No communication between dates

[dramafreezone]

18 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I can't beleive it's MY turn to have a thread about no communication between dates! 

RE: Quiet Man

He contacted me on dating app a Saturday morning and right away offerd to meet that same day. We're 15 mins drive apart so we met after dinner that Saturday. Our meeting lasted 1 hour we got caught in a thunder storm and had to leave fast. After the meeting he text me that he'd like to see me again and would like to know if I felt the same. I said yes I'd like that.

Sunday: nothing

Monday: nothing

Tuesday: I decided to text him in the morning. He replied right away that he was just about to message me. I said to him I was free after dinner and if he'd like to grab an ice cream. He said it's a fantastic idea!  At the end of second meeting, he walks me to my car, ask me if I'd like to go on a 3rd date, I said I'd like that very much, he give me a kiss on the  lips. While I drove home he text me 'you are so pretty'. When I got home I replied to his text and we exchanged 3-4 back and forth messages.

Wednesday: nothing

Thursday: nothing

Friday: nothing

Thoughts?

 

 

I think you're making something out of nothing.  A guy that's worth anything has other stuff going on in his life and isn't going to be on his bed waiting to text you.

He could very well want to meet a third time but that doesn't mean he's going to set it up immediately.  He may be going out of town, any number of things..  He probably figures that like him, you have other stuff going on too and aren't waiting on his text with bated breath.

Why not just relax?  Like I said before, if you're looking for a flaw to move on from some guy, you'll find it.

Edited June 12, 2021 by dramafreezone

[cleverusername]

2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Not necessarily... As a show of "good faith" (in advance) of talking to you about exclusivity, he may have deleted his profile. 

You may very well have made quite an impression on this gentleman and he thinks you are "the one".

Don't sell yourself short on this!!  Sometimes guys do things (not necessarily) in the correct order, but the end result is the same (just the steps to get there are in the wrong order).

Again, I agree. This G. You told him you wanted to take it slow. Focusing on you and giving you space is taking it slow. You need to set the pace now because that's what you said you wanted. He isn't a mind reader.

Edited June 12, 2021 by cleverusername

[Gaeta]

15 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

 

I've deleted/ deactivated my profile before when I've met someone I like, even when we weren't exclusive. Sometimes it's nice to JUST TAKE THINGS SLOW and enjoy one person, WHY RUSH?

See what I'm saying, G?

I've done that myself in the past and told myself if it doesn't work with the person l'm due for a break anyway. 

[Sun Seeker]

13 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Not necessarily... As a show of "good faith" (in advance) of talking to you about exclusivity, he may have deleted his profile. 

You may very well have made quite an impression on this gentleman and he thinks you are "the one".

Don't sell yourself short on this!!  Sometimes guys do things (not necessarily) in the correct order, but the end result is the same (just the steps to get there are in the wrong order).

He hasn't contacted her in days and you think he deleted his profile in good faith in order to ask her to be exclusive.. do you not realise how ridiculous that sounds.

He could have used all the effort it took him to delete his profile to send a message to G arranging another date but he hasn't. That says it all.

He's either focusing on someone else or has decided not to pursue G due to having low interest. Either way this is a big fat NEXT.

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, Punterxx said:

 do you not realise how ridiculous that sounds.

 

Anything is possible...  It is as valid as any other "working theory" on this forum.  Why does every action have to be suspect and filled with doom and gloom.  Crazier things have happened. Why not try to think positive.

There is no need for insults, if you don't like my working theory, you can post your own with insulting mine.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and should be able to express it without being put down.

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, cleverusername said:

I've deleted/ deactivated my profile before when I've met someone I like, even when we weren't exclusive.

In the past, I have too.

But I don't think this is the case here.

 

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

Anything is possible...  It is as valid as any other "working theory" on this forum.  Why does every action have to be suspect and filled with doom and gloom.  Crazier things have happened. Why not try to think positive.

There is no need for insults, if you don't like my working theory, you can post your own with insulting mine.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and should be able to express it without being put down.

How is it valid though?  Serious question.

They had first meet around a week ago, he initiated. 

Since then he has made zero effort.  None, zero, zilch.  

Gaeta initiated second meet.  Nothing from him since, going on four days.

So from that, you gather he deleted his profile cause he wants to go exclusive with Gaeta, having made no effort since their first meet a week ago?

And when does he plan to inform her of this, as of now, she still hasn't heard from him!

I'm sorry,  I don't mean to be insulting but how does that make sense?

I don't think that's how dating and going exclusive works, I could be wrong.

Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

On Thuesday when l contacted him l thought that would give him a reference as to what l meant by not being in a rush. From Friday  (first meet) to Tuesday (2nd meet) there are 4 days. If he's perceptive he will catch on 4 days it's time to contact me.

From Tuesday + 4 days = today. Today being his b'day, he has 2 teen girls full custody & family to celebrate with. I don't expect anything today.

My gut feeling tells me he will contact me tomorrow. If no acknowledgement at all tomorrow then it's safe to say he's giving his attention to someone else.

[Happy Lemming]

20 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

My gut feeling tells me he will contact me tomorrow.

That was my thinking, as well.  Today, he'll be busy with family and friends on his birthday, so tomorrow will be clear to contact you.

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

On Thuesday when l contacted him l thought that would give him a reference as to what l meant by not being in a rush. From Friday  (first meet) to Tuesday (2nd meet) there are 4 days. If he's perceptive he will catch on 4 days it's time to contact me.

From Tuesday + 4 days = today. Today being his b'day, he has 2 teen girls full custody & family to celebrate with. I don't expect anything today.

My gut feeling tells me he will contact me tomorrow. If no acknowledgement at all tomorrow then it's safe to say he's giving his attention to someone else.

Bolded, not sure men pay much attention to these types of things Gaeta - reference points.

Thinking, 'well we met Friday, didn't hear from her till Tuesday - four days, so I'm gonna wait four days to reach out.'

That's called "intentional mirroring" and that is a women's frame.  Keeping track of time/days and mirroring. 

I used to mirror myself years ago but now think it's a load of *, as a game/strategy, it's a weak one imo.  Very calculated and unnatural.

Men call when they have the desire to.  It doesn't matter how many days have passed, when they feel that desire, they will reach out.

My understanding based on experience.

I honestly don't think he's given a second thought to number of days or the reference point you referred to, just my take.

I also think if he had the desire to call, he would not let something like his birthday stop him.

Again, not my experience when men have been interested and felt attraction and desire.

I hope I'm wrong!  I would love to be wrong and if I am, I'll be the first to admit! 

Fingers crossed he does reach out though, whether it's tomorrow or next week, or whenever, it sounds like you really like this man, so hope it works out for you. xo

 

Edited June 13, 2021 by poppyfields

[Acacia98]

What are the odds that this guy is actually planning to date Gaeta exclusively based on only two dates and limited communication?

Based on similar experiences I've had, I think he's not very invested. I actually think that Gaeta's instinct that the age difference mattered was on point. I also think his efforts to convince her that it wasn't a big deal were about salvaging his wounded pride. And then afterward, he's been playing a bit of a game: holding back to see if he can get her to say more/ do more. It may seem a mild thing to some, but to me, their dynamic/communication, especially his side of things, is way more complicated than it needs to be. If he were to resurface down the road, I wouldn't try to pursue anything with him.

[Gaeta]

Nothing from him.

There is something true to the saying: the most likely answer is most often the answer.

He was not the exception to that saying.

[Vitaminka]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Nothing from him.

There is something true to the saying: the most likely answer is most often the answer.

He was not the exception to that saying.

Sorry to hear that Gaeta. Don't know why people resort to ghosting. I honestly don't understand why it is so hard to send "you are a great person but we are not a good match" type of message. 

P.S. He might resurface sometimes down the road.

Oh well, on to the next.

[poppyfields]

I'm sorry Gaeta, I know you're disappointed.

I was thinking about this today, and next time a man asks if you'd like to see/date him again, take it with a grain of salt.

Doesn't mean he has the desire to see you again, he simply needed to know that YOU would be open to seeing him.

It's an ego boost and validation for him to know you'd like to see him again, even when he lacks interest/desire to see you.

It's insecurity, consider it a blessing...

An interested man would have scheduled the next date, if not right then and there, then the following day or at most a couple of days.

My experience, and no doubt yours as well.

 

 

Edited June 14, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

26 minutes ago, Vitaminka said:

Sorry to hear that Gaeta. Don't know why people resort to ghosting. I honestly don't understand why it is so hard to send "you are a great person but we are not a good match" type of message. 

P.S. He might resurface sometimes down the road.

Oh well, on to the next.

That's precisely why he "ghosted" versus a formal "you're a great person but..."

Leaves the door open a crack.

[poppyfields]

I think it's OK to respond "sure, would love to," just don't take it all that seriously, that's all.

I think responding "when you have a date planned you can ask me” sounds heavy-handed and a bit bytchy, sorry S2B, jmo.

Best to be pleasant and give benefit of doubt, but take with grain of salt, until he actually asks you out again, with a day and a plan. 

