Lifegoeson12 Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 I need some advice or help. Every single guy I talk to seems to just want to have sex with me. No dates just sex, I’ll offer to meet for a drink or a coffee and they’ll be like “oh we can go back to mine after” it’s really disheartening. I’m not needy pretty chilled, I work out and work really hard at my job. I’m always getting messages from people on social media saying the work I do is amazing. I’ve been promoted I’m very self sufficient yet any guy I meet will be like you’re absolutely beautiful or hot but will only want sex. It’s so odd I’ve been working out a lot and to be honest have really gotten into good shape. To the point I have noticed I get checked out more or will get a lot more compliments on social media, dating apps etc but never dates. But when I was (I wouldn’t say unfit) but less fit I could always get a date. Now I can’t it just always seems to be sex. I'm very content with my life at the moment and I am happy to be single but I would like to have someone to share fun and nice moments with. Someone who’ll do their thing and I’ll do mine and we’ll meet in the middle. Even if I’m talking to a guy, I’ll be like let’s grab a beer or a coffee they’ll be up for it but would never confirm and I don’t chase them so we usually would end up not meeting. Ive got guys I’ve been on one Or two dates with message me saying I’m looking amazing or hot or really good but even with that they don’t ask me out. I used to think it was because it was how I looked - I used to think I was ugly but all I hear now is the total opposite so I don’t think it’s my looks. Does it sound like I’m doing anything wrong? Or is it just a bad string of guys who are messaging me Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 A guy who connects with a compliment on your looks is attracted to your body, so he wants sex. It's a no brainer. The guys who are worth considering for a relationship are those who connect on a cerebral level. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 Been there, done that, the problem was ME. I could not pass on all those hot younger men messaging me so I wasted a couple of years dating around the clock but having nothing to show for it. I found somoene when I started paying attention to regular joe blow. It's not you, it's who you pick. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldMind Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 Please don't take this the wrong but this is a common problem for some women, just because you get heap of matches on dating apps, and heaps of guys checking you out and heaps of guys liking and comenting your pictures on social media may have inflated your ego. You may be going out with guys who are really high end (good looking, handsome, etc) thinking they would date you but these high end men see you as nothing more than a sex buddy or one night stand. The above poster is right. usually over time women will finally realise this but by that stage it's too late and they are 30 and not good looking anymore. If you want a boyfriend/guy to date / aim lower and be content with a man that loves you or be a one night stand for a guy who doesn't are abotu you andkeep doing this till you get older keep in mind the older you get the less men that will date you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 2 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I’m very self sufficient yet any guy I meet will be like you’re absolutely beautiful or hot but will only want sex. Some clarification needed. Are you saying 100% of the men who express interest are only interested in sex? Or are you saying the men you specifically select from those who express interest are only in interested in sex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 Ummmm it's pretty normal these days. Guys take a shot at getting sex. You will have to keep looking is all. It has nothing to do with you personally. You and everyone else are going through the same deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 (edited) l dunno , like anyone that wants something serious , male or female you have to be selective and careful about who you even bother with or they just waste their time , and yrs chasing their tail.. There's nothing there about the person you are , it's all body , looks and independent . That alone says your no where near selective enough and taking notice of all the wrong things. look for the person and if you use date sites try talking about the person you are and the one you'd like to meet, things in common and connection, things that are important to you . Thats the person you should be honing in on. Edited May 31, 2021 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted May 31, 2021 Author Share Posted May 31, 2021 It’s not the guys I select, definitely not that. I’m pretty good at screening. if a good looking guy hits on me of course I’d flirt back but believe me the last 2 months I just seem to run into guys who just want sex. these aren’t just the good looking ones these are also the guys who might not be my normal type but I still give them a chance because they could be lovely on the inside and still they want sex. Also I know my above does make me sound like I’m full of myself. I’m not I’m just more confident in myself now than I was. that’s what I meant by when I didn’t have the confidence I’d get asked out all the time but now that I do have more confidence I rarely get asked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 Is your social media public? i’m assuming you have pictures of you that’s revealing which is why they have a wrong impression of you. I would stay away from it, or set it to private. