What to do When Your Partner Doesn't Want Your Dog in the Bed/Bedroom

[Crazelnut]

I love dogs & cats. Grew up with them. Love them. But ...sleeping with a dog is nasty. It's a DOG, not a human. Yes, puppies need extra care because they're puppies, but that doesn't have to include letting them sleep on/in the bed. That nonsense is all about YOUR needs and wants, by the way, not the dog's. Dogs don't NEED to be in the bed with you! 

A reasonable compromise would be to crate the dog in your room at night. Or put a dog bed in the corner of the room.

If you love sleeping with your puppy more than you love this guy, go ahead.  But I think you'd be foolish to ditch a decent guy because of your desire to sleep with a dog!

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Pets belong in pet beds. 

[SumGuy]

12 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

If your boyfriend is not cool with your dog and doesn't completely accept your dog and all that comes with it, then you and him are not compatible.  Period.  Pets are family members and you don't EVER compromise that for a relationship.  Someone's attitude towards animals and pets says a lot about them as a person.  

Have to agree with that.  I don't let my dog sleep in my bed or room even (because he is cute and will want to be in the bed), but he is a big guy 70+ pounds and although he is clean we do go outside everyday, I have a very high standard of clean for my bed 

When he was a puppy I instead slept with him by his den/crate or on the sofa (he does get to go on the sofa...that was me breaking down and wanting him by me while watching TV).

My gf's cats sleep with us, and yah it can limit movement but realized they are good with being bumped, and they are indoor cats.  

As long as the pet is clean I believe it is simply personal preference, one you get to decide for your house and your pet.    So I agree with ShyViolet.

Edited June 3, 2021 by SumGuy

[Donnas]

9 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

Why do you need to sleep with a dog for comfort when you have your boyfriend there?

Move over little doggie the big dog is movin' in!

😄😄😄😄😄

[mark clemson]

16 hours ago, stillafool said:

He'll be lonely and scared.  He's just a baby.

Actually I suppose that's true at 1 month. Maybe at 9? It's been quite a while since I've had a dog.

[salparadise]

2 hours ago, Crazelnut said:

That nonsense is all about YOUR needs and wants, by the way, not the dog's. Dogs don't NEED to be in the bed with you! 

Agree, it’s about having her way, imposing her will on him regardless of how distasteful he finds it... as if his feelings don’t factor into the equation at all. She’s betting that she has the clout to passively nullify his right to say, “no I  do not want to sleep with a dog.” 
 

My ex-wife used to do similar crap — unilateral decisions that left me no say in a matter, and no good options — then she’d sit around smug and satisfied enjoying knowing my preference had been rendered null. It was probably the one relationship transgression I resented the most, and eventually it was time to call the lawyer. 

Sometimes you can win a battle that costs you the war. 

[Calmandfocused]

I agree with your boyfriend. 
 

Puppies are incontinent especially at 1 month old. 
 

Your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep in dog poop/urine? Can’t say I blame him. 

[SumGuy]

11 minutes ago, salparadise said:

...

My ex-wife used to do similar crap — unilateral decisions 

Wife is the important part, a wife is vastly different than a gf.  With your wife it was your house, your bed, your dog, and a vow to honor and cherish (traditionally).  As this is an ex I am hoping what broke you up was about much more than a dog in bed...that being just a symptom of other issues. 

GF?  Completely different, it is her house, her bed, her dog...her decision.   Sure he can ask for her to change her life and how she lives it for his preference instead of her preference.

He can't impose his preference on her, no dog in her bed.   Not sure there is much compromise here, either the dog is in the bed or not. 

Personally, I would only entertain a gf/bf drawing such a line if we were on the track to marriage or "married" in actions.  Even then though, how they handle this is important, today it is the dog they can't stand in the bed, tomorrow who knows what it will be.  The thing with a little clean dog in the bed, it is pure preference.  There is not objective right or wrong here (given the dog is very small and clean), just subjective beliefs about what a dog should or should not do.  Heck Chihuahua are the epitome of a lap dog, so sleeping by you is part of what they have been bred for I'd venture. 