That's how I do it anyway...  I try to not stress too much about things like this, yoga and meditation help!

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2021 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Best to be pleasant and give benefit of doubt, but take with grain of salt, until he actually asks you out again, with a day and a plan. 

Agree with this. OLD is too much of a crapshoot to invest much in the early stages. Take everything with a grain of salt. Keep multi-dating to make sure you’re not throwing all your emotional eggs in one basket. Nobody has any idea why anybody does anything. Who knows why he deleted his profile and didn’t arrange another date? But you shouldn’t really care at this early stage. It’s just the reality of OLD. 
 

You don’t really know anybody until you’ve been with them for months or years. So if you’re finding yourself getting invested earlier than that, remember it doesn’t have anything to do with that person, it’s just the story you’re telling yourself about that person.

[Gaeta]

56 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Agree with this. OLD is too much of a crapshoot to invest much in the early stages. Take everything with a grain of salt. Keep multi-dating to make sure you’re not throwing all your emotional eggs in one basket. Nobody has any idea why anybody does anything. Who knows why he deleted his profile and didn’t arrange another date? But you shouldn’t really care at this early stage. It’s just the reality of OLD. 
You don’t really know anybody until you’ve been with them for months or years. So if you’re finding yourself getting invested earlier than that, remember it doesn’t have anything to do with that person, it’s just the story you’re telling yourself about that person.

The good news is I function more on logic than on emotions. Takes me a while to invest my feelings but I do get intrigued and interested after a couple of dates and when they drop off the map without a logic reason it's disappointing. But like you said, and like I tell everyone on here, the whys don't matter, what matters is he's gone so on to next. 

Going back fishing. 

[Happy Lemming]

28 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Going back fishing. 

@Gaeta Sorry this happened to you.

I wanted to give this guy the benefit of the doubt.  You seemed happy with this gentleman.

But, I will concede that I was wrong about him.

Wishing you good luck with the next one.

 

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

But like you said, and like I tell everyone on here, the whys don't matter, what matters is he's gone so on to next. 

Going back fishing. 

Well, he's missing out.

You will meet a good fish!

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Well, he's missing out. You will meet a good fish!

Agree. And if they show up in hoodies or crocs or text the whole time, dump iced brew coffee in their laps.  Kidding. You seem to know when to cut your losses. Good luck. 

[Gaeta]

Happy New Year Everyone !!

I am reviving this old thread to refresh everyone's memory. This man contacted me on New Years Day. Of course I had deleted him a long time ago and had to ask who this was. 

I said yes I remember him, he's the guy that kissed me on our 2nd date and never contacted me again. 

He said *no it's not like that YOU never contacted me again so I figured you didn't want to pursue* 

And to this I replied *SO you mean after I setting up the 2nd date I should have set up the 3rd one as well?*

He replied: Yes sort of....I really couldn't tell if you wanted to continue.

Do you believe this??

I told him I was away with my parents and couldn't get into it . He asked if we could talk again and I said 'sure'....but that was like an automatic reply on my part I had not given any thoughts to. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

53 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Happy New Year Everyone !!

He said *no it's not like that YOU never contacted me again so I figured you didn't want to pursue* 

And to this I replied *SO you mean after I setting up the 2nd date I should have set up the 3rd one as well?*

He replied: Yes sort of....I really couldn't tell if you wanted to continue.

Do you believe this??

WOW!!  @Gaeta you really find some "crazies" on these OLD sites...

To answer your question, No... I've never heard of this practice (where the woman is supposed to plan the 3rd date). 

For me, if I'm in the early stages of dating a woman (and we have gone out twice, before), I'll call up with a 3rd date plan (Date - Time - Place - Activity) and present my plan for the date.  She can say "No" or "No, thank you" or "I'm busy" and I'll suggest my Plan B.  Now if she tells me to "get lost" or "go jump in a lake" then I'll know she is no longer interested in going out with me. 

I don't understand why this guy would make such an assumption??  If I can't tell if a woman is interested in me or not, I'll keep asking her out (until she tells me she is no longer interested in me).

My opinion... he has run out of "fish in his pond" and is going through his previous contacts to see if he can re-kindle some interest from previous people he has dated.

Don't waste your time... NEXT!!

***Side Note***  Happy New Year to you, as well.

[introverted1]

Just now, Happy Lemming said:

My opinion... he has run out of "fish in his pond" and is going through his previous contacts to see if he can re-kindle some interest from previous people he has dated.

Don't waste your time... NEXT!!

Ding, ding, ding - we have a winner! 

Hope things get better in 2022, Gaeta.