seapebbles Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I have no clue how l went from saying l'm not feeling a spark to accepting a date for Friday evening!! He also sent me a picture and l told him he looked very handsome in that shirt!! (Hint hint) I was going to suggest that you give him a second chance and go out on another date. If it was only the way he was dressed and you thought there was a connection otherwise, I think it's worth another meeting. Hopefully he will dress a little less casual for a Friday evening date. My BF shaves his head and will wear a hat with his coat hood up outside when it's cold. It could just be the way he normally dresses on his days off. Although I do agree that it seems a bit strange to show up for a first date dressed like that. I'm curious to hear how it goes 1
Dis Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 (edited) G, I would be put off too and the hoodie over the head the entire date is just weird and awkward but... I wouldn't pass on a guy just for that unless it became a pattern Don't over think this. If you like him, give him another shot. Don't stress, just flow and see how it goes. Plus he seems very attentive and interested so give him a pass on this one. And just because he dressed like this on the date doesn't mean he'll be a project. I totally get wanting to do anything but take on another man project but you don't know that's what's happening here, yet. Can't wait to hear how it goes and sooo glad you're getting by out there again! You deserve someone amazing! xoxo Edited June 2, 2021 by Dis 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 First meets are for first impressions and you weren't impressed because of different tastes. That's ok, just tell him 'thanks, but were not a match' and move forward to the next meet.
Author Gaeta Posted June 2, 2021 Author Posted June 2, 2021 My older daughter made me feel super guilty for wanting to drop him without a second date, and younger daughter makes me feel guilty cause she sees this a me giving him a pity date (that little devil is too smart) AAAahhgggrrr!!
introverted1 Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 45 minutes ago, Gaeta said: My older daughter made me feel super guilty for wanting to drop him without a second date, and younger daughter makes me feel guilty cause she sees this a me giving him a pity date (that little devil is too smart) AAAahhgggrrr!! I don't think there is any reason to feel guilty if you agree to a 2nd date to confirm (or refute) your first impression. He's a grown man and if things don't pan out after 2 dates, he'll be able to handle it. I also don't think there's any reason to have a second date if you are certain you have no interest. Do what's best for you. 4
Allupinnit Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 @poppyfields - I come from a family of musicians, I've dated musicians, none of them would sit at a restaurant with a hoodie AND ball cap over their head regardless of whom they were with, because it's rude and weird. In fact I've found artistic types to be VERY fashionable. But, I DO put stock in how a man presents himself and if he cares so little about impressing me just a little bit then he's not for me. So yeah I'd def pass. One thing I loved about Europe was that men gave an eff - head and shoulders over American men and their baggy, ill-fitting jeans, beer guts, dirty hoodies and ball caps. 1
ShyViolet Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: My older daughter made me feel super guilty for wanting to drop him without a second date, and younger daughter makes me feel guilty cause she sees this a me giving him a pity date (that little devil is too smart) AAAahhgggrrr!! You can decide not to see someone again for ANY reason, you don't have to justify yourself. You can decide you don't want to see someone again because you didn't like the color of their shoes. Or because you didn't like the sound of their voice. Or because there was just something about them that you can't put your finger on. It is your decision and yours alone and it doesn't matter if anyone else doesn't think your reason was "valid" enough. When it doesn't feel right to you, your instincts are probably right, and you should go with your gut. 5
SumGuy Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 21 hours ago, elaine567 said: Do you think he may be testing you? He is actually a multi multi millionaire and wants to weed out the gold diggers... The wearing of the hoodie is weird but not if he is hiding for some reason... Not far fetched at all...have known several with money (men and women) who are looking for a relationship and connection who do such things. Also it can be a filter for just an outlook on life, if what goes in the clothes (which would include being hygienic) is more important than the clothes, especially when the clothes do not offend the venue. Yet clothes are very important to some, like make or break. Guess it is a form of incompatibility.
