Gaeta Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 We made contact last Friday and met this morning. On his profile he had pictures of him in nice shirts, once we started texting he sent me an extra picture again nice shirt. He sent me an audio on whatsap and there his profile shows him in a nice sport jacket and he's perfectly groomed. He showed up at our first meeting in an old hoodie with a baseball cap that was ripped in front & washed out jeans. He had the hood of his hoodie on his head the 2 hours we spent together. We looked like Lady & the Tramp. Other than that he was a perfect gentleman he even brought me 3 red roses. After the meeting he text me he was very nervous and he's looking forward to seeing me again. If it wasn't for that I'd meet him again. Is there a kind way to address this with him?
norealusername Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 I don't know, that is weird. Maybe he's trying to hide from someone. Was it cold? 1
Alpacalia Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 I don't know. I would love to show up on a first date wearing a sweatshirt, some stretchy pants or jeans and sneaks. The ripped clothing is weird though. Maybe he was coming from somewhere right before the date? Maybe from work?
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Maybe he was coming from somewhere right before the date? Maybe from work? No it was his day off today.
Alpacalia Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: No it was his day off today. Effort, or the lack thereof, is the underlying theme here. It appears that he did not place the same value on the date that he felt your meeting deserved. 3
dramafreezone Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 (edited) I don't know about a hoodie and a baseball cap but I'm not going all out for a morning meetup. Probably jeans, a collared shirt and brown Oxfords. Actually I have a strict no-morning or afternoon date policy because it doesn't provide favorable conditions for sexual attraction to develop. Edited May 31, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 28 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Maybe he is trying to appear younger... He's 5 years younger than l. There was no need.
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 23 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Effort, or the lack thereof, is the underlying theme here. It appears that he did not place the same value on the date that he felt your meeting deserved. He was very nervous meeting and hoped he would not disappoint me. He drive 50km to meet me and brought roses, l think he was motivated but maybe clueless? The 2 previous women that met him told him he was not what they expected and he didn't ask what they meant by that. Now l know what they meant. 3
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 10 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Actually I have a strict no-morning or afternoon date policy because it doesn't provide favorable conditions for sexual attraction to develop. I will disagree with that. I still think of that long & close hug good bye 1
dramafreezone Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 (edited) I didn't say sexual attraction isn't possible on day dates. I just think evening dates provide much more favorable conditions for that energy to grow. Attire contributes to sexual energy and there are just some things that people wear in the evening that they would never wear at some coffee shop at 11 am. Case in point, this guy isn't showing up in a baseball cap and hoodie if you're meeting at an upscale lounge for some drinks at 7 pm. Edited May 31, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
norealusername Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 I would never show up in a cap and a hoodie, no matter what day or time. The fact that he kept the hood over his head the whole time is just weird. 1
Weezy1973 Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 Do you want to see him again? If not, no need to address anything. If so, well the clothes he was wearing didn’t turn you off from seeing him again.
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 If we put the way he was dressed aside yes l'd see him again. My fear is he will show up dressed something like this on our second meeting. I suspect he did the same with the 2 previous women, l think if l tell him kindly he would learn something useful.
MsJayne Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 I don't know that I'd bother addressing it kindly, he either misread you and overdid the youthful/casual look by dressing like a teenager, or he's a New York gang member and is hiding his neck tats under his hoodie . If you liked him except for the attire I'd maybe go on another date and see if he turns up dressed scruffy again. If he does and you feel embarrassed by it then you could ask why his profile shows him looking well-groomed when in fact he's extremely casual. There's no need to be to kind to people who misrepresent themselves on date sites. Glad to hear you're getting out there again 4
poppyfields Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 (edited) When energy/chemistry is genuine and not based on the superficial like job, social status, how someone is dressed, or how drunk they are there is no 'time clock.' Energy between two people is just that, chemistry, an energy no matter what time of day/night it is. In fact, if I ever do OLDing again, my preference would be to meet in the light of day, fully sober, for a walk in town, by a lake, something like that.. I fell for my last two long term ex's while at a bar, drinking, a bit drunk; now in retrospect I often wonder what the hell our "connection" was actually based on? Both of us drunk, me dressed "sexy" (him too), I dunno it all seems contrived and unnatural. Gaeta, I vote for giving it one more shot! Who knows maybe it was some sort of "test" to see how you reacted to it... it wouldn't surprise me! Edited May 31, 2021 by poppyfields 8
Weezy1973 Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 31 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I suspect he did the same with the 2 previous women, l think if l tell him kindly he would learn something useful. Maybe what’s useful for him is a woman that doesn’t care what he dresses like. If that’s not you, fair enough. Next! 2
Author Gaeta Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 Well the only way to know is to test it eh! 1
SumGuy Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: Maybe he is trying to appear younger... Especially with the ripped jeans, the "professionally" ripped ones are up there in price...or trying to appear poorer As to fashion....what was on the cap...he may have actually been dressed "in" in certain groups. Now keeping the hoodie up the whole time not sure what is up with that if it wasn't cold. Edited June 1, 2021 by SumGuy 1
Weezy1973 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 I’m somewhat confused by the desire for people to tell their dates what they did “wrong”. Especially with OLD. Either you want to see them again or your don’t. If you do, do. If you don’t, don’t. It’s really not more complicated than that. 1
introverted1 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) So maybe give him some direction on the next date... Maybe you can suggest the place and then mention that the outfit in his profile would be perfect for where you're going. See what he does. He brought flowers, so it doesn't seem that his clothing was a reflection of his interest level. Maybe he's just clueless? Edited June 1, 2021 by introverted1 3
ShyViolet Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Don't "address it" with him, that would come off as super weird. Either you are into him the way he is, or your'e not. It's a bit early to already be telling him how to dress. If a guy dressing nice is important to you then I guess this is not your guy. 4
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 32 minutes ago, introverted1 said: So maybe give him some direction on the next date... Maybe you can suggest the place and then mention that the outfit in his profile would be perfect for where you're going. See what he does. He brought flowers, so it doesn't seem that his clothing was a reflection of his interest level. Maybe he's just clueless? If someone I've known for 3 days told me what I should wear on my next date there wouldn't be a next date. Eiither date him as is or not. 5
poppyfields Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Gaeta, you know HE knows how to dress 'proper' lol, from his pics. Not sure what was up on your meet but I bet he'd get a real kick out of this thread, and all the head spinning about it! Lol Who knows what his experiences have been with controlling women or whatever, but if I were to hazard a guess, if you agree to go out again saying nothing about his first meet attire, he will be thrilled and show up looking nice, like his pics were!
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