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What would you do if you met someone and things were good but they had red flags?

GoldMind

By GoldMind
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GoldMind Member

GoldMind

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Posted

Yes she has red flags but she s so great to me

- she buys me gifts

- cooks for me

- will do anything in bed for me

- picks up my stuff for me at the gym

- is really fun and can do anything with her

i'm so torn because she's the perfect gf (in the way she acts towards me) but not perfect because of the red flags

 

Donnas Established Member

Donnas

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, Donnas said:

Things cant be good if there are redflags.Makes no sense.

And tou cant cover redflags with sex and gifts.

Soon you will have to deal with it.

And it may be worse, cause tou got involved with the person more deeply and it may feel harder to leave.

Redflags are there to warn you.Should listen to them right away.

Everyone agreeing with me but no likes?😦😕🙄😭🤣🤣🤣

  • Like 1
Donnas Established Member

Donnas

Posted
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1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

I would not call those red flags, I'd call them flashing neons & siren alarm on full blast. 

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭

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ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, GoldMind said:

i'm so torn because she's the perfect gf (in the way she acts towards me) but not perfect because of the red flags

 

Sure, she's crazy and has a horrible personality, but besides that she's perfect.  

Donnas Established Member

Donnas

Posted
Posted
24 minutes ago, GoldMind said:

Yes she has red flags but she s so great to me

- she buys me gifts

- cooks for me

- will do anything in bed for me

- picks up my stuff for me at the gym

- is really fun and can do anything with her

i'm so torn because she's the perfect gf (in the way she acts towards me) but not perfect because of the red flags

 

the redflegs seems behaviour,the ""good"stuff seems like stuff she do for you now.so it is more easy to stop doing them,then to stop doing the redflags. 

  • Like 1
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, GoldMind said:

the bad; talks about her ex a lot and about things he did for her and compares me to him, also says he abused her and cheated on her but doesn't say why they stayed together or what happened, is extremely immature for her age. Is very clingy and needs to text me 24/7. Is always posting selfies on social media and is desperate for attention and validation. Has been with lots and lots of different guys. Gets passive aggressive, sad, if i don't respond or take her out or she feels like i'm rejecting her. Has no self esteem. Has no self respect. Is hyper sexual. Hates her dad because he did some bad thngs to her mum. tells me she slept with rich drug dealers before

These aren't red flags, they're a whole freaking parade.

This won't end well for you.

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Posted

Is this about your ex again?

central Established Member

central

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Red flags, if confirmed, are absolute deal breakers, no matter how good the person is in other ways!

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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She has awful self esteem issues. try this. Tell her to stop buy you gifts, don't accept any more dinners or cut it down to twice a month. Set boundaries about texting. Encourage her to go out and do something for herself, like go out with a friend to get her nails done. Right now you are letting yourself take advantage of her. Stop letting her be your puppy dog that follows you everywhere. teach her to be her own person.

Taramere Established Member

Taramere

Posted
Posted
45 minutes ago, GoldMind said:

Yes she has red flags but she s so great to me

i'm so torn because she's the perfect gf (in the way she acts towards me) but not perfect because of the red flags

 

You're basically using an emotionally unstable woman who has a terrible history with men for all sorts of goodies (gifts, sex however you want it and generally being treated like a king)...and you're worried that it could end badly?  

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, GoldMind said:

Yes she has red flags but she s so great to me

- she buys me gifts

- cooks for me

- will do anything in bed for me

- picks up my stuff for me at the gym

- is really fun and can do anything with her

i'm so torn because she's the perfect gf (in the way she acts towards me) but not perfect because of the red flags

 

Most of the stuff you say is "good" about her is stuff that she does FOR you (buys me gifts, sex, picks up stuff for you at gym, cooks for you).  Sounds very transactional.  Ask yourself why you are really with this person.  If that's what you are staying with her for, then it sounds an awful lot like you are using her.  Just sayin.

dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted (edited)

Everyone has red flags.  There's no mythical potential romantic interest that has no red flags.  It just depends on knowing yourself and what your dealbreakers are.

