Been location stalking this guy I just started dating via OLD location and see he's spending overnights in nearby towns. Red Flag?

June 13, 2021

18 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

The only red flag behaviour here is yours, OP.

I agree with this. 2 dates... he's not committed to you, and most people who are "Dating" will be playing the field. Especially at that age. He's probably recently D, and he's making up for lost time.

So, do yourself a favor... don't snoop on people, because all you will do is make yourself crazy when there is no reason to be.

Now... if you have been dating for 6 mo, and have committed to each other... and you see this... then at would be a flag.

June 13, 2021

Who knows maybe he's a travelling sales rep

June 13, 2021

19 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I'm gonna go disable the locator in my dating app right now!!

I'm considering turning mine on and spoofing GPS data to random locations around the world.

My last girlfriend's son had location tracking enabled so she could check up on him. His location was all over the place. When she asked me about it and I looked at the data, I told her he was probably just cheating at Pokemon Go, which turned out to be the truth.

June 13, 2021

@Hazel Jade because the locator shows him in different towns overnight you assume he's with other women. He may be at a friend's house because he had too much to drink & can't drive home. I'm not classifying him as a drunk but 3+ & one should not drive. He may be visiting relatives. You really don't know.

The fact that you are tracking this for some guy you just met & went on 1 date with is problematic. You have been burned so many times that you have lost your ability to trust. Until you regain that you need to stop dating because you are not in a good open emotional place. You are scared, worried & probably paranoid. You can't date like that. This app feature is BAD. It's screwing with your mind. If you can't stop yourself from using it, you need to stop OLD. It's making you crazy.

June 13, 2021

There are no shortage of explanations for his behavior, from technical ones (the app is updating in the background) to personal ones (maybe he travels for work; at one of my jobs I regularly went to 5-6 different "towns" in a roughly 20-mile radius). Without additional information there's no way to know how or why it's occurring.

There is a very big difference between "huh, I wonder why he's apparently in so many different places" and "well obviously he's going from town to town to hook up with random women". Your cognitive distortions, plus your overinvestment in a near-complete stranger, is more worrying than whatever he may or may not be doing.

June 13, 2021

On 6/12/2021 at 11:55 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Agree, it's not accurate, reliable nor an indicate of anything worthwhile.

Also the best way to avoid "F-boys" as you call them, is not to play tonsil hockey for 8 hrs. the first time you meet.

We played tonsil hockey for about 15 mins at the end of the date, but I see your point.

June 13, 2021

Well, the second date went amazing. No sex of course. We talked about our families, lives, shared stories, shared food, we hiked, laughed. He seems wonderful quite frankly. And yes, it does seem odd that he might have a harem of booty calls at 50, but I will say he does look incredible for 50, looks closer to 40. I also look much younger than my age and would say we are evenly matched as far as being fit and level of attractiveness, so I don't feel he is out of my league or anything, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if he had plenty of women throwing themselves at him.

I also get everyone thinking Im a crazy paranoid stalker or whatever, but please remember, his location info is public on the dating app. I'm not going through his phone, driving by his house, or hacking into his emails. It was just something I noticed, and quite frankly, WHY would I deprive myself of this information in this early stage?? When we are both trying to get to know one another, and gauge the other person's character and interest level.

So, as it stands today, we are supposed to see each other for date 3 next week. I'm just going to keep seeing him. He's a free man, if he's hooking up that's his business. If things get to a point where we want to take a step forward, then I'll let him know there has to be an understanding between us and some level of exclusivity. If we don't make it that far, well, at least I didn't have sex with him.

Edited June 13, 2021 by Hazel Jade

June 13, 2021

7 hours ago, lana-banana said:

There are no shortage of explanations for his behavior, from technical ones (the app is updating in the background) to personal ones (maybe he travels for work; at one of my jobs I regularly went to 5-6 different "towns" in a roughly 20-mile radius). Without additional information there's no way to know how or why it's occurring.

There is a very big difference between "huh, I wonder why he's apparently in so many different places" and "well obviously he's going from town to town to hook up with random women". Your cognitive distortions, plus your overinvestment in a near-complete stranger, is more worrying than whatever he may or may not be doing.

