Been location stalking this guy I just started dating via OLD location and see he's spending overnights in nearby towns. Red Flag?

[Hazel23]

Ok, so I met this guy on OLD, He's 50 and I'm 41. We chatted for a couple of weeks (not too much), during which I noted via his location on the app, that he would spend about one night a week in a nearby town, never the same town, though...giving me the impression he is hooking up. That's fine, I hadn't even met the guy in person yet, and I'm also going on dates. 

Anyway, we and had a great 1st date, lasted about 8 hours. A little kissing, making out, but it was mostly me politely pushing him away and saying I'm one of those really annoying women who need to get to know a guy first. He didn't seem to have a problem with it, the date continued to be amazing, and the second date is tomorrow. 

He messaged me yesterday morning to confirm the date, and said it may be a little later in the afternoon than we had originally planned and he would let me know. I said no problem. 

Feeling smitten, I went to revisit his photos and bio and noticed he was in yet another town...checked again this AM, he's still there...another overnight. 

Now, I know this is just our 2nd date, and no promises have been made, but I can't lie and say it doesn't bother me that he's hooking up with random women,  had another one last night, and will see me today/tonight. I,  of course will play dumb, and don't expect him to make me a priority this early in the game, but I don't know if I should be getting any more involved. 

If he's on there to get laid, go for it. But, why does he even want a second date with me? I made it clear that I'm dating with a purpose and not gonna sleep with him unless there is an understanding between us...and that "understanding" is inappropriate to expect this early in the game. He knows where I stand. 

I don't know what to do. Should I just be patient and wait to see if I rise in the ranks of all the other women? Or do I just friendzone him? Or just let the whole thing go??

Also, I'm not a crazy stalker. I've just had my share of Fk Boys and I'm just trying to protect myself by knowing as much as possible before getting involved. I don't think there's anything wrong with with dating around, he's single. But hooking up with a different woman every week could be a huge red flag to me as to his ability to commit and be faithful. 

Am I wrong to think this way? 

 

Edited June 12, 2021 by Hazel Jade
clarification

[ExpatInItaly]

The only red flag behaviour here is yours, OP. 
 

[Hazel23]

Yeah, believe me I'm not proud of it. I just want to know what I'm getting myself into. 

[stillafool]

Yes that is exactly what he is doing hooking up with random women he meets online.  Now that you know he is a F-boy you have been warned.  Are you still going to pursue him?  He's single and free so he can lead his life anyway he wants.  He probably has 2nd, 3rd dates with those women too because most women won't put out on a first date.  Since this is not what you want and are dating other men find one who wants what you want.  This one is a time waister.

Edited June 12, 2021 by stillafool

[ExpatInItaly]

10 minutes ago, Hazel Jade said:

Yeah, believe me I'm not proud of it. I just want to know what I'm getting myself into. 

Tracking the location of a man you have met twice and leaping to conclusions based on practically zero informaiton about him isn't the going to get you there. 

You won't be able to date successfully until you examine your own paranoia and why you feed into it. 

Edited June 12, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Gaeta]

I'm gonna go disable the locator in my dating app right now!!

[Hazel23]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Yes that is exactly what he is doing hooking up with random women he meets online.  Now that you know he is a F-boy you have been warned.  Are you still going to pursue him?  He's single and free so he can lead his life anyway he wants.  He probably has 2md, 3rd dates with those women too because most women won't put out on a first date.  Since this is not what you want and are dating other men find one who wants what you want.  

No, I definitely don't want a F-boy and made that clear to him. I'm struggling because he isn't doing anything wrong by sleeping around. He's a free man! And I came to the location info purely by accident. I noticed he was gone overnight once, then couldn't look away. Today will only be our second date. We've only been talking few weeks. He's certainly free. Maybe I should just put out the friend vibe today/tonight with him. Because I certainly won't be sleeping with him. Thank you for your reply. 

[Hazel23]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Tracking the location of a man you have met twice and leaping to conclusions based on practically zero informaiton about him isn't the going to get you there. 

You won't be able to date successfully until you examine your own paranoia and why you feed into it. 

Yeah I get that. I came to discover the location by accident when I was revisiting his profile and photos once. That's the first time I noticed he was overnight somewhere. Then I just couldn't look away. It's a fkn jungle out there, man. These dudes are married, and sticking their wanks in anything. I'm not paranoid or crazy, I'm just looking out for myself. No time for lying F boys. Still, I'll play along. Maybe we can be friends. 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Hazel Jade said:

Yeah I get that. I came to discover the location by accident when I was revisiting his profile and photos once. That's the first time I noticed he was overnight somewhere. Then I just couldn't look away. It's a fkn jungle out there, man. These dudes are married, and sticking their wanks in anything. I'm not paranoid or crazy, I'm just looking out for myself. No time for lying F boys. Still, I'll play along. Maybe we can be friends. 

