trade down’. i really do t blame them.

And are those the women you’re interested in dating?

June 13, 2021

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

OP, figure out what you like about yourself other than your salary. You may be getting too hung up on salary.

Other than gold diggers, salary just gets you in the door, so to speak, for more interviews than someone at a lower salary.

Salary does not seal the deal with women you would really want to date. You may be psyching yourself out by assuming salary is the end all and be all.

What else do you have going on in your life that makes you a catch? Focus on that! And I'm not talking about big home or boat. I'm talking about interests, hobbies, people skills, personality strengths and so on.

Of course I don’t expect someone to fall in love with me based on money. I do think that a woman assuming I am well below where I actually am can result in me getting the door slammed in my face before she knows much else about me. As far as what else I have going on- I’m active in my community, I do quite a bit of volunteer work when I can, my social skills are good- in my line of work, this is essential. People that I trust and respect tell me that I’m a catch. I’ve had women I know set up blind dates from time to time. I don’t think they would set their friends up with me if they thought I was a loser or creep or someone not compatible with their friend.

June 13, 2021

10 hours ago, Interstellar said:

are you a mortician? lol, most people probably have preconceived notions about that but who cares about the other losers who’d judge you, you only need one good woman.

Lol, Thankfully no.

June 13, 2021

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

Yes, I had heard this before. But my 30 year school reunion showed a very different picture. So many lovely women who were still thin and attractive and perfectly made up (without cosmetic work) and a heap of bald, craggy men who clearly have never taken care of their skin. Seriously, only one of them still had a good head of hair.

I tell you, this rumour about men aging better than women is a bald faced lie.

Interesting to hear. I had always heard the opposite as the general truth. Actually good to know. I have a full head of hair, my skin is good and I’m not craggy, lol

June 13, 2021

Dude, lead your profile with your community work and volunteering. Maybe highlight as well that social skill you use in your job (you can do that without being specific on the job).

I notice that you are using your friends' praise to justify yourself as a catch. This is the trick: you gotta think of yourself as as catch on your own terms, in your own mind. The trick is to do that without being an arrogant jerk. One way to go about this is to stay away from the generic. Quit the thinking of "what women want" and all that. Your goal is to find that specific woman (she may be quite outside an "average") who treasures and values you! ... and of course you're crazy about her.

Can you be specific about the activities you are proud of? And look, on your job even, you can probably be a bit generic there and highlight the skills you use in the job--without leading with the job.

June 13, 2021

9 minutes ago, TheTallHobbit said:

Either you have misinterpreted what I wrote or you are projecting. I’m not trying to trick anyone. You are making ridiculous assumptions and judgements based on twisting my scenario in your own head. Maybe you assume the worst in people or this is something you have experienced in the past.

So what actually are you doing by hiding your job title? And being vague?

June 13, 2021

8 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

Balding/shaved is a hair style and does nothing to hurt appearance. It's not hurting the Rock or Vin Diesel.

Women start going downhill at 20. Men, 55.

Goldiggers.

If the goldiggers are running from you, consider yourself lucky. Money won't help you with women - all you will get are the bad girls who can divorce you and take your money.

Get to know some women organically - once they get to know you, one will fall for you.

Yes, bald is definitely a ‘look’ now. I have a good head of hair but I can’t grow a decent beard, which is another trend women seem to like.

June 13, 2021

5 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

@TheTallHobbit

The women who do this are self selecting themselves out of your life. They are clearly showing you early on that they are mercenary & not kind, open minded people. Let 'em go.

If it really bugs you that much & you genuinely think you are being unfairly judged, add a wealth symbol or two to your dating ensemble. Invest in a good status symbol watch. It is possible to buy them used. Wear a tonier outfit on the date. Pick a classier location in a nicer part of town. Steer the conversation toward some expensive vacation you have taken or hope to take. Do something to subtly show that your income / wealth is greater than your job title alone conveys.

I really doNt look at them that way. Anyone has the right to want a certain level of security and they certainly have the right to not want to take on someone they may have to support. I hate to sound morbid but at this age both genders are most likely looking for their partner for the last leg of the journey. Having taken care of my elderly parents in the past I know there is so much more to consider In these years, especially if a person hasn’t planned well, which of course relates back to income.

I do dress well, although simply. I’m certainly not a peacock. I can’t see my self buying a Rolex, way to extravagant. All good advice though.

June 13, 2021

Just now, TheTallHobbit said:

I really doNt look at them that way. Anyone has the right to want a certain level of security and they certainly have the right to not want to take on someone they may have to support.

But you haven’t answered. Are these the types of women you want to date.

June 13, 2021

5 hours ago, introverted1 said:

I'm confused, too.

Are you trying to ensure you'll be attractive to women whose alimony and/or child support is stopping soon, by virtue of establishing that you have the financial means to replace what they'll be losing?

Also, many jobs have a wide salary range. Are you an outlier in your field?