I wouldn't say I'm overinvested, or behaving in any way that is "worrying". Like I said it was just something I noticed on a public app. I'm not dressing like a ninja and hiding in the bushes following him around at night. Maybe he closed the app when he was in the other town and didn't open it again until the AM, so it didn't update. Who knows. After our second date last night, I really don't care anymore to be honest. He seems very interested in me, and we do have chemistry and a fun time. So I'm just going to focus on that and live in the moment with him. Maybe he thinks I'm different and doesn't see me as hook up material. Or maybe not and he is just trying to seduce me into having sex. Time will tell, I guess.

Edited June 13, 2021 by Hazel Jade

June 13, 2021

Guy sounds smooth. He probably has women 28 - 63 running after him. Especially if he's good looking; but I like your attitude now.

June 13, 2021

7 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

@Hazel Jade because the locator shows him in different towns overnight you assume he's with other women. He may be at a friend's house because he had too much to drink & can't drive home. I'm not classifying him as a drunk but 3+ & one should not drive. He may be visiting relatives. You really don't know.

The fact that you are tracking this for some guy you just met & went on 1 date with is problematic. You have been burned so many times that you have lost your ability to trust. Until you regain that you need to stop dating because you are not in a good open emotional place. You are scared, worried & probably paranoid. You can't date like that. This app feature is BAD. It's screwing with your mind. If you can't stop yourself from using it, you need to stop OLD. It's making you crazy.

After our great 2nd date last night, I don't think I'll be checking his location any more. I realized that I just don't really want to know what he's doing at this stage in the game.

June 13, 2021

6 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Guy sounds smooth. He probably has women 28 - 63 running after him. Especially if he's good looking; but I like your attitude now.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if that was the case. He's a hottie for sure, but the connection between us is very comfortable and easy, and I think that is what I'm going to focus on for now. As we get to know each other more, maybe we could be something. I've decided not to worry about what he's doing until we get to the point where we are actually "something", and not just two people who are in the beginning stages of attraction. That's prob the best way to handle it, in lieu of just assuming he's a hook up machine, and letting that assumption of him bleed out into my own interactions with him... which would inevitably ruin it all, anyway.

Edited June 13, 2021 by Hazel Jade

June 13, 2021

9 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

I agree with this. 2 dates... he's not committed to you, and most people who are "Dating" will be playing the field. Especially at that age. He's probably recently D, and he's making up for lost time.

So, do yourself a favor... don't snoop on people, because all you will do is make yourself crazy when there is no reason to be.

Now... if you have been dating for 6 mo, and have committed to each other... and you see this... then at would be a flag.

He's been divorced 10 years. And I don't consider noticing public info on an app "snooping" but I do see your point. And agree with the 6 mos point, as well. Right now, as far as his behavior towards me is concerned, there are no red flags. It was just the overnights on the app that caused me to raise an eyebrow. I care less today after our second date. I actually just want to focus on how he is with me...I don't really want to know what he's doing otherwise at this point.

Edited June 13, 2021 by Hazel Jade

June 13, 2021

8 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Who knows maybe he's a travelling sales rep

He works from home, but does travel to his office in a nearby town 2x's a week he told me.

June 13, 2021

20 minutes ago, Hazel Jade said:

it does seem odd that he might have a harem of booty calls

Maybe he's a pizza delivery man as a side hustle, but doesn't want to tell you that. .

That makes more sense than having booty calls all over town.

June 13, 2021

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Maybe he's a pizza delivery man as a side hustle, but doesn't want to tell you that. .

That makes more sense than having booty calls all over town.

LOL! That would be a great explanation, and one that I would prefer to him being a man-whore. But, it's most likely that he's hooking up with women on the app. It's OK. I can't judge him for it at this point. We've only been talking a month and been on 2 (8+ hour) dates. I'm not sleeping with him, so it's not really any of my business what he's doing.

