Dull Hargraves Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 (edited) About a year ago I became FB friends with a woman, and we texted for a while. I asked her out but she seemed to lose interest and things fizzled out. We never met in person. We still text but only very seldom. I’m not considering pursuing her. It happens. No big deal. I’m glad we are friends. Let’s call this woman Lisa. Recently I matched with a woman on a website and she looked very familiar. Almost immediately, I recognized her as Lisa’s friend. Lisa posts a lot of photos on FB and I had seen this woman in many of the photos and it’s very clear that they are close friends, probably best friends. I know they travel together etc. Let’s call this woman Kelly. It is of note that I am new to this city and really don’t know anyone who would know either of these two. So Kelly and I really hit it off and we are having dinner later this week. For me, she is one of those women who dont come along very often. I’ve dated a few who, for me, I would consider a ‘10’ looks wise and personality wise and she is right up there. I’m more stoked than I’ve been in quite a while about the possibilities. I really don’t want to blow it. As usual, i am probably overthinking this. At best, at some point there will be some awkwardness and at worst it kills any possibility with Kelly. It shouldn’t be a big deal- I talked with someone, it didn’t work out, I met her friend and I have a date with her. Kelly is interested enough to go on a date where Lisa was not. As far as I know neither of them have made the ‘connection’. Again, It shouldn’t be a big deal but people can be funny about these types of situations. There are a few ways I could handle this: 1. Be pro-active and totally up front- “just for full disclosure, I’m friends with Lisa on Facebook. I did happen to see you on her FB and it looks like you are friends. Ive never met her in person. I did ask her out at one point but nothing came of it. I just didn’t want there to be any awkwardness. Ive been excited to meet you and I hope it won’t affect you and I getting to know one another.” Obviously the most honest way to deal with it but sort of introducing a problem when there may not be one. 2. I could wait till if and/or when it comes up and act ‘surprised’ if it comes up. I’m thinking they are best friends who possibly confide in one another about potential romantic interests so it would eventually come up. “Oh, you are friends with Lisa? Ive never met her in person but I am FB friends with her.” If she wanted to know any more she would have to ask and I would be honest about it. This would give the potential relationship more time to progress- if it was further along, any awkwardness would be less likely to cause problems- at least with Kelly and I. 3. I could stay completely quiet about it even if somehow Lisa comes up. I would play dumb and not acknowledge the connection. The obvious question is what happens when I’m with Kelly and Lisa is going to be there in a social situation. “Oh wow, I didn’t know you were friends. Small world huh?” Of course this is dishonest. There is a very slight possibility that they have made the ‘connection’ and both are cool with it. This would be ideal. At this point, I know I could easily be kicked to the curb and theres no chance of me causing a rift between them. That would be ridiculous. Again, I know I’m overthinking this, but I am thinking about it so any advice is appreciated. Edited May 31, 2021 by Dull Hargraves
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 You have nothing going on with Lisa, so there is no need to mention her at all or worry about what she thinks....she probably won't even care. Just go out an a date with Kelly and treat her as you normally would on any date.
Author Dull Hargraves Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 23 minutes ago, smackie9 said: You have nothing going on with Lisa, so there is no need to mention her at all or worry about what she thinks....she probably won't even care. Just go out an a date with Kelly and treat her as you normally would on any date. Yes, part of me thinks that If there had been any sort of relationship with Lisa, i should bring it up, but since that isn’t the case.... there was a romantic interest at one point for both of us- but how serious could it have been if we never actually met in person? Still though, if I don’t bring it up, Im going to have to ‘act surprised’ at some point. I’m not above that but it would be better if I didn’t have to.
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 You don't have to act anything. She brings it up, say ya we chatted a bit. that would be the end of it. No big deal. 1
Alvi Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 You don't have to say anything about Lisa since you've never met her in person. Or, if it would make you feel better, you could mention about that you've noticed that both of you have a common Facebook friend, Lisa. Don't go into into any elaborate details but say that you chat once in a while with Lisa. And live it at that.
Author Dull Hargraves Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 LOL, so UPDATE..... I appreciate the advice so far. I posted this, this morning. In the meantime, in planning our date, Kelly sends me this reply to my text (wording is changed slightly to protect the innocent). “yesterday and today I am helping my friend, Lisa, with some diy stuff and the rest of the week I will be fairly busy but Friday evening works”. (I later noticed that Lisa had posted some photos of them doing diy stuff yesterday) Now, Lisa has a fairly common name. If Kelly had said she’s helping her friend, uhm.... Annabelle-Lee .... then I might have an issue- then I would have had to say something. The paranoid part of me thinks maybe she is dropping the name to get my reaction. I know they spent yesterday together....
