Author Badgers Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree. You're playing with fire. This kind of drama feels good while you believe 2 women are after you, but the whole thing won't end well. Feels good? It certainly doesn’t feel good!! I mean.. I guess I could say that her company feels good, not in a ego way, but because I feel likeeee she sees me, not what I project to the world, but the honest me, and still gets on with me. And I guess that that stripped back version of who you are is something that i struggled for quite a long time when I was younger to feel like was ‘enough’.. I think you’ll call it a sob story, or think it’s weak. But it’s neither of those things to me, I think to accept the scars you have just shows you how strong you’ve been. But not one other single thing about this situation feels good!! It feels scummy!! All I want is to be a loyal guy, anything in the way of that goal is bad!!
Author Badgers Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 3 hours ago, mark clemson said: Alright, well if that's the case then don't. You may want to keep in mind that just because YOU "treat someone right" doesn't mean they will reciprocate in the long run. Relationships and reproduction is very serious business in a way, and people get screwed over in various ways all the time. Getting a truly "nice" partner is in part a matter of luck and their attitude and behaviors remaining consistently "nice" as they change over time (decades) is also in part a matter of luck. Just something to think about. You sound very well-intentioned (which is good), but also rather idealistic. I know that!! Believe me, I’ve seen that!! I know that you don’t always get what you give. That’s partly half of it, I don’t want to be the guy that doesn’t give back to some girl as much as she gives me. So many people do that and I don’t want to be one of them! But I wouldn’t ever expect that of a girl, any girl, if she was over me, if she would be happier with someone else, I wouldn’t stand in her way. I’ve been broken up with before, and I wish for the best for them - I hope they’re happy! 1
Author Badgers Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 2 hours ago, dramafreezone said: It's about her, on some unconscious level she's either attracted to the forbidden nature, or the challenge of seeing if she can wrest him from her best friend. As soon as he gave in she wouldn't want it anymore. If he didn't have the GF he wouldn't have the interest. No different from a guy friend's girlfriend that starts flirting with you, she finds that forbidden nature alluring, or just wants to see if she can get his best friend to betray him. I had a good friend that had an very beautiful girlfriend, and now she's flirting with me. Come on man, that's not just a coincidence. She doesn’t flirt with me though. The only times we’ve ever discussed anything between us are those two times I’ve written about, in what 7/8months. She’s certainly not “flirty” with me. I actually wasn’t sure till the other day that she actually felt anything more than friendly affection. She would very very rarely be just me and her, we only really hang out with my gf. We just get on is all, we click in some way - good chat, I know what she’s thinking, I feel like she knows what I’m thinking. I just like her company, but there’s certainly no flirty comments, physical touch or anything in that ball park. 1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said: Basically my (very jealous) best friend and my boyfriend (who was annoyed at me one particular evening) slept together. It was one of the biggest betrayals that ever happened to me and I devastated, more in relation to my best friend who I never thought would do such a thing. That’s awful! I’m very sorry to hear that! To betray someone that way is just not on!! I’ve never though C’s jealous of A though. C’s a very confident girl, not arrogant but just very genuinely sure of who she is.
usa1ah Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 On 6/6/2021 at 1:42 AM, Badgers said: But it is to me! I’ve never broken up with a girl. I’ve stuck with every single relationship I’ve ever had to the bitter end. I don’t want to hurt anyone! I don’t want to be the kind of person that walks away from someone! I want to be a good person! I don’t want to be the kind of guy that would break her heart, that’s not who I’ve ever wanted to be What would break her heart is finding out without you telling her. You need to have a talk with her or walk away from both. Don’t be that guy that stays because he doesn’t have the courage to break up with someone he is not in love with her. Be honest, you love A more like a friend not a GF correct? If so, don’t string her along because you don’t want to hurt her. There is a difference between f*** and dump and not loving someone like you should. 2
Author Badgers Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 1 hour ago, usa1ah said: Don’t be that guy that stays because he doesn’t have the courage to break up with someone he is not in love with her. Be honest, you love A more like a friend not a GF correct? If so, don’t string her along because you don’t want to hurt her. There is a difference between f*** and dump and not loving someone like you should. Loves a funny thing, and I know that it means different things to different people. And I’ve spent time thinking about what it means to me.. I’ve seen people call things love that looks like the complete opposite, or use it as a magic word to wash away all their sins. And those definitions, they don’t work for me. So I don’t see love as this passive thing that happens to you, I think it’s an action. “To run”, “To love”, I think it’s an action we do, and actions don’t happen to you, their choices! We choose to do them! I think you chose to love, and to be loving, it doesn’t just bowl up and hit you in the face by itself, it’s deliberate. I know that people disagree with that, I know it’s controversial. My gf, you know, her perception is different, she believes it’s an emotion not an action. Something you feel not something you do I don’t think she fully gets me for it, but it doesn’t bother her.. she knows that we just have different paths to the same end product. I love her as my girlfriend because I choose to love her as my girlfriend.
dramafreezone Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) 39 minutes ago, Badgers said: Loves a funny thing, and I know that it means different things to different people. And I’ve spent time thinking about what it means to me.. I’ve seen people call things love that looks like the complete opposite, or use it as a magic word to wash away all their sins. And those definitions, they don’t work for me. So I don’t see love as this passive thing that happens to you, I think it’s an action. “To run”, “To love”, I think it’s an action we do, and actions don’t happen to you, their choices! We choose to do them! I think you chose to love, and to be loving, it doesn’t just bowl up and hit you in the face by itself, it’s deliberate. I know that people disagree with that, I know it’s controversial. My gf, you know, her perception is different, she believes it’s an emotion not an action. Something you feel not something you do I don’t think she fully gets me for it, but it doesn’t bother her.. she knows that we just have different paths to the same end product. I love her as my girlfriend because I choose to love her as my girlfriend. What your girlfriend is thinking of is affection. Affection is a feeling (so she's right, just has the wrong word for it) and you can have it without loving someone. I do believe love is a decision, but you can have love without affection/passion. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. If you're not feeling affection for her then you'd be doing the both of you a favor by ending it. Edited June 7, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
stillafool Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 14 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: If you're not feeling affection for her then you'd be doing the both of you a favor by ending it. ^^^This^^^Everybody deserves to be deeply loved and desired by their mate. Let her go so she can find that otherwise it's selfish to hold on.