The good news is, he's probably not seeing these women again after the initial hookup. I'd rather be in the "hey, this person could be potential partner material", position that I'm in now, rather than the hit-it-and-quit it category that most, if not all, of the (real or imagined) hook ups of his are.

Men are gonna have sex. I don't fault him for that. If he can't be faithful that's one thing, but d*cking around with willing and able women on a dating app when you're a single man? Not very becoming, but also not unheard of...even for a good man with a moral compass. .

Edited June 13, 2021 by Hazel Jade

June 13, 2021

On 6/12/2021 at 11:46 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Nonsense.

You protect yourself by not getting involved/having sex (or 8 hr. dates with kissing making out) until you are on a few dates and have the exclusive talk.

Go on brief coffee meets and skip the making out on the first meet.

You have zero knowledge of what he is actually doing at these locations.

It's as simple as if you don't like him, don't date him.

If you are too raw or burned out from dating take a break.

We live 45 mins apart. That's the reason for the very long dates.

June 13, 2021

25 minutes ago, Hazel Jade said:

After our great 2nd date last night, I don't think I'll be checking his location any more. I realized that I really just don't want to know what he's doing at this stage in the game.

June 13, 2021

On 6/12/2021 at 12:17 PM, ShyViolet said:

OP, if you are like this with regards to a guy you've been on one date with, I would hate to see how you are in a serious relationship. Are you the very paranoid, controlling type?

Not at all. I've been in long term relationships and am on good terms with my ex's, but we don't keep in touch. I'm a good partner. I just had a bad experience with a man who was sleeping with 3 different women in the same week on rotation. You would have never guessed it, he seemed so wholesome but was actually a womanizing philanderer. Since discovering that info, it has made me less naïve. Sorry to all who think it's SO crazy to take note of public info on an app. Like I said, I didn't hack into his phone, or plant a GPS on his car. Jeez.

Edited June 13, 2021 by Hazel Jade

June 13, 2021

16 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

I believe that you have a right to check on any information that's publically available. You didn't install a tracker on his phone.

Even though you are yet to be exclusive, the fact that he is likely hooking up with multiple women would be a big turn off to me. There are plenty of men that don't enjoy f-boy lifestyle. Seems like you have different values and this budding relationship will likely end up in tears for you.

There is a difference between multi-dating and sleeping with multiple women at the same time

EXACTLY!! Thank you! It's public! I'm not peering into his windows, for Godssakes. I first noticed his location by accident, and yes, I'm guilty of continuing to check. I guess that makes me CRAZY in this world of deceitful daters! But anyway, I won't be looking anymore. I've already convinced myself that he's likely hooking up, and am OK with it. If he wants to be with me, he will have to knock it off with the others, but we have a ways to go before we get to that point. So, until then, I'm just not going to check and not going to worry about it.

June 13, 2021

On 6/12/2021 at 11:34 AM, stillafool said:

But why engage with a man that you know is doing what you don't want? Are the other men you're dating F-boys too?

Because I actually don't know anything other than the fact that he seems to be spending one overnight a week out there in the wild. Who knows what he's doing, but it's probably hooking up with women he's meeting on the dating app. I didn't intend to notice his location, but once I did realize (assuming the app locator is accurate) that he was spending overnights, it was hard not to be a little disappointed and wonder if he was sleeping around. And as we got the ball rolling, it was tough not to keep checking. Id bet many reading this would have done the same.

It's early in the game and I'm dating too, albeit not sleeping with any of my dates. I'm not "overinvested, paranoid, or controlling" as some have suggested. We made 1st contact a month ago and have been dating the last few weeks. He is just someone I feel a connection with, and feel hopeful about. Who knows how it will turn out. We haven't discussed relationships or commitments or anything. We are just getting to know each others lives and sharing stories right now.

He is definitely interested in me and I, him. I was just asking the forum how they would feel in my situation, if they'd feel turned off, etc. but most of what I got instead was judged as unstable....just for noting public info on the app and being disappointed about it. Shouldn't have put "stalking" in the title, I guess. MY BAD.

Anyway, I ended up answering my own question and giving myself my own advice in the end. Y'all are brutal on here!

