poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Gaeta said: How does it settles anything? We communicated via text not the app. I see, okay. Then I am back to suggesting you do what you want, and allowing chips to fall where they may. We all have our own ways of doing things, our own dating styles. Gaeta, I think you're leaning towards reaching out so that is what I think you should do. Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 I see so clear when it's someone else situation! 1
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I see so clear when it's someone else situation! I know we all do, or many of us. What I often do is imagine whatever is happening to me is happening to someone else, and whatever advice I would give to them, I follow myself. It works!! Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Maldives Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 7 hours ago, Gaeta said: I don't expect a Saturday date it's his b'day tomorrow but maybe an afternoon date for Sunday. When we first talked l did say something about taking the time to get to know someone and not rushing into a relationship. He's not rushing alright but l'm not getting to know him either. I think that's your answer right there. He's taken on your feedback about "not rushing" so he doesn't wanna appear pushy hence no texts..that's just a guess though that's how I read it 2
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 7 hours ago, Gaeta said: When we first talked l did say something about taking the time to get to know someone and not rushing into a relationship. Why did you feel the need to volunteer that information? Did you feel he was rushing you? To any guy wanting something to progress to a relationship, that sounds like you are putting on the brakes and you are dictating how things will go as opposed to it being a bit more spontaneous. "I am in no rush to get into a relationship," Who really is? But the fact you felt the need to say it, could be seen as troubling. It could be interpreted as - I am content playing the field. I am scared of commitment. | don't want to get too involved. I don't want to be tied down to one man. I am still hurt. etc. etc. If a guy made a point of saying that to me, I would be in no rush to take things any further. 4
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 I also think it can be seen as "I am in no rush to get into a relationship (with YOU)" with the implied aside that if Mr Better shows up, then it is full steam ahead. As Mr Quiet he is maybe used to being put on the back burner and is no longer playing the game. 2
Fletch Lives Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: Something unusual here, looks like he deleted his profile. His messages have disappeared from my in-box and sent box too. that usually means the person has issues. Generally, I would like to see one date a week.........more is fine if/when things are heating up. A little texting to set up a date is fine - or more texting is fine too. I'll admit I'm sociable and like to text, so I would probably have text conversations 4 to 5 days a week. Just keep in mind that until you have a time/date/place, you don't have a date. I'll just tell you the secret to this dating thing......if you are not establishing a friendship, it's not going anywhere. A relationship is a friendship on fire. 1
Weezy1973 Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 6 hours ago, Gaeta said: Something unusual here, looks like he deleted his profile. His messages have disappeared from my in-box and sent box too. I’m assuming that’s normal for a deleted profile? The only thing I’d say is in the early stages, especially while multi dating, just don’t worry about any of this. You’ve been on two dates. I know you have more prospects and there will be more in the future. You’re way too invested to be starting threads at this early stage. Early stage OLD is a crapshoot. Who knows why he doesn’t communicate or didn’t set up a date with you? It doesn’t matter. Don’t read anything into it because you don’t know him yet. Keep dating others, keep looking at prospects, rotate your pics on your profile every few weeks. Have fun! 2
Wiseman2 Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 Agree. You're both busy and multidating, so it's not unusual for things to fizzle. You don't need to delete or block him, just put him on the back burner and message and meet other men. Next time. Try not to make rules about going slow or level of texting etc. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 3 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: that usually means the person has issues. I agree with you and often the issue is they realize they're not ready to date. Hey! Not a problem l got an exciting life! Cleaning windows today
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 10 hours ago, Gaeta said: Something unusual here, looks like he deleted his profile. His messages have disappeared from my in-box and sent box too. I don't understand this. Probably because I don't understand the software behind the on-line dating apps. Looking for clarification from anyone, please. (thank you in advance) Does this mean: (A) He no longer has a profile on this dating app (at all) or is it Gaeta just can't view it (because of some blocking mechanism)?? (B) As far as the messages disappearing, does this happen when one completely deletes their profile or is it specific to a "block" of Gaeta?? I'm thinking one of three things could be at play here: (1) He wants to be exclusive with Gaeta, thus taking himself off the market and is planning on asking Gaeta to be exclusive. (2) He decided he doesn't want to date anyone (at all) and he is not ready to go back out into the dating world. (3) He is specifically not interested in Gaeta, thus she can't see his profile, but other women can??