But why engage with a man that you know is doing what you don't want?  Are the other men you're dating F-boys too?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Hazel Jade said:

 I'm not paranoid 

That's not how this behaviour comes across, frankly. 

[Sun Seeker]

3 minutes ago, Hazel Jade said:

I'm not paranoid or crazy

This topic shows otherwise.

Do not meet him again, for his sake.

[Gaeta]

He may be having casual sex, so? Why do you assume he wants the same with you? Even the biggest players at some point want to find someone to settle.

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, Hazel Jade said:

I'm just trying to protect myself by knowing as much as possible before getting involved.

Nonsense.

You protect yourself by not getting involved/having sex  (or 8 hr. dates with kissing making out) until you are on a few dates and have the exclusive talk.

Go on brief coffee meets and skip the making out on the first meet.

You have zero knowledge of what he is actually doing at these locations.  

It's as simple as if you don't like him, don't date him.

If you are too raw or burned out from dating take a break.

[Datergirl]

I know that sometimes my location on my dating app will stay in the location I've been in long after I've left...so it doesn't necessarily mean he's hooking up with different women each time. How many times have you noticed his location changed overnight?

You are jumping to conclusions because you don't know what he's doing in those locations. 

You could try bringing up these locations he's been in, in conversation, ie, ' I've heard there's a great restaurant in xyz place' and see if mentions he's been to the area. 

Honestly, I do wonder, at 50, does he really have a stable of different women he can hook up with every week? Is he George Clooney or something

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Datergirl said:

I know that sometimes my location on my dating app will stay in the location I've been in long after I've left. You are jumping to conclusions because you don't know what he's doing in those locations. 

Agree, it's not accurate, reliable nor an indicate of anything worthwhile.

Also the best way to avoid "F-boys" as you call them, is not to play tonsil hockey for 8 hrs. the first time you meet.

Edited June 12, 2021 by Wiseman2

[ExpatInItaly]

28 minutes ago, Hazel Jade said:

I'm just looking out for myself

Many men would say the same thing when they steer clear of a woman who tracks their location after meeting them once. 

[ShyViolet]

You are WAY jumping to conclusions based on little information.  You don't know that he's randomly sleeping with other women.  There could be another explanation for this.  That location tracker might not be 100% accurate.  Furthermore, this is a man you have gone on ONE date with.  It is wayyyyy over the top for you to be tracking his location and jumping to conclusions about everything he might be doing.  You are going to have a really hard time dating if this is how you approach it.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Hazel Jade said:

...chatted for a couple of weeks (not too much), during which I noted via his location on the app, that he would spend about one night a week in a nearby town,

Not sure how you get he's a "fukk boy" from this.

A man doesn't need to go out of town once a week to be a fukk boy, he could be that locally, in fact that would be preferred as he avoids spending money on travel, hotel etc.

Perhaps he travels for business?  Could be anything.

Agree you are paranoid and your behaviour is quite oppressive.

Perhaps dating apps aren't for you if you're gonna jump to these negative conclusions with no basis in fact?

 

 

[ShyViolet]

OP, if you are like this with regards to a guy you've been on one date with, I would hate to see how you are in a serious relationship.  Are you the very paranoid, controlling type?

[mark clemson]

The overnighting would be dubious, except that there's no implication that you two are exclusive yet. So, whatever he's doing (probably getting laid, but certainly could be other stuff) - well, it's his prerogative.

As noted above, the "location stalking" is quite dubious.

IF you establish exclusivity at some point and IF he does this and then lies about where he was, well that would be a bridge to cross IF you ever even get there.

Having a partner who feels a need to "monitor" you before there's even a relationship established isn't most people's cup of tea either, so perhaps you'd both be better off with others, dunno.

[Alpacalia]

I can understand why you wouldn't want to date someone who is "hooking up" with someone new every week.

But on what basis are you making that claim?

If you have difficulty trusting because of past hurts, consider seeking treatment and working through these difficulties.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I believe that you have a right to check on any information that's publically available. You didn't install a tracker on his phone. 

Even though you are yet to be exclusive, the fact that he is likely hooking up with multiple women would be a big turn off to me. There are plenty of men that don't enjoy f-boy lifestyle. Seems like you have different values and this budding relationship will likely end up in tears for you.

There is a difference between multi-dating and sleeping with multiple women at the same time

 

Edited June 13, 2021 by Eternal Sunshine

[ExpatInItaly]

12 minutes ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

There is a difference between multi-dating and sleeping with multiple women at the same time

Sure, but she has absolutely no clue if that's what he's doing. 

 

Edited June 13, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[chillii]

11 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I'm gonna go disable the locator in my dating app right now!!

 

ls that what is is. l'm thinking how the hell is she even seeing where he is anyway .

Edited June 13, 2021 by chillii

[Fletch Lives]

I'm so glad I don't have dating apps!