Edited June 13, 2021 by Hazel Jade

June 14, 2021

We realize this information on an app, OP. Nobody suggested you were being sneaky about it.

It is still concerning. It is concerning that you leapt to conclusions about him based on essentially no information. There are any number of reasons why he was out of town, and yet you seemed to want to decide that the only reason was because he was having sex with other women. The truth is that you no idea what he is doing out of town, and are seeing all of this through a very fearful and anxious filter, and assuming the worst about him.

That is why posters here reacted the way we did. You say you are not paranoid, but that is not how your posts come across. We can only tell you what your posts look like from the outside, and we're telling you it doesn't look good. You might want to relfect on that rather than get defensive.

Edited June 14, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

June 14, 2021

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

We realize this information on an app, OP. Nobody suggested you were being sneaky about it.

It is concerning that you leapt to conclusions about him based on essentially no information.

The truth is that you no idea what he is doing out of town, and are seeing all of this through a very fearful and anxious filter, and assuming the worst about him.

That is why posters here reacted the way we did. You say you are not paranoid, but that is not how your posts come across. We can only tell you what your posts look like from the outside, and we're telling you it doesn't look good. You might want to relfect on that rather than get defensive.

Yep... this exactly.

You can absolutely look at "Public" information. But drawing conclusions about what he's up to is not healthy. Especially when you only dated once or twice, and that is the creepy part.

OK... lets say you and I were in this situation... and SOME HOW you managed to ask me what I was up to, and made NOT OFFENSIVE somehow. I may simply say... Oh... I was on 4 other dates, and stayed at their houses over night.

So, hit with the truth... and confirming exactly what you are thinking... how is he in the wrong... IN ANY WAY ??? You aren't exclusive. Heck... you hardly even know each other at this point. I personally don't do this... but a lot of people multi date when they can. The reason is... you never know who you may be passing up, or making a connection with. And, I've noticed that there are a lot of people who just like to date. They have no intentions of having a committed relationship. They just want to go out with different people.

But my point is still valid. Yes, you have the right to look... but because of your personality... you will drive yourself crazy making assumptions about people you don't have any real connection or commitment with.

Edited June 14, 2021 by Blind-Sided

June 14, 2021

14 hours ago, Hazel Jade said:

LOL! That would be a great explanation, and one that I would prefer to him being a man-whore. If he can't be faithful that's one thing, but d*cking around with willing and able women on a dating app when you're a single man? Not very becoming.

It's funny. 2 dates and you already have his entire lifestyle theorized and extrapolated from some phone/apps gps.

It sees like you are describing your past disappointments and projecting all these tinhat theories.

In reality, you know Zero about what he's doing or his moral compass. In fact it sounds like sour grapes. Listen to yourself. You sound like a man-hater from being so raw and burned out.

June 14, 2021

16 hours ago, Hazel Jade said:

I also get everyone thinking Im a crazy paranoid stalker or whatever, but please remember, his location info is public on the dating app. I'm not going through his phone, driving by his house, or hacking into his emails. It was just something I noticed, and quite frankly, WHY would I deprive myself of this information in this early stage??

No one is suggesting that you did any of those things. But you are not acknowledging or getting the larger point that most people here are trying to make. You jumped to conclusions about him based on very little information. The conclusion that you jumped to, that he must be hooking up with random women, was irrational. You have no idea that that's the case.

June 14, 2021

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's funny. 2 dates and you already have his entire lifestyle theorized and extrapolated from some phone/apps gps. ...

Indeed, and you don't even know if the data is valid. Simple things like if one turns ones phone off, the connection is lost, or if the phone is set not to incur roaming charges so the app is prevented from updating. What info does the app provide in those situations? Assuming it even tracks when logged out of the app. I bet it tells you nothing just updates next time it has a connection. You may even be able to get info on what it does from the EULA...not that anyone reads those.

Frankly I'd be more concerned about anyone foolish enough to let a dating app track their location believing it will improve their customer expereince.

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Been location stalking this guy I just started dating via OLD location and see he's spending overnights in nearby towns. Red Flag?

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