Lovely date, weird ending. do I let him know I had a good time? Does this sound bad?

May 31, 2021

I have been seeing this guy, and we had a date yesterday. We spent a lovely afternoon together. The weather was gorgeous, it's always nice to spend time talking, learning things about each other.

Yes, we were intimate, which...I don't think matters here nor there, but I just wanted to add the information for context. We spent a good amount of time "together" leading up to the act and after the act. It wasn't like a quick 15 minute romp or anything like that. Without being too NSFW, it was pretty incredible. It was sweet at times, it was sexy other times. It was exhausting in the very best of ways.

But, eventually it was time to part ways. This is where things went a bit sideways. There was no kiss or hug goodbye. But, it was likely a matter of confusion. He walked me to the front door, and I kept walking (as I was ahead of him), because I thought he was walking me out to my car. Well, he wasn't. I am sure he thought it was strange that I just walked right out and didn't turn around to say my goodbyes. I am a few steps outside his door when I hear him behind me say "Have a good night" or "See ya later" or I can't really remember what he said. At that point, when I realize he isn't coming out with me, I panic, and I am trying to play it off all casual and like I was intentionally leaving that way or something. So, I don't even turn around, I just say, "Yeah see ya later" over my shoulder, half waving....it was a mess.

I was a little hurt he didn't walk me to my car, although I'm not really sure why. My car was 20 feet from his front door, in a secluded private residence. And, it was still light out. So, it wasn't necessarily a safety issue. We had lingered on and on inside the house, so it's not like there was anymore lingering to do. So, on this point, I am more than willing to admit, I am probably just overthinking things and being a bit silly.

However, he didn't ask me to text him when I got home. Which he ALWAYS tells me to let him know when I got home. I think one other time, he hasn't asked me to, but he ended up texting me on the way home to ask me to let him know I made it home. And, even though he tells me to text him to let him know I'm home, usually by the time I am pulling into the driveway or get inside and settled in, he has usually texted me to ask if I made it home.

So between him not walking me out, and him not asking me to let him know I got home safe....well by the time I got home, I was completely in my own head. I was re-analyzing every word, every action, nitpicking every minute of our time together. I didn't text him that I was home, because, well, he didn't ask me to, and I figured there was a reason for it. Eventually...2.5 hours later, he did message me. Nothing particularly caring....just, "Home?" So, of course, I replied to him that yes, I made it home safe and sound. Since then? Crickets. No "Good." or "Glad to hear it." or anything.

I don't know if I should reach out today and tell him I had a great time, (which I did) or if that ship has sailed and I should have said something last night when I told him I was home? Should I just wait for him to reach out? Should I give it a few days?

May 31, 2021

1 hour ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

But, eventually it was time to part ways. This is where things went a bit sideways. There was no kiss or hug goodbye. But, it was likely a matter of confusion. He walked me to the front door, and I kept walking (as I was ahead of him), because I thought he was walking me out to my car. Well, he wasn't. I am sure he thought it was strange that I just walked right out and didn't turn around to say my goodbyes. I am a few steps outside his door when I hear him behind me say "Have a good night" or "See ya later" or I can't really remember what he said. At that point, when I realize he isn't coming out with me, I panic, and I am trying to play it off all casual and like I was intentionally leaving that way or something. So, I don't even turn around, I just say, "Yeah see ya later" over my shoulder, half waving....it was a mess.

1) To him.... you just blew him off like.... "Thanks for the sex... I'll see you around."

2) Why would you expect him to walk you out to your car? You were at his house, and the car was directly out front.

3) Was he even dressed to come outside? Did he have shoes on?

If you like this guy... then you need to make it VERY clear that you like him. But by this point... it may be too late. (sorry)

May 31, 2021

I agree with Blind-Sided.

Also he text you later to inquire if you were home safe, that's the same to me as 'text me when you get home'.

The repair is on you here.

May 31, 2021

36 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

1) To him.... you just blew him off like.... "Thanks for the sex... I'll see you around."

2) Why would you expect him to walk you out to your car? You were at his house, and the car was directly out front.

3) Was he even dressed to come outside? Did he have shoes on?

If you like this guy... then you need to make it VERY clear that you like him. But by this point... it may be too late. (sorry)

I'll add one other spot where I kind of screwed up. So, while we were laying in bed, he asked me if I wanted something to eat before I headed home. To be fair to me, I assumed that a) he was hinting that I needed to get going (which turned out not to be the case, as I stayed there for a little while longer beyond that) and b) that he meant something from his pantry, like a snack or something. So, I said no.

(What I wanted was to go for Round 2, but that wasn't happening, so that was just wishful thinking.)