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 2 hours ago, GoldMind said: Please don't take this the wrong but this is a common problem for some women, just because you get heap of matches on dating apps, and heaps of guys checking you out and heaps of guys liking and comenting your pictures on social media may have inflated your ego. You may be going out with guys who are really high end (good looking, handsome, etc) thinking they would date you but these high end men see you as nothing more than a sex buddy or one night stand. The above poster is right. usually over time women will finally realise this but by that stage it's too late and they are 30 and not good looking anymore. If you want a boyfriend/guy to date / aim lower and be content with a man that loves you or be a one night stand for a guy who doesn't are abotu you andkeep doing this till you get older keep in mind the older you get the less men that will date you. I was agreeing with everything you said up until the bolded. There are so many women well into their 30s and even 40s who are absolutely stunning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 32 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: It’s not the guys I select, definitely not that. I’m pretty good at screening. if a good looking guy hits on me of course I’d flirt back but believe me the last 2 months I just seem to run into guys who just want sex. these aren’t just the good looking ones these are also the guys who might not be my normal type but I still give them a chance because they could be lovely on the inside and still they want sex. Also I know my above does make me sound like I’m full of myself. I’m not I’m just more confident in myself now than I was. that’s what I meant by when I didn’t have the confidence I’d get asked out all the time but now that I do have more confidence I rarely get asked out. By "not your normal type" do you mean to say your new normal? As in, since you've lost weight and are now fielding a lot more sexual interest. Or, do you mean your normal types which you've gone for and mostly attracted throughout your dating history? The reason I ask is because if you're giving a chance to guys outside of your new normal, are these the guys who may have been your old normal prior to you becoming so in-shape? What I am trying to ascertain here is whether the guys you're now fielding are of a higher SMV (Sexual Marketplace Value) than what you would have previously attracted, which may explain their different approaches to OLD. You say that they're not, but are you truly sure about that? It makes little sense to suggest that the same guys who used to ask you out would now be suggesting sex only just because you've become hotter. If anything, those same guys would be even more keen to lock you down of that's what they otherwise wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 (edited) When I hear that all the guys you date possess a certain characteristic or pattern of behavior, what I hear is that your dating pool is extremely small. There are plenty of guys out there that will be willing to wait as long as you need to wait before you're comfortable having sex. Plenty. You're not seeing these guys for whatever reason. I would re-evaluate your dating pool and try something different. You're dating a certain type of guy which means you're going to get the same results over and over. Why would you expect anything differently from doing the same thing over and over? One thing you might consider is ditching OLD. If you see that a guy is pretty good looking and has been on OLD for a while, that should be a flourescent red flag. Any great guy is not going to be on OLD for long. Edited May 31, 2021 by dramafreezone Link to post Share on other sites
Redguitar35 Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 12 hours ago, basil67 said: A guy who connects with a compliment on your looks is attracted to your body, so he wants sex. It's a no brainer. The guys who are worth considering for a relationship are those who connect on a cerebral level. I think this is uncharitable to these guys. How is wanting sex any less legitimate than wanting a relationship? You make it sound like these guys are bad people for wanting sex, which I think is going a bit far. It's more-so an issue of incompatible interests and OP just needing to communicate that upfront. Let's stop judging people who just want sex. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 If your social media pics are mainly focused on your looks, (ie; bikini shots, you in workout gear, etc), you can expect to attract the attention of sleazy men. Once you stop presenting yourself as looks-focused your dating pool will change. Guys who are looking for a personality and intellect might look at bikini pics, but they don't want to date the woman who's putting that image out there as boyfriend bait. And of course, you must also allow for the fact that we exist in times where sex has become just another social interaction, with zero emotional value for many people, and women can't complain about it because they're the one's who think sexual equality means promiscuity and have adjusted their attitudes accordingly, and men have responded by treating women with contempt, (which is actually what expectation of casual sex is, a complete dismissal of any emotion and merely a rubbing together of unconnected bodies). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 37 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said: I think this is uncharitable to these guys. How is wanting sex any less legitimate than wanting a relationship? You make it sound like these guys are bad people for wanting sex, which I think is going a bit far. It's more-so an issue of incompatible interests and OP just needing to communicate that upfront. Let's stop judging people who just want sex. I said nothing uncharitable. I simply pointed out how to recognise the guys she's incompatible with more easily. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 I have encountered this as well, show me one who hasn't had some experience like this online. What can I say except this is the world we are in and that's how it is. If that's what you are looking for, so be it. But if this guy isn't even going to give you the courtesy of meeting up even halfway respectable (coffee, drink, ice cream, etc.) then he's not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 14 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: It’s not the guys I select, definitely not that. I’m pretty good at screening. if a good looking guy hits on me of course I’d flirt back but believe me the last 2 months I just seem to run into guys who just want sex. these aren’t just the good looking ones these are also the guys who might not be my normal type but I still give them a chance because they could be lovely on the inside and still they want sex. Also I know my above does make me sound like I’m full of myself. I’m not I’m just more confident in myself now than I was. that’s what I meant by when I didn’t have the confidence I’d get asked out all the time but now that I do have more confidence I rarely get asked out. Yep , l'm afraid l was spot on . The problem is all over that post buttttt, l wouldn't even know where to begin so l'll let others try. Link to post Share on other sites
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