Gaeta Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 I can tell you this man decided to live his life with integrity. If he's honest with this you can count on him being honest about the rest. There are tons official studies online done by reputable research clinics on hsv anti-viral. You'll find statistics, specifically with men, or specifically with women, assymptomatic or not, etc Good luck with your new guy 2
lurker74 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 Sounds like @Gaeta has this thread well-served, as usual. But I will add this...the woman who I am dating now and with whom I am deeply in love could have anything and I would still be with her. If she had said she had herpes up front (she doesn't), I might have hesitated, but when I look at what we have, I am glad that nothing got in the way. So my best advice is, if you think this guy could be your "one" then see where it goes because it could very well be worth it. 3
Highndry Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 (edited) Probably not. I once worked with an attractive gal when I was in my mid 20s. She was smitten with me and so she told me she had genital herpes for obvious reasons. I had to politely decline her advances while trying not to hurt her feelings. I felt bad for her, but I had zero interest in her after that. After reading Gaeta's posts, and considering my age, I might be a tad more open to it, but it's still something I'd rather not expose myself to. Edited June 4, 2021 by Highndry Add info 2
Author Jorjax Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 (edited) This thread turned out better than I imagined. So much good information (I’d say even better than ones I get from my doctor, there’s no way she’s willing to sit down to provide that much info or statistics) and also a lot of beautiful sweet stories and I’m glad some are becoming more accepting. @Gaeta you’re the real MVP! You’ve been so helpful. You deserve the best. Edited June 4, 2021 by Jorjax 3 1
seapebbles Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 Yes, I would consider dating the right man with Hsv2, but I'm older. I agree it depends on age. If I were younger it would be a no. It's a good sign that he disclosed it to you early. It shows maturity, that he's responsible, and is taking it seriously. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 11 minutes ago, seapebbles said: I agree it depends on age. Agree. If you want children think long and hard about those risks and what that means. Talk to your doctors about that.
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree. If you want children think long and hard about those risks and what that means. Talk to your doctors about that. I don't see the issue ?
Wiseman2 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I don't see the issue ? "The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) currently recommends that only women with active herpes lesions or symptoms that a lesion is about ready to erupt should undergo a cesarean section to prevent the virus from infecting the baby during a vaginal delivery."
BeanCounter Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 14 hours ago, Jorjax said: Update: I think I’m going for it you guys. Life is short and happiness IF we can even find it is fleeting, I’m not letting a stupid non living virus stop me! I’m top of the food chain! So I’m taking the risk (calculated risk). We’ve kissed and made out and it was the best thing ever. You should feel very jealous can I take anti-virals to prevent it? I haven’t seen any info on that if it’s even an option? if you have herpes I’m so sorry about the stigma, none of this is fair and no one deserves it. You’re all so brave for still choosing to disclose it when it’s so easy to lie. I applaud you. Love this, hoping so much it works out for you
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: "The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) currently recommends that only women with active herpes lesions or symptoms that a lesion is about ready to erupt should undergo a cesarean section to prevent the virus from infecting the baby during a vaginal delivery." Nowadays c-section are done in a few minutes without putting you to sleep. Couples have normal lives Wiseman, an ex colleague of mine has hsv2, she married, had kids, and yes most couples that are committed don't have protected sex anymore. When you love, you love.
lana-banana Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 (edited) 34 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: "The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) currently recommends that only women with active herpes lesions or symptoms that a lesion is about ready to erupt should undergo a cesarean section to prevent the virus from infecting the baby during a vaginal delivery." If I'm reading this correctly, it's saying that only women who are experiencing an outbreak or are about to have an outbreak need a C-section, so the vast majority of women with HSV2 won't have that problem. It appears the rate of infection this way is less than one percent. Edited June 4, 2021 by lana-banana 2 1
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 With 1 woman out of 4 carrying hsv2, obstetricians figured how to handle this a long time ago.
Author Jorjax Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree. If you want children think long and hard about those risks and what that means. Talk to your doctors about that. I know you don’t mean anything bad but please don’t assume every woman (or man for that matter) want children. I’m 33 and he’s 44 and it’s something neither of us want and it was brought up very early on. Edited June 5, 2021 by Jorjax 1 1
seapebbles Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) @Jorjaxalso, you may want to consider what your sex life will be like. It's recommended that a man wear a condom every time he has intercourse and avoid intercourse altogether if there's an inkling of an outbreak coming on. There can be viral shedding without a visible outbreak. I'm not saying it will be a terrible sex life, but perhaps different than what you're used to. But, with a little creativity, different can be good. Trust, communication, and understanding. Edited June 5, 2021 by seapebbles 1
Gaeta Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) 54 minutes ago, seapebbles said: @Jorjaxalso, you may want to consider what your sex life will be like. Their sex life will be normal. Hsv2 stays below the belt. It does not transmit to the mouth on healthty people. Only **very very rare cases ** with people with immune system disease like aids or under going chemotherapy. That is also well documented. They should be using condoms anyway. As this man age he will have less and less outbreaks, and then if they marry or commit for long term she will judge if she wants to stop protection and count on those anti virals only. Couples that have been together for years, committed couples l know, only use the anti virals. Again, it's a very personal decision. When l told my ex-bf l had this, he listenned and his only question was " can l die from this?"....l rolled my eyes cause l knew it was a silly question and l answered "no". He then replyed " then l don't care if you have this". Edited June 5, 2021 by Gaeta 1
Author Jorjax Posted June 5, 2021 Author Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, seapebbles said: @Jorjaxalso, you may want to consider what your sex life will be like. It's recommended that a man wear a condom every time he has intercourse and avoid intercourse altogether if there's an inkling of an outbreak coming on. There can be viral shedding without a visible outbreak. I'm not saying it will be a terrible sex life, but perhaps different than what you're used to. But, with a little creativity, different can be good. Trust, communication, and understanding. I have thought about that. And I don’t like condoms at all. They feel so surgical and don’t feel good to me. That’s a big downside right now for sure but I think IF we end up together. (not saying we will for sure, I’m not that naive and we’d definitely use every way we can prevent transmission including condoms) but if we do end up together I will no longer use condoms because I’d be in love and committed for life (I think 10% of couples who don’t use condoms end up transmitting it) so it’s a roll of the dice but there’d be other ways to lower the risk. if I end up getting it I’ll deal with later but not right now. Would I be upset? Of course, but I’d never regret it especially because I made that decision from the start and I better handle all the consequences. Would it ever be worth it? Absolutely. I don’t have sex with people I don’t feel a powerful connection with and I’d consider myself lucky I got to share that with him, definitely worth the risk. 100% Edited June 5, 2021 by Jorjax 3
Wiseman2 Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 9 hours ago, Jorjax said: don’t assume every woman (or man for that matter) want children. Exactly. That's why my post correctly stated "if", not "when". Good luck.
Abhainn Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 I would gently recommend looking up Adam ruins everything's take down on the fear of genital herpes on youtube. He explains a lot of the science behind it and why we've way overblown this and caused a whole lot of people a whole lot of unnecessary shame. I remember there's a blog somewhere written by a medical student? I think on her experience of being diagnosed with genital herpes, the effects on her, and I think she goes into a lot of similar explanations of the social systems involved. And the answer is, of course I would. 1
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