babybrowns Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) Hello all, I matched with a guy online on a dating app. Conversation flowed well and he was also flirty. After some nice back-and-forth during the day, I gave him my number before I went to bed last night and said goodnight and that he can text me on there if he likes. However, it is almost as if he didn't see that- he overlooked this completely and continues to talk with me normally today on the app and even continues to be flirty- more than before. Now I am wondering if this is a case of him genuinely not having noticed I gave him my number, or him noticing but ignoring it for whatever reason. Either way, I feel kinda awkward continuing to engage with him on the app even though he wants to? I am wondering how to in a jokey way bring this up? Thanks for your insight Edited June 7, 2021 by babybrowns
stillafool Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 Maybe he has a gf and doesn't want texts. Just ask him if he got your message to text instead of message. 1
smackie9 Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 Let it go and ditch this guy. If a guy doesn’t step up, then he’s not really all that interested. Big waste of your time 1
ShyViolet Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 Use your words. Just say "Let's switch to texting instead. I don't like this app." If he hesitates or still doesn't want to text, then don't waste any more time with him. 7
BeanCounter Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 32 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Use your words. Just say "Let's switch to texting instead. I don't like this app." If he hesitates or still doesn't want to text, then don't waste any more time with him. This. I've legit just overlooked messages before. Depending on how you message, some people might send 3 or 4 messages in a row, and it can be easy to just pass up reading one line or something. I wouldn't even bring it up that you had already mentioned switching to text, just try again. If he ignores the request again, there is definitely a reason for him not wanting to switch and abandon ship 1 1
Author babybrowns Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) Hello all, thanks for your responses so far. So I went with the suggestion to just ask him if he happened to miss the message with my number in it, to which he responded oops yes he had and then texted me on my number. However, what I still find a little strange is that he has opted for normal SMS rather than WhatsApp whereas he has it? Even after we have been texting a lot today. Most guys I’ve exchanged numbers with from an online dating site jump straight to WhatsApp. I don’t know; does this seem to all point towards a guy who’s not too keen to chat by phone? Edited June 7, 2021 by babybrowns
Author babybrowns Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 I should also mention that he seems to be on his WhatsApp a lot, like most people with WhatsApp. Seems a little strange as to why he wants to keep a girl he met online at a distance like that. Perhaps he does have a girlfriend indeed I’ve never been in a situation like that before. Think I’ll play this out a bit longer and see if he does make the transition to WhatsApp
Wiseman2 Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 6 hours ago, babybrowns said: I matched with a guy online on a dating app. Conversation flowed well and he was also flirty. However, it is almost as if he didn't see that- he overlooked this completely and continues to talk with me normally today on the app and even continues to be flirty- more than before. How long were you talking on the app? Instead of giving out your number (lateral move) when messaging suggest meeting for coffee. Going from this messaging to that messaging is meaningless. Meeting for coffee, whatever, is the only way to gauge interest. Texting whether through an app or your phone, is not dating. 5
BeanCounter Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 50 minutes ago, babybrowns said: Hello all, thanks for your responses so far. So I went with the suggestion to just ask him if he happened to miss the message with my number in it, to which he responded oops yes he had and then texted me on my number. However, what I still find a little strange is that he has opted for normal SMS rather than WhatsApp whereas he has it? Even after we have been texting a lot today. Most guys I’ve exchanged numbers with from an online dating site jump straight to WhatsApp. I don’t know; does this seem to all point towards a guy who’s not too keen to chat by phone? I must be getting old,I have no idea what Whatsapp even is.... When I get a phone number from OLD, I go right to SMS messaging, old fashioned texting. Maybe he's old like me 1
Author babybrowns Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long were you talking on the app? Instead of giving out your number (lateral move) when messaging suggest meeting for coffee. Going from this messaging to that messaging is meaningless. Meeting for coffee, whatever, is the only way to gauge interest. Texting whether through an app or your phone, is not dating. You’re right. It’s just that I want him to escalate it rather than me; I want to see that he’s into it. Although sometimes I know it takes meeting in person for someone to get ‘into it!’ 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 1 hour ago, babybrowns said: It’s just that I want him to escalate it rather than me Then suggest coffee rather than offering your personal phone number. That's much worse. 1
norealusername Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 He's probably not serious for whatever reason. I highly doubt he missed seeing your phone number. He's trying to keep you at length. Maybe he's talking with someone he likes better, maybe he's already involved with someone, maybe he's just a wuss. 3
Foxhall Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 well he can see how keen you are, I imagine he's not quite ready to share your enthusiasm for it yet purely based on texting, he has decided to put the brakes on a little, I dont think you should mention the phone number again at this point, dont run after him, see how things play out- 1
Gaeta Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 I always thought a man suggesting to talk on whattsap was not serious. I guess l'm prejudiced for no reason. 1
BaileyB Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) 54 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Then suggest coffee rather than offering your personal phone number. No doubt! Quote Sometimes I know it takes meeting in person for someone to get ‘into it!’ Do ya think? What man wants to text all day with a woman they haven’t even met? Edited June 7, 2021 by BaileyB 1
stillafool Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 3 hours ago, babybrowns said: Seems a little strange as to why he wants to keep a girl he met online at a distance like that. Probably because he has met many women online and keeps at a distance until he's sure he wants to be bothered. So many women are chasing men they barely have to do anything anymore. 2
mark clemson Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 It certainly begs the question of exactly WHY he chooses to use the app to message, rather than more direct means. Dubious, IMO...
