hooghie Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Guys are ALWAYS complaining that girls lead them on, but then say 'oh I have a boyfriend' once the guy makes a move and asks the girl out. So, when and how should we be telling you? I go out with my girlfriends all the time- I sometimes even go to my local bar by myself. Guys constantly start talking to me(us). Of course, it usually begins with innocent conversation and a lot of the time I don't mind because I enjoy meeting and talking to new people. BUT- the problem is, I want to let them know early on that I am in a relationship- WAY before the issue comes up to let them know not to even think anything is going to happen. It's not always easy to bring in the BF issue early in a conversation and it often sounds very rehearsed. My BF says that is one of the first things that should come out of my mouth in pretty much every situation where I talk to a guy. What do you guys think? When should the girl say something and what should she say to make the situation as uncomfortable as possible for both people?
brittanyjean259 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 When i had a boyfriend, i went through the same thing ... i would talk to guys, you know to be friends or something...and i dont really flirt i just treat every one equally ( its just my personality)... its really hard though because if you say something right away, it will just sound kinda werid like"oh i know your going to hit on me...so why dont i tell you i have a bf so you just dont"....when they could just want to be talking to you( very rarely though)... well in the conversation maybe you can just bring up your boyfriend like" oh me and da da did blah blah"...instead of being so upfront about it... but than they could think that your willing to cheat...but you know when to back off... guys should always ask that at first...your not leading them on...your just being your self..and being friendly...but you will know when to draw the line...
Neptune Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Hey, this is tough. How to tell a guy you are taken without telling him you are taken. Lame as it may sound, the sooner you bring up your boyfriend in conversation the better off for everyone. You get what you want and the guy gets the point. Don`t feel bad about doing it because that is what a guy is on the lookout for. You have given him the red light so he can put the brakes on and move on. Or don`t get the point and bug you to no end:laugh:
tanbark813 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Random Bar Guy: "Hey girls, what's up?" hooghie: "Chillin', baby, how you doin'?" Random Bar Guy: "Oh you know, just taking a break from the midget/donkey shows. I must have spent like $100 in tips." hooghie: "Yeah, that's cool." *insert mundane, typical conversation* Random Bar Guy: "So anyhoo, how 'bout you give me your number/go out with me sometime/blow me in the restroom?" (This is where you say it: ) hooghie: "Thank you kindly, good sir, but I have a boyfriend." Though it should be noted that the "I have a boyfriend" is sometimes assumed to be BS and just a nicer rejection.
Author hooghie Posted October 18, 2005 Author Posted October 18, 2005 Thanks for the replies.... its really hard though because if you say something right away, it will just sound kinda werid like"oh i know your going to hit on me...so why dont i tell you i have a bf so you just dont"....when they could just want to be talking to you( very rarely though)... Exactly. It just makes the situation awkward. I agree that a guy should ask if you are taken. well in the conversation maybe you can just bring up your boyfriend like" oh me and da da did blah blah"...instead of being so upfront about it... This can sound really rehearsed. I DO do this often, but I wish I could find a better way to say it. (This is where you say it: ) hooghie: "Thank you kindly, good sir, but I have a boyfriend." This is exactly what I usually do, but this is what guys ALWAYS COMPLAIN about. As if it should be the first thing out of my mouth, but if it is - it sounds conceited/obnoxious.
tanbark813 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 This is exactly what I usually do, but this is what guys ALWAYS COMPLAIN about. As if it should be the first thing out of my mouth, but if it is - it sounds conceited/obnoxious. That's not true. I don't complain when I get that line. The guys who do complain are just frustrated and that's not really your problem.
