Lifegoeson12 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 So I just had my first proper date after a while and I’m feeling very disheartened. now first things first, he picked me up he was late and said it was because he was busy with work. Anyway he needed to shower so said he would pick me up and I could have a coffee or something while he got ready. so we got to his place, he has roommates btw. So before we got there I said it might be a bit odd meeting the roommates of a guy I don’t know, sure enough we arrived and I decided f*** it I’ll meet them what the worst that could happen. Well I ended up sitting on a bench outside. We where nearly at his place when I got the distinct feeling he didn’t want me to meet them and he kept pointing out that there was a green area right there. So I waited outside for him to get ready. we eventually went for our walk and the entire walk he didn’t look at me once, not a single time on the entire date did we make eye contact. Now I know even if I wasn’t interested in someone I’d still look at them. He didn’t once, he kept his head down the entire time. sure enough he was dropping me home and I asked him what he thought if he wanted to do it again and he said he knew within the first 20 minutes I wasn’t for him (totally acceptable) but I felt so bad because even when he said that he couldn’t look me in the eye. Am I that repulsive that I’m not even worth a look in the eyes or is that just a thing guys do when they don’t want to be mean. 1
Dull Hargraves Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 I’ve gone on a lot of first dates where I knew immediately that it just didn’t click. It happens. I committed to the date though so I do my best to show my date a good time. You showed class and patience. He showed that he’s spineless and wishy washy, with the social skills of a lamp post. You dodged a bullet. A man doesn’t act this way. And if I understand correctly, the plan for the date was he picks you up and takes you to meet his roommates?. What a f***ing moron. 2 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 7 minutes ago, Dull Hargraves said: I’ve gone on a lot of first dates where I knew immediately that it just didn’t click. It happens. I committed to the date though so I do my best to show my date a good time. You showed class and patience. He showed that he’s spineless and wishy washy, with the social skills of a lamp post. You dodged a bullet. A man doesn’t act this way. And if I understand correctly, the plan for the date was he picks you up and takes you to meet his roommates?. What a f***ing moron. I agree, I 100% understand if he wasn’t interested and I totally get being polite and finishing the date but to not look at me once I thought was odd. He also wore sunglasses the entire time. He just stared down at his feet. Maybe I’m just being sensitive but I did think it wasn’t a nice thing to do. Given I was genuinely making an effort. Am I wrong in thinking it’s rude or was that his was of saying I’m not interested?
BaileyB Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: Am I wrong in thinking it’s rude or was that his was of saying I’m not interested? Just a curious question, do you think has has Autism? I once went on a date with a man who didn’t make great eye contact, tended to want to converse about his job and his interests, and he had poor social skills - at the end of the date, he just told me he was going to the bathroom and then walked away... He was a nice guy, had a professional job, obviously doing well in life. Still, there were subtle things that made me think that he was on the spectrum. Edited June 1, 2021 by BaileyB 1 1
chillii Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) Nah your not wrong and your not repulsive , it was nothing like that, you just know sometimes that's all it is. That's not reflecting on you in anyway , it's just how it goes. The looking down and sunglasses , the guy was pretty hopeless , he might've even been painfully shy underneath , who knows , but yeah it was also really rude and again not you at all that's all on him. The house mates l could understand , again nothing personal it's just silly them meeting you when he hasn't even met you himself yet and would just make things uncomfortable . Don't worry about it or take it personally , there's all sorts out there , you don't know anything about him who knows what sort of issues he might've had he might've even had anxiety or something , sounds a lot like somebody l know that does have it pretty badly, he does the same thing. Edited June 1, 2021 by chillii 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 14 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Just a curious question, do you think has has Autism? I once went on a date with a man who didn’t make great eye contact, tended to want to converse about his job and his interests, and he had poor social skills - at the end of the date, he just told me he was going to the bathroom and then walked away... He was a nice guy, had a professional job, obviously doing well in life. Still, there were subtle things that made me think that he was on the spectrum. He might have, just like the guy you went out with he talked about his job and interests. Didn’t really ask me much. I at one asked if there was anything he wanted to know about me.
