MrAnon Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 So everything recently has been really great, things have been improving alot and its going up and up every week and im feeling super happy, things are great. Theres only this one thing that has been true since the start and its that she has a very hard time reaching climax, and ive never had this in my previous relationships, it was always super fine and regular, but she seems to be one of those types that is more difficult, she said if she does "things" herself she can't climax either. So do you suggest I try as many different things as possible, do some research, maybe look into buying some extra stuff, or what do you suggest in order to improve this situation? She tells me its great and she LOVES it and im a great lover and im overthinking things, but I just want to give her an even better experience. Currently its probably like she has a climax maybe 1 or 2 times out of 8 or 9 times.
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 If she cannot reach it herself then it's a problem she has to look into herself. Is she on any medication that would prevent her to climax like anti-depressants?
smackie9 Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 Most women can't reach orgasm from penetration. So there is a possibility some of those in the past were faking it. Some women do admit to it...it's a thing. I can only suggest her getting to know her body more (masturbation/self touch), so she can communicate to you how she can reach her peak during the process. 1
Alpacalia Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 Entice her to touch herself (if she's comfortable). Vocalization, eye contact, fingertips down the cleft, and stimulating her body with your tongue and fingers can all be really beneficial.
dramafreezone Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, MrAnon said: So everything recently has been really great, things have been improving alot and its going up and up every week and im feeling super happy, things are great. Theres only this one thing that has been true since the start and its that she has a very hard time reaching climax, and ive never had this in my previous relationships, it was always super fine and regular, but she seems to be one of those types that is more difficult, she said if she does "things" herself she can't climax either. So do you suggest I try as many different things as possible, do some research, maybe look into buying some extra stuff, or what do you suggest in order to improve this situation? She tells me its great and she LOVES it and im a great lover and im overthinking things, but I just want to give her an even better experience. Currently its probably like she has a climax maybe 1 or 2 times out of 8 or 9 times. The importance of foreplay cannot be overstated. There's a lot to be said for getting her emotionally revved up before you even get to the main act. You do that, and you won't need extra techniques, products or any of that. Research how to maximize foreplay if anything. Edited June 8, 2021 by dramafreezone
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 There is a level of personal abandonment you need to reach to climax and if she cannot accomplish that on her own l doubt she will reach it with a new boyfriend. Is it something that got better with time in her past relationships? 2
ShyViolet Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 3 hours ago, MrAnon said: So do you suggest I try as many different things as possible, do some research, maybe look into buying some extra stuff, or what do you suggest in order to improve this situation? No, I suggest you talk to HER and let HER tell you what she wants. You won't find the answer in all those outside sources. You need to work with her on this, listen to her. 1
Author MrAnon Posted June 8, 2021 Author Posted June 8, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: The importance of foreplay cannot be overstated. There's a lot to be said for getting her emotionally revved up before you even get to the main act. You do that, and you won't need extra techniques, products or any of that. Research how to maximize foreplay if anything. Foreplay is plentiful, very long and very slow, and she gets very very very wet, and is like that throughout and alot and often, its just a problem to climax. 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: There is a level of personal abandonment you need to reach to climax and if she cannot accomplish that on her own l doubt she will reach it with a new boyfriend. Is it something that got better with time in her past relationships? She has had 1 boyfriend, the sex was not good, no foreplay, right down to it, etc... 10 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: No, I suggest you talk to HER and let HER tell you what she wants. You won't find the answer in all those outside sources. You need to work with her on this, listen to her. Yeah but she said its fine shes like that and that im a great lover and shes super happy, its just about the fact that id like to improve it, I feel like its good to strive to improve things so its even better for her. Edited June 8, 2021 by MrAnon
ShyViolet Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 1 minute ago, MrAnon said: Yeah but she said its fine shes like that and that im a great lover and shes super happy, its just about the fact that id like to improve it, I feel like its good to strive to improve things so its even better for her. Do you not believe her? You are not actually listening to what she has said. That's not a good thing in a relationship. Your focus should be on communicating with HER, listening to her, and responding to her. Many women don't have orgasms during intercourse, that's very common and it doesn't necessarily mean there is a huge problem that you need to "fix." You are looking to "fix" it, when maybe she doesn't want that. 2
Author MrAnon Posted June 8, 2021 Author Posted June 8, 2021 Just now, ShyViolet said: Do you not believe her? You are not actually listening to what she has said. That's not a good thing in a relationship. Your focus should be on communicating with HER, listening to her, and responding to her. Many women don't have orgasms during intercourse, that's very common and it doesn't necessarily mean there is a huge problem that you need to "fix." You are looking to "fix" it, when maybe she doesn't want that. I mean yeah you are right, but making it better should be a good objective right? I mean im not striving to make her climax non stop, but more often perhaps would mean that I know her body better and make it more enjoyable for her no? But yeah maybe you have a point.