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 (edited) ya and the conversation came up that Kelly was going on a date with you...like I said so what. You owe none of them an explanation. They probably already know...and don't care about it. Edited May 31, 2021 by smackie9
Author Dull Hargraves Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: ya and the conversation came up that Kelly was going on a date with you...like I said so what. You owe none of them an explanation. They probably already know...and don't care about it. Yes, you’re probably right. It might actually be good if they do know- that means she knows a little bit about me and is still willing to go on a date. I think I’ll just look at it as a ‘referral’.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 You're going to end up causing these two women issues with each other.
Author Dull Hargraves Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 13 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: You're going to end up causing these two women issues with each other. Over me??? I highly doubt it. They are both highly intelligent, highly successful women. From what I can glean they’ve been good friends for at least 10 years. That’s why I’m on here overthinking and 2nd guessing everything. I’m fairly confident and I try to have the attitude that no one is out of my league but they are both next level, which I have to admit is a big part of the attraction. 1
Ami1uwant Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, Dull Hargraves said: Yes, part of me thinks that If there had been any sort of relationship with Lisa, i should bring it up, but since that isn’t the case.... there was a romantic interest at one point for both of us- but how serious could it have been if we never actually met in person? Still though, if I don’t bring it up, Im going to have to ‘act surprised’ at some point. I’m not above that but it would be better if I didn’t have to. Kelly might go Karen on you and playing with you here.... if they are BFF and Then Lisa might recognized you. Edited June 1, 2021 by Ami1uwant
Author Dull Hargraves Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 30 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: Kelly might go Karen on you and playing with you here.... if they are BFF and Then Lisa might recognized you. Yep, it could be a trap. Worst case I end up dead. Best case I end up in a threesome 2
MsJayne Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 They're girlfriends, they talk about EVERYTHING. Don't kid yourself that you haven't been a topic of conversation, because you can bet you have. Just own the connection and then carry on, it's no biggy, not like you had a wild sex fling with Lisa and spent six months pining over her. It's nothing. 1
smackie9 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Enough with the talk. I want to hear about the date.
Author Dull Hargraves Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 8 hours ago, smackie9 said: Enough with the talk. I want to hear about the date. Haha, this will be the first place I report, whatever happens 1
Poutrew Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Dull Hargraves said: Haha, this will be the first place I report, whatever happens ...so if you never post again, is it safe to assume that you are either dead, or in the hospital on life support recovering from the threesome... ?
Author Dull Hargraves Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 Update: well the date was last night and it didn’t go well at all. In fact I don’t think it could have gone any worse. Actually the first half of the date went awesome but ..... We were having dinner, laughing, having a nice conversation and then halfway through she gets a phone call with a minor emergency - one of her kids has locked themselves out of the house. Now this is a well known thing. Someone will pre-arrange to have someone call - if the date is going ok, it’s just a short unimportant phone call. If the woman wants out of the date, she feigns an emergency. I was sitting there in shock and disbelief. I just sort of went along with it rather than call her on it and make a scene. She did stay long enough to finish her dinner and then she rushed out. Kind of a bummer, I’ve had a lot of ‘first dates’ in the last year and I have to say that most of them have been disappointing. I was really looking forward to this one and it turned out to be the most disappointing one of all. I had been cancelled on before but I had never even been ‘stood up’ and had certainly never had anything like this happen. And this woman is the last one I would have expected this out of. I know a lot of people are really down on online dating. I have really kept a positive attitude about it and looked at it as just another option or opportunity but this is beginning to get me disillusioned. Maybe at just dating in general.
Wiseman2 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, Dull Hargraves said: She did stay long enough to finish her dinner and then she rushed out. Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet if this woman goes around on dinner dates, feigns emergencies but then snarfs down dinner.
smackie9 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 welllll it depends. She excused herself to the bathroom and soon after got an emergency call? like did she have an opportunity to text someone beforehand? if not it would look legit to me.
ShyViolet Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 11 minutes ago, Dull Hargraves said: Update: well the date was last night and it didn’t go well at all. In fact I don’t think it could have gone any worse. Actually the first half of the date went awesome but ..... We were having dinner, laughing, having a nice conversation and then halfway through she gets a phone call with a minor emergency - one of her kids has locked themselves out of the house. Now this is a well known thing. Someone will pre-arrange to have someone call - if the date is going ok, it’s just a short unimportant phone call. If the woman wants out of the date, she feigns an emergency. I was sitting there in shock and disbelief. I just sort of went along with it rather than call her on it and make a scene. She did stay long enough to finish her dinner and then she rushed out. Kind of a bummer, I’ve had a lot of ‘first dates’ in the last year and I have to say that most of them have been disappointing. I was really looking forward to this one and it turned out to be the most disappointing one of all. I had been cancelled on before but I had never even been ‘stood up’ and had certainly never had anything like this happen. And this woman is the last one I would have expected this out of. I know a lot of people are really down on online dating. I have really kept a positive attitude about it and looked at it as just another option or opportunity but this is beginning to get me disillusioned. Maybe at just dating in general. Ugh, sorry to hear that. That does sound like an obvious fake story to get out of the date early. The oldest trick in the book.