Yes, I’m an outlier. I’ve been at it for 20 years and I’m very good at what I do.
the alimony child support example is just to show the situation some of these women are in and how they may be thinking. I have female friends who I’m not trying to date who have told me as much and are in similar situations themselves. It is a very common scenario in my area. I don’t think they are looking to ‘snag a man to keep them up’, I think they are being careful In the partner they chose. If the partner isn’t an asset, they certainly dont want them to be a detriment.

June 13, 2021

23 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

But you haven’t answered. Are these the types of women you want to date.

These are the women that I am meeting. Again this situation seems to be common in my area. And no, if I could choose a persons situation, this is certainly not my ideal. If I was purposefully seeking out this type of woman that would sort of be a form of ‘reverse gold digging’

June 13, 2021

9 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Then date women that don’t care about it. My wife has a more “prestigious” career and earns more than me. In her mind that opened up her dating pool because she didn’t need a man to provide a lifestyle for her. She could provide it for herself. My very average job didn’t bother her at all. I suspect all she cared about was that I had enough to support myself and wasn’t in tons of debt.

That’s exactly the same position I’m in Weezy.

I have a good career and income and I don’t need a man to provide for me. I do, however want to know that a date is able to provide for himself, and doesn’t expect me to be the provider for him.

As long as the above is satisfied, I couldn’t give a monkeys what his job title is or what he earns.

Case in point: I went on a date with a “sewage worker” once . He wasn’t for me but that nothing to do with his job. I thought his job was quite fascinating actually

June 13, 2021

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

So what actually are you doing by hiding your job title? And being vague?

Let’s say I’m a widget salesman. Widget salesmen can make 20k. They can make 2M And anywhere in between. Most people know probably a few widget salesmen and they are familiar with their lifestyle and know that the average widget salesman makes mid to high 5 figures. I’ve been at it a long time and I do quite a bit better than that. So let’s say I’m on a date with a lady who is well into 6 figures. She says ‘what do you do?’ ‘I’m a widget salesman’. She’s wanting someone who she sees as her equal, which is very much her prerogative. She’s thinking “hmmm, my friends husband is a Widget Salesman and he makes 75k. I make 375k. I don’t t think this is a very good match. Waiter!! Check please!!!”

The more pertinent example would have the woman thinking

: “ hmmm, my friends husband is a widget salesman and he makes 75k. My ex is a physician. The lifestyle I’m used to even with my income wouldnt be supported by 75k. I may end up supporting him. Besides I want someone of similar status, education, etc. I don’t think this is a good match. Waiter!! Check please!!!”

Edited June 13, 2021 by TheTallHobbit

June 13, 2021

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Dude, lead your profile with your community work and volunteering. Maybe highlight as well that social skill you use in your job (you can do that without being specific on the job).

I notice that you are using your friends' praise to justify yourself as a catch. This is the trick: you gotta think of yourself as as catch on your own terms, in your own mind. The trick is to do that without being an arrogant jerk. One way to go about this is to stay away from the generic. Quit the thinking of "what women want" and all that. Your goal is to find that specific woman (she may be quite outside an "average") who treasures and values you! ... and of course you're crazy about her.

Can you be specific about the activities you are proud of? And look, on your job even, you can probably be a bit generic there and highlight the skills you use in the job--without leading with the job.

Lol, that’s the fine line I’m walking in this thread. I do think I’m a catch. If I looked at someone exactly like me from an objective view, I know I’m a catch. Also based on what I’ve seen and heard about what other men are available, I have no doubt. But that sounds arrogant to some.

June 13, 2021

8 minutes ago, TheTallHobbit said:

Let’s say I’m a widget salesman. Widget salesmen can make 20k. They can make 2M And anywhere in between. Most people know probably a few widget salesmen and they are familiar with their lifestyle and know that the average widget salesman makes mid to high 5 figures. I’ve been at it a long time and I do quite a bit better than that. So let’s say I’m on a date with a lady who is well into 6 figures. She says ‘what do you do?’ ‘I’m a widget salesman’. She’s wanting someone who she sees as her equal, which is very much her prerogative. She’s thinking “hmmm, my friends husband is a Widget Salesman and he makes 75k. I make 375k. I don’t t think this is a very good match. Waiter!! Check please!!!”

Then you would have dodged a bullet, and it's a good thing to find out so early what's important to women like that. You are just meeting the wrong type of women. And I have no idea how it apparently happens so often to you.

I've never had a problem with getting female attention and starting relationships and I don't think my job title/salary was ever even mentioned. If it was there was certainly no judgement about it (not that it needs judgement). They wanted to be with me because I'm amazing, I'm a boss in life in general

Sounds like you need to work on your self confidence a bit, not be scared and vague about who you are. Be yourself and own it. If a woman does not like that for whatever reason, well then it's her loss, not yours.

June 13, 2021

44 minutes ago, TheTallHobbit said:

These are the women that I am meeting. Again this situation seems to be common in my area. And no, if I could choose a persons situation, this is certainly not my ideal. If I was purposefully seeking out this type of woman that would sort of be a form of ‘reverse gold digging’

So what are you worried about? It’s OLD. Pretty much every person you meet is not going to be compatible. You’re not interested in them so move on until you meet someone you are interested in.