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, MrAnon said: its just about the fact that id like to improve it, I feel like its good to strive to improve things so its even better for her. Quote making it better should be a good objective right? While I appreciate your desire to bring her pleasure - Imagine that there is something that is difficult for you to do. And then imagine that your partner focuses all their attention on the one thing that you find difficult - to the exclusion of all the other things you are able to do and from which you find pleasure. How enjoyable would that be for you? Your partner then decides not to listen to you when you say, “I’m ok, let’s just do something else.” They determine instead to focus even more on the problem and fix whatever it is that is difficult for you. And then, they wait expectedly to see if they were successful and whether or not it is now a pleasurable experience for you. How would that make you feel? Honestly dude, if she says she enjoys it and it’s not a problem for her - don’t make it a problem in your relationship. Focus on the things that you do together that you both enjoy and just let it be… Edited June 8, 2021 by BaileyB 6
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 14 minutes ago, MrAnon said: She has had 1 boyfriend, the sex was not good, no foreplay, right down to it, etc... Then be patient, loving and don't pressure her. You were intimate a total of 8 or 9 times, this is a brand new relationship. This is not a race but a long marathon. I understand a man puts a lot of value in pleasuring his lady but put your ego aside for now and concentrate on building intimicy and trust. The rest will follow. 3
ShyViolet Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 23 minutes ago, MrAnon said: I mean yeah you are right, but making it better should be a good objective right? I mean im not striving to make her climax non stop, but more often perhaps would mean that I know her body better and make it more enjoyable for her no? But yeah maybe you have a point. You are kind of making this about you, and not about her and what she might want. 6
MsJayne Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 Pressuring someone to climax is a great way to ensure they don't, and making a big deal about it just makes it worse. A lot of men take it personally, hence a lot of women fake it just to shut them up. I'm sure you've heard of Performance Anxiety, well, women experience it too, it's hard to relax when someone is waiting for you to put on a show. By making a big deal out of it you're actually spoiling her sexual experience to a degree. If she says she's enjoying it take her word for it and stop expecting a porn show with fireworks and a ticker tape parade. 7 1
LynneVicious Posted June 9, 2021 Posted June 9, 2021 ^^^i can’t stress this above post enough. Op, please listen to us women. 2
ASG Posted June 9, 2021 Posted June 9, 2021 19 hours ago, BaileyB said: While I appreciate your desire to bring her pleasure - Imagine that there is something that is difficult for you to do. And then imagine that your partner focuses all their attention on the one thing that you find difficult - to the exclusion of all the other things you are able to do and from which you find pleasure. How enjoyable would that be for you? Your partner then decides not to listen to you when you say, “I’m ok, let’s just do something else.” They determine instead to focus even more on the problem and fix whatever it is that is difficult for you. And then, they wait expectedly to see if they were successful and whether or not it is now a pleasurable experience for you. How would that make you feel? Honestly dude, if she says she enjoys it and it’s not a problem for her - don’t make it a problem in your relationship. Focus on the things that you do together that you both enjoy and just let it be… 14 hours ago, MsJayne said: Pressuring someone to climax is a great way to ensure they don't, and making a big deal about it just makes it worse. A lot of men take it personally, hence a lot of women fake it just to shut them up. I'm sure you've heard of Performance Anxiety, well, women experience it too, it's hard to relax when someone is waiting for you to put on a show. By making a big deal out of it you're actually spoiling her sexual experience to a degree. If she says she's enjoying it take her word for it and stop expecting a porn show with fireworks and a ticker tape parade. OMG, OP, just read this and LISTEN. I am one such woman, for whom orgasming is a problem. I can do it myself, with the help of vibrators, but have never EVER been able to with a guy. Not one single time. And I had one partner who decided to focus on it. And all it did was make me miserable, and end our sex sessions IN ACTUAL TEARS. This is not what you want. I have had good sex, GREAT sex and lukewarm and mediocre sex. If your gf is telling you it's great, believe her. I take great pleasure in great sex, even if I don't climax. This is something she has to deal with herself. Obviously a loving and caring relationship, where there is trust and love is key, but this is something she needs to break through on her on. You focusing all your energy on whether she has climaxed or not will only make her feel frustrated and "less than". I'm sure that's not what you want. Continue doing what you're doing and don't worry about it. It might happen in time. There's no special technique for you to learn. This is in her head. Let it go. 5
Fletch Lives Posted June 9, 2021 Posted June 9, 2021 35 minutes ago, ASG said: OMG, OP, just read this and LISTEN. I am one such woman, for whom orgasming is a problem. I can do it myself, with the help of vibrators, but have never EVER been able to with a guy. Not one single time. And I had one partner who decided to focus on it. And all it did was make me miserable, and end our sex sessions IN ACTUAL TEARS. This is not what you want. I have had good sex, GREAT sex and lukewarm and mediocre sex. If your gf is telling you it's great, believe her. I take great pleasure in great sex, even if I don't climax. This is something she has to deal with herself. Obviously a loving and caring relationship, where there is trust and love is key, but this is something she needs to break through on her on. You focusing all your energy on whether she has climaxed or not will only make her feel frustrated and "less than". I'm sure that's not what you want. Continue doing what you're doing and don't worry about it. It might happen in time. There's no special technique for you to learn. This is in her head. Let it go. Fantastic post. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 9, 2021 Posted June 9, 2021 You can offer a suggestion ... but just to try out ... the worst thing you can do is to try a variety of positions with the goal of "let's see if this works"--as in let's see if she experiences a climax. She's not a machine with a defective "on" button. I think the real issue here is most likely her struggle to climax is triggering your insecurities. And I don't mean that as a slam against you. Many people in your situation would feel insecure and wonder, "maybe I'm not the right person for her." But treat your own insecurities ... don't try to fix her ... you can encourage her to relax ... most likely if you went to a sex therapist, the therapist would encourage both of you to just have wonderful touch and sex ... and even try NOT to climax. This is a method for lowering the pressure (which only makes things worse) ... and upping the enjoyment. So first step maybe: just try to relax and have wonderful responsive sex with her. Drop the "goal" of her having a climax. 3
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