Money and Social status

June 12, 2021

I have a career that I’ve been in for 20 years. I’m not close to being a millionaire but I make an excellent living. In my field there are people who don’t do well at all and there are people who make into 7 figures. The problem is this: if I were to tell you my job title you’d probably think ‘oh, he makes probably an average 5 figure income.’ This isn’t the case. I make well into 6 figures but most in my field don’t.

Now I’ve heard over and over that this isn’t the most important thing to women but that hasn’t been my experience. I’ve had a couple of women visibly sort of sigh and drop their hands in disappointment. Others will delve further. But after this, in most cases there is a noticeable shift in the tone of the conversation. It’s like if a person was looking forward to something and they find out it’s not quite what they thought. Their demeanor changes and then they’re in a ‘going through the motions’ mode. They stop asking questions- it’s just a noticeable change.

So here’s the the thing- I think women have a right to want what they want. If they want a guy who has a certain social and economic status, that’s their business and their prerogative. I’m not going to say “they should want me for me and not my income”. That is just not reality. But how do I get past this? I’m not going to take my tax returns on a date and I’m not going to blurt out what my w2 said last year. I am the type of guy they are looking for but they wouldn’t know it by my job title.

June 12, 2021

Any woman who goes cold after you tell them your occupation is not worth your time. Keep searching for a genuine woman. There are a lot of lazy gold diggers out there looking for someone to take care of them. This includes men and women. Sad.

June 12, 2021

52 minutes ago, TheTallHobbit said:

I’ve had a couple of women visibly sort of sigh and drop their hands in disappointment. Others will delve further. But after this, in most cases there is a noticeable shift in the tone of the conversation.

They act like this after hearing your job title? Seriously? These women are incredibly rude and shallow and these are not people you want to date anyway.

If you want to put out the image that you are well off financially, there is nothing wrong with that, and there are ways to do that besides just your job title. Dressing nice, driving a nice car, etc? If you are meeting women from online dating, you can put "financially secure" in your profile.

June 12, 2021

Start with how much you make and why. Then give the job title. Yes, they're being shallow, but people are what they are.

BTW love the username and profile graphic!

Also if you're the guy who does Lerd of teh Reigns on YT/FB and that's the job you're talking about I'll sh*t myself, ha ha! Big fan of the occasional dip into sophomoric humor.

Edited June 12, 2021 by mark clemson

June 12, 2021

1 hour ago, TheTallHobbit said:

I’m not going to take my tax returns on a date and I’m not going to blurt out what my w2 said last year. I am the type of guy they are looking for but they wouldn’t know it by my job title.

Absolutely agree. Never reveal your income. It's flashy and screams "Insecure!".

State your profession or field only. Never bring your resume (figuratively) to a date either. They want to date you .

Focus on what what things you offer as a man. And show, don't tell. That means good sense of humor, gentleman, put together, confident, fun, whatever, etc.

Why are they appearing uninterested? It should be a brief coffee meet and get-to-know-you situation. Make sure it's you they like on the coffee meet. Not your bank account, car, profession, etc.

June 12, 2021

1 hour ago, TheTallHobbit said:

I have a  career that I’ve been in for 20 years.  I’m not close to being a millionaire but I make an excellent living. In my field there are people who don’t do well at all and there are people who make into 7 figures.  The problem is this:  if I were to tell you my job title you’d probably think ‘oh, he makes probably an average 5 figure income.’ This isn’t the case.  I make well into 6 figures but most in my field don’t.

Now I’ve heard over and over that this isn’t the most important thing to women but that hasn’t been my experience.  I’ve had a couple of women visibly sort of sigh and drop their hands in disappointment.  Others will delve further.  But after this, in most cases there is a noticeable shift in the tone of the conversation.  It’s like if a person was looking forward to something and they find out it’s not quite what they thought.  Their demeanor changes and then they’re in a ‘going through the motions’ mode.  They stop asking questions- it’s just a noticeable change.

So here’s the the thing- I think women have a right to want what they want.  If they want a guy who has a certain social and economic status, that’s their business and their prerogative. I’m not going to say “they should want me for me and not my income”. That is just not reality. But how do I get past this?  I’m not going to take my tax returns on a date and I’m not going to blurt out what my w2 said last year.  I am the type of guy they are looking for but they wouldn’t know it by my job title.

if this career people might put a wage on an a g employee, but they understand a senior manager or business owner makes 6 figures.

does your profile say something that carries negative trait of a job?

withma yeomen who are older an income does matter to maintain lifestyle. They also understand there are respected civil service jobs that don’t carry the high salary. But they are in a professional field.

June 12, 2021

Woman WILL judge on career, why wouldn't they?
It is not however all about money.

Women tend not to like for example...
Dirty smelly jobs - they will likely end up doing the washing... or cleaning the house after dirty boots have tramped all over it...
Long and/or antisocial hours. No time for fun and recreation.
On call commitment. Difficult to plan events as a guy on call is likely always unavailable or busy dealing with emergencies.
Few free weekends or poor holiday entitlement. No time off= ultimate anger and resentment.
Jobs that involve a lot of travel and time away from home. - possibility of cheating and inability to plan a social life. There is also the likelihood of becoming
a single parent, managing everything at home whilst he is away...

