Herkamer Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 Nearly a month ago, I was debating whether to stay single or not. The person I was interested in didn't pan out. As a matter of fact, I found out, accidentally (if that's the correct word) while I was working my second job, that she was seeing someone already. She could have made it easier and said she was seeing someone, but it had to end in an awkward moment. Now, here I am still debating on living single life as long as I live, but I've been thrown a curve ball in the past few weeks. So to set the stage, I've been taking ballroom dance lessons. It's been a hobby I've been wanting to take up for a while. Good exercise, fun, and I get to meet new people. If you're curious what I'm learning, ask me later. Anyway, it has has helped take my mind off of what happened nearly a month ago with that other woman who could had been more upfront with me. I've been taking both private lessons and group lessons at this one ballroom I really enjoy going to. In the past two weeks, I met this woman who had been doing the same thing. I actually met her at a group class we had nearly three weeks ago. We're in step with each other when we dance, we got to know each other, and she seems like a good person with her head screwed on right. She served in the Air Force and the National Guard, she works part time at both the YMCA as a personal trainer and at the hospital's kitchen, and she's currently finishing up her degree at school to be a dietician. So she has a lot going for her. Now, here's the kicker: she's 23 years old and I'm 35. Normally, I wouldn't be interested in someone that young because, typically, they're not as mature enough and haven't lived through much of life yet (no offense to anyone that's that young). But I also understand that there are a small number of people that age who are very mature and have gone through quite a bit. However, I know there are men who are older that take advantage or fawn over younger women. Unfortunately, I have a friend in his 40's who seems like he ONLY fawns over younger women in their 20's, but is too afraid to ask them out himself. Also an unfortunate thing that I witness, whenever I'm out and about, is other older men, some in their 50's, trying to take advantage of the 20's crowd to fuel their egos rather than seeing these women as people to have a long-lasting relationship. I don't want to be either type of those kind of men and I believe that I'm not. Last few women I went out with or interested in have been closer to my age, so compatibility is important to me. So this is where I'm on the fence, with the knowledge that there are exceptions with couples with age differences. My mother had told me a story about a male friend of hers, who had married a woman 10+ years younger than him (with similar qualities). A family friend of ours, who turns 40 this year, is married to someone who is 10+ years younger and have 3 kids together. So it's not like all these situations don't work out. Some actually do end up having good endings to them. Even then, I don't know if I want to ask her out because I don't want to make it seem like I'm taking advantage of this woman, and I didn't even know she was this young, until she told me this past Friday. At this moment in time, though, it's getting harder and harder finding a woman closer to my age to go out with a guy like me. It just seems like single women in their 30's (and older) are making it difficult to date them. Of course, there are some men my age making it difficult on women, too. Again, I don't want to become one of those guys who ONLY go after women much younger, but at the same time, I would like to be with someone who's compatible with me, even if they happen to be 10 years younger/older (so long as she's an adult and over 21). She seems to be sending me signals that she might be interested. I could be wrong, but if there has been anything I learned in dance class is you get to know people better with touch, and, I don't know, there might be something there. I guess I'll find out before too long Anyway, I wouldn't mind some opinions on this matter because I don't want to fool myself nor give up my hopes in pursuit of something that wasn't meant to be. Thanks! 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 6 minutes ago, Herkamer said: She seems to be sending me signals that she might be interested. Ask her to go for a casual, low-key coffee after class and get a sense of the situation. Maybe she has a bf, maybe she's interested but you can't go by "signals" without getting to know her better.
