Author DatingMom Posted June 12, 2021 Author Posted June 12, 2021 8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: Probably not lying. When I was dating there were a number of women that I dated and were “into” even though I knew deep down they weren’t long term compatible. I wasn’t using them for sex or anything. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with them, but when they did become more attached I would distance myself or end it altogether. I just suspect he might be like that. The major connection you feel isn’t the same for him. Even though you think he’s a “nugget”, you’re not one for him. Basically when he’s saying you’re amazing why are you wasting time with him is him saying he doesn’t feel you’re compatible long term with him. I hear what you're saying. If that is truly how he was feeling then he was lying though because he also told me that he believed I was one of three women he met in his life that he felt true compatibility with, one when he was very young that ended up cheating on him, the other one being his ex wife of 20 years. He said that for him it was just that timing was off since he didn't feel ready. As I said, in some ways it would be easier to move on knowing that there was nothing there for him. But that knowledge would also really have to make me question if I'm really that bad at reading people!
poppyfields Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 (edited) @DatingMoma personal rule I have for myself is when hearing a mixed or double message (I love you BUT not ready, or we're amazingly compatible, you're the one for me BUT the timing isn't right) or any other number of mixed or double messages, always focus on the less favorable message first, as that is the most important message. Assuming you are seeking a committed relationship. Unfortunately what tends to happen is we focus on the first part - I love you, you're amazing, we're so compatible, and we disregard or shove aside the part we don't like or don't want to hear - not ready, timing isn't right or whatever other BS gets said to keep you at a distance and avoid moving forward. Bottom line, guy isn't where you are, the "connection" isn't the same for him, I'm sorry. Whether he's avoidant or "commitment phobe" or has other issues, it does not matter. If what you want is an exclusive committed relationship, get the hell away from men who send mixed/double messages like this, and don't look back. HE will respect you more for it too, which sadly I don't think he did. Edited June 12, 2021 by poppyfields 4
stillafool Posted June 12, 2021 Posted June 12, 2021 1 hour ago, DatingMom said: @ShyViolet and @stillafool are you saying that you think that he just wasn't really that into me? That's why he didn't want a relationship? Was he lying? I would say that that would probably hurt even more, although on the bright side would definitely stop me from "hoping". I think Weezy's post is pretty much spot on as to how he was feeling. Weezy is a man.
Author DatingMom Posted June 13, 2021 Author Posted June 13, 2021 6 hours ago, stillafool said: I think Weezy's post is pretty much spot on as to how he was feeling. Weezy is a man. Ok. Got it. It's a hard truth to accept to be honest because he told me the opposite and sounded extremely genuine when he said those things. Either way, what can you do. Our arrangement wasn't working for me anymore, and what I was asking wasn't working for him. In some ways, I actually hope that he goes back out there into the dating world and realizes that finding someone you truly connect with isn't that easy. In some ways, I was the third person he went on a date with after his 20 year marriage, so I guess I can't entirely blame me if he's wondering "who else is out there?". It's shitty, but I was a bit like that coming out of my marriage as well. 2
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