Sun Seeker Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 From personal experience, when I was happy to not be in regular contact with someone I was interested in, it was because I was more interested in someone else. So I would say his low interest may be because his focus is elsewhere. 2
salparadise Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, poppyfields said: I think it's unrealistic to expect a man to make you a priority after just one meet, don't you? Or rather, are you bothered that HE isn't chasing you, giving you validation? Exactly! He's probably exploring options like you are. A quality, mature man isn't going to behave like a teenager in heat. Where does this notion come from that a guy is supposed to take one look and be over the moon, like you're the last single woman on the planet and he needs to put a ring on it this week? In fact, I think reasonably interested and not in a panic would be a lot healthier, and more realistic. This may be the most frequent topic on LS –– and the most common response is "low interest," as if it's a given that a man must be pre-sold or there's no potential. It's really interesting how these things can become default thinking, rigid and narrow. Edited June 12, 2021 by salparadise 2
cleverusername Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, poppyfields said: If you go after what you want, then again why would you have not initiated a third date, given Gaeta initiated the second? Or reached out in three days? You're contradicting yourself, but it doesn't matter, they guy has deleted her - NEXT. I'm sorry Gaeta. Because G said she didn't want to rush things. This guy is probably worried about coming off as clingy or too into her, especially given the fact she told him that. I am not this guy. Like most men, he is probably been told not to show too much interest because that's "needy" and not manly behavior. Like most women you are telling G to wait to be pursued. See the problem? Both sides are being told to hold back communication with each other to play some sort of "game" about who is more invested than the other. Just cut the BS and be direct. Quit playing games, you're adults not 13yr old kids. Like I said, my dating life has been so much easier when I stopped trying to hold back and conform to these "rules". Edited June 12, 2021 by cleverusername
cleverusername Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 11 hours ago, Gaeta said: I'm confused guysss Lol If you want to wish him a happy birthday, do it. If you want to text him, do it. If you want to go on a date with him, ask. I promise, if he's already not interested in you wishing him a happy birthday isn't going to make him less interested. You lose nothing by living your own life and doing what YOU want.
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 20 minutes ago, salparadise said: In fact, I think reasonably interested and not in a panic would be a lot healthier, and more realistic. I don't think acting like a "teenager on heat" is "reasonably interested", nor indeed is going MIA for days on end... Neither is showing "reasonable interest.", both are running the risk of being dumped and "nexted"... 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: I don't understand this. Probably because I don't understand the software behind the on-line dating apps. Looking for clarification from anyone, please. (thank you in advance) On the app where l am if someone blocks you you can still see their messages in your inbox but if you try to reply it will tell you this member has blocked you. I know i've been blocked before
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: On the app where l am if someone blocks you you can still see their messages in your inbox but if you try to reply it will tell you this member has blocked you. So this would mean he did not block you, but completely deleted his profile, correct?? So if he completely deleted his profile, then that means one of two things: (A) He doesn't want to date anyone (at least on this app) or... (B) He only wants to date you (no one else) and wants to be exclusive...
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, Gaeta said: Something unusual here, looks like he deleted his profile. His messages have disappeared from my in-box and sent box too. So he didn't actually block you, he deleted his profile and your messages were deleted as well, either manually or because he deleted his profile. How I interpret this is he has gone 'exclusive' with another woman he was dating, and therefore I would let this go Gaeta... I could be wrong, but isn't that what folks do when deciding to focus on one? Delete or deactivate their profile? It's what my last ex and I did, it took a couple of months before it happened. Gaeta, he may have been dating someone else for awhile and just recently decided to be exclusive, hence the deletion. Again just my take. Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: (B) He only wants to date you (no one else) and wants to be exclusive... He would have confirmed with me first. A) he's exclusive with someone else B) realized he's not ready to date 1
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: How I interpret this is he has gone 'exclusive' with another woman he was dating, and therefore I would let this go Gaeta... Or he could be preparing to ask Gaeta to be 'exclusive' and wanted to show he was serious by deleting his profile (in advance)... 1
cleverusername Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: Or he could be preparing to ask Gaeta to be 'exclusive' and wanted to show he was serious by deleting his profile (in advance)... This. Not sure why everyone thinks everyone is multi-dating and seeing 3-4 people online. I've deleted/ deactivated my profile before when I've met someone I like, even when we weren't exclusive. Sometimes it's nice to JUST TAKE THINGS SLOW and enjoy one person, WHY RUSH? See what I'm saying, G? 2
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Or he could be preparing to ask Gaeta to be 'exclusive' and wanted to show he was serious by deleting his profile (in advance)... Doubtful given no contact since second meet. No third date scheduled. That and they've only met twice, casually. He's with someone else, that's what makes the most sense. Either that, or is just fed up with OLDing and has decided to meet women the natural way. In any event, that plus NC since second meet 4 days ago indicates lack of interest, so if me, let it go, place on backburner.. Change focus to meeting other men. If/when he reaches out, see how you feel then. Do NOT wait around. Edit: I'm shocked that some posters think he is wanting to be exclusive with YOU. You haven't heard from the guy since Tuesday, makes no sense. Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: He would have confirmed with me first. Not necessarily... As a show of "good faith" (in advance) of talking to you about exclusivity, he may have deleted his profile. You may very well have made quite an impression on this gentleman and he thinks you are "the one". Don't sell yourself short on this!! Sometimes guys do things (not necessarily) in the correct order, but the end result is the same (just the steps to get there are in the wrong order). 2
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