Well, later on, he tells me what he meant was there was this place that has good burgers, and he meant going out to get food. Obviously, had I known what he meant, my answer probably would have been different. Maybe....I mean I was really gunning for round 2. Sigh. Anyway, I am sure me saying no to going to dinner with him, even though I didn't realize that was what I was saying no to at the time, didn't help.

As for number 2...he has done it before...not always. But, I would say half the time he has walked me out to my car, other times he hasn't. But, as to point #3, yes he was dressed and yes, he had shoes on.

May 31, 2021

Do you like this man?

If a man l like would offer me food from his pantry, or order in, l'd say yes. Eating together is part of bounding especially after sex.

May 31, 2021

34 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Do you like this man?

If a man l like would offer me food from his pantry, or order in, l'd say yes. Eating together is part of bounding especially after sex.

Yes, of course I like him.

Which...now I'm circling back to.....do I try to salvage things today? Do I give him time to cool off?

May 31, 2021

Forget about it, and be normal. Continue on with regular texting, and see if you two can make arrangements to go out again. Suggest a dinner date or something romantic-esque.

May 31, 2021

Two lessons for men here:

1. "I liked him but he always walked me to my car and that really turned me off", said no woman ever.

2. Particularly early on in a relationship and after sex, never make any changes to your behavior as a man that would give a woman that you care about reason to question your motives. It doesn't go well.

Edited May 31, 2021 by Mrin

May 31, 2021

Is this the same guy from your previous threads in March, and also October last year?

How long have you been 'seeing' this guy?

It all seems very casual, like you are just FWBs, is that the agreement you have?

May 31, 2021

4 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

....I don't know if I should reach out today and tell him I had a great time, (which I did) or if that ship has sailed and I should have said something last night when I told him I was home? Should I just wait for him to reach out? Should I give it a few days?

I'd say reach out. No need to paly games and best way to clear up a potential misunderstanding. He is likely spinning things in his head as well. Communication is good, especially since it sounds like you two really hit it off. Why not tell him in large part what you told us? After all you were both probably in that afterglow high and not sure how to call it time to go when you may have not wanted to In short, communicate so neither of you think the other is sending some sort of unspoken message by the "awkward" departure.

Sounds like even though you didn't really know the best way to depart or what to do after, you do know you had an amazing time and want to see him again.

May 31, 2021

1 hour ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

Yes, of course I like him.

Which...now I'm circling back to.....do I try to salvage things today? Do I give him time to cool off?

2 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

I'll add one other spot where I kind of screwed up. So, while we were laying in bed, he asked me if I wanted something to eat before I headed home. To be fair to me, I assumed that a) he was hinting that I needed to get going (which turned out not to be the case, as I stayed there for a little while longer beyond that) and b) that he meant something from his pantry, like a snack or something. So, I said no.

(What I wanted was to go for Round 2, but that wasn't happening, so that was just wishful thinking.)

Well, later on, he tells me what he meant was there was this place that has good burgers, and he meant going out to get food. Obviously, had I known what he meant, my answer probably would have been different. Maybe....I mean I was really gunning for round 2. Sigh. Anyway, I am sure me saying no to going to dinner with him, even though I didn't realize that was what I was saying no to at the time, didn't help.

...

My view, and this is common with people and even me (easier to see and advise when not oneself) is over thinking this; as he may be too. If this is enough to really get him permanently bent out of shape then not losing much. So in my view no harm in open honest communication here, especially as there appears to be connection.

I suspect he is not so bent out of shape, rather like you he may be over thinking and taking BS advice to not reach out as it appears "needy".

I take this kind of over thinking as you both really like each other, so much so don't want to mess it up or have your heart taken advantage of. That can turn these kinds of simple miscommunications into an elaborate dance.

If you feel he may have been put off by you not wanting to get food, be up front. Let him know you love eating with him...let's do it next time...and all men (and I rarely say all) are going to be flattered that things were so good the first time you would rather have had a round 2 than eat.

Edited May 31, 2021 by SumGuy

May 31, 2021

I think you are overthinking things. Yes you should text him. If you don't, he might misinterpret your behavior to mean that you are being distant and not interested. This sounds like a misunderstanding that could cause the both of you to not text the other one because you "think" the other one is acting not interested, when in fact that might not be the case at all.

May 31, 2021

2 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

..do I try to salvage things today? Do I give him time to cool off?

I would text him I enjoyed my time with him and next time you'd like to try that place he was talking about.

You can recuperate this by being nice and responsive to make clear you like him, not by addressing what happenned.

May 31, 2021

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I would text him I enjoyed my time with him and next time you'd like to try that place he was talking about.

You can recuperate this by being nice and responsive to make clear you like him, not by addressing what happenned.

This works to.

