Money and Social status

[TheTallHobbit]

3 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

So don't tell the exact title?

If you're a banker say you're in finance.  If you're a social worker say you're in clinical therapy.  I don't tell women what I do exactly. 

If you're a garbage man say you're in environmental improvement, you get the point.  Just give a general field that doesn't give away the job title and then move on from the subject quickly.

And of course social status matters.  It matters a hell of a lot.  But you have the income to reside in that upper middle class strata, so what's the problem?

This quote from @elaine567 is very accurate though.  At least early on in getting tto know a woman, her friend's opinions weigh heavily into her opinion of you.  So be nonspecific if the actual job title is non-flattering, be a mystery.  You have the financial means so that's all she needs to know, she doesn't need to know exactly what you do.  Hell it might work in your favor to be a man of mystery.

I try to stay as vague as i can.

[chillii]

25 minutes ago, TheTallHobbit said:

Women in their 40s and 5Os are looking at very different things than younger women, for instance retirement etc.  also sadly, they have a smaller window of still being attractive compared to men of the same age.  They don’t have time to waste on someone who they don’t see as long, long term.  

l know what decent women are looking for l'm 50s myself. Tbh it wasn't even an issue after my divorce, bc l know a decent woman/person/quality, when l see one and l'm far from well off.

And l hear you on windows butttt, like l said ,tough , we've all got windows or something,  find somebody special.

[Interstellar]

are you a mortician? lol, most people  probably have preconceived notions about that but who cares about the other losers who’d judge you, you only need one good woman.

[elaine567]

23 minutes ago, TheTallHobbit said:

I try to stay as vague as i can.

And what does that achieve? At some point you are going to have to come clean and at that point if she does not see you as her equal due to what you do, as you stated earlier, then it is all over. If you hide your occupation then she will consider you shady, unemployed, or closed off.
"Mystery men" may work well in the movies but IRL, most women with their act together looking for a relationship need to know what you do for a living.
They do not want to take on a "project". If you are not open and honest about something as simple as your job, what else are you hiding?

I think this is really a case of you pitching above your league and getting upset when these women reject you when they find out what your job is.
I guess it is not about money. Most can spot guys with money, I think it is probably about class/education/status.
Your job puts you in a level below, where the women you want to date, are looking for a partner.
You are trying to date out of your class/education/status league and failing.

 Which is not really surprising.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, TheTallHobbit said:

also sadly, they have a smaller window of still being attractive compared to men of the same age.  

Yes, I had heard this before.   But my 30 year school reunion showed a very different picture.  So many lovely women who were still thin and attractive and perfectly made up (without cosmetic work) and a heap of bald, craggy men who clearly have never taken care of their skin.  Seriously, only one of them still had a good head of hair.

I tell you, this rumour about men aging better than women is a bald faced lie.    

Edited June 13, 2021 by basil67

[chillii]

 

 

l've got eyes and l'd find that very , hard to believe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 13, 2021 by chillii

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, TheTallHobbit said:

 My problem is because of my job title they  are assuming i am not their equal.  

Then date women that don’t care about it. My wife has a more “prestigious” career and earns more than me. In her mind that opened up her dating pool because she didn’t need a man to provide a lifestyle for her. She could provide it for herself. My very average job didn’t bother her at all. I suspect all she cared about was that I had enough to support myself and wasn’t in tons of debt.

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Yes, I had heard this before.   But my 30 year school reunion showed a very different picture.  So many lovely women who were still thin and attractive and perfectly made up (without cosmetic work) and a heap of bald, craggy men who clearly have never taken care of their skin.  Seriously, only one of them still had a good head of hair.

I tell you, this rumour about men aging better than women is a bald faced lie.    

Men do not age better than women, it is a myth, I like you see a whole lot of grey, bald, craggy or fat men, who look their age or even older.
BUT the difference being, men (in general) and single men in particular, are not very tolerant of ageing women, they want youth and beauty and will denigrate women for natural ageing, whereas women are far more tolerant of the old guy he has turned out to be.
Hollywood has glorified the ageing male and vilified the ageing female.
But I do think it is changing, women do not NEED a man any longer, so putting up with ageing men who rely on their gender for their obligatory sex appeal, will no longer cut it.

