Vetting online dates and the ramifications

[Fletch Lives]

Judging her ex's by looks is a waste of time. Besides, most guys are ugly!

 

I remember googling a date one time to find her mug shot. Yes, my ex was a quack-ho! 

 

It's smart to find out as much as you can about a woman. Just don't get caught snooping.

 

However, finding out if they are actually attracted to you and using your intuition to vet women are important first steps.

[Dull Hargraves]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Yeah, let's not twist the story to prove a point.  You're here because you find that women have dated ugly men in the past and get mad when they don't date you.   The basis of your behaviour is a lack of confidence, combined with entitlement. 

And of course I wouldn't date someone who had their fiance murdered.  They wouldn't be on a dating app, they'd be in jail. 

Edited June 13, 2021 by Dull Hargraves

[Dull Hargraves]

3 minutes ago, Dull Hargraves said:

 

I think you can never be too safe.  At a point though, it becomes intrusive.  Also, as you are experiencing, it’s doing you more bad than good.  

[TheTallHobbit]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

Yeah, let's not twist the story to prove a point.  You're here because you find that women have dated ugly men in the past and get mad when they don't date you.   The basis of your behaviour is a lack of confidence, combined with entitlement. 

And of course I wouldn't date someone who had their fiance murdered.  They wouldn't be on a dating app, they'd be in jail. 

I worded that poorly.  it was late.  What I meant is she went through the experience of her fiancé being murdered by her ex. then she matched with me a month later.

i don’t deny it’s a terrible way to think and you are probably right about the entitlement part.  I think rather than a lack of, it is probably over-confidence which I guess could be considered arrogance.  I look at myself as ‘better’, for lack of a better word, than these guys I’m seeing that she has dated.  If it was lack of confidence, I most likely wouldn’t be a trying to date this type of woman.  
 

 

[Wiseman2]

Have you considered that you like the catch and release aspect of all this?

[basil67]

6 hours ago, TheTallHobbit said:

i don’t deny it’s a terrible way to think and you are probably right about the entitlement part.  I think rather than a lack of, it is probably over-confidence which I guess could be considered arrogance.  I look at myself as ‘better’, for lack of a better word, than these guys I’m seeing that she has dated.  If it was lack of confidence, I most likely wouldn’t be a trying to date this type of woman.  

But if you really believed in yourself, you wouldn't get your shorts in a twist about them not being interested in you.  I still believe it's a combination of entitlement and lack of confidence behind this. 

Edited June 13, 2021 by basil67

[TheTallHobbit]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you considered that you like the catch and release aspect of all this?

Maybe 20 or more years ago.  Like many, I’ve grown weary of this. I wish I could find the right person, it’s just not that easy.

[TheTallHobbit]

10 minutes ago, basil67 said:

But if you really believed in yourself, you wouldn't get your shorts in a twist about them not being interested in you.  I still believe it's a combination of entitlement and lack of confidence behind this. 

Let me state it this way:

 

I’ve seen past photos of girls with their Exes where the ex was in my opinion equal to or better than me.  That doesn’t bother me at all. Not in the least.

 

Ive seen photos and they are with someone I see as way below me, that’s what bothers me. Especially If they aren’t interested in me.

 

Again, I know it’s not a good way to look at it and it may even be a little strange, maybe a bit childish,  but that’s how I feel.

[basil67]

9 minutes ago, TheTallHobbit said:

 

Ive seen photos and they are with someone I see as way below me, that’s what bothers me. Especially If they aren’t interested in me.

 

Again, I know it’s not a good way to look at it and it may even be a little strange, maybe a bit childish,  but that’s how I feel.

Yes, I get it’s how you feel.   Perhaps you’re looking for affirmation rather than explanation?  Getting annoyed because she’s not interested in you but has an ugly ex is the epitome of entitlement.

Its also incredibly shallow.  He may have been a really good bloke, but you don’t even consider that.

Edited June 13, 2021 by basil67

[TheTallHobbit]

50 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes, I get it’s how you feel.   Perhaps you’re looking for affirmation rather than explanation?  Getting annoyed because she’s not interested in you but has an ugly ex is the epitome of entitlement.

Its also incredibly shallow.  He may have been a really good bloke, but you don’t even consider that.

No I’ve considered that.  He very well may have been.  But part of the confidence I have is that I know how well i treat a partner when she is with me.  I’ve never had a bad breakup.  I’m on good terms with any ex that I have, the ones that I have contact with anyway.  The ones I’m not, we were on amicable terms when we lost contact,  I know that if I reached out today, they would be glad to hear from me. I ve had exes write ‘reviews’ for me for dating profiles.   I’ve had female friends tell me horror stories about wHat a**h***s their exes are.  With girlfriends, I dont like it talk about Exes but I’ve heard this from them too on occasion.  Looks, money, All of that aside, if I had to put a number on it, I’m sure I’m in the top 5% of men, when it comes to how well I treat a woman. I’ve had a few women tell me that they were so used to being treated badly, that when they got with me, it scared them away.  So the thing is I think I have a lot to offer in a relationship. I know if a woman gives me a chance I will blow her mind with how well I treat her.  So I know that I’m a good bloke.  Most likely a better bloke than her ex.   But I think many women, and maybe especially the type of woman that I’m attracted to, don’t know a good thing when they see it.  

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, TheTallHobbit said:

 But I think many women, and maybe especially the type of woman that I’m attracted to, don’t know a good thing when they see it.  

And if you have self confidence, this won't bother you at all.  

[basil67]

And to add to the above, that you treat a woman well doesn't mean that you'll necessarily be a good match.  The two of you may have nothing in common and bore each other to tears.  Or have completely different interests or senses of humour.  Or one may really object to the politics of the other.

Treating a woman well is a baseline. Yep, you won't get far without that. But there needs to be a whole lot of compatibility on top of that to make it work.  In short, you're at risk of falling into the 'nice guy's lament'