June 13, 2021

Here's the thing: we all have strength and weaknesses. So you are simply highlighting your strengths and your interests. This isn't a generic ranking here, because I don't care how rich and good looking and interesting you are, most people will NOT be a good fit you.

You're looking for a good match to your quirkiness. And the problem with thinking you're a catch isn't arrogance really (though that can be a problem for some). The problem is that this line of thinking throws you off track. You're looking at women from the perspective from a hierarchy and you're looking at women's interest in men via the hierarchy lens.

You want to switch to a matching and complementary lens--someone who gets you! Not just thinks of you as checking the right boxes. You want someone who gets you, is curious about you, who finds your mix of interests to be interesting and inspiring and impressive.

I say this because fear of being arrogance can really get in the way of you presenting your interests and gifts in the best possible light. You're simply sharing the type of guy you are--lots of people won't be turned on, will be turned away. That's fine.

Present your genuine qualities and those who are likely to make a good fit can see you. Drop the worry about arrogance.

June 13, 2021

14 hours ago, elaine567 said:

And what does that achieve?

Because specifics are irrelevant in the early stages of dating. it's just something that some people worry about excessively early on, and it gets in the way of their own happiness.

And to the credit of the women that I typically date, I don't think they care all that much. You can look at a guy and based on his fashion get a general idea of his socioeconomic status. Are there going to be millionaires dressed in hoodies and tennis shoes, or guys on welfare that wear tailored suits, a nice watch and Oxfords? Sure but that's not the norm.

I think any questions are to get an idea of how well I'm doing, which I can appreciate. I'm not being evasive, just not spending a great deal of time on a topic that is generally very boring when I have a limited amount of time to get to know someone.

Edited June 13, 2021 by dramafreezone

June 13, 2021

This thread reminds me of something one of my sisters did years ago. She was at a BBQ at another sister's house and a very good-looking guy arrived. He was single, humorous, and intelligent. She was impressed and was flirting with him until he mentioned that he was a garbage man. She immediately dropped the flirty crap and lost interest. She was really, really annoyed the next day when she found out that he owned the garbage collection company and was a multi-millionaire. Gold diggers are very obvious if you open your eyes, no man has an excuse for marrying one no matter how attractive she is.

June 13, 2021

5 hours ago, TheTallHobbit said:

I really doNt look at them that way. Anyone has the right to want a certain level of security and they certainly have the right to not want to take on someone they may have to support. I hate to sound morbid but at this age both genders are most likely looking for their partner for the last leg of the journey. Having taken care of my elderly parents in the past I know there is so much more to consider In these years, especially if a person hasn’t planned well, which of course relates back to income.

I do dress well, although simply. I’m certainly not a peacock. I can’t see my self buying a Rolex, way to extravagant. All good advice though.

Fair point.

It doesn't have to be a Rolex though. Just something more than your average Timex. It was simply a suggestion to get you over the prejudice based solely on your job title.

June 14, 2021

The lifestyle I’m used to even with my income wouldn't be supported by 75k. I may end up supporting him. Besides I want someone of similar status, education, etc. I don’t think this is a good match. Waiter!! Check please!!!”

OK, this is a key example. This line of thinking is very seductive. But I don't think it's right. Here's the flaw in the above, and my words here are based on conversations with various married women who were married to men who earned high incomes. The woman who was married to the physician who made 375K might reject your (projected) salary. But in my experience--unless she is a real money-grubbing loser--she's more likely to be someone who now realizes that being married to someone making $375K does not automatically bring happiness. I know so many divorced women who feel that the traditional setup of man making more money and all that (and they were married to highly successful men) was just an emotional trap that they want to avoid when they resume dating. They long for a real connection with someone, real fun, real kindness and they would trade income for real connection. Again, this is assuming you are self-sufficient.

BTW: nothing wrong with writing "highly successful salesman" or whatever in your profile. People will know what 'highly successful" means. That's polite code for high salary. And it's true right? You apparently are a star in your profession to make such an outsize income. So put that down.

June 14, 2021

On 6/13/2021 at 3:44 AM, TheTallHobbit said:

I’ve had a couple of women visibly sort of sigh and drop their hands in disappointment. Others will delve further. But after this, in most cases there is a noticeable shift in the tone of the conversation. It’s like if a person was looking forward to something and they find out it’s not quite what they thought. Their demeanor changes and then they’re in a ‘going through the motions’ mode. They stop asking questions- it’s just a noticeable change.

Bolded - since you don't seem to mind being selected based on your ability to "provide" and attractions based on "utility" versus who you are as a man, your inner core and depth, when women appear visibly disappointed when you reveal your job title, why not say something like "hey, why the disappointed look, I make half a million a year!"

Watch them perk right up! Lol. And go from there.

Be straightforward about your salary since it's a major concern, seems like an easy solution.

Also, some dating sites have a salary range - yours and their's.

Join those and avoid those "disappointed looks" altogether..

No judgment on the shallowness, that's your business.

Good luck.

Edited June 14, 2021 by poppyfields

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