Author hooghie Posted October 18, 2005 Author Posted October 18, 2005 That's not true. I don't complain when I get that line. The guys who do complain are just frustrated and that's not really your problem. Thanks Tanbark! I think part of the issue is that my personality can be seen as flirtatious. I don't do it on purpose, I'm just naturally outgoing, talk and laugh a lot, etc. I think that may be part of why they seem annoyed. Maybe it's just the guy being an idiot
kitkat826 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 When I was taken, many a moon ago, this was how most of my conversations went: Mister X: Hey shorty, you're lookin real good tonight. Me: Thanks. Mister X: So you gotta man? Me: Yeah, actually. Mister X: Oh, well could I get your number? Me: I said I have a boyfriend. Mister X: Well that's cool, he doesn't have to know or Well we could just be friends... Me: *rolls eyes* Now that I'm single, conversations are something more like this: Mister X: Hey shorty, you're lookin real good tonight. Me: Thanks. Mister X: So, your man lets you come out a lot? Me: Why don't you just ask if I have a boyfriend instead of assuming I do so you can ask me a question like that in order to find out? Mister X: Ok...well do you? Me: No, actually. Mister X: Oh. Well how come a beautiful and funny girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend? Me: Umm..I guess because I don't want or need one. Mister X: **thinks: hey, this is one of those independent, casual sex girls who doesn't need a full-time man. I'm definitely in. But let me act like im into her for real in the mean time...**.......So you seem really intelligent and dynamic. Could I ask for your number? Around my way, the boyfriend question is usually the second, third, or sometimes the first thing out of guys' mouths. They aren't very shy about it. When I did have a boyfriend and we did get through a long conversation, I wouldn't mention it until they brought it up. In the meantime, however, I would do my best to not be flirty and make it clear I'm not really interested.
brittanyjean259 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 how do you come about saying" im not taken but i was and not looking for a relationship now. haha? i guess thats exactly what you say
westernxer Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 I prefer that they tell me in the beginning (best if they casually mention it at the onset of a conversation). Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. If they do, that's great. I'll keep it short and sweet. If they don't, oh well. That's life. I'll just ignore them, once the truth comes out. Lack of attention usually drives them nuts.
Author hooghie Posted October 18, 2005 Author Posted October 18, 2005 Thanks everyone. Overall, I'm hearing that what I do is normal and accepted. I was just hoping for a less uncomfortable way to let them know. Maybe I'll start wearing a fake engagement ring...although, come to think of it, even when I was married this happened- usually only from really sleazy guys or completely clueless ones. Mister X: So, your man lets you come out a lot? Me: Why don't you just ask if I have a boyfriend instead of assuming I do so you can ask me a question like that in order to find out? . :lmao: :lmao: I have heard that type of line soooo many times. It sounds as contrived and stupid as 'my boyfriend....' When I did have a boyfriend and we did get through a long conversation, I wouldn't mention it until they brought it up. In the meantime, however, I would do my best to not be flirty and make it clear I'm not really interested. I try to do this, but I LOVE talking to people and it's upsetting that most guys have an ulterior motive when they talk to you. prefer that they tell me in the beginning (best if they casually mention it at the onset of a conversation). Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. If they do, that's great. I'll keep it short and sweet. If they don't, oh well. That's life. I'll just ignore them, once the truth comes out. Lack of attention usually drives them nuts. . YUP. We hate being ignored! I have a question though- if you have a motive outside of casual conversation, why don't YOU ask in the beginning?
reservoirdog1 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 How about this if she tells you she has a boyfriend: "No problem. Do you think he'd mind making us breakfast?"
Sevenmack Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Tell him as soon as you can find an opportunity to do so. Keeps everyone from misconceptions.
Jayhawks Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 If your good-looking just get used to it. There is nothing you can do that will keep a guy from going there. Go out in sweats so you don't look hot or sexy. Don't wear makeup or do your hair. Dress so you don't stand out.
JS17 Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Go out in sweats so you don't look hot or sexy. Don't wear makeup or do your hair. Dress so you don't stand out. What?!?! Do not change yourself hoogie just because some men are talking to you. Dress as your are comfortable, do your hair and make up in a way that will make YOU feel good. There is nothing you can do about men hitting on you sure but that doesn't mean that you have to respond. Tan and Miss Kat had it right, just insert it into the conversation where it fits. reseviordog's response was great though:laugh:
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