Also women tend to want to be proud of their man's career.
Any job she is not proud to tell her friends about, is not going to be a winner in her eyes...

June 12, 2021

14 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Long and/or antisocial hours. No time for fun and recreation.
On call commitment. Difficult to plan events as a guy on call is likely always unavailable or busy dealing with emergencies.
Few free weekends or poor holiday entitlement. No time off= ultimate anger and resentment.
Jobs that involve a lot of travel and time away from home. - possibility of cheating and inability to plan a social life. There is also the likelihood of becoming
a single parent, managing everything at home whilst he is away...

Also women tend to want to be proud of their man's career.
Any job she is not proud to tell her friends about, is not going to be a winner in her eyes...

Ok , if "proud of career" is important, all the things mentioned above would rule out doctor, lawyer, pilot, military and just about any job except stocking shelves at Walmart.

June 12, 2021

If l understand well it's the job title that bothers them? Drop and move to next.

Last night l was talking online with a man that happens to be a taxi driver. A lot of women would look down on a man like him but many taxi drivers are financially comfortable. The man l was talking to happens to live in a very comfortable part of town.

Look for ladies that got their own thing going and don't need a man to give them a social status with a fancy title.

June 12, 2021

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok , if "proud of career" is important, all the things mentioned above would rule out doctor, lawyer, pilot, military and just about any job except stocking shelves at Walmart.

I didn't mean every woman rules out all of these jobs but some women will rule out jobs/careers she has usually previously experienced and does not want

to go there again.

June 12, 2021

2 hours ago, TheTallHobbit said:

... I’m not going to say “they should want me for me and not my income”. That is just not reality. But how do I get past this? I’m not going to take my tax returns on a date and I’m not going to blurt out what my w2 said last year. I am the type of guy they are looking for but they wouldn’t know it by my job title.

You're right in that it is not a reality for these women, but you are wrong because it is not a reality for all women, not, at, all. If you want women that it does impress and makes all the difference then there are ways to telegraph ones wealth. I'm the opposite. I don't want women who are impressed by that or really care.

There are plenty of hot, have it all together women who are looking for what you are and not your income. I know, they are what I sought and was not hard to find them, yes there were a still a few materialistic ones that slipped through the filters.

For me it was the tone of my profile, very non-materialistic, perhaps a bit spiritualistic, a good dose of geek, and wrapped in some irreverence. In my experience this attracts non-materialistic women, your words do make a difference to these women. I am certain my profile turned off many woman who thought I was too flip, or not "traditional" enough (and certainly wondered at my geeky and intellectual references). Good I say.

I never mentioned my profession in my profile and studiously avoided my title in initial dating, just occupation and the fun parts about it (which are all geeky and people parts, not the money or status)

Not to belittle it, but use the bait for the fish you are trying to catch. Most of the "bait" (dating profile advice or even site/app set up) is geared to getting such stereotypical people, don't use it I say.

You are after my own heart after all with a user name like Tall Hobbit.

P.S. Are you looking for advice on how to attract women who are impressed by money? That is easy peasy, several suggestions above that say I got money honey.

Edited June 12, 2021 by SumGuy

June 12, 2021

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

Start with how much you make and why. Then give the job title. Yes, they're being shallow, but people are what they are.

BTW love the username and profile graphic!

Also if you're the guy who does Lerd of teh Reigns on YT/FB and that's the job you're talking about I'll sh*t myself, ha ha! Big fan of the occasional dip into sophomoric humor.

Haha, no that’s not me. I’ve just been a Lotr nerd since I was a kid. I’ve actually read The Silmarillion twice.

June 12, 2021

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

if this career people might put a wage on an a g employee, but they understand a senior manager or business owner makes 6 figures.

does your profile say something that carries negative trait of a job?

withma yeomen who are older an income does matter to maintain lifestyle. They also understand there are respected civil service jobs that don’t carry the high salary. But they are in a professional field.

I purposefully don’t list my job on my profile. And when I meet them I never volunteer it.
but usually the inevitable ‘so what do you do?’ comes up. It is women late 30s to early 50s. Most of them have very similar backgrounds- fairly recently divorced, 2-3 kids. The area I live in is very conservative. This is weird but I’ve noticed many of them who have kids who will be turning 18 soon. Meaning that some of their financial support from their ex will possibly be going away. I could be wrong, but it’s something I’ve noticed.

June 12, 2021

2 minutes ago, TheTallHobbit said:

I’ve noticed many of them who have kids who will be turning 18 soon. Meaning that some of their financial support from their ex will possibly be going away.

What does child support for a minor have to do with it? Do you mean you have no minor kids therefore prefer someone not encumbered with minor kids at home?

You seem to colleting a dossier on women with all sorts of assumptions before you even meet for a coffee. What's up with that?

