seapebbles Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: Last night I contacted him and initiated to talk about what he had in mind for tonight. He asked what time I'm free I said from 18h. Conversation went nowhere after that. He text me early today to have a nice day. I replied and he did not engage about tonight. As far as I am concern I am free to accept other dates for tonight. What you think? If he didn't make solid plans yesterday for tonight, you're absolutely free tonight. You're not an afterthought. Sounds like he's a lotta talk and no substance. I wanted to see what he showed up in for the second date too, but like you said that's for another woman to find out! 1
Sun Seeker Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 Wearing a hoodie on a first date is just plain lazy. Keeping it on his head through the whole date is just rude. First impressions count for everything. You did the right thing by nexting and blocking him. 2
poppyfields Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 It could have been just his style too though. His "daytime" game look. lol I am recalling one man I saw on the street wearing a cap and hoodie, and he looked pretty cool, it was his entire essence that struck me though. So it may not have been laziness, especially given he seemed quite into you. Re first "impressions," I have said this before but imo that's what's wrong with dating in today's environment, everyone trying to "impress" each other. It's phony, contrived. What I go by now is, are we on the same wavelength? What's the vibe, the energy between us? Of course physical appearance is important but it's subjective, and secondary to our vibe/energy/wavelength/connection. In any event Gaeta, you DID do the right thing by rejecting him. You weren't into him and that is your right, no matter what anyone else thinks! 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 I would like a man that dresses his age. Jeans and Tshit is just fine by me but at 52 l expect a man to be over the 'getto" look. I see profiles online of men in their 50s with fashion jeans full of holes, it's a big turn off for me. 3
poppyfields Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I would like a man that dresses his age. Jeans and Tshit is just fine by me but at 52 l expect a man to be over the 'getto" look. I see profiles online of men in their 50s with fashion jeans full of holes, it's a big turn off for me. Oh I didn't realize he was 52! Not that it matters, age is just a number to me; I'd have to see for myself to make a judgment. As I said earlier, it's a man overall presence that captures me (or not), but you do YOU. There is nothing bad or wrong with being turned off because of how he was dressed, or anything else, you are the one dating him not any of us! Edited June 4, 2021 by poppyfields 1
kendahke Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 I had a guy show up on a first date completely pitted out---like he'd just finished digging up the back 40.
usa1ah Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 On 5/31/2021 at 6:24 PM, Gaeta said: He's 5 years younger than l. There was no need. Then trying to make you feel old??? Maybe he has a mommy complex. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 Well, I'm really late to this and you've decided no. But, just want to add I had a man show up to dinner for a first date dressed similarly, sans the hoodie. He had a fantastic personality and was very accomplished and wealthy. He didn't want a gold digger, I guess. I dated him for a year and he always dressed down which didn't bother me at all. But, I know it would bother some people as demonstrated by some posts on this thread. 2
elaine567 Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 I think for some the older they get the less they want to conform to societal norms, so dressing up for a date may be seen as contrived and not who they are day to day. I think some even make a point of dressing down. The attitude being they are not going to conform for anyone. They don't "have to" any more so they don't. "Like me for who I really am." (I think also some are all at sea with no woman in their lives. They are clueless about clothes and laundry, and dressing up so they just shove on the first comfy thing that comes to hand...)
Dis Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 I'm not even sure it was his appearance that make you have doubts I think it might have been your gut all along telling you he's not it I've found if I get turned off or have any kind of doubt whether it's about something big or small...it means he's not the the right one and every time I ignore that...my suspicions turn out to be right in a larger way later 5
chillii Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) 24 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I think for some the older they get the less they want to conform to societal norms, so dressing up for a date may be seen as contrived and not who they are day to day. I think some even make a point of dressing down. The attitude being they are not going to conform for anyone. They don't "have to" any more so they don't. "Like me for who I really am." (I think also some are all at sea with no woman in their lives. They are clueless about clothes and laundry, and dressing up so they just shove on the first comfy thing that comes to hand...) Haaa yeah , like so many women of those ages and up too. l can not believe some of the stuff they'll wear , or ways they act , or even photos they'll post on a date site , blows my mind . They've completely like completely forgotten about being a woman it's mind boggling. l mean especially on a date site it's just wtf don't they even comprehend attraction. l'm a down dresser though myself always have been . lf l was meeting someone no way l'd dress up either unless we were going out to something that called for it. But l'd be clean and pretty neat , comfortable neat so to speak. And l'd be really comfortable with her if she didn;t either l love casual chicks , especially with some nice make up and hair . That probably sounds contradicting but oh well. Edited June 5, 2021 by chillii 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 5, 2021 Author Posted June 5, 2021 5 hours ago, chillii said: l love casual chicks , especially with some nice make up and hair . That probably sounds contradicting but oh well. Haha yes chilli it's contradicting. It was a park date l did not expect him to dress up but there is a difference between casual and looking like you're coming out of a potatoe field. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: It was a park date l did not expect him to dress up but there is a difference between casual and looking like you're coming out of a potatoe field. There's a dating app called "Farmers Only" . Is that were you contacted him? Edited June 5, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 5, 2021 Author Posted June 5, 2021 Haha no @Wiseman2 this one l met from FB dating app. It just dawn on me he had 2 pictures with the darn hoodie on. I just focused on the pictures l liked. 1
Calmandfocused Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Haha no @Wiseman2 this one l met from FB dating app. It just dawn on me he had 2 pictures with the darn hoodie on. I just focused on the pictures l liked. He was wearing exactly the same hoodie in the pictures as he did on your date?