smackie9 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 (edited) maybe keep first dates more simple, like going for a coffee...keeping it under 10 bucks, 45 mins. There must be something going on that's making them disappear. They must see you attractive enough to say yes to a date. too much cologne? don't match your photos? Subject matter too negative? bad teeth? Edited June 4, 2021 by smackie9
BeanCounter Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 1 hour ago, Dull Hargraves said: Update: well the date was last night and it didn’t go well at all. In fact I don’t think it could have gone any worse. Actually the first half of the date went awesome but ..... We were having dinner, laughing, having a nice conversation and then halfway through she gets a phone call with a minor emergency - one of her kids has locked themselves out of the house. Now this is a well known thing. Someone will pre-arrange to have someone call - if the date is going ok, it’s just a short unimportant phone call. If the woman wants out of the date, she feigns an emergency. I was sitting there in shock and disbelief. I just sort of went along with it rather than call her on it and make a scene. She did stay long enough to finish her dinner and then she rushed out. Kind of a bummer, I’ve had a lot of ‘first dates’ in the last year and I have to say that most of them have been disappointing. I was really looking forward to this one and it turned out to be the most disappointing one of all. I had been cancelled on before but I had never even been ‘stood up’ and had certainly never had anything like this happen. And this woman is the last one I would have expected this out of. I know a lot of people are really down on online dating. I have really kept a positive attitude about it and looked at it as just another option or opportunity but this is beginning to get me disillusioned. Maybe at just dating in general. Aw man. I was rooting for you... Dating does suck until you find someone you're compatible with and feels the same way about you it's a lot of let down to get the prize. Keep chasing it
Author Dull Hargraves Posted June 5, 2021 Author Posted June 5, 2021 6 hours ago, smackie9 said: maybe keep first dates more simple, like going for a coffee...keeping it under 10 bucks, 45 mins. There must be something going on that's making them disappear. They must see you attractive enough to say yes to a date. too much cologne? don't match your photos? Subject matter too negative? bad teeth? Lol, I don’t wear cologne, not usually anyway. Doesn’t sound modest but as far as men my age, looks wise, I’m probably top 5%. I’m 6’ , still in good shape. Full head of hair. Teeth are fine People tell me I look 15 years younger than i am. I get tons of likes etc. one problem is I am very picky. Women have told me I look better than my photos. I’m a good conversationalist normally and if I get a couple of drinks in me I’ve been known to talk to a woman for 3 hours. I don’t have any trouble getting dates. I’m just very picky and the women that I have met that I could see myself with, for one reason or another, it did t work out, I usually don’t try to meet for dinner but we had discussed something that lead to that. I usually try to meet for a drink, because honestly, I think it’s easier and things progress more quickly that way. I have some theories about the age range and type of women I am dating. I meet a lot of women who have very similar situations. They are at a certain age and they are looking for something very specific. I don’t quite fit that mold. Some Good news though- I had been texting a girl and it sort of faded out last week. I just said what the hell and randomly texted her today and we are scheduled for tomorrow night. Now of course she could bail on me but it could be something. Got my fingers crossed.
Author Dull Hargraves Posted June 5, 2021 Author Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, smackie9 said: welllll it depends. She excused herself to the bathroom and soon after got an emergency call? like did she have an opportunity to text someone beforehand? if not it would look legit to me. I think some women just prearrange someone to call at a certain time. I’ve had this happen before - but the woman told the caller everything’s ok. She told me that it’s a thing with she and her friends- if the guy is a creep etc. it gives them an out. I don’t blame them. I had just never been on the creep end of it and it kind of sucks. I don’t t think she thought I was creepy, I think she’s looking for something very specific and decided early on that I’m not it. It happens. Edited June 5, 2021 by Dull Hargraves
Wiseman2 Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 8 hours ago, Dull Hargraves said: I don’t t think she thought I was creepy, I think she’s looking for something very specific and decided early on that I’m not it. It happens. Agree. She's a power dater who eats and runs. There was a woman on match who didn't spend money on groceries for a year using this technique. Also agree....next time a coffee and an hour tops.
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