I'm struggling.

[ShyViolet]

I'm going to echo what several other people have said... if you are neither X or Y in this situation, then you should be staying out of it.  It is not your place to find a solution for them.  You are way too invested and caught up a situation that does not involve you.  They need to sort it out themselves.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, ShyViolet said:

I'm going to echo what several other people have said... if you are neither X or Y in this situation, then you should be staying out of it.  It is not your place to find a solution for them.  You are way too invested and caught up a situation that does not involve you.  They need to sort it out themselves.

Agree. Also why are you "struggling" if this is just listening to a couple of friends?

[anon2]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Just curious why you need 'similar stories' or solutions for them, if you plan on 'just listening'?

Just wondering if there is any hope for them, that's all. 

[anon2]

5 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

I'm going to echo what several other people have said... if you are neither X or Y in this situation, then you should be staying out of it.  It is not your place to find a solution for them.  You are way too invested and caught up a situation that does not involve you.  They need to sort it out themselves.

It's interesting to hear the assumptions that I am invested and caught up in this situation from just a simple forum post I've written today. Thanks for your input anyway. 

[anon2]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Also why are you "struggling" if this is just listening to a couple of friends?

Maybe I worded the topic wrong. I mean I can see them struggling. I am only watching from the sidelines and listening. This is not affecting my mental health in any way. I'm just feeling sad for them. I think this is just a normal reaction for a close friend. 

[ShyViolet]

1 minute ago, anon2 said:

It's interesting to hear the assumptions that I am invested and caught up in this situation from just a simple forum post I've written today. Thanks for your input anyway. 

As we don't know you personally and this is an anonymous message board, literally all we can do is make judgments and assumptions based on what you have written in your post.  That is how this works.  And your post sounded like you are pretty caught up in this.  Even in your title, "I'm struggling."  Why would you be "struggling" with someone else's relationship?  That is a lack of boundaries.

 

[anon2]

4 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

As we don't know you personally and this is an anonymous message board, literally all we can do is make judgments and assumptions based on what you have written in your post.  That is how this works.  And your post sounded like you are pretty caught up in this.  Even in your title, "I'm struggling."  Why would you be "struggling" with someone else's relationship?  That is a lack of boundaries.

 

Yeah, that's why I mentioned it is interesting. No, I'm not caught up in this. I was speaking to them today and I was wondering if anyone else has gone through the same thing. I should change my title to I can see them struggling instead. I don't believe I lack boundaries. Thanks again for your input. 

[Uruktopi]

Besides the "I´m struggling" expression I can see why some of us may suspect you are X, Y or Z (being Z in your nomenclature X´s  "best friend" and Y´s "Ex FWB"). 

Anyhow and taking your word about you are none of them.....there are still some not said things that, if told and known,  may perhaps add clarity to what is hapening.

From our ignorance we are taking the role of speculative Sherlock Holmes. But, given your special position in XYZ´s lifes and minds, may be you know better.

- Had X some kind of mental health related disorders before all told events?

- Did Z had some role in X and Z breakup (even if only in someone´s mind, let´s say X or Y)?

- Had X some kind of suspictions (so if granted or delutional) about the nature of the "bond" between Y and Z previous (or leading) to the breakup?

 

If the answer for the first question is NO, some  alternatives for the two last ones would explain X´s state of mind about what happened when they, XY, wheren´t a couple (and so not a personl offense).

Of course, both Y´s and Z´s choice of each other was less than sensitive (at least in the specific conditions and time it take place).

The X´s omission (if not lies) about the FWB period probably magnified what, if not, was a normal situation with a not so affortunate choice of with whom to do it. As I see it, to "protect feelings" of someone instead of truth rarely works and makes me doubt of the deep honesty of the excuse.

 

All the above said, no matter whose fault and even if no one´s fault, I have best wishes but, sadly, no good expectations about XY realtionship.   

 

 

Edited June 4, 2021 by Uruktopi

[Alfano]

I feel like I'm back in Algebra 101 again.

Listen if you want to help them then suggest one or both post on a relationship forum such as this one.

Throwing around third-hand advice and relating the situation that you are not directly involved with is nonproductive.

Maybe they don't WANT your help.

 

[Acacia98]

3 hours ago, anon2 said:

I know that Y has taken responsibility for Y's actions. I made this post wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation before. I'm not interfering in X and Y's relationship. I don't give them any advice. I just listen. They are both my good friends and it breaks my heart that they haven't yet found a solution, without the solution being breaking up for good. 

FWIW, I didn't suggest that you were interfering in the relationship. I just know that the only people who can ultimately solve the problem are the two. It's certainly okay to ask for advice here and to share it with them. But after that, you should take a huge step back because they have a very unhealthy dynamic and will drag you into it.

I've seen people close to me in this kind of relationship. That's why I know that ending things is the best solution. On-again/off-again relationships are broken relationships. That's why they don't work. The only way for them to work (in a very small minority of cases) is for both people to take a long break from each other and from relationships in general and to do a lot of hard work on themselves.

[Boobita]

12 hours ago, Punterxx said:

 

What a terrible relationship, they are clearly not good for each other.

You do nothing, it has nothing to do with you. Let them sort it out themselves.

By sort it out they need to break up for good. A happy long term relationship does not involve breaking up and getting back together and all this drama.

Breaking up often and then getting back even as friends is the worst.

[anon2]

Thanks everyone, please stop replying to this thread. I won't get involved anymore.