Author Gaeta Posted June 5, 2021 Author Posted June 5, 2021 @Calmandfocused Different color hoodie and he had a hat with the hood on.
Alpacalia Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 19 hours ago, Gaeta said: That will be for the next woman to discover. I think he was a wolf hidden in sheep's clothing. Right before I hit him with 'tone it down please' he was slowly starting with the sexual innuendoes. He went to sexual innuendos rather quickly, huh? The roses on a first date sans the initial effort and hiding in his clothes, now that's a thinker! I think you made the right call. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 5, 2021 Author Posted June 5, 2021 It was a good decision, since l dropped him it's raining new interesting prospects 3
chillii Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) 53 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: He was wearing exactly the same hoodie in the pictures as he did on your date? The man with but one hoodie , but eh he seems to be very fond of it. My hoodie Edited June 5, 2021 by chillii
Weezy1973 Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: It just dawn on me he had 2 pictures with the darn hoodie on. I just focused on the pictures l liked. Yup this is classic. My rule of thumb was that they are usually going to look closer to their worst picture in person. 2
dramafreezone Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 11 hours ago, Dis said: I've found if I get turned off or have any kind of doubt whether it's about something big or small...it means he's not the the right one and every time I ignore that...my suspicions turn out to be right in a larger way later Well, that's just because that's the way the brain works. It's the idea of the self-fulfilling prophecy. If we think that something won't work out then we'll look for reasons for it not to work out. Our brain can only act in accordance with the information that we provide to it. To disprove this all you have to do is look at the relationships where you thought the guy checked every box and he still disappointed you. Relationships are just difficult overall. Every man is going to have turnoffs or red flags, so it's just about finding a good overall balance and accepting flaws. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 I had 2 first dates over the weekend. They both looked better than their pictures. They were both in jeans & t-shirt but good quality clothes nothing old and out of shape. As we sat in the shade they took their b-cap off - how it should be done. I know now I did the right thing by dropping hoodie guy. I'm a middle-aged lady, I take care of myself and take pride in my look. When I'm out and about I want to be proud of the man walking next to me. 4
Crazelnut Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 I don't think it was very nice of you to just block him. At least have the decency to tell him it won't work out and thanks, goodbye. Would YOU like being ignored/blocked sort of out of the blue?
Author Gaeta Posted June 7, 2021 Author Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: I don't think it was very nice of you to just block him. At least have the decency to tell him it won't work out and thanks, goodbye. Would YOU like being ignored/blocked sort of out of the blue? Under our circumstances I think it was ok. He would have tried to work his way back in. I know because I had already told him once I did not feel a romantic spark yet and to tone it down. He sneaked his way back in with wanting to keep me as a friend. Then 24 hours later he was throwing sexual innuendoes into the mix. Add to that we were suppose to meet Friday but by Friday pm he still had not come up with a time and place even after I prompt him for specifics. Edited June 7, 2021 by Gaeta 4
SumGuy Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 7 hours ago, Gaeta said: ... He sneaked his way back in with wanting to keep me as a friend. Then 24 hours later he was throwing sexual innuendoes into the mix. Add to that we were suppose to meet Friday but by Friday pm he still had not come up with a time and place even after I prompt him for specifics. Seriously, he completely wasn't hearing you and did the opposite on the bolded part. He basically ghosted you on the date (for whatever reason) without explanation. Next.
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