So it would simply be my preference vs theirs, and if each can acknowledge and respect that fine there is hope.  But if a gf/bf started telling me and "explaining" to me how they are objectively right and I am wrong...later days I say, a real red flag for how they will behave when more important things are on the line that couples often argue about...like money, or raising kids.

A man is also a fool to come between a gf and her dog, a dog is loyal and will never cheat on her or lie to her or leave her and is always there for her....unless you can do all that you will lose.

[Gaeta]

You got the puppy 1 month ago. How old is it now?

 

[elaine567]

Your house, your dog, your bed, your life, your choice.
If he doesn't like it he can just go home.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

To those saying pets are family and should be allowed in bed, do you/would you also allow your Mother-In-Law in the same bed when she visits? She's family, right?

[Allupinnit]

I've got two golden retrievers, my older lady was 8 when she met my H and had been sleeping on the bed for years and he was fine with it.  So much so that we got one together and she sleeps cuddled up beside me all night (the older one likes the cooler leather sofa nowadays).  We kick them out of our room during sexy time and they don't cry at all, they know what's up.  I don't get why people think they hang out on the bed with peanut butter getting in the way - THAT is nasty, come on! 

So yeah we've got dogs on the beds and the couches, don't care.  They're groomed regularly and I have a cleaning lady every other week so to say it's unhygienic is an oversimplification.  Dog hair is a fact of life in our house.

If after 1.5 years you aren't any closer to living together/making things official then I say let your new little buddy sleep on the bed -your bf can moan about it when he gets around to making things official and staking his claim on the bed but as of right now its your home, your bed, and your dog so do what you want.  I dated lots of men who loved dogs and didn't care that mine slept on the bed.  

[Allupinnit]

3 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

To those saying pets are family and should be allowed in bed, do you/would you also allow your Mother-In-Law in the same bed when she visits? She's family, right?

My mother-in-law doesn't WANT to sleep in bed with us...?  That's a false equivalence.  I don't want to snuggle on the couch with her either, or take her out to pee, or take her to the vet.  

[Wiseman2]

23 hours ago, palamino_16 said:

I recently got a Chihuahua puppy 1 month ago, and he sleeps with me every night.

Get a large dog bed for the BF and let him sleep cuddled up in it on the floor.🐶🛏.

Make sure you put his (the BF's) favorite, blanket, toy and treat in the dog bed so he feels welcomed.

[Taramere]

4 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

I agree with your boyfriend. 
 

Puppies are incontinent especially at 1 month old. 
 

Your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep in dog poop/urine? Can’t say I blame him. 

She wouldn't have got the puppy at 1 month old.  They're unlikely to be even fully weaned at that stage.  You get a few disreputable breeders who let them go at 6 weeks, but most would wait a minimum of 8 weeks before the puppy leaves its mother.  

[Timshel]

5 hours ago, salparadise said:

Agree, it’s about having her way, imposing her will on him regardless of how distasteful he finds it... as if his feelings don’t factor into the equation at all. She’s betting that she has the clout to passively nullify his right to say, “no I  do not want to sleep with a dog.” 
My ex-wife used to do similar crap — unilateral decisions that left me no say in a matter, and no good options — then she’d sit around smug and satisfied enjoying knowing my preference had been rendered null. It was probably the one relationship transgression I resented the most, and eventually it was time to call the lawyer. 
Sometimes you can win a battle that costs you the war. 

Gosh, all of this is projection. Sorry that happened.

4 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

To those saying pets are family and should be allowed in bed, do you/would you also allow your Mother-In-Law in the same bed when she visits? She's family, right?

This makes no sense but I thought the analogy was so out there that it's actually cute.

The OP hasn't returned for a bit but I would weigh in that it's a pup. Pet owners will vary in their level of care, this said, it seems an incompatibility that the OP should not ignore.

