poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Gaeta said: @poppyfields It's 2 Meetings and at the end of last meeting he asked if l'd go out with him again. Okay apologies two meets, my bad. It doesn't matter though, he asked if you'd go out with him again, so why not just chill, chat with and meet other guys and if/when he ever asks you out again, see how you feel then? That's what I would do anyway, and WILL do if/when I ever decide to do OLDing again, which is doubtful, but may consider later. Right now I am meeting men the natural way, spontaneously which is how I prefer it. I am not quite sure what you're expecting or what's bothering you exactly. He may be busy this weekend, and plans on reaching out next week, there is nothing wrong with that imo. You're both multi-dating, as well you should be at this point. Until such time you both decide to focus only on each other to see where it where lead. But it's much too early for that, again jmo. I hope you don't take offense at this, but I think you are so used to receiving a lot of attention and validation from men, and here comes along one man who isn't providing that, at least not yet, and it's got you in a bit of a spin! Again, something to consider? Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 7 minutes ago, poppyfields said: JMO but I think you are used to receiving a lot of attention and validation from men, and here comes along one man who isn't providing that, at least not yet, and it's got you in a bit of a spin! Again, something to consider? Anything is possible. I thought he was a good prospect. Quiet, smart, stable, no sexual innuendoes, no pet names.
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Anything is possible. I thought he was a good prospect. Quiet, smart, stable, no sexual innuendoes, no pet names. He is still a good prospect! Not quite sure why you think he's not? Try to lower expectations and stay open to all possibilities, including that he may reach out this weekend, or next week, or never. Be okay with whatever happens, I think that is the best attitude, it's only been two meets. Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, S2B said: Or he may be married. Hence the last minute get together IF his wife has something else going on. and that would explain no way to plan a date ahead of time. Oh come on, really? Why is it people insist on always going there? He's not acting the way you expect, what you have been conditioned to expect, so block delete, he's married. Ugh. There is absolutely nothing to suggest he's married, nothing. Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields 3
norealusername Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 Give the guy another week or two and see what happens. He sounded better than hoodie guy and creepy guy. 3
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 He's not online often. He doesn't give the vibe of a man on the prowl.
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He's not online often. He doesn't give the vibe of a man on the prowl. I am torn between giving him a or thinking his "vibe" may be a cover for something more nefarious. Seasoned "players" (for lack of a better word) have learned the game pretty well, but try to not go there, keep an open mind and stay positive. At least until he gives you reason not to, which he may not! Gaeta, serious question, did you feel that spark of energy and chemistry with this man, any sexual tension at all? Just me, but "quiet, smart, stable" sounds like a bit of a YAWN. I do prefer a man with a bit of an "edge." lol I am not the one dating him though. 1
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He doesn't give the vibe of a man on the prowl. There is an old saying about "strike while the iron is hot". You are dating someone new, the time is now to make a good impression. Nice dates, fun activities, maybe flowers... not a lull period of no date. I mean throw something together for a Friday night... An Applebee's quick dinner & a movie or putt putt golf and some tacos or a walk around the local lake and Fuddruckers. There I threw together three quick, low effort, low cost date ideas in under 30 seconds. 2
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: There is an old saying about "strike while the iron is hot". You are dating someone new, the time is now to make a good impression. Nice dates, fun activities, maybe flowers... not a lull period of no date. I mean throw something together for a Friday night... An Applebee's quick dinner & a movie or putt putt golf and some tacos or a walk around the local lake and Fuddruckers. There I threw together three quick, low effort, low cost date ideas in under 30 seconds. I agree with 'strike while the iron is hot.' Which they did, they met the same day they chatted for the first time. They've met twice, he's made his mark. And Gaeta has made her mark. Now he's gonna step back and allow her to think and wonder about him! Not a bad strategy, I mean look what's happening? Gaeta is intrigued to say the very least! Which is good! Re flowers, I am going to create a thread about this. "What's the Real Reason Men Bring Flowers on Early Dates"? Why did you bring flowers Lemming? Was it to impress her? Just me but I think all that "romantic" stuff in an effort to impress is a bit contrived. It actually has the opposite effect on me, it turns me off, I find it phony and disingenuous. But I'm weird so don't go by me! Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Gaeta, serious question, did you feel that spark of energy and chemistry with this man, any sexual tension at all? Just me, but "quiet, smart, stable" sounds like a bit of a YAWN. I do prefer a man with a bit of an "edge." lol I am not the one dating him though. I felt physical attraction growing on second meeting but nothing to call 911. With me attraction grows with time as l discover a man's qualities. But yes he is nice looking, he's also a bit younger, fit. everything is there to grow attraction....very fast.
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 13 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I mean throw something together for a Friday night... An Applebee's quick dinner & a movie or putt putt golf and some tacos or a walk around the local lake and Fuddruckers. There I threw together three quick, low effort, low cost date ideas in under 30 seconds. He was amazed at my idea to grab ice cream, lol. He may be a cluless nerd.