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) 55 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: So I just had my first proper date after a while and I’m feeling very disheartened. now first things first, he picked me up he was late and said it was because he was busy with work. Anyway he needed to shower so said he would pick me up and I could have a coffee or something while he got ready. so we got to his place, he has roommates btw. So before we got there I said it might be a bit odd meeting the roommates of a guy I don’t know, sure enough we arrived and I decided f*** it I’ll meet them what the worst that could happen. Well I ended up sitting on a bench outside. We where nearly at his place when I got the distinct feeling he didn’t want me to meet them and he kept pointing out that there was a green area right there. So I waited outside for him to get ready. we eventually went for our walk and the entire walk he didn’t look at me once, not a single time on the entire date did we make eye contact. Now I know even if I wasn’t interested in someone I’d still look at them. He didn’t once, he kept his head down the entire time. sure enough he was dropping me home and I asked him what he thought if he wanted to do it again and he said he knew within the first 20 minutes I wasn’t for him (totally acceptable) but I felt so bad because even when he said that he couldn’t look me in the eye. Am I that repulsive that I’m not even worth a look in the eyes or is that just a thing guys do when they don’t want to be mean. He didn't look you in the eyes because he felt guilty. He didn't want to lead you on but he knew that he didn't want to pursue anything further with you. But no one can just come out and say that. You have to go through with the rest of the date. I think everyone's been there. Edited June 1, 2021 by dramafreezone
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 7 minutes ago, chillii said: Nah your not wrong and your not repulsive , it was nothing like that, you just know sometimes that's all it is. That's not reflecting on you in anyway , it's just how it goes. The looking down and sunglasses , the guy was pretty hopeless , he might've even been painfully shy underneath , who knows , but yeah it was also really rude and again not you at all that's all on him. The house mates l could understand , again nothing personal it's just silly them meeting you when he hasn't even met you himself yet and would just make things uncomfortable . Don't worry about it or take it personally , there's all sorts out there , you don't know anything about him who knows what sort of issues he might've had he might've even had anxiety or something , sounds a lot like somebody l know that does have it pretty badly, he does the same thing. Thank you! I get it, it was just I’ve never experienced something like that. But he did also tell me he looks at dating like a numbers game so more than like I was just another number. It’s a pity though cause I feel like when you actually sit down and look at someone that’s how you get to know them
BaileyB Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Just now, Lifegoeson12 said: He might have, just like the guy you went out with he talked about his job and interests. Didn’t really ask me much. I at one asked if there was anything he wanted to know about me. It’s just a thought. Obviously, we can’t and we don’t want to diagnose the man. But, it may not be a question fo being rude or uninterested... just something else to consider. Lots of people (both with an without autism) struggle with social skills. Regardless, try not to take it personally. It’s just another date that didn’t work out - unfortunately, if you are like most people you will have more than a few of these kind of stories... keep your chin up!
Dis Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 wait... whattttt?! So first he's late picking you up, then he's not even ready for the date so he makes you sit around while he goes and takes a shower, andddd he won't even welcome you in his home while you wait, thennnn he can't even look you in the eye during the date, and lastly he tells you face to face at the end of the date that he knew within the first 20 minutes that you weren't for him What a class A D bag. I mean, I totally get that we don't feel it for everyone but he was straight up rude...the entire time. I've been on plenty of dates where I didn't like the guy but I was still courteous and polite. Don't feel badly one bit and be glad this didn't work out. Next time, don't let a guy treat you this way. Meet the guy there and if he's rude just leave. (((hugs))) 2 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 (edited) He sounds chaotic. Never let someone come to your house or go to theirs on a first meet. Arrange a mutually convenient time and place for a brief coffee in a public place and provide your own transportation. Be more selective and organized when it comes to dating. If someone has a bunch of excuses for being late, just reschedule. Don't meet people with this many red flags . Edited June 2, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted June 2, 2021 Author Posted June 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: He sounds chaotic. Never let someone come to your house or go to theirs on a first meet. Arrange a mutually convenient time and place for a brief coffee in a public place and provide your own transportation. Be more selective and organized when it comes to dating. If someone has a bunch of excuses for being late, just reschedule. Don't meet people with this many red flags . He didn’t come to my place. He told me he thought it was odd I didn’t give him my address. Instead I met him outside a local shop. he’s allowed not fancy me or want to not meet again. I Think it was just the lack of politeness or even decency to try make an effort to get to know me. This was the first time a date has ever made me feel 1 inch tall. He talked the entire time about himself, work and listed out everything that where deal breakers for him. Sure he told me himself his fathers always giving out to him about being too fussy and not giving people a chance especially women. But that could’ve been just an excuse cause he knew he wasn’t interested.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Lifegoeson12 said: He talked the entire time about himself, work and listed out everything that where deal breakers for him. He sounds like a doofus with poor social skills. I'm sorry you had a crappy experience, but I don't think you've missed out on anything here at all.
Blind-Sided Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 (edited) 13 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: Am I that repulsive that I’m not even worth a look in the eyes or is that just a thing guys do when they don’t want to be mean. That's a silly question since we don't know what you look like. So stop being a sad sack. But speaking of "Don't know what you look like"... I'm assuming this is an OLD by the way you describe the beginning. Did you use pictures that don't really reflect who you are currently? We see it all the time here, where someone uses pictures with filters, or pics that are 10 years old when someone looked younger, and skinnier. The truth is... it could have been anything, and we don't know why. You could be a supper model, and maybe he has issues with making eye contact. Maybe he had a bad day, and just found out his mom was sick, and wasn't in the mood to date, and knew he didn't want to drag you through it. BUT... didn't want to stand you up either. But regardless... he sounds like a D-bag. Be glad it didn't work out. (late, wasn't ready, left you outside) It was a first date... nothing more. It didn't work out... just move on. Edited June 2, 2021 by Blind-Sided 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 3 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: He told me he thought it was odd I didn’t give him my address. Ok, next time there are red flags like this just shut it down.