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 I see the older daughter's point, Gaeta shouldn't limit herself with that first impression rule. Dating is tough enough and can't be picky, be more open...the younger daughter says no because her view is self worth/ her value. That if a man isn't willing to make an effort to show up half decent, would that not set the tone how he views the person he asked out on a date? Which leads to this big question mark. Why did he do that? 1
Timshel Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 Hi Gaeta. I'm a bit late to the thread but am wondering what you decided? My take on this is a little different in that what he was wearing is not a big concern (personal taste and attraction aside) but more so, why? I think I come off negative at times in your threads and it isn't my desire to be so. A hoodie and a cap communicate incognito to me. Hiding, being discreet. It may be his style and nothing more. Having a second date would perhaps clarify this a bit as well as deciding if you even like the guy or not. Be careful...no more cheaters! 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 Since we met he's been coming on very heavily. The songs, the multiple emojis in each text, the compliments, it was too overwhelming. I told him this is too much I am not feeling a romantic spark yet, doesn't mean it won't get there but for now all this makes me uncomfortable and I'd like he tone it down. He agreed and said no problem that he welcomes my friendship etc etc. We are suppose to meet tonight. Last night I contacted him and initiated to talk about what he had in mind for tonight. He asked what time I'm free I said from 18h. Conversation went nowhere after that. He text me early today to have a nice day. I replied and he did not engage about tonight. As far as I am concern I am free to accept other dates for tonight. What you think? 1
cleverusername Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 42 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Since we met he's been coming on very heavily. The songs, the multiple emojis in each text, the compliments, it was too overwhelming. I told him this is too much I am not feeling a romantic spark yet, doesn't mean it won't get there but for now all this makes me uncomfortable and I'd like he tone it down. He agreed and said no problem that he welcomes my friendship etc etc. We are suppose to meet tonight. Last night I contacted him and initiated to talk about what he had in mind for tonight. He asked what time I'm free I said from 18h. Conversation went nowhere after that. He text me early today to have a nice day. I replied and he did not engage about tonight. As far as I am concern I am free to accept other dates for tonight. What you think? If you have other dates, why are you focused on this guy? He doesn't dress how you like, he's coming on too heavy, he's not making plans. You said you didnt want another project yet here you are, looking at another project. I think you know what you need to do. 3
Allupinnit Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 55 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Since we met he's been coming on very heavily. The songs, the multiple emojis in each text, the compliments, it was too overwhelming. I told him this is too much I am not feeling a romantic spark yet, doesn't mean it won't get there but for now all this makes me uncomfortable and I'd like he tone it down. He agreed and said no problem that he welcomes my friendship etc etc. We are suppose to meet tonight. Last night I contacted him and initiated to talk about what he had in mind for tonight. He asked what time I'm free I said from 18h. Conversation went nowhere after that. He text me early today to have a nice day. I replied and he did not engage about tonight. As far as I am concern I am free to accept other dates for tonight. What you think? Waste of time. 3
Author Gaeta Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 47 minutes ago, cleverusername said: If you have other dates, why are you focused on this guy? I agree. I think my daughter put a lot of pressure on me to follow through with this one, she felt he was different than the usual d-bags l meet.
introverted1 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Since we met he's been coming on very heavily. The songs, the multiple emojis in each text, the compliments, it was too overwhelming. 1) I told him this is too much I am not feeling a romantic spark yet, doesn't mean it won't get there but for now all this makes me uncomfortable and I'd like he tone it down. He agreed and said no problem that he welcomes my friendship etc etc. We are suppose to meet tonight. Last night I contacted him and initiated to talk about what he had in mind for tonight. He asked what time I'm free I said from 18h. Conversation went nowhere after that. 2) He text me early today to have a nice day. I replied and he did not engage about tonight. As far as I am concern I am free to accept other dates for tonight. What you think? #1 led to #2. Even if he contacts you later, is this what you want - a date with a guy who doesn't dress as you would like and who makes planning difficult? 3
SumGuy Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 9 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I agree. I think my daughter put a lot of pressure on me to follow through with this one, she felt he was different than the usual d-bags l meet. She has a point. Not that he is problem free, just a different set of problems. For you to decide if that is the case and if how he dresses and his being too exuberant too soon are greater than or less than the other problems you encounter. If all I was meeting were d-bags and someone like this came along would give it a chance as these problems to me are generally less worrisome than those than make me call someone a d-bag. That has not been my experience though in dating, OLD or otherwise, seemed to meet plenty of decent people so never bothered to take on a project from the get go.
Timshel Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 58 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: Waste of time. Yep. That he is elusive and ill mannered is not exciting or attractive...just shady.
Pumpernickel Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 Well, you let him know that you’re not interested yet in a romantic relationship, but rather in a friendship. This is probably why he didn’t make any more effort - And that’s OK. Even though I think that if you had really liked him the hoodie thing shouldn’t have been a major issue, it was - and it Influenced the the way you interacted with him later on - As in suggesting a friendship for now rather than anything romantic....That’s OK – things may change 2
norealusername Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 Maybe he'll show up in his finest sweatpants this time,. 2
Author Gaeta Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 Ok it's over. This brings me no joy what so ever. I blocked him everywhere, he'll survive. Now on to next... 4
norealusername Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 bummer, I really wanted to know what he wore on the second date.
Author Gaeta Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 10 minutes ago, norealusername said: bummer, I really wanted to know what he wore on the second date. That will be for the next woman to discover. I think he was a wolf hidden in sheep's clothing. Right before I hit him with 'tone it down please' he was slowly starting with the sexual innuendoes. 1
princessaurora Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 This guy sounds so much like the one my bff was dating a few months ago. He was sending her videos of him singing/ doing funny stuff, always telling her how beautiful she is. He had his own business and dressed nice in his pics, but in person he showed up like he was going jogging in the park. She stayed with him a bit but then he suddenly got back on the dating sites and tried to say it was a glitch. She knew better and dropped him. 2
Donnas Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 Maybe hes not that interested.Or taking it serious. Just be open. if the clothes is only issue , Like tell him on the phone u liked the date but and looks forward to the next date,but u like your date to dres nice for it. And see if he gonna take it serious and do something about it next date.
Wiseman2 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I think he was a wolf hidden in sheep's clothing. Or a wolf in wolf's clothing? 2
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