May 31, 2021

Was this the first time you'd had sex with this guy?

May 31, 2021

Third lesson for men: the more you keep your woman in her heart space and less in her head space, the better things go. Most women have a freaking super conducting super computer for a brain when it comes to relationships. We men have an abacus that's missing a few rungs.

You toss in enough doubt early into a relationship (particularly after sex and all of the societal hangups around it) and that flipping Deep Blue of a brain will run about ten million different scenarios to explain your actions and many of them aren't good for you.

Alternate Explanation for the OP: maybe he just had to poop really badly.

Edited May 31, 2021 by Mrin

May 31, 2021

38 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Was this the first time you'd had sex with this guy?

No it was not...but I think it may have been the best time.

May 31, 2021

48 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I would text him I enjoyed my time with him and next time you'd like to try that place he was talking about.

You can recuperate this by being nice and responsive to make clear you like him, not by addressing what happenned.

I thought maybe offering to help him work on his cars this summer, is that weird?

He showed me his car collection yesterday, some of which I had already seen, some I hadn't.

He has some cleaning and/or projects to do on them, and I think helping him out could be fun.

May 31, 2021

2 hours ago, SumGuy said:

I'd say reach out. No need to paly games and best way to clear up a potential misunderstanding. He is likely spinning things in his head as well. Communication is good, especially since it sounds like you two really hit it off. Why not tell him in large part what you told us? After all you were both probably in that afterglow high and not sure how to call it time to go when you may have not wanted to In short, communicate so neither of you think the other is sending some sort of unspoken message by the "awkward" departure.

Sounds like even though you didn't really know the best way to depart or what to do after, you do know you had an amazing time and want to see him again.

Well, sort of, but not exactly. You see, he told me up front that he had plans in the evening, so I knew there was a time limit on our time together. So...I knew that I had to "call it time" because of that. But, yes....I would have liked to spend more time with him. This is partially why I assumed his comment about something to eat was about a snack from his fridge, because I knew we were on a time crunch. (He may not have realized what time it was when he offered)

That said, it isn't like he was rushing me out the door. We spent a good amount of time talking in bed. And then, maybe another 30-40 minutes chit-chatting between the bedroom and the door. He showed me his kitchen floors, I told him about my bathroom floors. Talked about real-estate prices. He showed me the tail lights he wants to add on to one of his vehicles. Etc. Like I said, there was a fair amount of lingering.

Yes, I do know this. And, I said as much yesterday. I told him we should go for a road-trip. He said it sounded fun; now, whether he was sincere about that and it actually happens, I guess we'll see. Maybe he just said "sounds fun" because he was in the moment and felt a bit trapped, knew he had to say something.

Side note: on his other plans. He told me up front he was going over to a co-worker's house that evening. I thought...maybe his co-worker was having a Memorial Day BBQ or something. I didn't think a lot of it. He took a shower after, which...he was sweaty. Fair enough. So, I asked him as we were chit-chatting why he was heading over to his co-workers (not an accusatory tone in the slightest, just curious.) He said he had to drop off/pick up some tools. Fair enough. But...like I said....that drive home, when I had a lot of time to think and mince words and wonder if I mis-read facial cues and so on....it got me to thinking....it's kind of strange that he had plans to exchange tools with a coworker. And that he showered before it. And...I could have waited in the car, or waited at his house and we could have continued our date. Hmmm...I wonder if "coworker" is code for something else. I know it's not right...but this is what happens inside my brain following an awkward encounter and given time to think.

2 hours ago, SumGuy said:

My view, and this is common with people and even me (easier to see and advise when not oneself) is over thinking this; as he may be too. If this is enough to really get him permanently bent out of shape then not losing much. So in my view no harm in open honest communication here, especially as there appears to be connection.

I suspect he is not so bent out of shape, rather like you he may be over thinking and taking BS advice to not reach out as it appears "needy".

I take this kind of over thinking as you both really like each other, so much so don't want to mess it up or have your heart taken advantage of. That can turn these kinds of simple miscommunications into an elaborate dance.

If you feel he may have been put off by you not wanting to get food, be up front. Let him know you love eating with him...let's do it next time...and all men (and I rarely say all) are going to be flattered that things were so good the first time you would rather have had a round 2 than eat.

Are you sure with this? So my thought with this...and the reason I didn't say anything to him about Round 2 yesterday is....if he is physically unable to perform Round 2, due to a longer than normal refractory period, which...I suspect to be the case.....I didn't want him to feel bad. I didn't want him to feel like I was pressuring him into it in the moment. And then, after the fact, I thought about saying something, but I didn't want him to feel like he couldn't adequately satisfy me, because I wanted round 2, and he wasn't able to.