Edited June 13, 2021 by elaine567

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Yes, I had heard this before.   But my 30 year school reunion showed a very different picture.  So many lovely women who were still thin and attractive and perfectly made up (without cosmetic work) and a heap of bald, craggy men who clearly have never taken care of their skin.  Seriously, only one of them still had a good head of hair.

I tell you, this rumour about men aging better than women is a bald faced lie.    

True. Women in general care much more about their appearance than men do, and therefore on average spend a lot more time/energy/money on it. And if you don’t care for your looks, the age will show. But balding has nothing to do with that. It’s just genetics. 

[basil67]

35 minutes ago, chillii said:

l've got eyes and l'd find that very , hard to believe.

Which bit?

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

But balding has nothing to do with that. It’s just genetics. 

Yes but it is definitely a sign of ageing.

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

True. Women in general care much more about their appearance than men do, and therefore on average spend a lot more time/energy/money on it. And if you don’t care for your looks, the age will show. But balding has nothing to do with that. It’s just genetics. 

Balding may be unavoidable, and I'd be fine dating a guy who was bald.  But if we're comparing older men with older women on looks alone, the fact remains that being bald doesn't help guys in the beauty stakes.

Edited June 13, 2021 by basil67

[Weezy1973]

Just now, basil67 said:

Balding may be unavoidable, and I'd be fine dating a guy who was bald.  But if we're comparing older men with older women on looks alone, the fact remains that being bald doesn't help guys in the beauty stakes.

Oh for sure, but women for example often colour their hair to hide the gray as they age. They put a lot more effort into it  in general. Men could of course get hair transplants and a few do.

[Fletch Lives]

Balding/shaved is a hair style and does nothing to hurt appearance. It's not hurting the Rock or Vin Diesel.

 

Women start going downhill at 20. Men, 55.

 

 

Goldiggers.

 

If the goldiggers are running from you, consider yourself lucky. Money won't help you with women - all you will get are the bad girls who can divorce you and take your money.

 

Get to know some women organically - once they get to know you, one will fall for you.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

Women start going downhill at 20. Men, 55.

How insulting ! lol

[Caauug]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Men do not age better than women, it is a myth, I like you see a whole lot of grey, bald, craggy or fat men, who look their age or even older.
BUT the difference being, men (in general) and single men in particular, are not very tolerant of ageing women, they want youth and beauty and will denigrate women for natural ageing, whereas women are far more tolerant of the old guy he has turned out to be.
Hollywood has glorified the ageing male and vilified the ageing female.
But I do think it is changing, women do not NEED a man any longer, so putting up with ageing men who rely on their gender for their obligatory sex appeal, will no longer cut it.

^^^^^Thank You....

Yes, men and women both age, and for the most part age equally as the years pass. There are lots of different conditions that help or hinder our aging appearance or our health that may or may not affect our aging process. 

"But the difference" comment: I see where you are coming from but.... This has to to with what that gender finds attractive in the other, not really an age issue. For the most part (not an always), men find youth  and beauty related to fertility. Fertility being the key attraction component. This is genetic or part of human nature. With the older guy, women look to him thinking (hoping) he will have his crap together and will be a good protector/provider. Also not an always, but more of a trend, also part of human nature. Human nature is not set in stone, and many things in our lives affect what we value or view as attractive in a person.

"But I do think it is changing", comment: I hope so also. No one should NEED anyone for support. A mate, man or woman, should complement his or her partner, regardless of sex, not be a dependent. Dependency will only lead to disappointment.

I looked and replied to your comment with both genders in mind, as your comment applies equally to both.

[Caauug]

2 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

Women start going downhill at 20. Men, 55.

I think Fletch is just trying to stir the ladies up with this comment... 

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

How insulting ! lol

I agree.... There is no base in the way he has stated that. Just poor form. 