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 You are way over thinking and being somewhat controlling. Who cares what means are used to communicate? Dont treat him like a serious prospect until he asks you out on a date. Message him sparingly like you have a life. If he does not bite within a week or two max. ie suggests a date. I would ignore him until he offers something solid. He may be a time waister or have low interest. Either way you should not accept it. When I was doing old. I only gave them limited time before I moved on. My time is worth something. And I am older and only messaged through the app until meeting. I only offered my number if I was comfortable that he was not a douch bag. 3
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: It certainly begs the question of exactly WHY he chooses to use the app to message, rather than more direct means. Dubious, IMO... Because he doesn’t know the woman. They haven’t even met yet -
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 9 minutes ago, lonelyplanetmoon said: Dont treat him like a serious prospect until he asks you out on a date. When I was doing old. I only gave them limited time before I moved on. My time is worth something. And I am older and only messaged through the app until meeting. This is it. In my time on OLD, I learned early on not to waste my time before I met someone because 99% of the time, it ends at the first date. I would message on the app until I felt that I knew enough about the man that I wanted to meet him. And then, we would meet. I’m busy - I don’t want to waste my time building a relationship with a man who is not interested/not someone I want to date. I’m also not giving my personal number out to a man that I have never met before - for safety reasons. Babybrowns, you are trying to build a relationship with a man that you do not know. Just go for coffee with the guy. 3
MsJayne Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 Whatsap or text, it makes no difference. If he's got your number but hasn't called to say hello and establish some sort of connection, he's not really interested. He's keeping you on a string so that if none of his other options pan out he can call you at 7pm on Saturday night and suggest a meet up. I'd leave further communication up to him and I'd be wary of his intentions. 1 1
cleverusername Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 The only times I keep messaging on the app are A) It's easy to compartmentalize you and walk away, texting is personal. I don't give my number to you unless I wanna invest in you B) They don't have an american number or unlimited texting/data
Author babybrowns Posted June 8, 2021 Author Posted June 8, 2021 Thank you all for your replies so far. The guy and I were texting a little more last night. There are a lot of red flags that he is only just after something casual, even though he knows I’m not. He’s pretending he’s not but there are quite a few giveaways. And it also seems to be another case of someone who’s all about the talk but has no intentions to meet up- I’ve met a handful of those on my time so far on OLD and I literally don’t have 1% interest in speaking to him if this is just another one of those cases. It all fits together. So I don’t think I’ll be investing too much into this anymore, however will keep it open for a few days to see if anything changes. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 5 hours ago, babybrowns said: There are a lot of red flags that he is only just after something casual, even though he knows I’m not. He’s pretending he’s not but there are quite a few giveaways. What are these giveaways?
Wiseman2 Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 10 hours ago, MsJayne said: Whatsap or text, it makes no difference. If he's got your number but hasn't called to say hello and establish some sort of connection, he's not really interested. H Agree. Next time after a few messages on the dating app, suggest that you would like to meet for coffee. If someone won't meet in a timely fashion and just keeps making lateral shifts from this modality of texting to that, they are timewasters.
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