Looks like you're dealing with abandonment/BPD type of issues.  Those are what they are, those are not for you to remedy.  She needs professional therapy.  If she's not getting help for them it will only get worse as her attachment to you grows.

Edited by dramafreezone
MsJayne Established Member

MsJayne

Posted
Posted

You're asking for a whole lot of trouble, and you are being manipulated. Beware the woman who will do "anything" in bed, she's either a nympho who will bang all your friends, (which is fine if you're into that sort of thing), or she has an ulterior motive and uses sex to manipulate men. The woman who swallows is often also the woman who swallows your house, your bank account, etc, etc. 

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GoldMind Member

GoldMind

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But she is the best girlfriend I ever had like i said yea she has some 'Issues" but she will do anything for me sexually, she also picks me up for dates, she even cleaned my room i mean who wouldn't want a girlfriend like this?

is it all just some manipulation?

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GoldMind Member

GoldMind

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i don't understand so she is agreat gf but just has some issues

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, GoldMind said:

i don't understand so she is agreat gf but just has some issues

But those issues are going to render a relationship nearly impossible. 

You don't appear to understand that yet, but hopefully you get there before you get hurt too badly. 

Great sex and a woman who picks you up and cleans your room are not enough. You're not thinking with the head on your shoulders here, and that is why you're so conflicted now. The good points you describe are fairly surface-level things, not what actually makes a long-term relationship viable. Not when she's got so many other serious problems. 

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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GoldMind Member

GoldMind

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44 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

But those issues are going to render a relationship nearly impossible. 

You don't appear to understand that yet, but hopefully you get there before you get hurt too badly. 

Great sex and a woman who picks you up and cleans your room are not enough. You're not thinking with the head on your shoulders here, and that is why you're so conflicted now. The good points you describe are fairly surface-level things, not what actually makes a long-term relationship viable. Not when she's got so many other serious problems. 

not enough? but she does eveyrthing for me and buys me presents etc

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GoldMind Member

GoldMind

Posted
  • Author
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she's the perfect girlfriend to me

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, GoldMind said:

she's the perfect girlfriend to me

So why did you start this thread? 

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GoldMind Member

GoldMind

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  • Author
Posted
3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So why did you start this thread? 

Well everyone is saying she is bad so im not sure

my parents think she is bad but shes great to me?

Maldives Established Member

Maldives

Posted
Posted
On 6/2/2021 at 3:39 PM, GoldMind said:

But i mean the good feelings

- chemistry, sex, fun together, dates

but red flag?

i mean none of the red flags actually affect the feeling or chemistry but they are there

You wouldn't have asked for advice if this didn't impact you 

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, GoldMind said:

Well everyone is saying she is bad so im not sure

my parents think she is bad but shes great to me?

Your parents are correct.

She is the best gf ever until she is not...
She  talks about her ex all the time because she is not over him, one word from him and she will drop you like a hot potato.
Your ego is flying high, she does all these things for you as she values you, she thinks a lot of you - wrong!
She is a damaged individual, I guess serious abuse is behind it, who will cling on as long as it suits her then she will be gone and you will be so, so hurt as your ego will take a massive hit.

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, GoldMind said:

my parents think she is bad but shes great to me?

Great to you meaning gives you good sex, right?

Perhaps your parents want to arrange a marriage for you with a more pure type?

Why is your mother involved in your dating life? Are you under 18/ live at home?

Blind-Sided Established Member

Blind-Sided

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, GoldMind said:

she's the perfect girlfriend to me

Then why are you making this post??????????????????????????????????????????????????

You obviously don't want to hear the truth, and are arguing just to argue... you want people to just tell you she is perfect.  SO...............

Wow... you have the best GF ever!!!!  You will have a long happy life !!

(barf, gag)

Edited by Blind-Sided
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GeorgiaPeach1 Established Member

GeorgiaPeach1

Posted
Posted

Quit using her for sex and gifts, and move on. You can already tell this isn't going to work out long term.

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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