Author Herkamer Posted June 2, 2021 Author Posted June 2, 2021 16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ask her to go for a casual, low-key coffee after class and get a sense of the situation. Maybe she has a bf, maybe she's interested but you can't go by "signals" without getting to know her better. Very true. Honestly, I'm not very good with signals, so it might be nothing. So yeah, taking her out somewhere in which it's just two is a good idea. Maybe next time when I see her, I can check to where she likes to go and take it from there. 1
Sun Seeker Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 You are way overthinking this. Age is just a number. 13 years is not an issue. You haven't even gone out on a date yet. You are getting ahead of yourself. Ask her out and see how you are together before you start thinking long term. 2
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 (edited) She seems mature beyond her years, and would be of like mind. I don't see the age part being an issue...maybe she's looking for a guy that has his head on straight. Edited June 2, 2021 by smackie9 1
dramafreezone Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 2 hours ago, Herkamer said: Nearly a month ago, I was debating whether to stay single or not. The person I was interested in didn't pan out. As a matter of fact, I found out, accidentally (if that's the correct word) while I was working my second job, that she was seeing someone already. She could have made it easier and said she was seeing someone, but it had to end in an awkward moment. Now, here I am still debating on living single life as long as I live, but I've been thrown a curve ball in the past few weeks. So to set the stage, I've been taking ballroom dance lessons. It's been a hobby I've been wanting to take up for a while. Good exercise, fun, and I get to meet new people. If you're curious what I'm learning, ask me later. Anyway, it has has helped take my mind off of what happened nearly a month ago with that other woman who could had been more upfront with me. I've been taking both private lessons and group lessons at this one ballroom I really enjoy going to. In the past two weeks, I met this woman who had been doing the same thing. I actually met her at a group class we had nearly three weeks ago. We're in step with each other when we dance, we got to know each other, and she seems like a good person with her head screwed on right. She served in the Air Force and the National Guard, she works part time at both the YMCA as a personal trainer and at the hospital's kitchen, and she's currently finishing up her degree at school to be a dietician. So she has a lot going for her. Now, here's the kicker: she's 23 years old and I'm 35. Normally, I wouldn't be interested in someone that young because, typically, they're not as mature enough and haven't lived through much of life yet (no offense to anyone that's that young). But I also understand that there are a small number of people that age who are very mature and have gone through quite a bit. However, I know there are men who are older that take advantage or fawn over younger women. Unfortunately, I have a friend in his 40's who seems like he ONLY fawns over younger women in their 20's, but is too afraid to ask them out himself. Also an unfortunate thing that I witness, whenever I'm out and about, is other older men, some in their 50's, trying to take advantage of the 20's crowd to fuel their egos rather than seeing these women as people to have a long-lasting relationship. I don't want to be either type of those kind of men and I believe that I'm not. Last few women I went out with or interested in have been closer to my age, so compatibility is important to me. So this is where I'm on the fence, with the knowledge that there are exceptions with couples with age differences. My mother had told me a story about a male friend of hers, who had married a woman 10+ years younger than him (with similar qualities). A family friend of ours, who turns 40 this year, is married to someone who is 10+ years younger and have 3 kids together. So it's not like all these situations don't work out. Some actually do end up having good endings to them. Even then, I don't know if I want to ask her out because I don't want to make it seem like I'm taking advantage of this woman, and I didn't even know she was this young, until she told me this past Friday. At this moment in time, though, it's getting harder and harder finding a woman closer to my age to go out with a guy like me. It just seems like single women in their 30's (and older) are making it difficult to date them. Of course, there are some men my age making it difficult on women, too. Again, I don't want to become one of those guys who ONLY go after women much younger, but at the same time, I would like to be with someone who's compatible with me, even if they happen to be 10 years younger/older (so long as she's an adult and over 21). She seems to be sending me signals that she might be interested. I could be wrong, but if there has been anything I learned in dance class is you get to know people better with touch, and, I don't know, there might be something there. I guess I'll find out before too long Anyway, I wouldn't mind some opinions on this matter because I don't want to fool myself nor give up my hopes in pursuit of something that wasn't meant to be. Thanks! I think every woman I've ever dated has been younger. Why don't you want to be one of "those guys?" We're attracted to who we're attracted to. 3
poppyfields Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: We're attracted to who we're attracted to. Amen! Edited June 2, 2021 by poppyfields 3
stillafool Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 I agree she sounds mature so ask her out. I see a lot of women in their 20s dating guys in their 30s so it isn't odd. 1
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 She sounds like a well rounded young woman and probably finds men her age boring and shallow. Invite her to grab a coffee after danse class.