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Why did you bring flowers Lemming? Was it to impress her? It's something my mother always said to me about "never showing up empty-handed". For some reason it stuck in my brain. Some women really like flowers, others not so much. One woman told me to stop with the flowers and bring wine instead. So we could share it, I liked that suggestion. 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Not a bad strategy, I mean look what's happening? OK... I get your point, but it seems almost like "game playing" which wasn't my deal. I'd rather just set up some nice dates and let the chips fall where they may. If we were both having fun, we'd continue to date, if not... someone would speak up and say "no, thank you".
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I felt physical attraction growing on second meeting but nothing to call 911. With me attraction grows with time as l discover a man's qualities. But yes he is nice looking, he's also a bit younger, fit. everything is there to grow attraction....very fast. Okay but I wasn't talking physical attraction, I was talking attraction based on energy/chemistry and how well you vibe together which goes beyond just the physical. That's not to say the physical isn't important, but hell I have met and dated a lot of physically attractive men, that alone does not pull me. It takes much more than that to pull me, but again I'm weird. You just do "you" Gaeta, and if the physical is what you base your attractions on, there is nothing wrong with that!! Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He may be a cluless nerd. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to throw a date together. My local rag (newspaper) has a "things to do" section. If there was something special or a special event going on locally, it was listed there. 1
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: OK... I get your point, but it seems almost like "game playing" which wasn't my deal. I'd rather just set up some nice dates and let the chips fall where they may. If we were both having fun, we'd continue to date, if not... someone would speak up and say "no, thank you". Oh it's all a bit of a "game" imo, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can be fun! Game doesn't have to mean deception or manipulation, it's just knowing what works and what doesn't, what gets the best results. Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Okay but I wasn't talking physical attraction, I was talking attraction based on energy/chemistry and how well you vibe together which goes beyond just the physical. I felt that type of vibe with creepy guy. I've mentionned in my other threads l have always been with extroverts, l find their energy addictive. This guy here is more of an introvert but l'm intrigued and would like to discover more. 1
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: what garners the best results. I just went with consistency... that seemed to work just fine for all of my many years of dating. 2
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I just went with consistency... that seemed to work just fine for all of my many years of dating. Awesomesauce!
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I felt that type of vibe with creepy guy. I've mentionned in my other threads l have always been with extroverts, l find their energy addictive. This guy here is more of an introvert but l'm intrigued and would like to discover more. Sorry, need my memory refreshed, who was creepy guy? lol Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 Just now, poppyfields said: Sorry, need my memory refreshed, who was creepy guy? lol He secretely tested my general knowledge. Told me as far as he's concerned l'm his Never called when he said he would I blocked him. 1
jspice Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 22 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I felt physical attraction growing on second meeting but nothing to call 911. With me attraction grows with time as l discover a man's qualities. But yes he is nice looking, he's also a bit younger, fit. everything is there to grow attraction....very fast. Have you thought that maybe you focus on the wrong stuff when it comes to men? They’re always younger, easy on the eyes. You ignore a lot of red flags, seemingly because physical attraction is strong. From your posts there’s never any doubt that they’re very attractive to you. But when you write about behaviour or character, there’s a lot to be desired with your dates and partners. You said yourself that you don’t want another project. Don’t you want a man that at least meets you halfway? One that at least matches your effort? At work you clearly go after what you want, but that doesn’t always work with relationships. If a man doesn’t ask you on a date, don’t you ask him. It makes him lazy from the get-go when you do all the work. If a man wants to date you, he’s going to make sure that he books your free time in advance so that another guy can’t get there first. Do things differently this time. Choose a man on your level in every single way.
Author Gaeta Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 So..... there is nothing wrong with me sending him a happy b'day tomorrow?
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He secretely tested my general knowledge. Told me as far as he's concerned l'm his Never called when he said he would I blocked him. Oh him, I remember now. Yeah I think I would have been creeped out by his first "test," testing your knowledge, "qualifying" you. As if that's not bad enough, him pretty much announcing he was qualifying you! Lord have mercy, that would have been it for me I think. Good decision.
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Gaeta said: So..... there is nothing wrong with me sending him a happy b'day tomorrow? Rewarding him with attention and validation for not calling you for three days or initiating a third meet? That sends a very poor message Gaeta, it's chasing behavior. And seeking reassurance which is a turn off. That is most likely how HE will interpret it anyway. I say don't do it. YOU initiated the second meet, the ball is in HIS court, step back and allow him the opportunity to hit it back. Let HIM think and wonder about you! It goes both ways. Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
cleverusername Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: So..... there is nothing wrong with me sending him a happy b'day tomorrow? You like him, you want to see him again. Why wait? "Happy birthday x! Don't think I forgot! Maybe we can meet at X for some celebratory drinks on Y day?" He either says yes, offers an alternative date because he wants to see you, or he refuses and you know he's no longer interested. Edited June 12, 2021 by cleverusername
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