Free Butterfly Posted June 9, 2021 Posted June 9, 2021 Hello, I feel very sad that I need to let it out and I am sad I am even thinking about this. I am having second thoughts about a friend I met last year. Lately I noticed a couple of ´red flags´. She just split up with her ´boyfriend´. However, they technically did not have a serious relationship and were together for only a couple of weeks. I advised her since the beginning when she had doubts to talk to him and clear any doubts. She didn´t talk to him, but continue with unclear relationship. She also said it is fine for her as it is, even if he only wants to be friends with benefits. She claimed she is very happy all the time and always talked about how well he treats her. However last week the situation finally cleared and they broke up as he didn´t want a serious relationship (I told her it would be best to speak with him about that before a couple of times). When she gets better after a bad episode, there is always something else. Attention is constantly on her, even though I am going through a hard time as well. I have problems with my sleep and I am constantly tired. Last week I told her I got my vaccine appointment and she laughed because I joked it will be a 5g shot. When she got her vaccine appointment and made a similar joke I was happy for her and sent her a heart and not a laughing face. There are a lot of little things which don´t make sense to me. I have experience in the past when I didn´t listen to my intuition. Now I decided to finally follow it. I also thought about her words and actions in the past. For example, one of my friends was in a hospital due to covid a couple of months ago and when I talked to her about it she always changed the topic. I am also in a recent new relationship. I was on holiday last week because I needed a week to recharge. I have always listened to her, even when my world was falling apart. Last week she did not ask once how I am doing or anything at all. When she starts texting in the morning she also doesn´t ask how I am doing, but she starts talking about herself. No matter if I am sick, in a bad mood, she always puts focus on herself. She claims she is happy for my new relationship, but something tells me this isn´t true. I understand she is going through a difficult time, I am still there for her. Furthermore, she is fully aware of my experience with betrayal and I am really afraid what might happen. Does anybody have any idea what is going on here?
Wiseman2 Posted June 9, 2021 Posted June 9, 2021 30 minutes ago, Free Butterfly said: I joked it will be a 5g shot. How do you know each other? How old is she? She seems like more of a casual acquaintance. Try not overinvesting this much. Talk to and hang out with other friends more. What is a 5g shot? Try not to take everything so serious or hang on anyone's drama or words this much.
ShyViolet Posted June 9, 2021 Posted June 9, 2021 When a friendship doesn't make you happy and just leaves you feeling frustrated or drained, then put an end to it. Period. You don't owe her anything, and it's just not worth it to put up with someone's immaturity and drama. 2
Author Free Butterfly Posted June 9, 2021 Author Posted June 9, 2021 (edited) To answer the first question, I am 33, she is 40. I´ve been unable to stop thinking about it since this morning. I decided to tell my thoughts to a friend who also knows her. She used to be friends with her as well, but a couple of months ago my friend had a fight with her and apparently even threatened her when she was confronted. I also learned she talked behind my back and some other things. Honestly, I can not believe this. If I tell her my worries, I am afraid she will do the same to me as she did to the other friend. She was supposed to be my friend. Edited June 9, 2021 by Free Butterfly missed info
Wiseman2 Posted June 9, 2021 Posted June 9, 2021 Tiptoe out of this by being very busy, so busy, always busy, there's someone at the door, the toilet is overflowing, gotta go gotta go gotta go. You are not under subpoena to be friends with her. just step way back. 1
Foxhall Posted June 9, 2021 Posted June 9, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, Free Butterfly said: No matter if I am sick, in a bad mood, she always puts focus on herself. try to get this across in as subtle a way as you can, she likely enjoys your company and you are a good listening ear for her, however she is not realising yet that she is also frustrating you, make a point of emphasising some particular thing that is happening in your day and perhaps brushing her off slightly with " ill chat to you over the weekend" she should get the hint and hopefully make an effort to reel back slightly, and be more considerate towards you. it would be a pity to lose your friendship altogether , perhaps a few slight changes are all that is needed. Edited June 9, 2021 by Foxhall 1
glows Posted June 10, 2021 Posted June 10, 2021 (edited) She sounds self-absorbed but not necessarily rude or insulting towards you. If you were expecting her to be best buds or for this to be the type of friendship that's been forged over years and for her to respond to you in the same way that you would respond to her, this is not it. You're expecting too much out of someone who is very different from you. Is there anyone else you can talk to or other friends you can chat with and bounce ideas with or keep in touch? I don't see this friendship being anything other than acquaintances. Take care of yourself and work on getting better rest. Edited June 10, 2021 by glows 1
stillafool Posted June 10, 2021 Posted June 10, 2021 (edited) On 6/9/2021 at 11:44 AM, Free Butterfly said: To answer the first question, I am 33, she is 40. I´ve been unable to stop thinking about it since this morning. I decided to tell my thoughts to a friend who also knows her. She used to be friends with her as well, but a couple of months ago my friend had a fight with her and apparently even threatened her when she was confronted. I also learned she talked behind my back and some other things. Honestly, I can not believe this. If I tell her my worries, I am afraid she will do the same to me as she did to the other friend. She was supposed to be my friend. Then don't tell her your worries because you already know that she doesn't care. Drop her and hang with friends who appreciate you. This one isn't worth clouding your mind over. I agree you two seem more like acquaintances than friends. Edited June 10, 2021 by stillafool
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