[d0nnivain]

@TheTallHobbit

The women who do this are self selecting themselves out of your life.  They are clearly showing you early on that they are mercenary & not kind, open minded people.  Let 'em go. 

If it really bugs you that much & you genuinely think you are being unfairly judged, add a wealth symbol or two to your dating ensemble.  Invest in a good status symbol watch.  It is possible to buy them used. Wear a tonier outfit on the date.  Pick a classier location in a nicer part of town. Steer the conversation toward some expensive vacation you have taken or hope to take.   Do something to subtly show that your income / wealth is greater than your job title alone conveys.  

[introverted1]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

I'm confused.  In your other thread, you're wary of women who are dating at the age their alimony may be stopping.  But here, you're wanting to advertise your financial value.

Do you want your spending power to be known and valued?  Or not?

I'm confused, too. 

Are you trying to ensure you'll be attractive to women whose alimony and/or child support is stopping soon, by virtue of establishing that you have the financial means to replace what they'll be losing?

Also, many jobs have a wide salary range.  Are you an outlier in your field?

[elaine567]

18 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

he women who do this are self selecting themselves out of your life.  They are clearly showing you early on that they are mercenary & not kind, open minded people.  Let 'em go. 

Ok maybe, but as the OP is at pains to keep his "career" a secret, then it may be that 99% of female posters on here too would give him a swerve... we can't judge these women without being aware of what it is about his "career" that is turning women off.

[d0nnivain]

They judged him.  Ergo they are judgmental.  It's not wrong for him to let them go.  The OP gains nothing by chasing them.  

[stillafool]

Are you a Mortician?  They made a ton of money last year.

[Lotsgoingon]

OP, figure out what you like about yourself other than your salary. You may be getting too hung up on salary. 

Other than gold diggers, salary just gets you in the door, so to speak, for more interviews than someone at a lower salary.

Salary does not seal the deal with women you would really want to date. You may be psyching yourself out by assuming salary is the end all and be all.

What else do you have going on in your life that makes you a catch? Focus on that! And I'm not talking about big home or boat. I'm talking about interests, hobbies, people skills, personality strengths and so on. 

[Weezy1973]

I suspect the OP thinks money is the main way women value him. Similar to women who think their main value for men is their looks / sexuality. It’s of course wrong, and the belief will tend to lead to bad outcomes. 

Edited June 13, 2021 by Weezy1973

[TheTallHobbit]

9 hours ago, elaine567 said:

And what does that achieve? At some point you are going to have to come clean and at that point if she does not see you as her equal due to what you do, as you stated earlier, then it is all over. If you hide your occupation then she will consider you shady, unemployed, or closed off.
"Mystery men" may work well in the movies but IRL, most women with their act together looking for a relationship need to know what you do for a living.
They do not want to take on a "project". If you are not open and honest about something as simple as your job, what else are you hiding?

I think this is really a case of you pitching above your league and getting upset when these women reject you when they find out what your job is.
I guess it is not about money. Most can spot guys with money, I think it is probably about class/education/status.
Your job puts you in a level below, where the women you want to date, are looking for a partner.
You are trying to date out of your class/education/status league and failing.

 Which is not really surprising.

No, you have it completely wrong. Maybe you didnt read  my original post.  

I try to be vague so that I can try to see if a woman is interested in me rather than my income.  I know however that my income is part of me as a package.  It is important to most women and I really don’t blame them for that. Not to denigrate anyone’s employment but I don’t want to date the cashier at the 7-11.  Maybe that’s bad but it is somewhat important that partners be close In socioeconomic status.   If she doesn’t ask, I don’t volunteer it.  I usually have a very vague one word description in my dating profile.  
The area that I live in is ultra- traditional.  Many of these women married fairly successful men at a young age.  Many were stay at home moms because like i said, that is what is/was expected.  Obviously they didn’t plan to be divorced. Now that they are, however, they don’t want to ‘trade down’.  i really do t blame them.

Edited June 13, 2021 by TheTallHobbit