June 12, 2021

No those damn kids will be getting jobs and paying rent or moving the hell out. BUT if they go to college, the ex has to pay for that too, some cases til the kid is 25 as long as they say in uni. So no they won't lose money, they will gain it and more independence. Op you sure assume a lot without anything real truth to back it up.

Edited June 12, 2021 by smackie9

June 12, 2021

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What does child support for a minor have to do with it? Do you mean you have no minor kids therefore prefer someone not encumbered with minor kids at home?

You seem to colleting a dossier on women with all sorts of assumptions before you even meet for a coffee. What's up with that?

What it has to do with it is that a stream of income could be ending for her. Depending on the divorce agreement many times child support AND alimony end when the kids are 18. More often than not alimony does end if the woman remarries. Like I said, I’m not saying this is the case, it’s just something I’ve noticed and I think it merits discussion, given the topic.

im not collecting a dossier, I’m just trying to find out about who I am meeting before I meet them. Case in point, I matched with a woman on Hinge- I looked her up and only a month before I matched with her, her ex husband had shot and killed her new fiancé and then killed himself. She probably wasn’t ready to get back in the dating pool.

Edited June 12, 2021 by TheTallHobbit

June 12, 2021

If you're worried about her wanting you because her income stream may be ending, why not aim for a woman who works?

June 13, 2021

3 hours ago, TheTallHobbit said:

Haha, no that’s not me. I’ve just been a Lotr nerd since I was a kid. I’ve actually read The Silmarillion twice.

What! Only twice! Drop an esoteric Silmarillion reference in your profile, subtle so those who don't know will gloss over and those who do will pick up on it.

You say you live in a conservative area but is that the kind of woman you are looking for? Even in conservative areas, there are plenty of women who are not on board with it, but they can't really be up front about that as it is just not worth the hassle.

June 13, 2021

6 hours ago, TheTallHobbit said:

Now I’ve heard over and over that this isn’t the most important thing to women but that hasn’t been my experience. I’ve had a couple of women visibly sort of sigh and drop their hands in disappointment. Others will delve further. But after this, in most cases there is a noticeable shift in the tone of the conversation. It’s like if a person was looking forward to something and they find out it’s not quite what they thought. Their demeanor changes and then they’re in a ‘going through the motions’ mode. They stop asking questions- it’s just a noticeable change.

So don't tell the exact title?

If you're a banker say you're in finance. If you're a social worker say you're in clinical therapy. I don't tell women what I do exactly.

If you're a garbage man say you're in environmental improvement, you get the point. Just give a general field that doesn't give away the job title and then move on from the subject quickly.

And of course social status matters. It matters a hell of a lot. But you have the income to reside in that upper middle class strata, so what's the problem?

Quote

Any job she is not proud to tell her friends about, is not going to be a winner in her eyes...

This quote from @elaine567 is very accurate though. At least early on in getting tto know a woman, her friend's opinions weigh heavily into her opinion of you. So be nonspecific if the actual job title is non-flattering, be a mystery. You have the financial means so that's all she needs to know, she doesn't need to know exactly what you do. Hell it might work in your favor to be a man of mystery.

Edited June 13, 2021 by dramafreezone

June 13, 2021

Depends what kind of woman you want.

If you want to lead with your income, try it out. Say something like "highly successful" in your profile. You can even be more revealing "highly successful in a field that would surprise many people."

What do you do with your money? Do you have an expensive tastes or hobbies that would implicitly reveal that you are well-paid? If so mention one of them. Or if you'd like to travel to X and Y and Z (and trips to those places require serious mullah) put that in your profile.

Oh and when you meet someone, you need to look good!

Edited June 13, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

June 13, 2021

I'm confused. In your other thread, you're wary of women who are dating at the age their alimony may be stopping. But here, you're wanting to advertise your financial value.

Do you want your spending power to be known and valued? Or not?

June 13, 2021

Your going for very shallow crap women , wth are you even doing with them , you can pick women like that at 100mtrs , don't even bother.Look for someone special , very special.

June 13, 2021

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

If you're worried about her wanting you because her income stream may be ending, why not aim for a woman who works?

I think you misunderstand. I don’t blame them for wanting what they want. If someone wants to date someone who is their equal or better financially that s their business and I’m not going to judge them. My problem is because of my job title they are assuming i am not their equal.

June 13, 2021

42 minutes ago, chillii said:

Your going for very shallow crap women , wth are you even doing with them , you can pick women like that at 100mtrs , don't even bother.Look for someone special , very special.

Women in their 40s and 5Os are looking at very different things than younger women, for instance retirement etc. also sadly, they have a smaller window of still being attractive compared to men of the same age. They don’t have time to waste on someone who they don’t see as long, long term.

June 13, 2021

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

If you're worried about her wanting you because her income stream may be ending, why not aim for a woman who works?

Most of them do. Still though, half of their income could be going away. These aren’t lazy gold diggers. Many of the are high status women who simply want to maintain a standard of living.

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