 

[MsJayne]

23 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Put a large towel down about 3 feet out from the bedroom door and "tell" him to sleep there?  They will probably make a fuss for a while, but eventually get used to it I would think.

Do you think the boyfriend is going to be comfortable on a towel all night? 

[MsJayne]

Choose between your boyfriend and the dog. I have a girlfriend who's dog-mad, she rescues the ugly ones from shelters and gives them a home on her large property, which is a wonderful thing to behold, however her inability to recognise that the dogs are not equal to humans has resulted in her being single for the past 10 years, the couple of guys who she started seeing quickly disappeared when they realised they were less important than the dogs. It's great to be a dog lover, but don't expect other people to tolerate a dog taking precedence over them.  

[SumGuy]

5 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

To those saying pets are family and should be allowed in bed, do you/would you also allow your Mother-In-Law in the same bed when she visits? She's family, right?

Stretching the analogy a little far...it's more like people have an emotional attachment to pets on par with family...actually probably much more especially with in-laws :) Also we tend to choose pets not ones family.   

Perhaps a better in-law analogy would be how do you feel about a mother-in-law sleeping in the room next door?   

It may also turn on how the mother and law and dog behave, generally I'd put my bet on the dog :) 

[salparadise]

36 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Choose between your boyfriend and the dog. I have a girlfriend who's dog-mad, she rescues the ugly ones from shelters and gives them a home on her large property, which is a wonderful thing to behold, however her inability to recognise that the dogs are not equal to humans has resulted in her being single for the past 10 years, the couple of guys who she started seeing quickly disappeared when they realised they were less important than the dogs. It's great to be a dog lover, but don't expect other people to tolerate a dog taking precedence over them.  

She only has to choose between the boyfriend and the dog in the bed –– he's not telling her to get rid of the dog. She figures he'll cave and she gets her way, however, what she's not realizing is that by prioritizing the dog and her wants she is eroding the goodwill in this relationship. Maybe he doesn't mean enough to her for her to care, but I think she's just being short-sighted and naive.

[SumGuy]

18 minutes ago, salparadise said:

She only has to choose between the boyfriend and the dog in the bed –– he's not telling her to get rid of the dog. She figures he'll cave and she gets her way, however, what she's not realizing is that by prioritizing the dog and her wants she is eroding the goodwill in this relationship. Maybe he doesn't mean enough to her for her to care, but I think she's just being short-sighted and naive.

It works both ways, by prioritizing his feelings about dogs over her he is being short-sighted and naïve.  No indication the dog is in the way or unclean, he just doesn't like it.  His feelings don't equal facts.  Wonder how he feels about oral sex, far less hygienic than the dog I bet.

The implication I get with her being "short sighted" is she doesn't have options so she has to bend to accommodate him, perhaps, perhaps, because god forbid she lose him and be without a man.  However, if she has options and he is not all that, this dude's days are numbered.

Objectively she doesn't need a dog in her bed, maybe emotionally she enjoys the bond; but objectively does she need this guy?  Plenty of guys who wouldn't care about this dog.

[cleverusername]

Dogs are people too. Dog sleeps on the bed. Boyfriend gets the doggybed

[mark clemson]

3 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Do you think the boyfriend is going to be comfortable on a towel all night? 

🤣

I see what you did there...

[Timshel]

Many men wouldn't care about a dog if the woman is what they want.

This is not a zero sum game. It's a puppy, a tiny one at that. Again, the OP hasn't weighed in; who knows how this has panned out for her.

A person could turn it around and ask why a man would let a good relationship go over a small dog. If a dog is a problem that won't be solved, best to let each other go.

The next thing would be the newborn waking up at all hours of the night....

[deepthinking]

Pets like beds for our smells. So put something with your smell on it where the dog should go,  not perfume,  but maybe an old jumper or Tee. Animals have such acute sense of smell, unlike us, so much so that smells are  a full-on part of how they decide what is what.

Being near your personal smell with be relevant to her, as she makes your old Tee her territory. Encourage pet with treats.

Edited June 4, 2021 by deepthinking