sliticy Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 So there is this girl i recently met through tinder, that i click with so well. She is just like me in almost every way possible and we have had a lot of fun together so far! We have gone on 3 dates, the first where we had dinner and went for a walk, second where we ate sushi and she visited my place and played some nintendo switch with me, and most recently a hike which we went on yesterday. All dates went really well. The thing with this girl is that she has told me at the beginning after our first date that she does not want anything serious due to her moving away to a different city to study for a year. She has not mentioned it since. But as i am respectful to her and what she said i have not tried or done anything to escalate. The thing that makes me feel conflicted is the fact that she seems to be interested in me. She often intiates conversations over text, she always says yes to hanging out and asked me out aswell, she told me 5 different times that "we need to do this together", we also took pictures together on the hike. Her parents and friends knows about me already. She engages in conversations alot and always has her full attention on me when shes with me. Never pulls up her phone if its not for a phone call (in those cases she also sometimes leaves the phone) I just have no idea, if i should even try to test her boundaries in case she has opened up more towards me or maybe changed her mind. But at the same time i don't want to ruin what we already have. Maybe I should just wait for when she is more open to something more serious when she comes back to town. I still have a bit of time to spend with her, which is like 2 months, she will travel mid august. I guess what I am asking for is whether I should try to test her boundaries a bit (sit abit closer, initiate touches here and there, hold hands and stuff like that) or just keep hanging out with her in a more friendly way and see if it develops into something else. I will appreciate any tips and advice
ShyViolet Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 5 minutes ago, sliticy said: I guess what I am asking for is whether I should try to test her boundaries a bit (sit abit closer, initiate touches here and there, hold hands and stuff like that) or just keep hanging out with her in a more friendly way I think there is a bit of confusion here as to what you think she meant about not wanting "something serious." Do you think she meant that she does not want to get sexual and only wanted to be friends? To me when a person says "I don't want something serious" they mean they are not looking for a long-term relationship. But it doesn't mean there can't be any sexual contact. If you don't know what she meant by "nothing serious" then maybe you should ask her. 2
Author sliticy Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 13 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: I think there is a bit of confusion here as to what you think she meant about not wanting "something serious." Do you think she meant that she does not want to get sexual and only wanted to be friends? To me when a person says "I don't want something serious" they mean they are not looking for a long-term relationship. But it doesn't mean there can't be any sexual contact. If you don't know what she meant by "nothing serious" then maybe you should ask her. I have no idea if she meant nothing sexual, which is why I am also scared to make moves. There are signs that she wants to get closer, like she is most of the time in close proximity to me. Yeah I am pretty sure she meant not looking for LTR due to the travelling. Guess im just hopeful that something might change the more we hangout
ShyViolet Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 3 minutes ago, sliticy said: I have no idea if she meant nothing sexual, which is why I am also scared to make moves. There are signs that she wants to get closer, like she is most of the time in close proximity to me. Yeah I am pretty sure she meant not looking for LTR due to the travelling. Guess im just hopeful that something might change the more we hangout Ok so then there is a lack of communication here. You have no idea what she really meant when she said she is "not looking for something serious." Maybe you should ask her, just don't make it a big deal but say something like "hey, when you said you are not looking for something serious, what did you mean by that?" I don't think she meant she doesn't want to get close to you physically. It would make a lot more sense that she meant she isn't looking to get into a long-term relationship. Maybe she would be into the idea of seeing you casually, and having a sexual relationship although it will have an expiration date (when she moves). But you shouldn't be guessing. Use your words and talk to her.
Ami1uwant Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 If I’m understanding you..... she’s going for a year to study somewhere else and plans to return? If so, don’t let this be a deter ant to this if it’s going well. Have fun here. serious relationship...likely means to her...since I’m going away I don’t plan on communicating with you much. I want to enjoy my time and experience née things (including men). .
Author sliticy Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 4 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: If I’m understanding you..... she’s going for a year to study somewhere else and plans to return? If so, don’t let this be a deter ant to this if it’s going well. Have fun here. serious relationship...likely means to her...since I’m going away I don’t plan on communicating with you much. I want to enjoy my time and experience née things (including men). . Correct, she is going for a year to study elsewhere, she will return here when she has holidays and when shes finished with her school year. I will continue to have fun with her for sure, and just see where it goes If she does not plan on communicating much with me while away, it makes no sense to me why she is so interested in me right now. She needs to keep the communication going and so do i if we are going to keep the good connection for when she comes back.
dramafreezone Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 Not wanting anything serious means relationship to me. I think she senses that you're getting too serious too quickly and she's trying to say slow down. That said, I think you can still make a move. Just enjoy it for what it is and don't push for a relationship.
Author sliticy Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: Not wanting anything serious means relationship to me. I think she senses that you're getting too serious too quickly and she's trying to say slow down. That said, I think you can still make a move. Just enjoy it for what it is and don't push for a relationship. I agree. I think I just need to slow down a bit. The stress is getting to me knowing she is moving in 2 months, and im scared of not forming a strong bond by then. I'll just keep hanging out with her, doing fun stuff together and then we will know what it's going to turn out to be in the end, friendship or relationship. Thanks for the advice
Wiseman2 Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 6 hours ago, sliticy said: I should try to test her boundaries a bit (sit abit closer, initiate touches here and there, hold hands and stuff like that) or just keep hanging out with her in a more friendly way and see if it develops into something else. Well tinder is for dating not friendship, so you are not out of line. When the time is right, see if you can be more romantic. 1
Blind-Sided Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 I would head down 2 paths together.... 1) If you like this girl... and all she wants is the be a friend... and you are OK with it... then just stay friends. 2) Get back on OLD and find someone who wants to be your GF.
smackie9 Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 If she's not sleeping with you, etc that means you are friend zoned. Have you not been friend zoned before? because it's looking like it. A girl can be emotionally invested but have no interest romantically. I think you are there. Lots of girls use that excuse you know.
Author sliticy Posted June 8, 2021 Author Posted June 8, 2021 16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Well tinder is for dating not friendship, so you are not out of line. When the time is right, see if you can be more romantic. I think it's the fact that she is moving that's holding her back. Doesn't want to get too invested when she has to move elsewhere soon. On the other hand she just asked me to her place next weekend so i got no idea. I think there is a chance it could develop into something more. Maybe not now but sometime later on.
introverted1 Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 You seem to be looking at this as though there are just two options: 1. Friendship, because she's moving away soon. 2. Relationship that will lead into an LDR while she's away. Based on what you've said about her actions, I think there is another option: 3. Short-term relationship/sexual fling now with no expectation that it will continue when she moves. 1
BeanCounter Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 2 hours ago, introverted1 said: You seem to be looking at this as though there are just two options: 1. Friendship, because she's moving away soon. 2. Relationship that will lead into an LDR while she's away. Based on what you've said about her actions, I think there is another option: 3. Short-term relationship/sexual fling now with no expectation that it will continue when she moves. Agree here -- choose which of these options you want to pursue and push it, with the understanding that you're only choosing one of these options. To me, "not wanting to screw up what you have" is always a cop out and lousy excuse. Why were you on Tinder? To meet a friend who you continually want something romantic and sexual with but never reciprocates? I'd say make a move, enjoy the time you have, see where it leads. It sounds like she wants to explore her options in that year that she is away, so even if you go for #3 and it is successful, be prepared for her to want to date other people when she moves away.
Wiseman2 Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 4 hours ago, sliticy said: she just asked me to her place next weekend so i got no idea. And there you go.... Not everything has to lead to a life long romance. You both know that so...
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