May 31, 2021

1 hour ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

I thought maybe offering to help him work on his cars this summer, is that weird?

No, that's his hobby away from women and away from the world. It's his moment and he wants to do it himself, his way.

May 31, 2021

I'm not convinced you did anything wrong ... well not true.

When you were walking out and you wanted him to be next to you, ASK the dang man to get next to you. Quit all the game playing. If a relationship can't withstand you wanting to be walked to your car (and you speaking out) then the relationship ain't going nowhere in the first place.

He should have walked you to the car ... except you might have sent signals that you really didn't want that in the first place.

You sound like you're lost in strategy. If you want food, say yes. If you don't say no ... or don't say no. The relationship won't rise and fall on your strategizing on these matters.

You are right to be alarmed by his sudden failure to ask if you got home safely--especially after sex. That is a legit worry. In fact, there is a chance that something went wrong with the sex for him, and so he withdrew, emotionally withdrew, or felt somehow disconnected from you, after the sex. Asking if you wanted food like that, yes, that is often a move towards someone leaving.

I don't know ... really sounds to me that you guys just don't have communication chemistry ... things rarely go well if that's the case.

This is NOT yours to fix. In fact, thinking this is all yours to fix is part of the problem here.

May 31, 2021

29 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I'm not convinced you did anything wrong ... well not true.

When you were walking out and you wanted him to be next to you, ASK the dang man to get next to you. Quit all the game playing. If a relationship can't withstand you wanting to be walked to your car (and you speaking out) then the relationship ain't going nowhere in the first place.

He should have walked you to the car ... except you might have sent signals that you really didn't want that in the first place.

You sound like you're lost in strategy. If you want food, say yes. If you don't say no ... or don't say no. The relationship won't rise and fall on your strategizing on these matters.

You are right to be alarmed by his sudden failure to ask if you got home safely--especially after sex. That is a legit worry. In fact, there is a chance that something went wrong with the sex for him, and so he withdrew, emotionally withdrew, or felt somehow disconnected from you, after the sex. Asking if you wanted food like that, yes, that is often a move towards someone leaving.

I don't know ... really sounds to me that you guys just don't have communication chemistry ... things rarely go well if that's the case.

This is NOT yours to fix. In fact, thinking this is all yours to fix is part of the problem here.

It just all happened so fast. It wasn't that I cared that he was behind me and not next to me. I didn't think a thing of it, because I thought he was following me out. And, then, like I said before, when I realized he wasn't; I just had to make a split second decision, and I chose wrong. But..at least, now I know. If there is a next time, and I very much hope there is, I'll know to be prepared to say goodbye at the door and not just walk out on him.

Oh gosh, I hope not. It was a pretty incredible experience, at least from my perspective. But....thanks for your thought....I guess it doesn't hurt to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

May 31, 2021

The bigger point here is to relax: if the relationship requires all the choreography to be perfect early on, then something is missing. The choreography has to work with the two specific dancers involved, you and him, with your respective quirks. When there is chemistry, people get through moments/nights like this one. So you can quit fretting.

I still have a sense that you were working hard to avoid awkwardness when with him. Drop that. Focus on what you want and push for that ... and let him respond.

June 1, 2021

I came up with a couple of options, please let me know what you think works best:

"Hey, John Doe, I should have told you last night, but I had a really nice time. I really like learning about those things that make you tick."

"Hey John Doe, I think I forgot, but just wanted to thank you for having me yesterday. That back room was pretty incredible, and so were you." (Is this just really lame?)

"Hey John Doe, thanks for a great time yesterday. Sorry we didn't get to go to that place in Hogwarts, but we'll have to go there sometime. You drive, I'll buy."

"Hey John Doe, thanks for yesterday, especially showing me around your garage and woodshop. Your DIY skills are insane. It was really fun to check out, amongst other things ;)"

June 1, 2021

5 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said:

....Are you sure with this? So my thought with this...and the reason I didn't say anything to him about Round 2 yesterday is....if he is physically unable to perform Round 2, due to a longer than normal refractory period, which...I suspect to be the case.....I didn't want him to feel bad. I didn't want him to feel like I was pressuring him into it in the moment. And then, after the fact, I thought about saying something, but I didn't want him to feel like he couldn't adequately satisfy me, because I wanted round 2, and he wasn't able to.

That is a valid concern. I'm personally not offended if still in the refractory period.

You're right though on how you ask it is important, one can always say it may be too soon to ask...with a way for him to "save face"...like you know men's gear has a down time...maybe especially when he uses it so well. A little flattery around his prowess (when genuinely felt like it appears here) helps the request go down well.

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Lovely date, weird ending. do I let him know I had a good time? Does this sound bad?

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