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 Eventually this will be a story you tell people and laugh about it. There are crazy people out there don't take any of it personally and move to next. 1
ShyViolet Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 Whoa, this date sounded so bad, it would quality as a dating horror story. This guy sounds like he has abysmally bad social skills. No social skills whatsoever. Even if he wasn't into you, a normal person doesn't act like this. Don't take this personally-- there is something wrong with this guy. 1
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 He wasn't repulsed, he felt bad/guilty that he wasn't interested. Some people are like that. There's going to be a date you are going to feel that way too. Just part of dating. First impressions count...he was late, made you wait outside, couldn't look you in the eye..to me that's rude/doesn't care. IMO if this happens again, that it doesn't feel right, makes you feel uncomfortable, just cancel. Date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. 1
Mittens Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 (edited) Once on a first date a guy met me, we went to the local pub and were supposed to be going for a meal. We sit down in the pub with our drinks, and straight away without hesitation he tells me that now he's met me he knows I'm not his type, so while he was willing to have one drink with me, we wouldn't be going for the meal. We were in my home town, in a pub I'd be visiting for a good 7 years so I knew most of the staff, and on that particular evening, quite a few of the customers. I said fine, said there was no longer any point in us talking and I was going to go and talk to my friends. I did just that, and watched out of the corner of my eye as he finished his drink and skulked off... Edited June 3, 2021 by Mittens spelling mistake 1
Alfano Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 On 6/1/2021 at 6:19 PM, Lifegoeson12 said: Am I that repulsive that I’m not even worth a look in the eyes or is that just a thing guys do when they don’t want to be mean. Hard to answer that without a picture but clearly you weren't attractive to HIM. Perhaps your dating profile pictures (if that's how you met) are not representative of what you look like? Also you have no business going to a guys house who you haven't even met yet. Your lack of boundaries is astounding and concerning. 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted June 3, 2021 Author Posted June 3, 2021 6 minutes ago, Alfano said: Hard to answer that without a picture but clearly you weren't attractive to HIM. Perhaps your dating profile pictures (if that's how you met) are not representative of what you look like? Also you have no business going to a guys house who you haven't even met yet. Your lack of boundaries is astounding and concerning. I definitely would say I do look like my photos, don’t think I’ve ever had someone say I don’t. Most say that I really do look like them. Sure I have videos on my social media, he follows me and he saw them too. I won’t lie, I usually make more of an effort, I usually dress well and will have my hair done and put on some fake tan so that I do look respectable. I will admit I didn’t look my best when compared to how I looked on my social media or in general as I wasn’t tanned or my hair wasnt done as nicely as it normally is. I’d literally ran after a long days work to get ready. But I thought maybe he wouldn’t mind the paired back look. I didn’t feel my normal self but didn’t want to cancel because of such a silly reason. I’ve had the time to acknowledge it and maybe it was my looks, maybe I said something that turned him, maybe he’d envisioned some tanned girl with fresh blonde highlights but on that day that wasn’t me. or maybe he just wasn’t feeling it. He’s allowed not feel it. I think it was just the not looking into my eyes that made me think ok, he thinks I’m ugly and I did feel like crap the whole evening later and day after. But I’m done feeling sorry for myself.
Mittens Posted June 3, 2021 Posted June 3, 2021 I should have added to my post that my date made it crystal clear that as he didn't find me physically attractive, I wasn't worth spending meal money on...and we'd agreed to go Dutch! He was definitely surprised when I ended the date there and then...they whole thing only lasted 20 minutes! I also had the pleasure of knowing he had a 3 hour drive home - we'd been chatting (and this was on the phone, it was pre-internet and we met through personal ads) for a month beforehand. He knew what I looked like as I'd sent a photo, so to say I was shocked at his behaviour is a understatement! That's nearly 30 years ago and I still remember how much it hurt. Believe me, it's definitely him, not you.
notyouraveragebabe Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 Don't take it so personally. You're not going to be for everyone. Not everyone will like you and that's ok. REJECTION sucks, but think about it there are times where you met someone and didn't like him. Nothing wrong with the guy, just you weren't feeling it. AT LEAST HE TOLD YOU and he didn't ghost you. Move on. It sucks, and it hurts but seriously life goes on. I am feeling the same after a date right now, except we work together decided to go on a date, talked for weeks and then he seem to lose interest without saying ANYTHING. So be glad he told you and you have your closure.
Recommended Posts