ShyViolet Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 23 and 35 is not that big of a deal. You are overthinking this. As long as she is mature for her age, then go for it. Just because you ask her out, that doesn't mean you are "taking advantage of her" or "one of those guys who only goes for women much younger." You know you aren't like that.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 You're getting ahead of yourself. You have no idea if this woman is interested in you romantically, and here you are fretting about the future. Relax. Ask her out and take it from there. You might hit it off, or you might find that you're not a match for each other. Dial back your expectations (and worries) and see what happens.
chillii Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 23's fine if she's of the more matured type which she sounds , 23 in women can either still be like a 16yr old or be more woman than someone 10yrs older , all depends on the person. Your only what 35. l agree with others don't worry too much go out together see what happens , might not even go anywhere anyway no way to know as yet.
basil67 Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 While the examples you give of men in their 40's and 50's are a bit ick, I think that the age gap between the two of you isn't particularly eyebrow raising. Ask her out and see what happens. Regarding the girl from a month ago, I can imagine your disappointment. However, unless she was actually going on dates with you, there's no reason she should have mentioned her romantic life. It's not on her to manage the romantic thoughts of men around her. Or, perhaps she invented the boyfriend as a polite letdown. If you want to check if a woman has a boyfriend, find out during general conversation. It will save you from awkwardness.
elaine567 Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 Is she single? Ready and willing to date? Heterosexual? These need to be the first questions answered before you go off on whether this is going to be a life long match. You "think" she is very mature, but until you get to know her, you have really no idea. Coffee/wine and a few good chats are needed, before you order that morning suit... The main problem usually is not age, but different life stages. Here I see you, at 35, are likely to want to settle down, at 23 she may want the same, playing house can be appealing to young women, but at 25,26,27..., she may want to party to make up for all that time she spent studying and being oh so sensible and mature... It is the risk you take. 2
Donnas Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 Date around your age. So you dont have to deal with certain stuff. 23 you are just enjoying life,and not really busy with ; buying home,have kids,sit at home,taking care of a man, and stuff. You are still dscovering yourself. Beside your interest gonna change with time and more then a older person. And you cant complain about her making some inmature choices,because thats her age. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 14 hours ago, Herkamer said: Very true. taking her out somewhere in which it's just two is a good idea. You'll get a lot of ageism but hey, have a coffee and find out for yourself. The best way to gauge interest is by asking them out. Anything but a "yes" is a "no". It's that simple. 1
Blind-Sided Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, elaine567 said: The main problem usually is not age, but different life stages. Here I see you, at 35, are likely to want to settle down, at 23 she may want the same ...... This. I read your post, and you seem to think that everyone who dates a younger girl is the stalker type... or just out to stroke their own ego. You also make it sound like 30-somethings are hard to date. In my experience... the 30 range is the most eager to date. Anyway... @elaine567 is right... it's not age... it's stage of life. there is a 20 year age gape between me and my GF... but we are both out of school... we are both in our careers (but COVID messed mine up) we have both been divorced, and neither one of us wants any more kids. (She has her tubes tied) So, she really has grown up, and knowns what she wants for being 27. If this 23 yo girl is actually mature as you say... then ask her out and don't worry about the age. Edited June 3, 2021 by Blind-Sided 1
Ami1uwant Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 17 hours ago, Punterxx said: You are way overthinking this. Age is just a number. 13 years is not an issue. You haven't even gone out on a date yet. You are getting ahead of yourself. Ask her out and see how you are together before you start thinking long term. just ask Matt Gaetz....age is just a number.....
dramafreezone Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, elaine567 said: Is she single? Ready and willing to date? Heterosexual? These need to be the first questions answered before you go off on whether this is going to be a life long match. You "think" she is very mature, but until you get to know her, you have really no idea. Coffee/wine and a few good chats are needed, before you order that morning suit... The main problem usually is not age, but different life stages. Here I see you, at 35, are likely to want to settle down, at 23 she may want the same, playing house can be appealing to young women, but at 25,26,27..., she may want to party to make up for all that time she spent studying and being oh so sensible and mature... It is the risk you take. Well, like you said he has to actually get to know the woman first. But some women actually are that mature early on. I've seen women that married in their early 20s and are still married 30-40 years later. In fact that used to be the norm, this idea of waiting until the late 20s/early 30s to get married is a recent phenomenon. Conversely, there are women in their 40s that are as immature as anyone and don't know how to operate in a relationship much less a marriage. I think age doesn't have as much to do with it as much as what that woman observed and learned in her formative stages. Also from what I've seen the maternal instinct can vary greatly, some women have a very strong maternal instinct, others (like my sister) just turned 40 and she has none, never really had it. Obviously that can have a major impact on how willing someone is to think about settling down. Edited June 3, 2021 by dramafreezone
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 35 and 23 is fine, if you were 45, it would give me the creeps.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 Dude, ask her out if you want. It's just a first step--you're not getting married to her. If the chemistry is good, go out. Period!
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