dramafreezone Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Badgers said: Well, there’s not one as such.. we carry on as is status quo, same as I have been all this time. I guess having actually finally talked openly to C about it, I now have to realise that my status quo, my presence does make her life a bit more difficult. and I’m sorry for that. I do feel a bit bad for that ....but she’s alright, she’s okay. So the kindest thing to do for her would be not to engage in any prolonged discussions anymore. I would recommend keeping it cordial but brief, out of respect for your GF. Any type of drawn out conversation from here on out would be inappropriate. I think certain things just have to fall by the wayside when you have a GF, especially if you can't control your emotions. You're not with C so allow her to find someone that is available to her. Edited June 7, 2021 by dramafreezone
Author Badgers Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 38 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: What your girlfriend is thinking of is affection. Affection is a feeling (so she's right, just has the wrong word for it) and you can have it without loving someone. I do believe love is a decision, but you can have love without affection/passion. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. If you're not feeling affection for her then you'd be doing the both of you a favor by ending it. Affection.. ...I feel affection for her, I care about the girl, I try to look after her, I try to make her happy, it upsets me if she’s sad ..and I want to be in her company. That is affection surely. 8 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: So the kindest thing to do for her would be not to engage in any prolonged discussions anymore. I would recommend keeping it cordial but brief, out of respect for your GF. Any type of drawn out conversation from here on out would be inappropriate. I think certain things just have to fall by the wayside when you have a GF, especially if you can't control your emotions. You're not with her so allow her to find someone that is available to her. What with C? I see her regular thou.. my gf will always invite her places. Like when I say they’re close, they’re VERY VERY close!! A’s always there though! I try to avoid it being just me and C for that reason really. But yeah, I think the fact that we do get on is a big deal to my gf, I’d go so far as to say it would have been a deal breaker if we didn’t! I don’t have tons of 1:1 drawn out deep and meaningful conversations with her or anything, but yeah in a social setting we get on, she has good chat.
Poutrew Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 Think of it this way: You, A and C are on a hike high up in the mountains. And suddenly there's an earthquake which knocks you off your feet. Both A and C are thrown over the edge of the precipice, and are hanging by their fingers over a 1,000 foot drop off. They are both screaming and crying for you to rescue them. You know you only have the strength and time to rescue one of them. The other you realize will meet with a horrible fate... in the heat and adrenaline rush of the moment, which one will you save, and which one will you watch fall to her death? If you didn't INSTANTLY, and without thinking, say "A", then you don't love her. If you even thought for a moment of rescuing C instead, or try to logic yourself into a way to save both of them, then you are not being honest with yourself. Think about that... 1
Sun Seeker Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 You don't love A, that's pretty clear. If you did, you would not have feelings for her best friend, regardless of how well you get on or whatever. The thought of possibly losing A would be enough to make you stop and realise that the possibility of anything happening with C is not worth it. The best thing to do is to break up with A, for her sake, so she can find someone who actually loves her. Staying with A just because you don't want to be 'that guy' is selfish. After that it's up to you whether you want to try to pursue something with C.
usa1ah Posted June 8, 2021 Posted June 8, 2021 4 hours ago, Badgers said: Loves a funny thing, and I know that it means different things to different people. And I’ve spent time thinking about what it means to me.. I’ve seen people call things love that looks like the complete opposite, or use it as a magic word to wash away all their sins. And those definitions, they don’t work for me. So I don’t see love as this passive thing that happens to you, I think it’s an action. “To run”, “To love”, I think it’s an action we do, and actions don’t happen to you, their choices! We choose to do them! I think you chose to love, and to be loving, it doesn’t just bowl up and hit you in the face by itself, it’s deliberate. I know that people disagree with that, I know it’s controversial. My gf, you know, her perception is different, she believes it’s an emotion not an action. Something you feel not something you do I don’t think she fully gets me for it, but it doesn’t bother her.. she knows that we just have different paths to the same end product. I love her as my girlfriend because I choose to love her as my girlfriend. It is actually both. Hope you figure this out soon badgers 1
Author Badgers Posted June 9, 2021 Author Posted June 9, 2021 On 6/8/2021 at 2:18 AM, Punterxx said: The best thing to do is to break up with A, for her sake, so she can find someone who actually loves her. Staying with A just because you don't want to be 'that guy' is selfish. After that it's up to you whether you want to try to pursue something with C. I understand people saying that’s selfish. But it’s modern culture isn’t it, they’d of been a time 50 years back that walking away was selfish but now everyone walks away, who doesn’t! People must have gone through hard times in the 30s/40s, but people didn’t walk away so easy back then, and how many of those went on to live good lives together. I don’t want to treat relationships like they’re part of some throw away culture, I don’t want to treat people like that! I want to be the kind of reliable that stays when it’s hard ....cause it’s easy to stay when it’s easy!
Author Badgers Posted June 9, 2021 Author Posted June 9, 2021 On 6/8/2021 at 2:53 AM, usa1ah said: It is actually both. Hope you figure this out soon badgers I do love her. I don’t mean to sound cold or emotionless. Her well-being and her happiness are crucially important to me.
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